Bringing up children

There are many ways to bring up a child.Today's mother and father are beyond a doubt different from those of our time. I was born in the forties and was 4 to 5 years old during the Japanese Occupation and was brought up on tapioca or ubi kayu and I believe none the worse for it.My mum did not have to bother much about my growing up, I ate whatever was provided and more importantly I guess I was brought up in the right environment where freedom and life's pressures were generally absent. I dont recollect when my parents ever quarrel because of me and the home atmosphere was always one of harmony.Though mum was very strict with us she was never unreasonable. Today when I watch parents bringing up their children (Watching from the sideline as we the olden era parents are considered not smart enough ) I cant help but notice what bringing up a child is doing to the parents.Granted every parent would want to see the child grow up "properly " but bringing up a child should never be at the expense of one's own well being.A child is supposed to bring joy , meaning and fulfillment to a marriage but if the child's impact is negative then we need to take a step back and have a good look at ourselves.Have we changed because of the stress of bringing up the child? Have a good look at what we were and what we have become and ask ourselves have we been able to cope with the child's upbringing ? Parents today have to balance their time between work and child care.Those who are fortunate to have their parents around need not worry about cooking, washing and other housework.The human cycle has been going on for ages and the fact that children grow up is a natural process and its inevitability is never doubted.The question is how to bring up the child ? Pampered, protected , left alone or whatever ? It is a universal fact that parents have to bring up their children in a way that is acceptable.We often see parents showing off to others what their children can do.This is natural cos every parent is proud of their children but looking at this from another point of view....what has our effort in bringing up our children done to us ? Has our personality changed ? Have we changed ? For the better or for the worse ? Are we coping ? If not then we have to take a good look at ourselves and do a bit of self appraisal. Life is about balance and coping with all kinds of challenges.Bringing up children is one of our biggest challenges and how we handle this is testimony of what kind of person we are .If we change our entire personality , not for the better but for worse then we need a second look at ourselves.

Thinking of others

Mum went for her cardio test yesterday and I had some anxious moments waiting for her to come back and get the results.When I asked her the first thing she told me was " all blocked ".I like went blank for a moment and was speechless and then she broke into a smile and said " Just pulling your leg .I am A ok ". My pacer missed a few beats but it was such a big relief and I heaved a big sigh of relief. She said looking at our little grandson 'Actually if I had to do a by pass or something like that I would ask the doctor to do it next year when my little grandson would be old enough to go to a day care center".As usual she puts her own welfare before that of others and the way she said it while hugging the little fella really brought a lump to my throat.Such is the devotion of a grandma and such is the unique quality of a person. The same night while we were sitting outside the house ( as is our habit nowadays ) suddenly she mentioned again " i hope you go first because if I were the one to go first who is going to look after you?" I told her these things are not for us to say and its best not to think of it at this point of time. Talking often with her and being with her I can understand what goes on in her head and for sure its thinking of others more than herself.On looking back I can see that everything she does is not for herself but either for the children , grandchildren, the in laws , her siblings and their children.When she cooks dinner she would make sure that there is everyone's preferred dish on the table.Sometimes I cant help but smile when she cooks chicken and reserves only the chicken feet for herself. I hope we have many more years together for I cant imagine especially on my part what I will do without her.Thank God her health is good and the sickness she had was just a little hiccup.

Life can be unkind !

Our one month old Filipino maid , a young girl , efficient and hardworking joined the family recently ( about a month ).Mum was quite pleased with her and I guess everyone else in the family. She is supposed to work with us for two years and then after that she has a choice of extending or terminating her contract.That was fine and we thought that for the next two years there would be someone to help in the housework and make life easier for the lady of the house. Then from out of the blue....calamity !! she is pregnant and two months onto it.When we heard the news we had to ask her " Now what?".She discussed with the boyfriend and he wanted the baby.That being the case obviously she has to go back.So we proceeded with the arrangement for her to go back to her country.Simple enough ... but then when you think about it there are so many things which will come to mind.We wonder what happens to her aspirations to earn money here? What kind of life is she going to have when she goes back? And what sort of future will the baby have ? Looking at her, I could see that probably she herself is struggling with these thoughts.Imagine having to bring up a family with no financial security, imagine thoughts going through your mind as to whether the guy concerned is really going to look after her and imagine what she is thinking about the baby's future.I'm sure that she is troubled and hopefully she can figure out some means of getting by in life after this. Having a baby is a woman's privilege and we would in no way ask her "How Come ?".That is her personal business and she has that right and we as employers have no right to be judge or be moralistic.We can only offer some advice to resolve the problem.As said, the obvious solution is for her to go back and have the baby but surely when you think about it that perhaps is just the beginning of the problem, At least with us she is part of the family, she eats what we eat and she does not have to worry about the basics of livelihood.Even then when we look at the life of a maid you wonder what sort of life they have to endure.Day in day out work and perhaps the only thing to look forward to is to make enough money to go home and hopefully live a better life.There are so many horror stories of maids being ill treated and abused that you begin to wonder how come there are people who can do this kind of things .They are not maids by choice.. merely people who are less fortunate and as such should be seen as people who should be treated with kindness and concern. many of them have to leave their families and children behind and some even with no means of keeping in touch with them .Imagine how they feel ! Compare this with some young girls who are so fortunate and yet not realize how fortunate they are.They lepak, yam cha and when they have free time think of how to spend it with friends doing all sorts of unproductive things.Our maid is only 27 and I'm sure she may want to have a bit of this too but circumstances do not permit her.Which gets one to think ...why is life so unfair ? A question which no one can really answer.

