Thinking out of the box

As the year comes to an end we should take a step back and ask ourselves if we had lived a fruitful and meaningful year .More important , we should ask ourselves " have we been doing the same thing as we did the last year and will we continue to do the same thing the coming year?".Too many of us are set in our ways and year in and year out we have been thinking the same old way and doing the same old things. I know of someone who is so set in his ways it borders on the realm of unbelievable doing the same thing day after day without any change. Imagine not missing his evening walk to the extent of carrying an umbrella to do it when it rains.It never occurs to him that instead of walking there are other forms of exercise which one can do in the rain.Precisely an example of not thinking out of the box. If you look at the story of successful people you will realize that a good many of them were bold enough and adventurous enough to think out of the box. Many of the great innovations and creative ideas you see in business and management came about because there were people who had the knack to think away from the existing paradigms . On the personal side each of us probably has unacceptable habits like sleeping late, hogging the bathroom ,or now a is the fad, hogging the gadget when in the midst of company.Its time we realize these bad habits and make an effort to improve ourselves so that we are a more pleasant person to be with.This is called self development and it come s first from self awareness .There is never any harm in reviewing the way we think and the way we look at things.As circumstances change we should also think differently and to go one step further, do things differently. Be open minded, listen and digest what people say or tell you and then look inward to yourself and make the necessary changes. I am not saying that change is always for the better but change will certainly make life more interesting.Our mind set depends on so many factors, our upbringing, our education , our environment etc.There are people who will think that there is only one way of doing things.If we look at it there are always alternatives and it takes a different kind of thinking to be able to see the other ways. if you always take a certain route to work perhaps if you think of another route it may be better.You will never know unless you try and if someone tells you that a certain herb is good , what's wrong if you try it ? Discoveries and enlightenment comes from an open mind which is receptive and not bogged down by habits or prejudices .Follow the simple principle " You never know until you try " and there are always other ways of doing things !

33 years later

I was invited by one of my students to attend a reunion dinner and gathering on Sat 7th Dec. and was told he belonged to the 1980 batch of students.33 years ago I was the principal and they were my students.Something to really look forward to as I have not seen them since they left school . The whole class almost turned up , from Australia , Hong Kong and all over Malaysia though there was a good number from KL itself.The boys did a great job organising the function and I was pleasantly pleased to see how well most of them turned out.There were engineers, lawyers, businessmen and professionals. I told them though there are successful in their respective fields they have to look at themselves deeply and ask if they are successful as individuals or as a person. I was amazed at how good their memory is and one boy said " Sir, you caned me twice, and I felt no resentment as I knew you were doing your job and I was really naughty ".Then he said something which touched me " I must thank you because after the second caning I told myself I would change , and I did exactly that.And that is one of the reasons I'm here today.He is a successful garment manufacturer with factories in Vietnam, Cambodia and he even set up factories in parts of Africa. That is our reward for being teachers and seeing the kids you taught turning out to be real good products really makes us teachers happy.In school I always drummed into my students heads that they must be " academically sound and morally strong " and throughout my teaching career I have held on to this objective and I wanted my boys to turn out to be that and seeing some of them I realize that we have in a certain way achieved this objective.Our students are doing well in their careers and above all have the moralistic training which we gave them instilled into them.It was well manifested that night as they remember us , their teachers and rally went the extra mile to bring us there.As one of them put it " Sir we want to show the teachers how much we value what they gave us ... an education which has made us what we are today. I wonder how many of today's teachers know how important their work is !

Reflections

Soon the year will come to an end and the first thing that strikes me is how lucky I am to be able to live through it.At this age every year , every month and for that matter every day is a bonus .Life is worth living despite us having to face difficulties here and there.If this is not the case perhaps life would be boring. I am one of those who like to look at the positive and be happy about it rather than to grumble or worry about things you have no control.The children are all doing well in their careers and family and the grandchildren are going through milestones in their lives and its a great blessing to be able to be around and share these things with them.We do realize that for us oldies the most important thing now is to stay well and be well.Thankfully both of us are in good health and to be able to go about here and there.I can happily still enjoy my golf albeit the standard of game which I can produce today is nothing to shout about but thinking positively its enough that I can go out onto the course and enjoy the game though at times you feel like throwing the clubs away but when I think of many of my contemporaries who are no longer able to play at all and who are no longer here I feel nothing but gratitude that I am still able to pursue this hobby. Mum is as healthy as ever and looks forward to her Saturday off which she enjoys to the fullest.That she is able to cook , wash , look after the little ones without a murmur of complain is testimony enough about what sort of person she is. Work wise , 2013 has been eventful and to have a happy staff working with you is another of life's little blessing.Interesting enough we have been asked to maybe look at managing new educational institutions and this itself is motivation enough>I had thought of retirement but the thought of new projects, new challenges is too exciting to resist.I have decided that there will be no retirement until the day the principals say no to us. We have become somewhat more mellow in terms of so many things.Food for example is no longer a passion ....just eat to survive is good enough with the occasional lavish spread thrown in.Last week I had to make do with what the maid cooked up ,sometimes just soup and vegetables and it was enough.Being able to cope with changes is a matter of having the right attitude that's all.If you face anything with the right attitude it will not be a burden or a problem.Think positive , look at the bright side of things ,dont complain ,face the things head on and you will overcome. Thank you 2013 and welcome 2014 !

Changing life style

These days I spend more time with my grandson, fetching him from day care and then letting him do what he wants before dinner and his shower.I can feel that he is more attached to me now and more importantly listens and does what I ask him to do.He is growing up, and I guess misses his grand ma though he does not say it.Grandma used to do a lot of things for him and now that she is not doing it its only natural that he feels a sense of loss especially during sleeping time. Its a blessing to be able to see a little fella start growing up and goes through the various stages of human growth.When I try to visualize him going to college and on to adulthood I ache a little bit because its difficult to imagine us being around when this happens.Nevertheless, we know he will go through this stage with or without us .That is the cycle of life and there is no running away from it. Our lifestyle too has gone through a change .Mum is in Denai Alam while I am still in Ara Damansara.This is of course just a temporary arrangement as things will settle down when school starts .then the game plan is that we move in together and take care of the little grandson and start to adapt to a new environment.It would be so much simpler if we had a bigger house and both families can stay together.the extended family concept does make sense at times but there will be many issues involved which may at the end of the day determine if two families can live under one roof. As is always the case life will go on and the human being will always prove to be resilient and adaptable.We have had a great stay in Ara Damansara and I'm sure we will have a great one too in Denai Alam.

My grandson grows up

This morning Aaron had his first school adventure...travelling to school in a private car for the first time.He had always been driven about by his parents or grand parents and I just wonder what goes on in that little head of his when he climbed into a " stranger's car " for the first time.Was he scared ? worried ? or just excited ?.Hard to say but I should try to probe his little mind when he is in a talkative mood.But it was quite obvious that the thought of it was not so attractive to him as he threw some tantrums early in the morning when he had to get ready for school. Kids today are not as fortunate as us though they have the benefits of more things to eat , play and go out.We did not have much of these but we had one thing which they do not have ....freedom.We had time after school to frolic and do ours things. Today I look at my grandson and he has to wake up early , get ready for school, off to day care after school and can only be free after 6pm.Poor kid ! No wonder the thought of the long day puts him off.I would too, if I were in his shoes. He has been pampered all along and always had someone close to him by his side and he grew up in a safe and comfortable environment.Now he is off to unknown waters and its quite natural that he is put off.If we look at it carefully , unless he can fit into the new environment school is going to be hell for him.I can imagine him in a school of a few hundred students , trying to feel his way around.Can he cope? will the school provide him with the kind of care and security which he has been so used to ? hopefully , then school will be an exciting experience for him. I cannot help but feel concerned as to what my grandson is getting into.

