Now you know why I need my days off !

With their parents busy and holidaying we landed ourselves with the two grand sons this morning.After all the hassle getting them into the cars we finally arrived at the coffee shop nearby to have breakfast.A few minutes to figure out what they wanted and then keeping an eye over them while they ate .The eating was intermingled with a lot of running here and there and it was fortunate the maid was with us and she assisted in no small way. After a lot of running here and there , fighting , the meal was finally over and mum had to put them all in her car as she had a task to perform .Before that , getting them into the car was a hassle as there was a lot of fuss over who sat where and finally it was sorted out and that was when mum said " now you know why I need my holidays ".As though I do not know !!! Children grow up and the growing up phase is a process by itself. It takes a lot of patience, understanding and above all the right attitude to be able to cope with their growing up stage.Adults have their own mind set and expect the kids to be in jive with what they want.How wrong can it be! You expect the toys and other playthings to be kept in order little realizing that to the kid its second nature to mess with things and seeing them litter the house should be viewed in the right perspective.Shouting and screaming at them is demeaning and speaks little of the adult's ability to control himself and also his level of sensibility.Children's tantrums should be viewed at in the right perspective and if done that way we enjoy the pranks and tantrums of the little ones.Never take your frustrations out on the poor kid but shouting and yelling at them since they are the only ones you can do that to. Too often we see parents being stressed ad upset because the kids dont follow instructions and do what the parents want.Hey..do we understand that they are kids and probably have not come to the age of reason yet?Put ourselves in their shoes and understand the psychological and physiological development of the kid and you will certainly look at them differently.Sometimes its quite amusing to see how the adults handle their kids and you will learn something about the adults. There is no doubt that bringing up children is physically tiring and emotionally draining but it is also a lot of fun and enjoyable to see them in all their mischievous best and having the opportunity to deal with them which itself is a challenge.

The extra mile

If you look for common factors in the lives of great people you will notice that many of them did not get where they were through chance but rather the extra push in what they did.This mad the difference and if you look around you will see many young people lacking in this today.Complacency, lack of will , lack of drive and a willingness to go the extra mile are probably reasons why they remain static in their careers and in their lives. If you cant listen to others , cant focus on what you are doing and cant think ahead then you are doomed to be one of the many mediocre people whom we find all around us. I have worked with many people and there are some who show positive qualities which I believe will take them far in life .As against this there are those who are in their own comfort zone quite happy where they are now and prepared to go through the rest of their lives quite happily.These people can survive but sadly will never realize their full potential. We never really know what we are capable of .Physically we find in times of emergency we can do what we never dreamed of doing and mentally , if we have the right mind set we will not know what we are capable of coming up with.I remember some years ago when we dealt with a boss who was a man of few words and he told us " I want a school".It was up to us to figure out what he wanted and do it for him.Thus was born Kolej Yayasan Saad in Melaka which turned out to be the kind of school which the boss wanted.It was a matter of putting ourselves in his shoes and trying to figure what he wanted and coming up with concepts and proposals for him to approve. Too often we find people who lack initiative who fail to think ahead and to be able to make real contributions to their families and companies.The one who goes the extra mile does this ...he thinks ahead , he thinks for others and would always inconvenience himself than others and he has to know for every action there is a consequence.I have staff whom I ask to do things but fail to report to me on the outcome.For me,work must be orderly and systematic just as the way we live our lives.There is the need for the culture of " do it now" above anything else.I cant stand the attitude of " later I will do it " for " later " never comes. To be there, there is no doubt the the person who goes the extra mile will always be amongst the first to be there .Its only certain categories of people who can do it and why not us?

Year end

Its November and soon 2014 will be gone.Its the time of the year when people plan their holidays and what they want to do come year end. For me, it will be a time for reflection and stock taking and looking forward to the new year with gratitude and happiness.Whilst looking forward there is the looming threat about changing the pacer battery and simple though it may be the thought of being under the knife is a bit daunting but we'll worry about that when the time comes. To me year end is making business plans for the next year and making sure that the staff has something to look forward to in terms of their salaries and bonuses.They have worked hard and deserve some reward. Looking forward to some time with all the family members and a few days of relaxation in Ipoh where I dont have to wake up at 5am for a round of golf and a round of all the Ipoh food which I dearly miss.That is satisfaction already and I do not have to think about travel to other places.Its funny but as one grows older one's needs become more basic and simple.We have seen all there is to be seen and done whatever needs doing so now its just a matter of winding down which we do happily. I am quite contented to have simple meals , do simple things and spend time with the family especially the grandchildren.They are growing up and its a joy to see them develop mentally and physically and that is holiday enough for me.In our younger days every time a break comes along we would think of where to go and what to do.today the fire is not there anymore and just being healthy and be able to do simple things is good enough.I guess everyone will go through this cycle.Life is still challenging and there are still many things to do in terms of personal development , social contribution and be a better role model for the younger ones. This will be what is going to keep me going for the 2015 and as a friend says " Do not grumble about getting old....many dont have this privilege".

A senior's lifestyle

Who says seniors should take it easy , relaxing and waiting for the time to go ? As a person I have always wanted to challenge the existing norms and this means changing one's mindset and questioning the accepted norms.I work and if people think that seniors should take it easy whilst working I feel its not right.To me , if you take a salary it means you have to work just like anyone else to justify your being paid. The day starts at 645 am when the eyes open and the first thing is to thank God for letting us see another day.By 7am its off for my new found habit of a brisk morning walk.There is a lot to be said for the morning walk as the morning air is so fresh and is good therapy for the mind and body.Half an hour or forty five minutes is all it takes and then its home for a cup of coffee and the newspapers before a shower and ready for work. It takes at least 45 minutes for me to reach the office and once there its checking the mail and attending to all pending issues.My personal SOP is that all mail and pending issues should be attended to within 24 hours. Then its getting feedback from the staff and continuing with the training of several new staff that I have. A quick lunch ( sometimes we can only have time to "ta pau" and eat in the office.In between there are meetings to attend to, students problems to attend to and also dealing with the University personnel and parents. My day ends at 4 or 430 after which its the long ride home.If there is no rain then its another 1 hour or so at the driving range to sweat it out a bit before home , a shower and dinner.After this its a couple of hours of TV and time with the grandchild and then its off to bed.So there is nary anytime wasted during the weekdays.Sundays means waking up at 5 am getting ready to meet the buddies for our regular Sunday golf which ends with a good shower and lunch and then its back home for some rest before the week ends.The day ends with shopping for the week's groceries which we take for the weekday breakfast. Though busy I feel productive and greatly thankful that I am able to do all these things at this age and none the worse for it.Its all in the mind actually and it takes some discipline and will power to be able to stick to this kind of routine especially waking up at 5am on Sundays but when you think of the challenge and the fun of a round of golf with good friends its worth it. At the end of the day , its actually what we make out of our life that makes it worth living.Rather than just sit down and wait for your time its much better to use the time that you have to good use and it feels good to know that you are still able to contribute and are still considered useful rather than a burden to others.

