Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Luck,fate or destiny?

Looking back on the past 50 plus years or so I cant help but feel someone got my life planned out for me.When I finished my Sixth Form Exam I was wondering what to do till the results came out some time in March.By the end of 1959 Prof.Khoo Kay Kim a neighbour and friend left his post as History teacher in St.Anthony's Teluk Intan and as he felt bad leaving the school he asked me if I was interested.I jumped at the opportunity and accepted the offer as there was nothing for me at the moment.Started work as a Form 5 History teacher at the age of 19.I was not much older than my students but it was a challenging experience.I needed the job as i wanted to go to the University.
Results came out and I scored 4 Principal Passes (Those days no A or B grade) which was really good by those days standards.What next?A lot of my classmates went on to the university but I could not as dad could not afford it.It was heartbreaking to be left behind but looking at the bright side the Headmaster,Bro.Denis understood my problem and said I could teach in the school till I saved enough money.After 1 1/2 years I had quite enough to enter the University but I was one year late and most of my classmates were in their second year when I went in .It was good as they could advise and guide me as they were seniors.
Life in the U was totally different but managed to adapt>But during the final semester my money ran out so what to do? I had no choice but to talk to my lecturer Ungku Aziz and he scolded me for giving up so easily and said it was a good thing I saw him or I would have made the most stupid decision to leave.He immediately arranged a loan for me from the Uni on the condition that I paid back after my graduation.That was settled and immediately after graduation I went back to St.Anthony's to teach and monthly paid off the loan.
After 2 years Bro.Alban the headmaster called me up and asked me if I really wanted to teach and I said "Yes".He then said "Go and get your Diploma in Education" so that you cane be a fully qualified teacher.So off I went to UM again and got my teacher qualification in 1967 and continued to teach in the same school till 1977 when unexpectedly I was promoted to be Headmaster.I was at 37 one of the youngest non Malay Heads and thought well I am quite contented and should retire as a Headmaster.But again ,fate or destiny took over.After 5 years I received a call from the Education Dept. in Ipoh and I was told to report to Ipoh as the District Education Officer for Kinta.This was most unexpected and actually unwanted because I never dreamed I would go beyond being a headmaster .Now suddenly I was to be the Head of Education for one big district.
I served in Kinta for 11 years and then again I was told I was to be transferred to Sitiawan as the District Education Officer.Again an unexpected happening for I never thought that the Manjung District would be headed by a non Malay.
In Manjung for two years and then suddenly an old golfing friend Dr.Hanafi got me back to Ipoh again as the Chief Inspector of Schools for Perak again the first non Malay to hold that post.
Came 1995 and I retired having reached the age of 55 and I was wondering what next?The twins still had to go to college and on to University and we were wondering how to afford it.Again some divine interference?My old friend Rozalli Noordin who was the Director of Education for the Renong group offered my a job in Tashkent,Uzbekistan.Never even heard of the place but I had to work and if so anywhere in the world would do.Off I went to Tashkent for more than a year.It was tough there as the summer was really hot and the winter so cold but I survived.I thought I would spend some time there but after one year I was called back to look after Kolej Yayasan Saad in Melaka as the top management all resigned and they needed someone to hold the fort.So one year in melaka and then the Renong group was building a A level college in Lembah Beringin and Rozalli wanted me in the project team and I was in KL .
After the college was ready in 1999 I was posted there to look after admi/hr/finance and finally at the age of 60 I retired???It was then back to Ipoh and there was then only mum and me .The twins were on the way to Canada.Life as a retiree was good and stress free and we thought that would be it but sometime in 2001 Suan Loong came and asked me to help him with his college in Xiamen ,China.So again mum and I packed up and off we went to Xiamnen.It was a good experience and while I worked mum enjoyed herself exploring the city.
Back after a month's stint it was back to Ipoh,golf and mahjong until in early 2002 got a call from SB Cheah asking me to help him in the hostel which he was putting up.I initially said no as I was already 62 and the thought of working in KL was not attractive.But SB has his way 'You just come for 1 year " and after that you can go back to Ipoh.Mum encouraged me and finally I said ok but lo and behold I was in KL till the hostel was sold and the new owner wanted me to continue which I did till Help University asked me to manage their hostel and I am here to this very day.
On reflection ,I was lucky.Jobs came my way when I most needed them and I had a good career everywhere.
Is it fate or providence that I must continue to work??I have since decided that there is no retirement for me.I love the work and the challenges which it brings and as long as I can continue to do so why not??