The wheels go round and round

Mum looked after Kyra from the day she was born till she was ready to go to nursery.She had no choice but to come back to Kl as Aaron was born and needed looking after.The time she was in Spore I had to fend for myself but that was not a problem as I have lived on my own in several places, Tashkent, Melaka and Lembah Beringin. Aaron is now ready to start on the next phase of his life ,going to formal school and now its time for Lucas our youngest grandson.His parents bought a new house and being working people of course needs assistance to bring the little fella up.So its time for us to move again to a new neighborhood like we did initially to Spore, Taman Desa and Ara Damansara.Fortunately mum is very adaptable , making friends wherever she goes and she has such a positive attitude about things so much so that I would say its nothing short of amazing.I'm sure she will adapt to the new environment and just like her will make the best use of it.She is already talking of going to UK when our next grandchild comes along. Bringing up the little fellas is not an easy job .It eats into your time and freedom but we look at it as our contribution to make life easier for our own children.I suppose most parents will do this for their kids.How can you say "no" when your help is needed.its not only a responsibility but in a way a pleasure to know that you are still useful and wanted.So the next mission is to see Lucas grow up and ready to be sent to nursery and then maybe off to London and eventually , hopefully HOME.To parents to be with the children and to be able to make life a little bit easier for them is as mum says " worthwhile , despite the tiredness and little sacrifices ".We often wonder how she is able to cope , looking after the little ones ( and doing a great job) and at the same time taking care of the household chores.At times I ask her and her answer is " I love my children and grandchildren " and that is what makes the burden negligible.What an attitude ! Staying with our youngest daughter will be interesting and meaningful as we can see little Lucas grow up.We have had a good stay with our second daughter and seeing Aaron grow up to be a strong , healthy and intelligent boy is one of our joys in life and gives us the motivation to move on. The famous words " I shall pass this way but once , hence any good which I can do ,let me do it now for I may not pass this way again "aptly describes what mum is doing and will continue doing for the children and grandchildren. Denai Alam here we come !

A little boy grows up

Last week we celebrated the wedding of our nephew to a wonderful girl and for mum and me looking at him so grown up and happy it brought a lump to our throats.Time flies, it seems not so long ago that he came to live with us at the age of 9. His parents cried " help" ..they found him a handful and he did not get on well in school.Mum in her goodness never hesitated to take him in with us .He was fortunate because at that time I was the District Education Officer and could put him in any school .We chose to place him in the school where mum taught as it was convenient in terms of logistics and more so because she could keep an eye on him. Two of her close friends taught him and I might say they in no small way were responsible to ensure that he studied like a good student. On his part we did wonder what could have gone through his head when he had to leave home at such an early age . He would have thought " Why do my parents send me away ? Dont they want me anymore ?" It was fortunate that he had the company of our four girls who in no small way exerted some good vibes into his life.Looking at him sometimes, I could no help but feel sorry for him especially those times when he went home for the school holidays and had to come back again leaving his dear brother and cousins. Many a time he cried and my heart just went out to him but looking at the bigger picture ...that it was for his own good we steeled ourselves.So his turn around mission went on.The family treated him like one of us and the girls would do their best to teach him the " right path" and growing up in that kind of environment to a certain extent helped.Mum loved him like her own son, feeding him well and taking him out for his favorite KFC almost every weekend. Soon the little monster began to show signs of change , more time spent on his studies leading to better marks in school and the guided activities began to show results too. Meal time , study time , play and sleep time were all well arranged and he soon got into the habit of doing his stuff on a regular basis . He stayed with us for a number of years and by the time he finished his primary education we felt it was time to send him home .It was then difficult for us , for mum especially for he had indeed become a part of our lives and all of us loved him like one of the family.But it was time for him to return home ... a much better individual. Today looking at him getting married is one of the memorable moments in our lives.He has come this far and we know he will go even further in life. e wish you Alvin and Shiao Ling a happy journey through life !

Being a good spouse

Last night after dinner, mum told her brother "I've a good husband !". that phrase got me thinking ...what would it take to be a good husband or spouse?.To her it means never giving her problems like waiting, being fussy about what she cooks up,tolerant , supportive in her activities to the extent of financial and moral support and most important , be there for her when she needs you. I have tried to be as trouble free to her as possible.Knowing her and her likes and dislikes its a simple matter to adjust to it.Knowing that she stretches herself to the limit everyday, baby sitting and doing the housework ,I have to be sure that I do not add to her headache .Helping out in some small little way and encouraging her when she wants to do her things gives her that little bit of encouragement and perhaps a little motivation too.Listening to her stories makes her happy and I believe that a couple must communicate and to do so you must have a common wave length.You cant really talk sensibly if one is a turkey and the other an eagle.Being there for her to listen to her stories gives her an outlet which gives her a certain amount of comfort and assurance.its also good for her ego and self confidence. She loves to travel and be with her friends.Nothing makes her happier than this and she need not have to ask me when she wants to go anywhere.The male chauvinism thing does not apply here.You have to give her due respect as she knows what she is doing and doing it well too.Tolerance, support, understanding are ingredients very necessary in a relationship.We always tell each other in advance what is the plan for the week or the month and her opinion is always considered positively.Most of the time I let her decide on things , knowing this is what makes her happy. Our time management is one of the things we are proud of as there was , as far as I can remember , no misunderstanding on time. If I want to play golf on Sunday mornings and she has to go to the market , I make sure we do not clash over usage of the bathroom .I will just be a few minutes earlier than her and that solves the problem easily. I know she doesn't like things cluttered around even in my own room so I make it a point to be tidy though at times men tend to be messy.Since a long time ago I would buy all the toiletries for her.Things like shampoo, body wash, tooth paste , brushes etc are selected and bought by me and to her credit she just uses what I buy and I would always make sure that the replacement is always there before something runs out.This is another way of reducing her burden and it does help a little bit. A long lasting relationship is based on trust, understanding, tolerance ,consideration and above all mutual care and affection which will enable us to overlook little or even glaring and insufferable weaknesses on the part of the other party.

Mum's Holiday

A well deserved break for the lady of the house materialized when she went off for a few days ' break in Bangkok and Hua Hin. She is always excited when it comes to trips and a few days before the day of departure had already started to prepare her travelling bag and at the same time bugging me to change Thai Bahts for her. Her organisational skills are well evident as she had booked the airport taxi way in advance and the day before departure had already called the taxi company for re confirmation.All the household affairs were arranged, the maid was briefed on what to do in her absence and the grandsons' needs were all seen to.this was to ensure that she had peace of mind on her travels. It was good that she has this break as this would be an opportunity for her to add a little bit more color to her life which in the norm of things are quite busy and perhaps stressful. But she has taken all this in her stride and to her credit you will never hear her complain .talk about being considerate and thinking positive. She will undoubtedly enjoy her break as she has always looked at things from the positive point of view. Though I am unable to join her I can imagine the fun she is going to have .