Chasing a dream

During my school days me and my best friend used to stand by the roadside and dreamed of the day when we could drive a convertible ( very much an "in" thing those days ) with hood open , pipe in hand and sun glasses with everyone looking at us.It has been decades since then and I have never owned a convertible but today that dream has vanished and there is not much to dream of . having gone through the various stages of life I think I am able to look back with a certain amount of pride and regrets.Pride in the sense that when I started life's journey I had nothing except perhaps a burning desire to make it in life and make my parents proud of me.Looking back today , materially I have perhaps got the things I dreamed of , a good wife, children, grand children and in laws.We have a little house , nothing lavish but its what we can call home.We dont owe any money and are quite comfortable.At this age our needs are very simple, a happy family and above all peace of mind.Many of my friends ask me " How can you , a government servant , put four children through university ?". I often wonder myself and perhaps we can rate this as our biggest achievement in life ..to be able to give each and everyone of our children one of the most important things in life..education.We have not been wrong in focusing on this and working hard to achieve this goal.looking at our children today we know we made the right decision. We have indeed come a long way in life and today there is little of the young man's dream left to chase except to stand aside and watch the children manage their lives and perhaps wish that they can achieve their dreams whatever they may be.To me a simple meal, my golf and spending time with the family are precious enough .We can take a step back and reflect of what we had gone through and muse on the things we did not realize.I wish that my parents can be around today so that they can enjoy a bit of what life can offer.I feel sad that my parents never had the chance to travel or fly in a plane. I think the furthest they went was by bus or by train. They did not have the chance to do so many things which we take for granted today.Yet never did I hear them complain , their whole life was centered on us the children and who can imagine the sacrifices they had to make for us , the children.Yes... I feel sad that we are unable to reward them or take care of them as they deserved, So life has its ups and downs and going through the cycle adds to one's experiences and surely makes one a better person.

A matter of pride

I cannot understand why some people keep on doing the same thing , things which displease others and despite being told never make an effort to improve. Pride ? Stubborn ? Inconsiderate ? or just dumb ? The test of the person's caliber is in how he manages his time and himself.Today's culture and practices are a far cry of that of the olden days>Dinner for example was a family affair and everybody has to be at the dining table when the family head sits down.Of course in today's lifestyle it may be difficult but maybe a bit of management and effort could make this happen.If its inevitable that you be late then you should realize that you are late and finish your food as quickly as possible.You should realize that the dishes need washing and cleaning and is it fair that you keep the home maker busy till late night ? This is where the consideration factor comes in and thinking more of others than yourself goes a long way. We should every now and then take a step back and take a good hard look at ourselves .What sort of a person am I ? Do I get into everybody's hair and if I do can I improve ?What are my strengths and weaknesses ? It is through this continuous self evaluation that we can improve. No one is perfect but there is a difference between the one who constantly strives for improvement and the dead wood who is oblivious to anything and makes no effort to improve at all.For example when I am driving and somebody tells me to slow down I would react and do so because of the simple fact that we are sensitive to others.Pride can make me ignore such advice, Inconsideration and the " cant be bothered attitude can also be reasons but the most annoying one is STUPIDITY which forms a mental block between what you should do and what you actually do > Too often we are so wrapped up in a certain habit that we simply refuse to make an effort to improve .If I am wasting time doing something and if I am being told about it the thing should at least be considered and if reasonably and effort should be made to improve.There are people who keep doing the same unacceptable thing year in and year out and you cant expect people like this to go far in life as they would never change .How can we define those people who would never make an effort to change even a little of their bad habits ? I have seen them being told off, their weakness pointed out and yet there is no change >How can be define such people ? As teachers we had come across students whom many gave up at hopeless but with encouragement, and care they showed improvement and were able to lift up their heads .It beats me how come there are people who do not seem to have the capacity to improve or just dont want to put in any effort to do so but as the saying goes " It takes all kinds of people ", the question is what kind of people do you want to be known as ? ...the go getter or the deadwood ?

The best things in life

Of late I acquired a knack for a simple new habit.In the morning with a cup of my morning coffee beside me I would pull a chair and sit at the porch enjoying the cool morning air.It is a time for relaxation and reflection and its so refreshing that you cant imagine it unless you try it.Its great what a few minutes of peace and quiet can do and the good thing is that you clear a lot of things mentally during those few minutes. It is good for the body and soul and it absolutely costs you nothing. We all need our breaks but sometimes we need to take a look at the way we take our breaks. Most people will associate a break with a get away to a distant country not realizing that after that they will feel more tired.When you travel you upset your whole rhythm eating different food , sleeping on strange beds and basically pushing yourself to the limits as one would not want to waste any time or opportunity when abroad.The end result is you need a holiday to recover from your holiday. Sitting quietly by yourself enjoying your cup of coffee and just letting your mind wander is something which many have not learned to appreciate>Feeling the cool morning breeze and sometimes watching the sun come out does wonders and gives you the breather to look forward to the day's activities.The body is relaxed and so is the mind and that is the time of the day when we can perhaps view things in proper perspective. I love this so much that I do the same thing after dinner but this time without the coffee.Again you enjoy the serenity of the night and you run through the day's events and whether you could have done things differently. This is therapy for the soul. A lot of things run through the head and the best part is you can come up with some fruitful thinking and it is also the time to wind down before bedtime. We are so busy with our daily routine that we forget to give ourselves these moments of peace and quiet which actually gives you so much and rest .No need to go for holidays to get this as its right there in front of you. You just to just make a little pause and enjoy this, one of the best things in life and you get it FREE !

A chance encounter

This week I was in Pj for lunch when lo and behold stood an old friend whom I have not seen since Varsity days in the 60s .We recognized each other immediately .YOu cant forget the face of a guy whom you saw everyday be it decades ago. GC was quite a character as we wanted to portray himself as an eccentric.His dressing and mannerism were simply out of the world.I remember we were studying in the library at night ( you know what libraries are like ) when suddenly he jumped up and let off a big scream.Needless to say everyone was startled and when questioned he just said a big cockroach bit my leg.It was of course not true but he got such a big kick out of it. We were the best of buddies sharing a lot of common interests despite his odd behavior.He came from a well off family whilst I was a struggling student.He would not hesitate to pay for our char koay teow or drinks and I would ride with him on my ramshackle Honda Cup which took us to as far as KL .There was a club called the Chinese Club in Bukit Bintang where there were billiards tables and we used to go there on weekends for a game or two. We spent lots of time together , studying , playing and planning our future>I kept telling him " You have to put up a more presentable image as society will never accept you as you are " He could not accept this saying " I am what I am ".A very intelligent guy I knew he would be headed for better things. he had a crisis in the Varsity ....he fell in love with one of my classmates , a short chubby little girl from Penang >She however treated him like a brother as she told me he was too weird for her,He went through a rough patch with her and even today he still talks of her.He aws two years my junior and when I went on to Telun Intan after studies we lost touch as we lived in a world of letters and no i phone or i pad.I lost touch with him and it was only in the 80s that we bumped into each other.He was one of the top managers of Nestle and I could not believe my eyes when I saw him with shirt and tie and a complete corporate man.I was happy that my good friend made it in life and it strikes me that we are survivors , having gone through the mill and making it in life. He is now retired and is quite contented with what he has achieved and I am sure we will meet up again to relive the good old days when we had nothing except a dream that we will be able to make it one day and the trials and learning experiences which we went through have served to make us strong and resilient to this day.Welcome back to my life GC .I'm sure we will still have some moments to share.

They dont make them like they used to....