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Mum's birtday

In a few days on the 27th Jan mum will be 65.Wow ,cant imagine she has touched the mid sixties and that we have spent more than 40 years of our lives together.She was a sweet simple girl when I met her.We taught in the same school,she in the primary and me in the secondary.What struck me about her was her cheerful demeanor and bubbling personality ( She still has this today ).It was strange but we got along fine right at the beginning and our first real date was at my landlady's daughter's birthday.I walked her home after the party and I guess that was where it all started.
Today at 65 she is still that special kind of lady whom everyman dreams of.She has always been my pillar ,in good times and bad times.She is a great homemaker and made sure that everyone had a home to come back to.She was the one who made me see things I could not see and made me a better person.No sacrifice was too great for her ,the children were her life and death and she would do anything to shelter and protect them from any harm.I have always noticed that she would leave the best part of all food for us,she would eat the fish head and leave the fleshy part to us, she would make herbal drinks and let everyone except herself drink.
She never had much when she was young,her father left them when they were very young and she being the elder sister who stayed at home looked after the mother and two and later 3 younger brothers.She learned to be independent at an early age and so self sacrificing for the sake of her family.It's sad that the two younger brothers who are now doing well never think of her and reciprocate .
At her golden age ,yet more sacrifices she has to make,looking after Kyra and then Aaron.She would so much more prefer to spend her times with the 'Thais thais" but set this aside for the sake of our daughter and grandchild.She always tells me that she could not imagine how the daughter would survive without her.All this because of the motherly love which she has for all her children.Who knows how she feels when Imn decided to be overseas? As a mother she always wanted all her children by her side but when Imn made her choice she gave her wholehearted support but in her hearts of hearts I know how she feels.Yet to the children this was never shown .
Today in her golden years I never comment on what she does or want to do with her friends.When she wants to travel I give my support and I make sure that financially she is ok but emotionally its not me alone who can support her ,children and in laws should give her the support she needs at times.She is not avaricious ,what she needs are simple "thank you" and small gestures of appreciation now and then and she will say "Its all worth it "
To me this is one woman whom I would cherish always and I made the right choice when I married her and if I have to do it all over again I would for there is no other person I would want to spend my life with !

Friday, January 21, 2011

Balek Kampong

Its that time of the year again when everybody makes a beeline for the family home.In our case its good old Ipoh and we are all looking forward to getting home ,to have the family under one roof and just whiling away the time.Having all the members of the family together is something special and sometimes we need to be reminded how precious the time family members spend together is.
When I was young we followed dad wherever he served and each time we moved we stayed in government quarters.First it was Tapah ,Baldwin Hill a place up on the hillside and very nice.It was a wooden house and all our neighbours were govt.servants >Those days Chinese ,Malays,Indians lived together happily and we were all good neighbours.Started my primary schooling there at the Govt.English School.School was a walking distance away and we were quite independent right from young.We studied and played lots of games after school,hockey,football,rugby and athletics.Yes the small town culture was indeed great and we learned to be tolerant,independent and aware of our financial status.Cars for example were the privilege of the rich and famous and we never considered owning a car at that time.
New Year was spent going to Bidor,Tapah Road where dad's sisters were and it was a good chance for a family outing.We always traveled by bus and would be entertained by ang pows and the usual New Year cakes.
After that when I was due to enter Form 1 dad was transferred to Ipoh .At the beginning he could not get a house so we stayed with Uncle Jin Bee at his big Govt.House in Watson Road near the race course.I studied in St.Michael's a long way from home and i cycled to school everyday .No choice as there was no other affordable means of transport.We squatted with Uncle for some time until dad got his own quarters in Greentown at a place called Fifth Avenue.
New Year was an exciting time.Despite being poor mum would buy all of us new clothes.Each one would get two sets ,two shirts and two pairs of pants(shorts ).Nothing fancy,no branded names but they were new clothes nevertheless and we could not wait to get up early to put them on.On the eve we would all sit down and have the once a year special dinner which by hook or by crook mum would prepare.
A wonderful tradition which we are happy to see carried on to this day though with some changes>People would eat in the restaurant if they can today.It makes the tasks of preparing dinner and washing up easier but to me the meaning of the reunion and its spirit are lost .Rushing over dinner in a noisy environment defeats the purpose of the reunion dinner where members of the family can enjoy the home cooked meals which they missed for the year and a chance for them to update each other.
Yup balek kampong especially for a number of days is something to look forward to.For me the first few days will be spent with the family doing things together and entertaining Kyra and Aaron.After that it will be golf and mj with the friends.New year is a time to meet up with old friends and relatives and its a good break for everybody !