Being Considerate

Oxford Dictionary defines considerate as being " Thoughtful for others " so appropriate to remind ourselves of this now and then as not being so can lead to a lot of unnecessary misunderstanding and conflict.Too often people are too self centered and uncaring for others that they become a real pain in the neck. be late for appointments is perhaps one of the most common inconsiderate acts .Knowing very well someone is waiting for you and knowing that you cant make it on time just requires a phone call to inform the person concerned of the situation which you probably created yourself.To me there is no excuse for being late for appointments if you plan your time and if you care enough about the person at the other end.Of course , given unexpected incidents like accidents you can be excused. but in KL the oft repeated and given excuse is traffic jam ...This is a poor excuse.If you travel along a certain route everyday you should know when is the jam time and given that how long it is going to take you to get from one place to another.And if it so happens that your best calculation goes awry a phone call to the waiting party will be an act of consideration isn't it ? Today the mobile phone is such a convenient gadget but some people just dont know how to use it. A person's worth is to a certain extent determined or judged by the way he manages himself. if you cant manage yourself how can you manage anything else ...your work , your family ,your friends?. I have always had no respect for people who cant manage themselves in the first instance.The stark indicators of this kind of people are those who come late for work and dont finish their work on time. Productivity is a matter of being able to cope with your work load.I remember having to skip lunch and working non stop during working hours in order to be able to get home on time and even then taking work home was not something uncommon.The important thing is getting out of the office on time and being able to complete your work.If productivity is carefully measured and if we realise that we can only do so much within the hours of work then its time to have A lot of unnecessary misunderstanding can be avoided if we are more time sensitive especially if there is someone at the other end on the waiting list.I have lived with my wife for more t 45 years and never once did we have nay problem with time as we are both time conscious people and have learnt how to adjust our schedule.For example on days when I have to leave early I make sure that I either use the bathroom way before her ( Depending on the time I usually take there ) and leave the bath vacant for her to use .That is being considerate and it simply needs a bit of intelligence and concern to ensure that there is no conflict in time . We are creatures of routine and there is no reason why we cannot be organised.Yesterday mum went to Bangkok and I noted that a few days before she had already got everything ready and I did my part ensuring that she got her foreign currency ready well before time. She need not have to ask, I used my initiative and got it for her.That is considerate.To be considerate , to think of others more than yourself is a quality which people of character have. If you cant be considerate especially over little things we can see what sort of a character you are and for there what sort of person. it takes very little to learn to be considerate but it will certainly go a long way.

What are they doing to our kids?

I remember when we were in primary school we had loads of fun , swimming in the river, eating whatever fruits we could shoot down with our catapults ,playing in the rain and all sorts of creative games which we designed and created ourselves.We had fun, school was fun and just being kids was so meaningful.We had lots of time to play and we liked school because it was a place where we met our friends and played and played.Our parents generally left us alone in school and never bugged us to study which made us actually want to read our books and learn more. Exams were few and there was no primary school exam and the real test came when we sat for our Senior Cambridge Exam.Tuition was unheard of, homework was manageable and if you did not complete it at home it was a simple matter to copy from someone before the teacher concerned came in. Today as I look at the children I cant help but feel sorry for them .Imagine at pre school they are already exposed to exams and kiasu parents would want to make sure that their children do well.For what ? Is it for their own ego or is it because they feel it does the child good.What worries me more is when parents take it upon themselves to try to teach their kids.Parents are not teachers and its dangerous when people who are not trained to teach and educate try to do so. Can you treat someone and prescribe medicine if you are not a doctor ? and can you repair a car if you are not a mechanic ? then what makes you think you can teach a child if you are not a teacher.Sure you can teach a child values and principles of life, manners and good behaviour but to teach a child maths or language... come on . the teaching - learning process has been a big challenge to educationists since time immemorial and to teach so that the student learns and learns effectively has been one of the greatest challenges of education.Loads have been written and researched on child development, child psychology and effective teaching and learning .things like how to encourage the child to love learning and the knowledge which come with it are well researched topics and have always challenged teachers and educators.You do not just learn about life through text books .There is indeed much more to be learned through other medias. We have to understand that there is such a thing called readiness to learn and learning environment.education is the development of the mind and to do so you must first understand the human mind.You cannot expect a child to learn under threat or duress .Learning must be self motivated, learning must have a purpose.that is why we teachers always tell our students at the start of a lesson what we want them to know and then we plan our methodology which will enable us to achieve our objectives.We do not create a situation where a child dreads learning because its associated with scoldings , and even caning.When this happens the child grows up with an aversion for learning and this is how you get drop outs from the system. Educating a child must be done with care and it requires a deep understanding of a child's physical , mental and psychological development.That is why teachers have to go through training before they are allowed into the classroom. Let our kids enjoy their childhood ..they will be kids only once.Let them discover things themselves.Within this they of course have to be taught discipline, values and acquire some of our basic values and perhaps even tradition. This is where the parents can contribute as the home is where these things can be learned. Before this is possible parents themselves need to be educated as have paper qualifications does not necessarily mean you are educated.

A senior's lifestyle

As you grow older your life and you yourself undergo changes.For one thing we have less demands , be it for food, travel or other worldly needs.What you need to do ,you have practically done and most importantly you find that you can go to bed at night without worrying about the so many things which young people have to worry about. Job wise there is no longer the need or drive to climb the job ladder.You enjoy the privilege of being able to say " If you think I cant perform , sack me for I'm just working for the heck of it and I work as long as I'm happy". A big privilege indeed . Our basic needs have become more simple , food is no longer something to be fussed about.We eat what is on the table and if we should eat out, convenience is the main factor.I remember those days when we could only eat out once a month when dad got his salary and it was not in any fancy restaurant.But it was family and that kind of family outing meant a lot. I like to think of myself as a 'Kampong boy " forced to live in the city.There is nothing better than to have a meal of sambal belachan , salt fish and lots of green chillies.Give me this and I will anytime trade them for sharks fins,lobsters or abalone.we used to enjoy such meals within the family and though the food which my mum cooked up was simple , it was nevertheless so tasty and satisfying to the palate. With aging comes the need for less food and less materialistic needs.recently I bought a new golf club and before buying it was really indecisive as to whether I should or not until a good friend asked me : 1. Can you afford it ? 2.Are you using someone's money to buy it ? and the most interesting question :" How many more years do you think you can enjoy the game ?"That's it and I happily bought the club and was quite at peace with myself doing it and of course I told myself I should buy myself a good Xmas present.Today its no longer a question of this vs this because of limited financial resources.Its more question of why not ?. In Kl weekdays are quite routine , wake up , clean up and have breakfast at the kopitiam and then off to work.After lunch its just looking around the office , a word or two to the staff and its back home to spend some time with the little fella and then at 6 off to fetch the other grandson back from school.Then its shower and back to the bedroom to watch my dvds until around 10pm and then off to bed. Weekends are days to look forward to as it means golf and little family dinners which as you grow older take on new meanings. Unlike many other oldies my age I feel that I'm still able to contribute and keep learning new things to keep up with the times and not be too much of a dinosaur.I pad, I phone, internet banking , e mail ,power point are things which I am picking up.I believe you are never too old to learn and you must never be too proud to ask and hear remarks like " aiyooo ,so simple also you dont know?".Never be too proud to ask and never be too dumb as not to listen.Man can always improve and there is nothing that says you cannot do things if you grow older.Of course old people have their physical limitations which we have to accept. Growing old is a normal phenomenon and we have to just come to grips with it to find that your golden years can really be golden,

Resettling

Looks like we will be moving to a new area as part of our family planning.Mum has been a home maker for our three girls. First in Singapore , where she was looking after our grand daughter till she was ole enough to go to nursery .That settled she moved back to KL to look after after grandson who is now 6 years and ready to be quite independent. We are now needed or she is now needed for our youngest grand son .Our youngest daughter has got her new house and wants us to move in with her. Probably this will mean another couple of years more before the little fella can be sent to nursery and then time for us to move again.This coincides well with my career plans as I see myself being professionally active for another couple of years by which time my succession plan will see my juniors be competent enough to handle the business. Both of us would like nothing better than to be back in our own abode however humble it may be .It is the home which we built , in which our children grew up and once you come to your twilight years I guess that is the place you want to spend your last days. Staying with the children is fine. they treat us well and the in laws also get along with us without any problems. That is because we know how to play our roles as parents and in laws, be seen and not heard, give opinions when you are asked, ask no questions, listen when you are being told and know how to create as little problem to the children and in laws as possible.I believe mum has done a great job , looking after the grandchildren ,handing them over to the parents when they are ready and making home logistics a non factor for the busy parents. Moving to a new place would mean she has to make new friends and she will probably miss all her cronies in Ara Damansara but she has great PR and will surely find new friends in a jiffy.For me it will probably mean getting lost a couple of times as it always takes me time to know the roads and recognize them.But we will manage as the thought of being helpful to our daughter in her hour of need makes all these little things seem unimportant.