Random thoughts

It was a big joy meeting up with my niece, nephew in law and grand niece and looking at them and spending time with them made me reflect.I met my grand niece for the first time in 11 years.When I first " saw" her she was in mummy's stomach.Today she is 11 and I notice that she is a finely brought up little girl. Kudos to the parents. I realize that I had missed out on seeing her grow up for the past 11 years.I'm sure the parents would have enjoyed seeing her develop, talking ...saying her first words, walking and learning how to read and write. Too often , parents are so wrapped up in their own affairs that they fail to enjoy seeing their kid grow up.The process and the privilege of being part of it is priceless.Children grow up fast and it is when they are young that they need the parents, to guide them ,to do things for them etc.Once they grow up they do not need us anymore.It is what we give them in terms of values, companionship and love which will determine how they see us when they become adults and also what kind of adults they turn out to be.Cases of children abandoning parents are not uncommon and cases of parent - children conflict are not unusual.Why do such things happen ? We really have to take a step back and look at ourselves.I see the warmth of the mother- daughter , father- daughter relationship which my grand niece enjoys and herein lies the secret of parent - children relationship.Spending time with the kids, bonding with them ,sharing with them , guiding them through life are things which which cement the future parent- child relationship. Undoubtedly parents play a big role in developing the character of the child.Children must be infused with and taught how to treasure the right values one of the most important of which is to value family ties. Family is special , it simply means people who are bonded by blood and marriage ties.Relationship between members of the same family is so different from that with friends.Sadly enough we hear and see of family members who are in conflict with each other to the extent they dont want to even want to have anything to do with each other.We need to ask ourselves how such a situation has come about and figure out how we on our part as parents and members of a family can ensure that this does not happen.After all society has always stressed on the importance of the family unit as the base of civilization. Our priorities must be clear.When given a choice ..whom do we put on top of the list ? our family or other things ? We know of parents who die with their arms round their children in the event of an accident, of parents who starve so that their children can live and even parents who steal and rob so that their children can survive.Such is the maternal instinct of humans and it is things like this which make the human species special.Our children are our treasures and as such they must always be valued.As parents we have to ask ourselves from time to time what sort of parents are we and what sort of upbringing and values in life which we give to our children and constantly remind ourselves to be better parents in the true sense of the word.

Health

We take a lot of things for granted, the weather, the sun , rain and health especially.Recently the haze made everybody feel bad and some had health problems because of this.It is only when we face problems do we begin to realize how precious certain things are. When a dear one falls sick we realize how we always take her or him for granted not realizing that being human they are vulnerable.We must never forget to appreciate what we have and not worry about what we dont have as we have to take care of the people who are with us and be able to value the things we have with us. The weather and someone's illness has made me look at life from a different perspective altogether now.Never take things for granted and show consideration for people whom we value while they are with us and not wait until its too late.The ones near and dear to us do a lot of things for us.We know it but sadly we never tell the other party so.People are stingy with their words of appreciation or gestures .Why should we ignore to tell someone how much we value them and how grateful we are for what they have done for us ? Little gestures of appreciation , a kind word now and then would mean so much.Yet we always take people who are good to us for granted and never take the trouble to tell them how much they are appreciated. I remember how after the sun came out after the haze everyone was glad and someone said "I never realize the sun can be so welcome and I should never take it for granted again " We should learn to show little gestures, say the right things at the right time and make more efforts to let people who are dear to us why they are indeed so.Do it while they are with us ..dont regret when they are no longer with us.