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Getting ready for Chinese New Year

The time of the year is here again and its something to look forward to especially the holidays and not so much the eating.It's also a good time for the family to get together and just relax and enjoy our time with each other in a stress free environment.
New year traditions are great and are full of meaning.Cleaning the house before the first day cleans out all the bad things of the previous year,welcoming the God of Prosperity is supposed to give you a good financial year ,waking up early is to ensure that you are bright and sprightly the year ahead,and paying your respects to the elders is the traditional way of showing filial piety,eating different types of cakes have different meanings.The reunion dinner is a great tradition as it brings together all members of the family at least once a year.The Hokkiens have their traditional dishes and the dinner will not be the same without these dishes, jiu hu char with sang choi,duck soup with salted vegetables ,chicken and fish together with the indispensable sambal are the traditional dishes.If affordable mushrooms and abalone can be included.
New Year is also the time for ang pows as gifts from the elders to the younger ones.Traditionally only the unmarried qualify for ang pows.This has changed today and you receive and give ang pows to whomever you feel like giving it to.I remember in my younger days, all ang pows which we received had to be given back to my mum so that she could use this money to give others ang pows.
Today's young people with their hectic lifestyle look forward to CNY as an opportunity to unwind and forget all about work>Its also a time for visiting relatives and meeting with old friends as everybody balek kampong during this period.
The New Year is also a time for reflections.We should think about how lucky we are to be able to celebrate yet another year and this should be appreciated more than anything else .

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Growing Old

As you grow older you begin to wonder about life's irony.When you were young and your children young they looked up to you ,depended on you and thought you were the greatest.Now as you advance onto old age you are stupid, petty and unable to discuss things intelligently.
We gave our children everything we could within our means and they never had to doubt about us over anything.They knew our home was theirs and that they can count on us for anything.As parents taught our children the important values of life and we only wished to see them grow up in a safe and secure environment.This was our responsibility and commitment to them>No sacrifice was too great or difficult as long as they were spared all the stress of life which we faced.A lot of problems of bringing them up were only known and shared by mum and me.
We never showed them the difficulties we faced because there was no point as they were in a position of being unable to do anything,so we plodded on and today the children are all grown up and have lives of their own.So where do we fit in?In our hearts there is always the thought of going back to Ipoh to enjoy the rest of our lives together in a stress free and happy environment.Thank God we are in good health and financially independent.This is one of the reasons why I decided to work.Last time I was thinking of retirement but on second thought I decided it would be better to continue for as long as I am wanted.I can buy what I want right now and money the way I like because its my money and I can do what I like with it.Many parents say that they feel shy to ask their children for money and its true>I cant imagine asking any one of my children to for example buy me a golf club or an expensive t shirt .Its great to be financially independent !
As you grow old you keep wondering if anything happens to you what will be the outcome.Mum and I have decided that when we are old and disabled we would stay in an old folks home.We can afford it with our pensions and need not bother anyone.We cant imagine how anyone of the children can look after us with their careers and own family commitments.As you grow old you pray that if you have to go you should go fast.My poor sister has been bed ridden for so long and its painful to see her wasting away day by day, month by month and year by year.Me ? I always pray that if I have to go its when I hit a golf ball and then drop.
Mum always said I should go first as she could survive without me and I cant without her.Maybe its true because I cant think of what life would be for me without her.At least the two of us can share a lot of things and still our hopes.We talk during the journeys back to Ipoh and our daily breakfast rendezvous before I go to work and there is a lot of sharing between us,our joys ,our disappointments and sometimes frustrations.It was painful for me to see her doing all the housework before the maid came.Washing,sweeping,cleaning,cooking and looking after Aaron are big jobs and taking into consideration her age and health I wonder how she could do it and for what??? The simple reason is for the love of the children .What does she expect in return?? Money?We have enough !As they say " Little things mean a lot" Does she get the little things?She does of course but there are times when her hurt is so great that only I know. A harsh word said maybe unintentionally , a little bit of disrespect,a little bit of temper here and there hurts her a lot and I always say " Look we dont have to have all this crap, not when we are in our golden years"
But parents sacrifices never end and have no boundaries so we practice the golden virtue of "TOLERANCE" and in the process suffer in silence.Do we need this? Do we deserve this?
Values have changed.Today children no longer treat their parents the way parents should be treated.As a son my biggest regret is that I could not give my parents the things they needed.We were young and struggling and could barely make ends meet let alone give them the things they deserved.What could not be given to them was given in the form of respect ,love and obedience.I was taught never to argue with my parents,never raise my voice talking to them and to obey no matter what.Today's children seem to have lost such values,when we say things we are brushed aside as tough we are stupid and our opinions dont seem to matter.Children would not think twice about raising their voices on their parents and some have even chased their parents out of the house.Is this the price we have to pay for progress?."What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but suffer the loss of his soul?"..a meaningful saying and very true.
Thus as we grow old scary thoughts plague the mind and in summary its better not to live too long!!!!