Sharing some of Lee Kuan Yew's thoughts

He is 89 years old and like old old people facing their twilight years has put on paper some of his more pertinent thoughts : 1.On his wife.He does not believe that they will ever meet in the after life and that she is gone, she is gone.He has good memories of the times spent with her , how she stood by him during his difficult times and the words of encouragement which she had for him.To him the bond between a couple who have been through thick and thin can never be erased through time. It means to me that while we are together we must learn to value and treasure this as one day one of us will no longer be here . As you grow old you must never forget the happy and sad times you had together.Can we be like we were before during our courting days ?Today as we age do we look at each other like we did before? If not why not ?Relive the olden days and you will find life more meaningful and as we look at each other try to remember what we were like before. 2.On food .We have denied ourselves certain foods which we like for health reasons.Is it time to let go ? Can we now indulge in the things that we love to eat but have refrained from because of health reasons? LKY believes and I agree that we should let go and enjoy ( within moderation ) the things we love to eat.I call myself a " kampong man" as we were brought up on the simple foods as becoming of simple people.I remember when young one of the simple foods we love was breaking a freshly laid egg on hot rice and mixing it well with black soya sauce and pieces of fried crispy lard and eating it with a piece of green chilly .It was as good a meal as you will ever find and really enjoyable. Ice cream , ABC with an ice cream scoop on top are things which I have been refraining from ...hmmm maybe I should have a splurge now and then. 3.Sickness.If you fall sick at this age dont waste your money trying to get well and just let nature take its course>He does not want a fancy funeral service as it is a strain on the family.A simple cremation and his ashes should be kept next to that of his wife.Though he does not believe that they would be together in the after life for the sake of convenience he wants their ashes to be kept in urns in the same place. 4. A time for regrets ? Who has no regrets in life ? I have mine too but they are relatively little ones as compared with his.What are the things we should do but not done ? Certainly food for thought for those who are young and have still time to change their destiny and do what they want to do.

Watching the kids grow up

One of the joys of being a grandparent is to watch the little ones grow up.Aaron is now quite a sensible guy but he needs to be handled with care and reason.He has grown big physically but mentally he is not yet 6 and as such his mental age is like that.Its interesting to note that at this young age a child's character is starting to show and parents need to understand this and take corrective measures at this point of time or they may find difficulty later on and this may be the cause of juvenile delinquency .Whatever , parents must have time to talk to and understand their kids as at this stage they are beginning to have opinions of their own and also to a certain extent start forming their values base as to what constitutes right or wrong and what behavior is acceptable. Like adults , children listen to reason and even at this early age want attention and some respect for their opinions.Aaron is a sensitive boy and we have to be careful when Lucas is around to make sure that some attention is also given to him.I am observant by nature and notices when we all fuss over Lucas he becomes very quiet and his body language shows that he needs some attention too. He is also a proud little fella and likes nothing better than to show off his achievements and we adults have to make him happy and a little reward here and there motivates him further.He has a huge appetite and loves to eat and that is probably one of the reasons when he has grown to such a strong boy.Physically he has grown well and its his mental and psychological growth which have to handled with care or we may be responsible for a rebellious and stubborn kid.To fulfill this the adults must well be aware of their responsibility in this field. the thing that I enjoy now is watching little Lucas grow up.He is so playful yet so lovable and because of that I get home early every day in order to spend some time with him and also to give mum some time to prepare dinner without him getting onto her hair.Part of parental joy is to be able to see the offspring growing and in the process learn and do new things.The amount of time , attention and anxiety which parents go through will enable us to understand why parental love is so special and this is something which every child should learn to value and appreciate.

Salute the housewife !

Mum once said " Dont think I'm not working . I work as a housewife and that is a full time job". I would not dispute that at all .Of late I have been observing her daily schedule and believe me , our work is nothing compared to hers.One never realizes the thousand and one things a housewife has to do until one has the empathy and good sense to appreciate it. Just look at the schedule: 1.Monday to Friday. Wake up at 5.30 am. Sweeps the floor, put the clothes in the washing machine and arranges all the things in the house neatly. Little grandchild comes in at around 640 am and its full time with him. 7.30 am takes the little fella out for his morning walk and be back by around 8,prepares his milk and then up to the bedroom for his morning nap. If I'm around I look after the little fella while she hurriedly has her breakfast or if I ta pau for her she has to wait for the little fella to sleep before she can have her breakfast. During the short time the child is asleep she will iron the clothes , or wash the dirty ones and after that take them out for drying. When the little one is awake , she is with him all the time and in between try to steal a bit of time to prepare the dinner stuff. I'm not sure if she has her lunch. After lunch time the little fella goes off for his afternoon nap and she has a bit of rest too. By 330 he is up and she looks after him till around 445 when the mum comes home. If you think that her day is over you are wrong because immediately after this she prepares dinner and by the time the first shift diners are finished she goes with me to fetch the other grandchild.And after that see that he has his dinner and helps him with whatever home work the school gives him. a little bit of breather before the last shift diners come back at around 8 and after that the washing up and washing the clothes .The next task will be to throw the rubbish and only when this is done will she find time to have her shower and get ready for bed. This goes on for five days and on Saturday she is free to do what she likes with her buddies.Come Sunday she leaves early for the week's marketing and after that its sorting out the things bought and then preparing the night's dinner.And again after that cleaning up again. This does not include the house cleaning, the washing and ironing of clothes and sorting out the household things. A housewife's work is multi and she has to be an all rounder, nanny, cook, cleaner , purchaser,etc.It takes a remarkable lady to be able to do all this and do it efficiently.Yet another thing is to be able to do all these things tirelessly and not complain about the work. What seems to be such a tiring job for many is carried out unselfishly.Yet one thing that strikes me is that we seem to take her for granted and do not have the empathy to realise that without her around our life would be so much more difficult.Yet we do not give her the due appreciation. A word of thanks , a word of appreciation, a little thought for her tiredness and a little effort to make her tasks a bit lighter would make so much difference.On my part I always try to make sure that she has time to eat and rest and whatever grumblings she has are taken in the right spirit for I believe she has earned the right to be grumpy and " naggy" and I would just let her let off steam. A housewife, a mother, a grandmother,an in law and a wife all in one is never easy to find. She carries out all her chores happily and rarely complains about the difficulty of the job and all these are carried out because of her love for everyone, her consideration for everyone and above all her mission to make life easier for everyone .We should think of how to make our feelings for her felt.To appreciate without telling is not complete.Tell and show that we appreciate what she is going for all of us and say and do the little things which will make her feel that all her efforts are not in vain.