I was told a young man driving outstation had to make pit stops as he was sleepy and tired.At my age I can still drive to Ipoh without any stop and have full concentration.Why the difference ? We were born in the 40s and 50s and we grew up to be tough and resilient.I remember when we were young we ate whatever came our way and eating the two main meals in the house.Biting raw sugar cane , chewing on raw sour mangoes with salt in our hands were quite normal .We enjoyed it and water was always from the taps .Those days I believe water was clean unlike today , many decades ahead.Seems here that we are going backwards. Our recreation were all outdoor , playing in the rain , swimming in the river running here and there.We had no TV , i pad or phone .There was no need for all this as if we wanted to see a friend we would just go to the house and shout his name at the top of our voices.We ate what was on the table , no dining out for breakfast or lunch or dinner.Funny we did not miss what we have now because those days all these types of food were simply not available. Today , holiday means travel and travel overseas.For us holidays meant no school , no homework and plenty of play.Tuition was unheard of and we depended on what the teachers in school taught us. Then teachers were teachers and they really imparted knowledge to us and we all held them in awe and respect.If we were to go out at night and happened to see a teacher we would hide and tried not being seen.If not the teacher would grill us the next day. We ran a lot and played all types of games. there were no snacks in between and no coke or 100 plus to quench the thirst .Just go to the nearest tap and drink to your heart's content,.Yes we were brought up the hard way and that is why you find so many successful people from our generation because as someone puts it we have what it takes !

Health

A month of doctor's dressing , painful scraping of the knee finally came to an end ...my troublesome knee wound is healed and I'm back to normal insofar as my leg is concerned.It was quite a hassle going to the clinic everyday ( and finding the right time to do it )and letting the doctor torture me. Trouble too in terms of showering and not wetting that part of the leg until I discovered a water proof kind of plaster which helped solve that problem . Going in and out of the clinic and now has made me aware of how we should never take health for granted and its only when you lose a part of it that you begin to regret and mutter to yourself " I should have been more careful ! or why didn't I do that ?".As you grow older you look around you and see that there are many people in less fortunate straits...some diagnosed with the big C and passing away , some facing it and having to go through painful treatment and some no longer around.I have recently lost quite a few friends and this is enough to make me realize what a blessing it is that we are ok and not have to have our children worry about us. Still health is not something which we should take for granted and which we have to nurture and look after. Moderation in what we eat and what we do to our bodies will help maintain good health and with good health a lot of worries and stress are avoided.When my knee wound took a long time to heal there was the worry that my sugar level and age might cause something serious like amputation and there were many sleepless nights because of this .Thankfully it turned out alright. Never atke health for granted and dont wait until you are about to lose it to value it.

Human resource

Every management should realize that the success or failure of an organisation depends a lot on the people who work with you.How true the saying " no man is an island".We need good people to work with us , people who are loyal , dedicated and above all happy to be working with us.Management should understand that in the final analysis people work for money and job security .Management which can provide this for their staff will be successful . People make mistakes and my staff do make a lot of mistakes and when this happens the right approach must be taken . There should be no shouting and screaming and lots of rebuke. Instead a wise manager will talk to the staff and point out the mistake and the consequences of such mistakes and guide them as to how the assignment should have been done.Management with the right attitude will say " Never mind if you have made a mistake , the important thing.is to know why the mistake was made and how to avoid it in future and that it is all part of the learning process.Any organization that does not allow it people to make mistakes cannot go very far as its human resource will be scared to be creative and make decisions. I was pleasantly surprised and pleased when my Warden came to see me this morning .She talked to me last week about wanting to leave as she had a better offer and I did tell her then that if that is the case then she should go and go with my blessing and I certainly would not want to stand in her way if she got a better offer.When she came this morning she said after considering everything she decided to stay on because she agreed with me that in life money is not everything. I did tell her that she should also consider her work environment and whether she gets along well with her colleagues.Apparently she values the things I talked about and hence decided to stay. I am happy with that as wardens are not easy to come by.Take good care of your staff and tthey will reciprocate with loyalty and commitment.

Life's frailties

Recently the wife of a former colleague of mine passed away,We were all teachers in the same school a long time ago. I saw them in their courting days , their marriage and their life together.They were a very close couple and shared many common interests.Both were highly educated, stables and I must say good teachers. Suddenly one of them ,(the stronger of the two ) had to go and looking at my friend i could not help but wonder how he is going to get on with his life without his wife.He is always in a world of his own , dreamy and quite oblivious to his surrounding whilst the wife is the more down to earth of the two and she was the one who decided on the daily requirements of life. I am wondering what will be going through my friend's mind.That he will be lost initially is beyond a doubt and I hope he will be able to cope with his life after this.Its strange but much too often we hear of how one person will find life difficult without a spouse.We often take each other for granted and seldom will think of what the impact on us will be like when we lose the other.Even the great Lee Kwan Yew found life difficult when his wife left him. When you are so used to being a part of each other there will definitely be something missing in your life when one has to go away.That is why when we have each other we must never forget to value , appreciate and cherish each other .Life is uncertain and its important that while we have it to treasure it and to value the people we have around us. I cannot help but think back with a bit of regrets of the people who have left me .Regrets because I could have perhaps been kinder or more caring towards them, regrets because I did not do enough for them and regrets because I did not think well of them.These are lessons learned and it has made me want to always look at the better side of a person rather than to find faults. Being positive and look at others more openly will definitely make us better persons. Looking at somebody's positively will definitely make us happier and not feel any sense of regret when the person is no longer with us.

What we have and what we dont have

Its an interesting observation , studying people and trying to figure them out.As I have been around for some time I cant help but notice the peculiar ways of living their lives.First , the question of wealth.I am not rich in terms of money in the bank , properties etc, but I have seen people with loads of money who hoard it and never tend to want to part with a little of it for whatever reasons. They are rich but I would consider them poor as they are too money minded to really know how to put their money to good use.They live like paupers and deprive themselves of so many things.I know of some people who love to eat but at other people's expenses and it has never occurred to them to buy others a meal once in a way just to reciprocate .I wonder if these kind of people ever think if they can bring their money along with them when they step into the after world? Thinking of wealth in terms of dollars and cents will make you dissatisfied as there is never enough.Think of wealth in terms of what you have like good health, a happy family , love and kindness whom the people around you show and you will realize then how rich you are.Think also of how you can make others happy in so many ways. People must have certain standards in life , how you treat others and how considerate you can be.Mum is super considerate .I have always been amazed by the way she considers her siblings and friends, always thinking of them and caring so much for them. Sad to say I have also noticed that the reciprocal she gets is very little .This does not bother her as she has always believed in giving and never think of receiving.But watching from the outside I cant help but feel that there is something seriously lacking in some people. As I have said my wealth is not measured in dollars and cents.To me money is meant to be spent and money spent on making others happy is money well spent.My wealth comes from good health, a happy family , my kids, my in laws and of course my grandchildren.These are my wealth and I feel blessed to have so much of them and this makes me so rich.

Knee Problem

Since falling down a couple of weeks ago the knee is giving problems which I cannot control.Have to see a doctor for dressing the wound every day and even he is baffled as to why the healing process is taking so long.When I first saw him he confidently said " Just three days " and you will be ok. Its more than 3 days now and the wound is not healed yet.Finally he admitted that it could be because of my sugar level which is worrying as it may ultimately lead to amputation.Scary but has to be faced. Fortunately its not giving much pain and one wound seems to be getting better and I tell myself " Well if one wound on the same leg is healing there is no reason why the other should not heal.Anyway its a lesson learned ... that if you have cuts and bruises get treatment straight away as you may not know the seriousness of the condition.Procrastination can lead to complications and we should not realize how important health is till its too late to do anything .then will come the sighings like " I should have checked up, I should have been more careful ,should have been more careful , should not have been so stubborn etc".There is a lot of wisdom in the saying " prevention is better than cure" and prevention means putting a premium value on your health and make sure you maintain it.