Friday, January 14, 2011

The Rain- something to touch you

It was a busy morning at 8.30am when an elderly gentleman in his eighties arrived to have some stitches removed from his thumb.He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9.I took his vital signs and asked him to take a seat.I noticed he kept looking anxiously at his watch and guessed he must really have an important appointment.
I took pity on him and decided to remove the stitches for him so he could keep his appointment.While doing this I asked him if he had another appointment with another doctor as he looked so tense.The gentleman said actually he had to go to a nursing home to have his daily breakfast with his wife.I inquired about her health and he told me she had been there for a while and was suffering from Alzheimer's disease.I asked if she would be upset if he were a bit late.He replied that she no longer knew who he was as she had not been able to recognize him for the past five years.
I was surprised and asked him " And you still go there every morning even though she does not know who you are?" He patted my hand and with a sad smile said" She does'nt know me but I still know who she is !"
I had to hold back my tears as he left and said" this is the kind of love I want in my life".True love is an acceptance of all that is,has been will be and will not be"
We are all growing old...tomorrow may be our turn...
I like this little story as it shows how much a person can love another and be with that person through thick and thin.

The Rain - something to touch you.

Monday, January 3, 2011

2011

To be able to see the year is indeed a blessing which is well realized.At the end of 2010 we were struck by the loss of one of our golfing friends who suffered a heart attack at the age of 55.To make matters worse a good friend's father was just diagnosed with live cancer.How lucky we are to be able to lead normal lives and survived the previous year without any major mishaps.
One can look forward to the new year with hope and excitement .But together with this is the silent hope that we are given yet another year to live.Life is so unpredictable and having reached the 70s I have no bigger request than to go through another year in good health and with stamina.I still look forward to my golf games,to strengthen the bond with mum,to watch Kyra and Aaron growing up,the children and their spouses in good health and successful in their careers.
There will be the usual round of activities,Chinese New Year which is just round the corner,Ching Ming,All Soul's Day, Xmas and the year end festivities to welcome yet another year.I would happily go through all this again and be grateful that we are in a position to do so.Though some of the activities may be strenuous now it does not matter because as long as the spirit is willing things can be done.
" I shall pass this way but once,therefore any good which I can do,let me do it now for I may not pass this way again" will be my guiding principle for the new yearit will be the year to do the things which I haven't found the time to do.It will also be the year to solemnize the wedding of Imn and it will be the highlight of 2011.All the family members are excited over this event and cant wait to start planning for her.
Goodbye 2010 and welcome 2011 !