Random thoughts

Of late my opinion and perception of things seems to have become slightly different. 1.Food. Eating is not a big issue now.Convenience and time saving eating places are of prime importance.What we eat is not that important but whom we eat with matters.With today's lifestyle its quite difficult to have the whole family sitting down for dinner at any one time.Our home eating schedule is quite unique i would say. The first shift will be ready by 530 pm , the second at around 6.15 and the last shift around 8 pm.I would normally take the first shift as the food is hot and just out of the kitchen but my system has not adjusted to this yet so usually its just a couple of spoons of rice and more on the side dishes. This is a far cry from the time when I was young.Then, dinner involved the whole family and we could only eat when dad sits down but all of us ate together and this was the time when the siblings and parents engaged in useful conversation.Logistics was also easy , as the meal was cooked and everyone ate at the same time.This also made cleaning up so much more simple.You can imagine the difficulty in having to cook for 3 different shifts and also the hassle of cleaning up.The lady of the house is only free after 8pm after the last shift is over.I suppose this is the price we pay because everyone is so busy with the rat race that the basic family activity is jeopardized. 2.Communication. People live in the same house but I cant help but feel that they tend to talk less.This is probably because people are less patient , tired and dont know how to communicate anymore.Practice makes perfect but if you cannot engage in a conversation with the right attitude then communication breaks down and we are reduced to a generation of gadget fiends who would happily play our games or serve the net whilst in the company of others. In my young days there were no such gadgets , not even Tv so it was the norm after dinner for everyone to sit in the living room and just chat away.By the way herein the meaning of the words " Living Room". We communicate basically to share knowledge, opinions or to inform and discuss things.Once we do not want to do this anymore then communication breaks down and the " Living Room " does not serve its purpose anymore.Its painful to see people impatient and get angry whilst talking over trivial matters.Just because some one says something you do not like to hear or asks for clarification there is no need to show faces or worse still get angry.What is happening to our society ? Dont we talk anymore ? Cant we accept questions or a different opinion ? Cant we participate in conversation with the true spirit of communication ? 3.Values As always there are times when we ask the question how to balance tradition with modern values ? I consider myself old fashioned in some ways because I always believe that some of the traditional values are well worth preserving as they enable us to be better persons.Respect for the elders is important but this value seems to be dying out today.Where in the olden days the elders were also consulted before anything was done, today they are considered as insignificant or not competent enough to have their opinions considered seriously. I love the way the young show their respect to the elders in the olden days.They would be greeted and served whenever possible and children were obedient and filial to their elders.How much of this do we see being practiced today ? 4.Children. During our time we would always allocate some time for the children especially during the holidays.It was a joy for us to see our kids embark on their journey of discovery and to watch them growing up.Today , as we watch our grandchildren growing up we realize that for us its rediscovering the joys of parenthood all over again.Watching them take their first steps,uttering their first words and their fascination at discovering new things are things which no parents should miss for if you miss it you will never get to experience it again with the same child.Money and work are not everything in life....sadly many people do not realize this. 5. Character. Too often we are so wrapped up in our daily life that we forget to take a good look at ourselves.A simple exercise would be to take a piece of paper and try to write down what you think of yourself. A little SWOT analysis will tell you so much more of yourself.And knowing yourself then ask yourself " Can I improve ?" " Can I be a better person ?"

Being a teacher !

It was partly due to the Lasalle Brothers that I decided to choose to become a teacher.While in school we were taught by this group of dedicated teachers mainly from Ireland.They loved the children and they loved their work.Gentle, patient , knowledgeable and tolerant, they were excellent role models.As kids we looked up to them and it played a huge role in our future choice of careers. In a way I became a teacher as a stepping stone to my aim at that time ...to get a university education.My parents could not afford to put me through university and I knew that if I wanted it I had to find my own way.Providence helped , for as soon as I completed my Form 6 , there was a post for a History teacher in Teluk Intan which was offered to me through an old friend Tan Sri Khoo Kay Kim and which I readily accepted.Finished the 6th Form exams in December and by January I was on my way to Teluk Intan to embark on my teaching career. I estimated that if I taught for 1 1/2 years I should have saved enough for the university.This being achieved off I went to the University.The short stint I had as a temporary teacher made me realise that this was what I wanted to do...to stand in front of the class and give them knowledge.In between teaching we also had the chance to guide them to become " better people" and instill in them strong moral values.I was really hooked on being a teacher as teachers at that time were respected members of the society and more importantly we were able to nurture our students to become right thinking people. I have been a teacher all my life and to this day I have no regrets.True, teaching does not make us rich but we had the privilege of educating the young and today in Kl I have met with a number of my former students who are themselves in middle age category and it makes my heart swell with pride when I hear them speak good English and are strong up right people .Many of them are professionals and what really touches me is that they never forget their teachers and despite all the caning, scoldings which we gave them they never held any grudges against us.Instead they are grateful and many of them will thank us and say they would not be where they are if not for us teachers.Money cannot buy this kind of feeling and perhaps this is one of the reasons why we teachers never place money on top of our priority list. I have always taught my students one thing which I still hold fast to." You may be rich, successful, famous but if you do not have CHARACTER you are nothing " Today I am still teaching sometimes in a different way .The other day I was playing golf with an old boy of mine and he asked me some pertinent questions about the way he played and I analyzed his game as best as I can and at the end of the day gave him some pointers and after that he said " Sir, you taught me 30 years ago and today you are still teaching me .Thank you Sir " I was really touched and am glad that I chose to become a teacher.I may not be rich but my wealth lies in the many students whom we guided through life >Money cant buy this just as all the money in the world cannot buy what we have when we spend quality time with our family.

Watching the kids grow up

Today's young parents are so wrapped up in the rat race that they have really not much time for anything else.We teachers are different because when we were teaching we only worked half a day and had time for other things after school.The more enterprising ones ran tuition classes and made some extra pocket money ( sometimes more than their salary ).We had time on our hands and part of this time was spent on the children, watching them go through the various stages of life and prodding them along the way. After the children grew up they became adults in their own rights and made their own homes for their own families .As grandparents now we are required to help them look after their kids and having gone through the rat race we are able to fully concentrate on the little grandchildren We are blessed to be able to follow the growth of our 3 grandchildren to see them grow from infancy to where they are now.The two elder ones are already quite independent and moving on to their school life where we hope the teachers can enrich them in terms of knowledge and values.It is a joy to be able to see them grow and develop from babies, crawling, walking uttering their first few words and basically making the parents proud every step of the way.When they come to school age we can see the character formation period happening.They reason, argue ,question and begin to show their traits.A lot of understanding child psychology , child development is necessary to help them through this stage. Yes, parents will enjoy watching their children grow up but we must not forget that we as parents have important roles to play in the child's growing up process.To balance our time for the kids with what we have to do is not that easy.responsible parents will have to learn to strike a balance here , how to cope with the demands of their work and their responsibility in bringing up their children.This is never an easy task and represents one of the challenges of parenthood which can be a joy or nightmare depending on how we handle it.