The Push !

It has happened....we signed an agreement with a listed company to manage the students staying at their service residence and it will be for a contract period of 4 years to start with ( by which time I will be 78 omg ).It means starting all over again and facing new challenges which I relish .I have built my team and am confident that after all the guidance and training they will be able to handle the project. Somehow I cant help but feel excited over the new project.We have our vision and working towards the realization of the vision is going to be our strongest motivational factor.Also the fact that they have come to us makes us proud that we have established our reputation in the student accommodation market and this gives us perhaps the best incentive. Apparently our resident centered approach is well accepted by people in business and its good that we are able to convince them that sometimes its not just about making money but also making valuable social contributions. Now that this has happened I have to work on my fitness level as some running about is required.To be able to cope with all this good health is a must and actually its up to us to ensure that we stay healthy by living a life of moderation and doing the things necessary for good health like exercise , rest and eating moderately but regularly.God willing I shall have the will and strength to see this project through.

The final push ?

Lately two offers came our way.One hotel which is being turned into a hostel looked us up for help.They wanted us to run the hostel for them and the terms are fairly attractive.Its not going to pay big bucks but I like the challenge of having to start something from scratch.Then there is a group of investors from China who have bought a piece of land in Sunway near the education hub of Subang jaya and they have approached us for the role of adviser from start to operation level. The offers are exciting because it means running about and being on the go for another few years down the road.Admittedly I am not as gung ho as I was a few years ago but I believe that there is still some " gung " left but am not so sure of the "ho".It is something to think about .On the one hand I should be calling it a day soon as I believe I have worked long enough but then the thought of sitting home doing nothing is quite something too. Of corse there will be things to do like writing, golfing and maybe travelling ( by road )and of course being with the grandchildren. Knowing mum she would want me to go on working as she knows me better than I do perhaps and she does not want to see me waste away.My working life has been interesting and fruitful I must say.Along the career path I have learned that one must be humble and work closely with the team and to never grumble when told to do the little bit extra.Going the extra mile will always make one stand out in an organization until you work with bosses who are totally blind. Years of involvement in human resource management has taught me how to differentiate between the worker with potential as against the deadwood.Also working as a team player and to do things without fear or favor.Dealing with people is perhaps one of the most interesting and challenging aspect of working life.Sometimes I cannot help but remember an old saying " To soar like an eagle when you are working with turkeys".It just show that we should have the correct attitude and subscribe to the notion that there will always be people who are " turkeys" , just as there will always be " eagles" in any organization and we should be able to identify them and this should encourage us to strive for the "eagle : status. I have always believed that one should be the best and I had my day a couple of weeks ago when a golfing partner told me " Hey. Uncle you have improved !". a good one at 74 but it was sheer determination and hard work.Age should not be barrier.Its all in our mind set .If we think there is no age limit to work then we can continue .The only thing which is difficult to overcome is the protest from your body.

Something to think about !

Being disciplined is never easy but if we look at what discipline brings maybe we will strive that much harder to acquire discipline as one of our traits.Too often we see young people indulging in many bad habits, oversleeping , overeating and under exercising or under controlling themselves. Our health is the main ingredient in our lives but sadly its often neglected until the day we fall sick. That is the time when statements like " I should have been more careful about my diet. I should have done this and that ".Unfortunately its too late for we cannot turn back the clock .Health is God given but we must learn how to take care of it and let it not be abused.To be disciplined requires will power and a strong belief in what you are doing. Nobody likes to stretch himself working out a sweat or having to go for long walks when watching the TV or playing with gadgets is a more attractive proposition .It is only if we are sensible enough to think of the consequences if we should lose our health that perhaps we may have the motivation to want to take better care of ourselves.We eat too much , we laze too much and we also abuse our bodies too much. Bodies which are not kept in order will deteriorate , firstly becoming out of shape and then gradually breaking down. If we look at the farmers , fishermen and people who have to work hard physically we realize that many of them do not suffer from common ailments that the sedentary people do.This is because they are on the go all the time and this is what probably keeps them fit. To be disciplined enough to lead a good life style is not easy.It means eating moderately , exercising regularly and sleeping early.keeping awake till late at night makes you overstretch your body and mind and lack of sleep and rest will make it difficult for you to face the challenges of the new day.One may say all this is common sense and common knowledge.We know it yet we never do it and I just cant help but wonder why , why are we like that ? Not doing the things we know are good for us >The key here is its a matter of discipline. Some wise man defined discipline as " doing something which you do not like to do " but if we know that certain things have to be done for our own good then we should try to do it.It requires an awareness that we need to ensure that we are disciplined enough to take the necessary steps to ensure that our well being is maintained throughout and thinking about it should make us realize that after all being disciplined is not really that difficult !

The other side of the story

Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own lives that we fail to see how others live theirs.There was a recent case of a father beating his 17 year old son to death because he tried to earn a little extra money for the family to have a decent " Break Fast " meal which hitherto consisted of a banana and just water.Imagine having this after having gone one whole day without food. Compare this with the culture of " Buka Puasa " where people feast upon breaking fast normally with lots of food unfinished on their plates and wasted.There are many of us who are so fortunate that we fail to count our blessings and value what we have.It is only when the plights of the unfortunate are highlighted that we perhaps would take a step backwards and think.Never look down on people who take handouts ...they may have reasons which we may never have thought about.I remember the time when I was Headmaster a teacher kept sending one particular little Indian boy to see me almost every day for not doing his homework and wearing dirty clothes .The boy was only 12 years old . When I spoke to him, unveiled a heart breaking story.His father had passed away committing suicide by taking weed poison and he was the eldest of five siblings.His mother was a rubber tapper and was off to work early in the morning.The boy had to look after his siblings before coming to school and he ate nothing before school.When he came home after school the mother would be back and have dinner ready for the family.Dinner was rice with curry water as they had no money to cook the curry with anything else. One would not imagine that some people can live such difficult lives.I called up the teacher and asked him had he ever bothered to find out the reason why the student was like that .He answered " No" and I told him he should be a bit more humane and check on problem students.I then took the boy and bought him two sets of uniform and shoes and told the cafeteria operator that this boy would come and eat there every day during break time and I would settle the bill. Slowly the boy improved on his studies and I was deeply touched when he gave me a hand made "Thank You" card when I was transferred out of the school.It goes to show that too often we are so concerned about ourselves and the things that we "lac" that we forget there are many people in worse shape than us and too often we fail to value the things that we have .Take health for example .I have heard of so many of my friends suffering from all kinds of ailments and it makes me realize how precious health is and how important it is to ensure that we follow a healthy lifestyle and always be thankful for what we have and not forget there are millions out there who dont even have the basic necessities of life .

A weekend in Ipoh and a learning experience

We went back to Ipoh last weekend and it was an eye opener.Arriving there in the late afternoon we both felt hungry and decided to have something to eat before dinner.After that I bought a few stuff and then home. Mum had to spend some time to clean up and asked me to go look for my friends as she said I would be in the way. So off to the Golf club and there was no other place to go , it was a beeline for the amhjong room. The same old people were there and it struck me how these people never changed all these years. Albeit mahjong is a way of passing time but then surely there must be other things to do ?And watching the various people playing , you get a glimpse of human character.There are the happy go lucky ones , the serious ones and the cari makan ones.point to note is that they are all mostly senior people and it struck me that if I am not working I will be like them and then life would be not so interesting and perhaps less meaningful .Hence I have made a silent resolution that I will continue to work till I cant do so any more.