Bringing up children

There are many ways to bring up a child.Today's mother and father are beyond a doubt different from those of our time. I was born in the forties and was 4 to 5 years old during the Japanese Occupation and was brought up on tapioca or ubi kayu and I believe none the worse for it.My mum did not have to bother much about my growing up, I ate whatever was provided and more importantly I guess I was brought up in the right environment where freedom and life's pressures were generally absent. I dont recollect when my parents ever quarrel because of me and the home atmosphere was always one of harmony.Though mum was very strict with us she was never unreasonable. Today when I watch parents bringing up their children (Watching from the sideline as we the olden era parents are considered not smart enough ) I cant help but notice what bringing up a child is doing to the parents.Granted every parent would want to see the child grow up "properly " but bringing up a child should never be at the expense of one's own well being.A child is supposed to bring joy , meaning and fulfillment to a marriage but if the child's impact is negative then we need to take a step back and have a good look at ourselves.Have we changed because of the stress of bringing up the child? Have a good look at what we were and what we have become and ask ourselves have we been able to cope with the child's upbringing ? Parents today have to balance their time between work and child care.Those who are fortunate to have their parents around need not worry about cooking, washing and other housework.The human cycle has been going on for ages and the fact that children grow up is a natural process and its inevitability is never doubted.The question is how to bring up the child ? Pampered, protected , left alone or whatever ? It is a universal fact that parents have to bring up their children in a way that is acceptable.We often see parents showing off to others what their children can do.This is natural cos every parent is proud of their children but looking at this from another point of view....what has our effort in bringing up our children done to us ? Has our personality changed ? Have we changed ? For the better or for the worse ? Are we coping ? If not then we have to take a good look at ourselves and do a bit of self appraisal. Life is about balance and coping with all kinds of challenges.Bringing up children is one of our biggest challenges and how we handle this is testimony of what kind of person we are .If we change our entire personality , not for the better but for worse then we need a second look at ourselves.

Thinking of others

Mum went for her cardio test yesterday and I had some anxious moments waiting for her to come back and get the results.When I asked her the first thing she told me was " all blocked ".I like went blank for a moment and was speechless and then she broke into a smile and said " Just pulling your leg .I am A ok ". My pacer missed a few beats but it was such a big relief and I heaved a big sigh of relief. She said looking at our little grandson 'Actually if I had to do a by pass or something like that I would ask the doctor to do it next year when my little grandson would be old enough to go to a day care center".As usual she puts her own welfare before that of others and the way she said it while hugging the little fella really brought a lump to my throat.Such is the devotion of a grandma and such is the unique quality of a person. The same night while we were sitting outside the house ( as is our habit nowadays ) suddenly she mentioned again " i hope you go first because if I were the one to go first who is going to look after you?" I told her these things are not for us to say and its best not to think of it at this point of time. Talking often with her and being with her I can understand what goes on in her head and for sure its thinking of others more than herself.On looking back I can see that everything she does is not for herself but either for the children , grandchildren, the in laws , her siblings and their children.When she cooks dinner she would make sure that there is everyone's preferred dish on the table.Sometimes I cant help but smile when she cooks chicken and reserves only the chicken feet for herself. I hope we have many more years together for I cant imagine especially on my part what I will do without her.Thank God her health is good and the sickness she had was just a little hiccup.

Life can be unkind !

Our one month old Filipino maid , a young girl , efficient and hardworking joined the family recently ( about a month ).Mum was quite pleased with her and I guess everyone else in the family. She is supposed to work with us for two years and then after that she has a choice of extending or terminating her contract.That was fine and we thought that for the next two years there would be someone to help in the housework and make life easier for the lady of the house. Then from out of the blue....calamity !! she is pregnant and two months onto it.When we heard the news we had to ask her " Now what?".She discussed with the boyfriend and he wanted the baby.That being the case obviously she has to go back.So we proceeded with the arrangement for her to go back to her country.Simple enough ... but then when you think about it there are so many things which will come to mind.We wonder what happens to her aspirations to earn money here? What kind of life is she going to have when she goes back? And what sort of future will the baby have ? Looking at her, I could see that probably she herself is struggling with these thoughts.Imagine having to bring up a family with no financial security, imagine thoughts going through your mind as to whether the guy concerned is really going to look after her and imagine what she is thinking about the baby's future.I'm sure that she is troubled and hopefully she can figure out some means of getting by in life after this. Having a baby is a woman's privilege and we would in no way ask her "How Come ?".That is her personal business and she has that right and we as employers have no right to be judge or be moralistic.We can only offer some advice to resolve the problem.As said, the obvious solution is for her to go back and have the baby but surely when you think about it that perhaps is just the beginning of the problem, At least with us she is part of the family, she eats what we eat and she does not have to worry about the basics of livelihood.Even then when we look at the life of a maid you wonder what sort of life they have to endure.Day in day out work and perhaps the only thing to look forward to is to make enough money to go home and hopefully live a better life.There are so many horror stories of maids being ill treated and abused that you begin to wonder how come there are people who can do this kind of things .They are not maids by choice.. merely people who are less fortunate and as such should be seen as people who should be treated with kindness and concern. many of them have to leave their families and children behind and some even with no means of keeping in touch with them .Imagine how they feel ! Compare this with some young girls who are so fortunate and yet not realize how fortunate they are.They lepak, yam cha and when they have free time think of how to spend it with friends doing all sorts of unproductive things.Our maid is only 27 and I'm sure she may want to have a bit of this too but circumstances do not permit her.Which gets one to think ...why is life so unfair ? A question which no one can really answer.

Random thoughts

It was a big joy meeting up with my niece, nephew in law and grand niece and looking at them and spending time with them made me reflect.I met my grand niece for the first time in 11 years.When I first " saw" her she was in mummy's stomach.Today she is 11 and I notice that she is a finely brought up little girl. Kudos to the parents. I realize that I had missed out on seeing her grow up for the past 11 years.I'm sure the parents would have enjoyed seeing her develop, talking ...saying her first words, walking and learning how to read and write. Too often , parents are so wrapped up in their own affairs that they fail to enjoy seeing their kid grow up.The process and the privilege of being part of it is priceless.Children grow up fast and it is when they are young that they need the parents, to guide them ,to do things for them etc.Once they grow up they do not need us anymore.It is what we give them in terms of values, companionship and love which will determine how they see us when they become adults and also what kind of adults they turn out to be.Cases of children abandoning parents are not uncommon and cases of parent - children conflict are not unusual.Why do such things happen ? We really have to take a step back and look at ourselves.I see the warmth of the mother- daughter , father- daughter relationship which my grand niece enjoys and herein lies the secret of parent - children relationship.Spending time with the kids, bonding with them ,sharing with them , guiding them through life are things which which cement the future parent- child relationship. Undoubtedly parents play a big role in developing the character of the child.Children must be infused with and taught how to treasure the right values one of the most important of which is to value family ties. Family is special , it simply means people who are bonded by blood and marriage ties.Relationship between members of the same family is so different from that with friends.Sadly enough we hear and see of family members who are in conflict with each other to the extent they dont want to even want to have anything to do with each other.We need to ask ourselves how such a situation has come about and figure out how we on our part as parents and members of a family can ensure that this does not happen.After all society has always stressed on the importance of the family unit as the base of civilization. Our priorities must be clear.When given a choice ..whom do we put on top of the list ? our family or other things ? We know of parents who die with their arms round their children in the event of an accident, of parents who starve so that their children can live and even parents who steal and rob so that their children can survive.Such is the maternal instinct of humans and it is things like this which make the human species special.Our children are our treasures and as such they must always be valued.As parents we have to ask ourselves from time to time what sort of parents are we and what sort of upbringing and values in life which we give to our children and constantly remind ourselves to be better parents in the true sense of the word.

Health

We take a lot of things for granted, the weather, the sun , rain and health especially.Recently the haze made everybody feel bad and some had health problems because of this.It is only when we face problems do we begin to realize how precious certain things are. When a dear one falls sick we realize how we always take her or him for granted not realizing that being human they are vulnerable.We must never forget to appreciate what we have and not worry about what we dont have as we have to take care of the people who are with us and be able to value the things we have with us. The weather and someone's illness has made me look at life from a different perspective altogether now.Never take things for granted and show consideration for people whom we value while they are with us and not wait until its too late.The ones near and dear to us do a lot of things for us.We know it but sadly we never tell the other party so.People are stingy with their words of appreciation or gestures .Why should we ignore to tell someone how much we value them and how grateful we are for what they have done for us ? Little gestures of appreciation , a kind word now and then would mean so much.Yet we always take people who are good to us for granted and never take the trouble to tell them how much they are appreciated. I remember how after the sun came out after the haze everyone was glad and someone said "I never realize the sun can be so welcome and I should never take it for granted again " We should learn to show little gestures, say the right things at the right time and make more efforts to let people who are dear to us why they are indeed so.Do it while they are with us ..dont regret when they are no longer with us.

Aging

Of late I find that there is a gradual erosion of the 5 senses especially when it comes to hearing and seeing.The ears are no longer as sensitive as they used to be when any slight noise would be clearly and easily heard.I know of someone who says " huh?) to everything you say and I wonder is it out of habit or has he got hearing problems ? When we talk we expect to be heard but we tend to forget that there are actually people who cant hear very well because of the aging process and the younger ones must understand and be patient and understanding when an elder asks questions and takes a bit of time to digest the information. Eyesight deteriorates for sure.A few years ago I had no problem driving at night or reading.Today my night vision is only about 65% or so and another indicator is when I hit the golf ball , a few years ago I could see where it went but today I can only follow the ball half way and then I dont know what happens. Yes, as we grow older our senses become less efficient .That is why younger people must learn to tolerate the seniors.If we cannot hear well or see well be patient with us and try to understand that we ourselves are aware of this deterioration and feel naturally upset about it too.We also become forgetful and there are times when the mind actually goes blank when we try to recall certain things .Its inevitable and it will happen to anyone hence we must always understand that people grow old and with aging comes the need for more understanding and caring .

ON BEING PARENTS

Last Sunday was father's Day.I prefer to call it parents day cos that was the time the children arranged for us to go for a short weekend stay at Port Dickson .It turned out to be kind of baby sitting day for us but also it gave the parents a chance to spend much treasured time with their children and I can only assume that as parents they would have been thrilled at the opportunity to see their children experiencing new thrills and learning new things. On looking back we reminisce on the time when our own children were kids and what joy we had seeing them grow up .Life is a long journey and nothing should make parents happier than to be able to share this journey with the children.We are privileged to be able to see them become adults, finding their own mates and having their own kids .Realizing that bringing up children is not easy would surely make them regard their children with more love and affection.And in the process , perhaps they would appreciate what their pwn parents went through bringing them up. They say parents will never cease to be parents >How true..I guess we will never be able to let go as parents.We worry for them and can only observe at what is happening as there would be resentment if we were to voice our opinions if they do not ask for it but should they not realize that we ask , out of concern and no other reason? Its sad but we can see that they find difficulty with coping with the responsibility of managing a family and their whole personality seems to have changed.Mum went through so much more than anyone else in family management , she educates, cooks ,washes ,buys , cleans and yet she has never lost her cool and took everything in her stride and I remember that she never took her frustrations and tiredness out on me.I guess that is what makes her special and she should be a good role model for anyone. of course as you see the kids learn new things and experience new things it is so gratifying and sometimes I wonder why we forget these little joys in life ...seeing our children grow up.This is the best time for parents to be close to their children and closeness only come with togetherness.Often, we are so wrapped up in our own things that we forget this.The children will soon grow up and unless they grow up in an environment of love and warmth very soon the word "Parents" will have little meaning !

Discovery

My girls bought me a mini I pad for my birthday.At first I thought"OMG WHAT AM i GOING TO DO WITH THIS?" After a bit of hesitation I plucked up enough curiosity and consulted my staff. and she taught me some of the things I could do with it.What a discovery !! You can do so many things which you never dreamed you could do.At the moment I'm rediscovering all the old songs which I used to love and this has certainly rekindled my love for songs and music. It is also something which I can use to effectively get my grandson to do things like "Aaron , shower first and you can use the I pad" and he dutifully obliges.What a wonderful bribery tool.To be able to go on the internet and get news updates ,to be able to write messages are things I find so convenient.I replied to an urgent e mail once on the I pad and the receiver was so surprised to see "sent from my I pad "and said " What ? You use I pad ?" Truly you can get addicted to it and you really have to be disciplined to enjoy the world which the I pad opens up for you .

To all would be teachers

It is not uncommon to find parents trying to play the role of teachers trying to " teach" the toddlers .I sometimes watch in horror when I see the way they "teach".Not a bit of understanding of the readiness of the child to learn , yelling and scolding the child after only a couple of minutes.Do they realize the psychological damage they can do to the child.? You not only scare him off studies but you create in him an aversion to studies. We teachers are TRAINED in child psychology, teaching methods,teaching objectives and teaching strategies before we are allowed into the classroom.Children must love to learn, you must create in them the desire for knowledge of which there are many ways to acquire .Teachers know this and more important they know how to make the child interested to learn.Learning must be fun , it must be stimulated ,it must be delicately handled or the child could become a problem later on. Parents today have the kiasu attitude ,they want their child to be top of the class and try all sorts of ways to achieve this.To the child this becomes a big put off because parents will push and pressure him to do well.Imagine kids before school age having to do homework, preparing for tests and being pressed to do so by parents.You are a child only once and childhood should be enjoyed and children should be left to taste the joys of discovery .Knowledge cannot be forced down a child's throat by parents who want to do it to satisfy their own egoes not realizing the damage they can do to the child. A person grows up physically and mentally.Teachers understand the type of input which should be given commensurate with the mental development of the child.You do not ask a child of 6 to write essays or learn mathematical designs.That is why a proper school curriculum is designed to expose the child to various stages of knowledge acquisition so that at the end of his school term he is armed with basic knowledge in terms of language ,arts and science which would then take him to a higher level of knowledge seeking. We should not take it upon ourselves to "Teach " our children if we are qualified to do so just as we would not think of treating a sick person if we are not doctors.Leave teaching to the teachers .Parents can contribute to education by teaching the child values through example and supervise their studies and only offer advice when the child needs it.A lot of damage can be done if we attempt to "teach' our children especially at an early age.You will take the fun out of learning and turn your child against all formal learning and turn him against the whole school system. Can you live with that ???

Manners

I was picking my grandson up from the day care centre .As we were leaving I told him to say " Bye " to the so called teacher which he did .And what happened ? The lady ignored him and that was too much for me >I told my grandson " Lets go , your teacher is too busy to to reply" giving her a glare.Only then did she say " Bye'.Not only this she did not have the courtesy to say hello to the parents who went there to pick up the kids.Manners, courtesy? these are things which we teach our children from young and when you have these kind of people influencing our kids from young what can you expect when they grow up? I have been to so many schools and pre schools and can judge the nature of the schools quite quickly and easily.The tone of the school will get down to you straight away.Teachers and students would have an aura of friendliness and politeness.I was so impressed with one school which I visited..the moment you enter the school the students would walk up straight to you and greet you.teachers would smile at you and ask you if they could help you.I commended the Headmistress and told her that I was impressed and proud of the way she trained her students and staff.Sad to say there are very few schools of this standard. This day care centre never even bother to teach their students the proper way to wear their shoes.the kids will just sit on the floor and wear their shoes.Whenever I happen to see this happening I would tell my grandson "Aaron, wear your shoes on the bench"> The teachers never seem to hear this. That is why I believe teachers should be professionals .Not any Joker can qualify to call themselves teachers.It is scary that we choose to leave our children with these monsters who are not academically qualified ,trained or cut out to be teachers.Some of probably are unemployed housewives trying to make a quick buck.During my time as an education officer I would make sure that the kindergarten provided me with a list of their teachers and their qualifications and more than 3/4 of the schools do not have qualified teachers.I shudder to think of the damage which they can do to the young developing minds and what kind of education they can provide.Its actually a matter of convenience for parents to send their kids there without bothering too much about things like this.As long as there is somebody to look after their kids without too much of a problem parents are contented to let things be. For us educationists this cannot be acceptable because we understand that teaching of values during the formative years is critical to what sort of person the child can turn out to be .It breaks my heart to see some parents trying to " teach " their children and in the process doing more harm than good. teachers are not trained for nothing.We learn child psychology, teaching methods,understanding the physiological and mental development of the child before we are allowed to teach.Some parents think that they can do what a teacher does and try their hand at teaching and the result can be disastrous as you can readily kill the child's interest for learning at an early stage and put him off learning in his later years. It is because of the educational system that children do not get the right kind of training but then what can you expect when there is no quality control over the people whom we allow to "teach" our children.Hence we have a generation of people who have no manners, respect for the elders and generally low moral values.We are responsible if we produce a generation of people with no proper social etiquette, manners and values.