The Learning Process

We educationists believe that learning is a life long process and when you reflect on it you will realize that there are indeed lots of opportunities to learn.I never stop learning as I always tell myself " If others can do it why cant you ?". Age should never be given as an excuse.There is nothing which says that you cant do something because of age.I am now trying to master the i phone with all its intricacies and it has opened up a whole new horizon for me.The learning goes on and I am basically self taught as many people are I presume The process makes you think and the harder you think the more your mind works. I learned from my niece's narrative of her working incident that management must always focus not only on the big guns in an organisation but also to open their eyes and take a look at what the other staff are doing.It takes a whole team of players to make an organisation tick from the tea lady to the president and in between. If we are in the top management it must never be below us to be courteous to the people whom we work with no matter what is their status in the organisation.Unfortunately there are many in the top positions who fail to acknowledge the people below them .If you look at the behavior of some of the so called VIPs you will see how artificial they are.Looking at some of the Ministers and the way they greet the people is an eye opener.They shake hands with you without even looking at you as though they are doing you a big favor by shaking your hand.people still line up to shake their hands as though they are idols to be worshiped.This is human shallowness at its worst , yet strange to say there are so many people who take joy in this and go back telling " I shook hand with so and so " not realizing that its no big deal. We learn from everyone and from everywhere if only we care to bother.Even my little grand children have things to teach me .You have to be observant and watch them in order to see the learning opportunities which they present now and then. I have learned to be independent and to fend for myself since young and that is perhaps one value which I will take with me.I have learned that if I need to drive long distances that I should tell myself it can be done and it is done albeit with a bit of ache here and there at the end of the journey.Its better to depend on yourself for then you can travel at your own time and convenience.I have learned to ignore the protests from your body when you do things you should not be doing.I have learned to control the body with your mind rather than the other way round. Learning comes from the willingness of the mind and its ever challenging but never let yourself be daunted by something before you even start.Some times you need to look up something in the net and you start to think as to how to go about it and suddenly the task becomes daunting and you rationalize and give yourself the reason that you will do it later and at the end of the day its never done. We receive feedback about ourselves everyday. Things like " why are you so slow? why are you always late ?" has to do with our time management and self management.Can we not learn to be faster ? Can we not learn to be more time conscious ? If we are people who are bent on self improvement these are simple things to work on.Its only when we the " mind blockage, ear blocked , mind closed " type that we cannot improve. Self improvement is learning process and unless we are open to learning we will never improve.

Thinking out of the box

All too often our thinking is stereotyped partly because we are so used to set ways of doing things or thinking.Great innovations leading to man's progress has come about because there are people who dare to think outside the box, dare to take risks and dare to be bold.Too often we have our comfort zone and too often we have the same rationale for doing things. The " I will do it later " syndrome plagues many a person and it leads to procrastination and and the giving excuses syndrome. Doing something which needs to be done immediately and not waiting is a sure way of getting things done.Sometimes we have so many things to do that it becomes daunting.The way to do it is to think how to break all the tasks into manageable one and tackle them .The " box " thinking would be " How to handle all these ?".This leads to inaction and at the end of the day nothing gets done because we have lost the battle before we even start. Men are creatures of habits but in order to make life interesting we should have some variety.Eating the same food , doing the same thing day after day certainly would be boring.Yet there are many people who follow this life style.I know of people who would eat the same food for years for breakfast , lunch and dinner.Sadly they never realize there can be so much adventure in food.We all love surprises and it will be fun if once in a way we do something unexpected of us thereby making ourselves interesting.being stereo typed and predictable certainly makes you a dull person. We should realize that in life there are always alternatives and we should spare a thought or some time looking at the alternatives as there will certainly be better ways of doing something.

When the going gets tough....

We all go through certain phases in life which can be described as " tough " and it is a measure of the caliber of the person as to how he handles the tough times.If I can recall I went through many tough times in my life span and somehow I managed to cope with them and came out , I would think, a better and stronger person. Staring life with no resources or financial backing was not easy .I remember when I first started work my financial obligations were heavy as I not only had to support myself , but also my mum and dad.So every month what I earned was just enough to last till the next salary day which was always eagerly awaited.There was nothing for the proverbial " rainy day " and it was like living for the next month.Tough times indeed but I survived. Came the time for family building and I found I had nothing to offer to the lady of my choice .Fortunately she was not the mercenary type and saw me for what I was and not the money which I did not have in my pockets. With nothing more than the feeling which we had for each other we took the bold step to embark on life's difficult journey together.Not an easy decision to make .Throughout the journey it was our respect and love for each other which made the journey less difficult. The wife played the role of the homemaker to perfection.She believed that a man should come home to a home and not just the empty shell of a house.There was always warmth , love and understanding in our home.Even when we faced tough times , like bringing up the kids , making ends meet , she never showed temper or grumpiness. That is the hallmark of a special person.I cant stand those people who take it out on others whenever confronted with a problem.Therein lies the difference between quality and the mediocre . A man works hard the whole day to make a living so that he can provide for the family, whilst the woman plays the role of the home maker.No man would want to come home to a house filled with complains, grumpiness and long faces.Albeit the woman has it tough but is there a need to permeate the whole house with her moodiness and grumpiness and tantrums.? The tough will be able to cope with all this without losing her sense of direction and priority in the process. Times are never easy and coping with work and home is never easy and it take s really tough people to be able to handle this.My wife is such a person !

How you see things

I have a friend whom I recently met .He is 68 years old and is a p/a to a well known figure around town.We shared a lot of things via e mail and though we have not actually met we have become good friends.Recently we talked about children and grandchildren and he told me he regretted not spending enough time with his children and he feels that his grandchildren are not his responsibility. I told him I can understand the thing with the children as we were young and trying to make a life for them so much so that we did not really have the time to spend with them.Mum agreed with this and she told me that we had to struggle to ensure that there was adequate food for the kids on the dining table every day.Yes, in our younger days life was a struggle.We did not earn much as teachers and whatever we had went to providing the family with the necessities of life.We did not want our children to be deprived and whatever was necessary was provided for them .We made sure they had clothes, food, books and holidays when they were on holiday.Albeit we could not afford to go overseas but they had holidays in almost all the holiday spots in the country which was all we could afford. We had no spare for savings and the monthly salary just lasted till the end of the month.Life was tough but we were happy spending all our time and resources trying to build a happy family.Therefore its not surprising that we could not spend as much time as we would have liked with the children. I disagree that the grandchildren are the responsibility of the children.As grand parents we now have the time and hopefully the energy to spend time with the grandchildren as otherwise we would be denied the joy of watching them grow up.Their first steps, their first words are a real joy to experience over again.As parents we would always want our children to have things as easy as possible.No doubt they have to go through what we went through when we were young but by being with them and helping them with their children certainly makes life much easier .Besides this grand parents feel good to know that they are still useful and wanted.What they need in return is some words and gestures of appreciation every now and then. Grand parents are able to enjoy the grandchildren as we now no longer need to worry about our children as they are now grown up and able to fend for themselves and as parents we will always look at our children as children and whilst we are able to , we will certainly do all we can to make life easier for them.

Fate

As I reach this age its often that I look back on what was and what could be.Suddenly it struck me that my ending up as a teacher was perhaps destined.I was born on May 15 which happened to be Founder's Day for the Christian Missionary Schools in honor of St. John Baptist De Lasalle . He was the son of a rich man with fame and fortune at his disposal .Yet he gave all this away and chose a life of frugality with focus on educating the homeless young people. I have always admired him since in school as the Brothers who taught us told us his story over and over again.In school I was inspired by what St. John did especially how he founded the Lasalle Brothers who became teachers all over the world. They worked for nothing more than the education of the young and their sphere of influence spread all over the world. As fate would have it . after I finished my Higher School exam In December I had nothing to do and of course mum said I should not waste time and should find a job so I could give her some pocket money.As fate would have it Khoo Kay Kim whose brother was my classmate and who was teaching History in St. Anthony's Teluk Intan left his post to move on. He felt bad having to leave the school and asked me if I was interested and since I had no means of going to the University at that time . I thought " why not " as I could earn some money and save for my university education which I wanted badly as I believed only through it could I break away from the socio- economic cycle which the toh family was caught in. Come January , at the tender age of 19 off I went to Teluk Intan and thus began my career as a teacher.It was fated that I taught in a Mission School and it was also fated that I ended up as the first non mission headmaster of a Mission School. I have never regretted being a teacher as it gave me the opportunity to be in touch with thousands of students who some of them to this day still remember me and always tell me " Sir, I would not be what I am today if not for you ".These words are the best testimonials any teacher can ask for and somehow makes everything worthwhile.Teachers are not rich. We were not paid huge salaries but yet I would consider myself very rich as I had the opportunity to reach out and touch the lives of so many young people.This is wealth which is so much more valuable than money.There is no point in having so much money when you do not know what to do with it.I have come across filthy rich people who are so stingy that they deprive themselves of the good things in life.To them I always say " Money is just paper and you cant take it with you when you go ". Today after more than 50 years in education I still feel there is no regret having chosen teaching as a profession >Not rich in money , but rich in the many students whom we have sent out into the world as fine upright people.All the money in the world can buy this and not many people in the world can have this privilege !

Do unto others

I keep thinking about what happens to senior people when they come to an age when they can no longer fend for themselves.When I was in the Education Ministry we used to visit the old folks home with gifts and presents on teachers Day. no doubt this was quite superficial but there were opportunities to sit down and chat with the old people and often we hear , sadly, that they were there because they were not wanted anymore. When we think of the people responsible for abandoning their parents and grand parents our first thought will be " How callous and uncaring these people are !" and sad to say there is some truth in it. It brings a lump to your throat when you look at them with sadness in their eyes and face and you cant help but wonder what thoughts fly through their heads when they think of how they came to be abandoned and left to pass the rest of their days in desolation.Young people have become selfish , uncaring and inconsiderate and they are so wrapped up in their own affairs that they fail to look beyond their own needs and objectives.Old people do not have much time left in this world and the least we can do for them is to make sure that the remaining days in their lives are spent in comfort and love. Old people , if they can, would rather depend on themselves than to lean on others .this , in order not to experience pain and heartache.I remember when I was recovering from illness I asked for some food to be bought for me.A simple request , not out of the way and behold my disappointment when there was nothing bought for me on the excuse that "I forgot ".It was an eye opener telling us how much caring exists.There were also times when we asked for something to be done and had to wait for hours for it to be attended to.I am never one for procrastination and to me , when someones asks you to do something, a simple thing and you procrastinate then just forget it. These little incidents tell us that at the end of the day " Depend on yourself " and you will not be disappointed or hurt.This seems to be the norm amongst old people nowadays. We care for our children so much that we would sacrifice our time and energy doing things ourselves than to ask them .Excuses like " I forgot ", " I am busy " are unacceptable because it only shows a lack of concern and care.It also is an indication of attitude .why is it that parents are so willing to sacrifice their time and energy when there is no reciprocal ? Parents always put the interests of the family ahead of theirs and no task is too big for them to handle. My parents are no longer here and when I look back I would like to believe that I had been a filial son and done what I could possibly do when they were alive. That is why I feel no regrets and remorse over what I could have done as I had given them best.We should appreciate those who are still with us and treat them as they deserve to be treated.Remember life is fragile and there is no point to regret or shed crocodile tears when they are gone !It matters not how much you put on a show when they are gone but it matters much how you treat them when they are still around.

Life's ironies

I was at the car park getting my parking ticket stamped and in walk this "old" lady .Seeing her perplexity I allowed her to jump queue and take the place in front of me.She thanked me and said " Sigh...nowadays we seniors cant depend on anybody but ourselves ".Her remarks struck me and as usual i would ponder over it. Yes too often we see old people having to do things for themselves.Driving , marketing , cooking , babysitting etc .It seems that the younger people not only cannot do these things but also have to depend on their parents and elders for all these things to be done. Can we not spare a thought for the poor seniors who have to lug the marketing basket every weekend and think of why not we do it for a change ? Can we not think of relieving the poor elders of some of the mundane chores which come with home making? Can we not take the trouble or make an effort to ensure that there is enough food in the house? Why do the seniors have to take all this responsibility?. Too often we have the " I have no time, I'm busy rationale > Rationale or excuse for a non caring attitude ? When we were young we were independent and managed all the home affairs on our own and somehow we managed to do it.Today , sadly enough when we ask for a little compromise or adjustment its not us who are thought of but themselves.Young people fail to look at the bigger picture.Sure at times a decision may create a little inconvenience for them but surely it can be offset by the advantage or comfort it brings to the elders. This is the difference .We elders will always put the interests and well being of the younger ones ahead of ours .We would rather do things on our own than to be dependent .Isn't it time our thinking goes the other way ?

Mothers

Since time immemorial many things have been said about mothers.Their love , sacrifice ,sufferings , joys and hopes for their children have often been highlighted.It really takes somebody special to be a mother. I remember my mother.She was not educated and had to bring up six children on a very limited budget.To her it was important that there was food on the table everyday and she made sure that there was always enough to feed all of us. She told us that many a time she went to the market with her marketing basket with hardly a cent in her but somehow she managed to come back with food for us.How she did it only she knows but it was done . She washed, cooked and cleaned for us and along the way she was in away quite happy to be able to do it.For herself, she would eat very little ,contented with her kopi o ice and cigarettes .the best parts of the food would be kept for the family . She always said that she shared her love equally among the 6 of us but we knew that she had her favorites and to us it was fine as we accepted the fact that she was only human and of course some of us were more lovable than the rest. All her time was spent in the family except for the time when she went for her mahjong sessions.Even then she would make sure that dinner was prepared for the family.I remember when I talked to her about my wanting to study in the University ,she said " you must study hard and when you start working you must take care of your father and me ".That was my mission in life and throughout my study years I never forgot what she told me. Today as I look at mothers from my own wife to my children I note the same passion and love for the children.We brought up 4 girls plus some of the relatives' and friends' children and in the process one can really see what it takes to be a mother. I have seen that no sacrifice is too great or too difficult for a mother to make.There is nothing which a mother would not do for the children yet there are times when the children are so unkind .Mum told us yesterday about a friend of hers who felt so hurt when she was badly treated by the son and daughter in law . How she must have hurt.Irrespective of what the mother is children must above all understand her feelings and treat her as she treated them.Mother's day is not just the allocated day on the calender but it should be everyday and its sad that sometimes children dont know how to appreciate and cherish the mother.I remember that when we were young we used to celebrate the day by not letting our mum do anything and just let her enjoy one day of peace and not doing anything.This seems to be a forgotten thing nowadays. Mothers give so much and I wonder how much they get in return , not that they expect anything for what they have done and are doing .Loving them , cherishing them and appreciating them would always be enough for any mother .Not to difficult to do , yet sometimes we tend to forget .....

On looking back

Come next week and I would have been in this world seven score and four years .This is a blessing indeed and I have much to be thankful for.At least I am in relatively good health able to eat , sleep and walk like a person should.On looking back i believe that I have lived a good life having gone through the good , the bad and ugly and it has been an enlightening and enriching experience. If I were to ask myself " Have you left any footprints in the sand or stone ?" I would answer " yes" at least in the thoughts of family, friends and above all my students who passed through my hands by the thousands.As a father and husband the family has always been of prime importance and there was nothing that mum and I would not do for the family.Achievement ? We can proudly say that we put our four girls through university and instilled in them certain values which we think will carry them through life . Being remembered ? We wonder what our children , grandchildren and all those whose lives we touched one way or another think of us when we are no longer around.We have no legacy other than the code we have lived by.Mum and I have always put the interest and well being of the family first and ours come later. I will not leave this world a rich man in the sense that i will be able to leave my children and grandchildren loads of money.We are not rich by worldly standards but we have enjoyed and are enjoying a kind of wealth which no amount of money in the world can buy.We have brought up 4 girls, see them grow into adults and see them start families of their own.We are blessed to be able to see the whole process of them growing from childhood to adulthood and sensible ones at that. We started life with practically nothing and today we have all the materialistic things which people work for , house ( albeit) a small one but nevertheless some place we can call home, car , clothes, a bit of money to spend as we wish but our real wealth, and we consider ourselves very rich in this ...is that we have good health , a good family and above all each other.We are very rich in this respect and hence if looking at this perspective , I would have led a god life and certainly left some footprints. Educating my students and seeing them grow into adults gives me no regrets for choosing to be a teacher.Humble though the profession is it has made an impact on the lives of many young people.I remember one particularly problem student and I spent time with him trying to set him right.Two years ago at the Old Boys Dinner he came back from Australia where he now resides specifically to look for me and tell everyone how I managed to change his life .this is the kind of wealth which money cannot give and it is one of the reasons why I have never regretted being a teacher. Going through life the hard way has made us stronger , more tolerant and more understanding.To me, my legacy and my hope to be remembered by " He was a good father, grandfather, friend and teacher " That will be the footprints which I leave behind !

Challenge

In two weeks time I would have retired from Government service for 20 years and should be at an age when most people would take it easy , going for walks, yam cha, and be involved in the pursuit of one's hobbies be it gardening , cooking , watching TV , reading books or spending time with the grandchildren .But it looks that this man is going to on and on working. I have retired from the govt. but never stopped working and not likely to do so as only yesterday a big time investor from Hong Kong came to see me and talked to me about a piece of land which he just acquired.He plans to build a hostel and has asked me to be his consultant from planning to operation .This offer which if I accept will take me down the road for at least another 5 years and I'm just wondering if I can last that long.?.It will be for sure a challenging work as it will require a lot of planning and also leg work .Planning work is not an issue but what worries me is the leg work.It will mean site visits, climbing up unfinished staircases and survey the whole building as it comes out.Am I physically fit ? I would like to believe that I am but as one ages the ravages of time catch up.You get tired easily, become forgetful and generally become slower whether you realize it, accept it or not.Its not really for the money but more of being able to take a challenge and show the world that there is no age limit to what a person can do. I certainly would not want to be like some of the seniors whom I know, loafing around really doing nothing despite the fact that they can still be productive .Its just that they think conservatively , that if you reach 60 you must retire and not work anymore.I always like to challenge the norm and show that one can always go the extra mile if one sets his mind to do so. Question is how many extra miles can we go ?

The Hippocrates Oath

It seems that today many doctors ( not all though ) have forgotten about this promise which they made ...basically to save lives.In their quest for materialistic wealth many doctors have thrown their principles to the wind. Take the case of my nephew who nearly lost his life because of carelessness , and low quality medical treatment.He was not feeling well and admitted himself to the hospital nearest his home where he was diagnosed as having gastric problem.This happened from 11 am in the morning and it was only in the late evening that he was told there was some problem with his heart.The doctor insisted that he be admitted to a hospital in Klang , blatantly telling him that there are no vacancies in the hospitals nearby. It was a good thing my nephew out of desperation called us and it so happened we have a doctor friend in one of the hospitals.She told us to send him over to her hospital immediately which we did amidst the protests of the first doctor. My nephew was checked that night and immediately admitted The first doctor had the audacity to say all nearby hospitals were full ).The next day they did an operation on him and managed to clear two of his blocked vessels and today he is fine and about to be discharged. I cant imagine what a scoundrel the first doctor was, scaring people and putting his own vested interest first instead of that of the patient. There is another story which my friend witnessed himself. There was this elderly lady who went to see a doctor and when she came out she was in tears and my friend kindly asked her what was the problem and she said the doctor asked her to leave his room as she could not pay the fee he wanted. What happened to the Oath taken ? To treat the sick and to save lives ? Today , sadly . many doctors see patients as cash cows and irrespective of their sickness and their ability to pay.We would expect a doctor to save lives first and then talk of payment but this is not happening. Why ? Its not difficult to answer ...greed above all things else.If you have money I will happily treat you , if not ..that's your problem. Pretty disappointing and definitely tarnishing the reputation of the medical profession.The late Karpal Singh was a brilliant criminal lawyer and he never turned his back on anyone who needed his services.To him , help the person first , money is secondary.That is a true professional and a man who lived by the ethics of his profession.

Frailty of Life

Now and then we get an unexpected phone call during an unforeseen time and it really scares us.Two days ago mum got a call at around 930pm.I could hear from her voice that something was not right and it turned out to be so.One of her cousins complained of breathing difficulties and had to be sent to the hospital.He is 70 over years old and mum naturally was worried and immediately prepared to rush to the hospital.As it was that time of the night when my brain stops functioning we got our son in law to drive her there. Fortunately it was nothing serious but the message sent was clear ...for us oldies anything untoward happening can be serious because we are all in the zone of permanent departure.Most of the old people are prone to falls ( which can in most cases be serious ), heart attacks , collapse and etc.Never to be the ones who would leave giving our children headache and uncertainty, we are I believe well prepared .All our affairs are in order and I am in the midst of preparing a final letter to my children and grand children which they will read when I am not around.I was pondering as to whether it should be revealed now but then since I'm still around and can still say what I want to say it does not make sense right ? We would want our children and grandchildren to always think that we will be going to a better place where all the hassles of life need not be something to worry about anymore and there , hopefully will be some kind of legacy which we can leave behind for them to remember us by. Old people have no choice but to think of these things and be prepared so that the off springs are spared the unnecessary headache.Like it or not, these are the realities of life which one must accept.We would of course like to be around , to see the grandchildren grow up and just be with them and our children but life is unpredictable and to make it less so we have to be extra careful in our lifestyle . I have a good friend who accidentally hurt his toe and it became so bad that he nearly had to amputate it and this all because he was careless. Another friend slipped from a ladder whilst he was trying to change a light bulb in his house and till today is unable to play golf as his ribs still hurt when he moves his arms.There are so many cases of stroke, bed ridden, Parkinson , senility that its quite scary .When the time comes its best to go quick and not suffer or let your loved ones suffer. My poor sister was bed ridden for years as a result of a stroke and it was painful to see her deteriorating day by day.Finally when she went we all felt a sense of relief as that ended her suffering and that of her family. Fate, if you believe in it is there but not for us to know .We can only hope that Fate will be kind to us.

The best time

I was watching this soap opera for some time ( It has ended ) and was wondering how the episodes shown relate to the title.It was about corporate culture, intrigues and a four person cross romance.It was only towards the end when the girl's father was lying on the hospital bed dying, that the meaning unfolded.She showed him an album taken of the family when they were young and the various things which they went through and then looking at the pictures the fathered uttered " This was the best time ".It was only then that I realized why the " best time " and set me thinking too " what is our best time ?". A man goes through a cycle, birth, childhood , adulthood , parenthood and looking at my own cycle I cant help but ponder as to where my best time was. Childhood was kampong style as we stayed in the little town of Tapah and childhood was swimming in the river ( often getting caned for it as my mum always warned us of the danger )shooting birds and eating them , using our hands and legs only for whatever activities.This was the carefree times ,our needs were simple and there were no lofty thoughts. Came adulthood and with it the struggles to cope with finance, job and family responsibilities.Life was a big struggle then as half of what I earned went to my parents as it was considered mandatory for children to support parents.With half a salary it meant prudence and cost saving. Adulthood was the time of courting and going out with the right girl and once that happens you are expected to get married.I can say that mum and I started life with each other without anything except love for each other and confidence and hope in the future.I remember I had no savings , and not even a bicycle to my name.Despite this we decided to face life together and embark upon life's journey as a couple.Mum was brave and I believe maybe she saw that there was some future with me.Today our journey has lasted nearly 47 years and it has been an exciting and meaningful one .The journey saw us bring to the world 4 daughters and 3 grandchildren.The first part of our journey is completed and now I believe comes the " best time ". We have no more worries at the moment, health wise and security wise.It is a joy to see the grandchildren growing up and noticing that there are already certain traits which may influence their later lives.This is the best part of being grand parents except perhaps for the fact that mum has to make a lot of sacrifices especially of her time.She does this willingly and nothing makes her happier than to be able to help in looking after the grandchildren and keeping the house in order. We have learned to co exist and behave like old people should .We have learned to set aside petty grievances and always think of the welfare of the children.Mum is still very active and loves travelling which is not my forte.I allow her to go where she wants and I do my things.We have the peace of mind which comes with understanding and tolerance. To us , to be free of all the human challenges and stress is something precious.We need only to ensure that we are in good health and be able to see the grandchildren grow up.In the process , to be able to help out in the family and not get into anybody's way is important.To be independent and to be yet able to enjoy life I believe this is "the best time "of our lives.

Being independent

Mom and I have learned that even at this age its best not to depend on anybody as many a time dependence only creates frustration and disappointment.Many a time I have ,through no choice , asked for simple things to be done but sadly its either "wait, till I'm ready " or conveniently forgotten.So in order to avoid frustration its better to do it yourself even though it means lifting heavy things. Mom is so independent that its unbelievable and for her age she is happily gallivanting all over the place without asking for help.She says its better to depend on oneself rather than others who may give all sorts of excuses and worse still just ignore you.I am still happily driving nearly 200 km up and down Ipoh and as long as I can do it I will do it and not ask anyone to do the driving for me.Mum and I will manage by ourselves for as long as we can as its our norm to depend on ourselves. Of late suddenly she has been thinking off the beaten track like asking me "Do you trust your daughter ?" Knowing her , i knew there will be something more to this and when I asked her why and told her "Of course I trust my daughter " she said " enough to put your house in her name ?"I said that is no issue and then she said "Look , we are getting old and its time we started getting things in place". I saw the wisdom of her words and her consideration for the family as always and I would happily go along with whatever she decides.Then it struck me "What happens if one of us goes first ? What would happen to the other ?" We talked about this and both of us have our plans in the eventuality that one has to go first. With that I guess both of us have peace of mind and hopefully can just depend on each other.Experience has told us that at the end of the day we two old folks will be ok as long as we have each other as we are relatively healthy , financially independent and above all logistically independent.Even though it means a bit of body ache I would rather drive up and down myself rather than to ask for help as the asking may be "rewarded" by frustration and disappointment.Looking at he young people today we cant help but compare them with us when we were that age.Offering to help with some inconvenience to oneself should never be a problem but I just wonder how many young people today would set aside their own time and convenience for the benefit of others ? Mum is a great example of motherly love and sacrifices made for the family.She happily looks after the family and the grandchildren but is there any reciprocal ?There are many things which can be done for her..its up to us to think of what and if we are caring and considerate enough we will see the many ways to help her.I shall not spell this out.

Gastric Attack

I have never been struck by gastric problems but last week it happened....with scary effects.One evening after getting home from work the tummy felt uncomfortable .Thinking nothing of it I had my normal dinner but somehow the food could not go in and it felt like something was blocking the stomach. Normally I would not tell anybody about things like that but as the night went on the whole stomach area felt sore so I mentioned this to mum and she insisted I see a doctor immediately.This stupid doctor just listened to what I told him and said " You have gastric problem ".I then said " Dont you even want to press my stomach here and there?". The joker smiled and said " Yaa I think I should " .He did that as though just to satisfy me and then said happily " Yes , its gastric". He prescribed some medicine which I took as soon as we reached home.Within minutes I threw up like I have never done before for years and after that felt better. It was a strange kind of attack, the body was sore and tender to the touch and I did not feel like eating at all.I never realized gastric could be that uncomfortable.With no appetite and energy naturally all that was left was to sleep and sleep.I stayed away from work for a few days and did nothing but sleep.Light meals consisting of oats, porridge,noodles were my diet but each time I could only take a small portion.The amount slowing increased until after the third day I went on to a little bit more of everything. Being sick makes you realize how important it is to be healthy and the next couple of weeks before CNY I will have to work hard to regain my health and energy.

A matter of body language and politeness

Sadly enough today many young people ( sometimes even the older ones ) find it difficult to be able to communicate with others.Sensitive and observant people will be able to tell after the first sentence whether its worthwhile talking to them.Its time people realize that to a certain extent they owe it to others to answer questions civilly and with the right kind of body language.If not we should not waste time talking to such people. There are many ways of saying "yes" or "no".An enthusiastic "yes" or a diplomatic "no" will make a lot of difference.If you have to say " no" for instance ,instead of an abrupt one word "no" would it not be better to say , with an apologetic look " I am sorry but I can possibly do it ".What is so difficult about that? Today young people claim that they have become grouchies because of pressure at work or at home.I dont buy this.To me if you allow work pressure or home pressure to change your whole personality to the extent that you forget common courtesies and civility then you are not much of a person.Whatever problems you have it must never bend you to the extent that you lose your entire personality. People are observant and what you say and what you mean is reflected in your demeanor and experienced people can see through you.No one likes to communicate or say more than is necessary to people who are grumpy or talk to you with an agitated look on their faces.Such people simply dont realize that we do not need to have to deal with them if they behave in this way. Diplomacy, politeness , pleasantry will make others enjoy talking to you .Not otherwise !