Vernacular schools.

It take an educationist to say what should be said but never dared said by politicians ...that vernacular schools should be abolished. After more than 50 years of independence we are still talking about polarization, Chinese ,Malays Indians instead of Malaysians.The problem surely must have something to do with mindset which in terms is related in one way or other related to education. Why the need for vernacular schools? Why not Malaysian schools where all races can study together and perhaps compete with each other on equal terms.If children of all races study and play together we will not have problems like some jokers giving money to the Chinese in white envelopes or Chinese eating pork in front of Malays.It is through the education system that we can hope to achieve the objective of 1 Malaysia and not just through the shouting of slogans and finger signs . Why are we so particular and protective of vernacular schools? the usual rationale is that the Chinese and Indians want their children to be able to read , write and converse in the mother tongue.Is this objective such a big deal and can it only be achieved through vernacular schools?People do not think out of the box.It seems to me if this is the objective it can surely be achieved through national schools.All it needs is a little adjustment to the timetable and the schooling hours.People choose not to think of options when the objective is just to expose their children to the mother tongue. Nation building requires a far sighted and bold education system.We should no longer think of our interests as Chinese ,Malays or Indians but as Malaysians.the sad thing is our education system is determined by politicians whose level of thinking is more towards their self interest.Equal educational opportunities for all? Easier said than done.Can you imagine the abolishing of all Malay residential schools ,Mara institutions ,Matriculation programs etc? These are divisive institutions and meant only for one race .If we are bold enough to abolish the vernacular schools we should be bold enough to abolish all the "one race" institutions and create a Malaysian institute of education where all races can study and play together without favor or discrimination and go on the principle of "May the best win". Question is can we and dare we ? ". Just because an academician makes a suggestion that vernacular schools be abolished and gives sound reasons for his comments the Chinese and the Indians cry "Sedition ".What is there so special about the vernacular schools that they must be so protected ? What is there in these schools that cannot be learned in the national schools. Its a matter of looking at the curriculum and having the courage to make changes in the interests of nation building. Talk of vernacular schools with little govt. support, children studying in pathetic conditions and you will realize that there is a strong case for only one type of school ..the Malaysian school where every child will follow the same curriculum and have equal opportunities in terms of facilities, buildings and teachers.This must make a lot of sense and you tell me when somebody brave enough to call for the abolishing of vernacular schools why is there such a big outcry ? Think of a school system where the children follow the same curriculum, have opportunity to study the mother tongue,learn and play together,enjoy equal opportunities and facilities and you are beginning to think out of the box and perhaps realize that it takes courage and farsightedness to call for the abolishing of vernacular schools and have the wisdom to create a Malaysian school which will be the foundation of a strong Malaysia.

Reaching 73

15 May I turn 73 and taking a step back , am really thankful that I have come this far.Far ..yes , because I have seen a lot of good friends and relatives who did not make it this far.Life has been full of excitement, challenges, ups and downs but happily through it all I managed to survive.It was not easy but through the years i have learned that if you are honest, sincere , caring and above all sensible you will somehow find that life is not that bad. There were difficult times especially when I first started work earning just enough to support myself and my parents before I got married and after that my parents and my family.As a teacher we were not wealthy but earned enough to live a fairly comfortable life.What we lacked in money we earned in terms of time.We had time to do a lot of things which we enjoyed and I believe that in life having a lot of money is meaningless if you do not have a chance to enjoy what it brings.I have seen people who throughout their lives try hard to earn as much money as possible and sadly never lived long enough to enjoy it. Life is not just about money.Its more about balance.. balance between earning money and enjoying the things you enjoy doing.You may earn less and have less in terms of money but you may have more in terms of time for yourself and family.These are things which money cannot buy and sadly not many people realise this and really go out of their way trying to climb up the success ladder.This could be at the expense of having time for children and family and most disastrous of all the expense of one's own health. "I spent all my life trying to make money but now in my old age I find that I'm spending my money trying to regain my health which I lost in the process " Money wise I'm not rich but my wealth comes in another for. I am rich because I have a good family, the wife is someone you would not want to replace, the children have turned out to be what you had hoped for , and there is the special joy of seeing the grandchildren growing up.A man is not necessarily rich if he has money .If he has no family and good health he may be poorer than anyone of us who has these things. I have been in this world for 73 and have been privileged to go through so many changes, politically, socially ,technologically and I might add psychologically because today I find that my mindset has changed quite substantially.Going through all these makes one more sensitive, more open minded and tolerant and at the end of it more thankful and grateful to be where we are. I have no regrets, no hard feelings towards anyone and would look forward to enjoying the rest of my years in good health and with my loved ones. Thank you God for letting me come this far !

A tribute to mothers

the world celebrates Mother's Day and with it comes a need to remind children what the day is all about.Mothers are special people in our lives.They carry us for nine months in their stomachs , go through the painful process of delivery and then the ever important tasks of bringing us up as many say " the right way". There is no bigger manifestation of children's love for mothers than to be sensitive of their feelings, a word of appreciation now and then , a little gesture here and there.Mothers never ask for anything for bringing up their children.To them it is a pleasant chore and there are lots of episodes of a mother's sacrifice for the children.what is there a mother would not do for her children ? I have seen the way my mother bring us up, my wife bring my children up and my own children bring theirs up and what is most common amongst them is the ever encompassing love which they have for their children and the fact that they give their all for their children.A mother's love has no definition, no boundaries and is infinite. As we celebrate Mother's day remember how lucky we are to have them around ,to be able to have the opportunity to tell them how special they are and above all to cherish and treasure their presence with us. Tell them !!!

Tradition Vs Common sense /Logic

Last week end on the way back to Ipoh a thought struck my mind.Here we are mum and I ,two old folks driving in the heavy rain back to Ipoh to pay homage and respects to my grand parents and we talked about the tradition of Ching Ming practised by the Chinese.This was the time of the year when the off springs visited the graves of the ancestors to pay homage to the dearly departed.Besides this the practice was also carried out to enable family members to get together and also to remind the present generation of their roots.The elders who knew the departed would relate stories about them to the younger people so that they get to know their forefathers' and their achievements. Ching Ming is a good thing because of all these reasons but the thing that strikes me is why is it necessary for the females to follow the husbands to visit the graves ? Yes it was acceptable and practised in the early days when the females were subservient to the husband and during the period when the females once married became more of the male's family.It was also the period when the man gave big dowries to the female's family and kind of "Bought" the girl. Today its not the same anymore .Women are more independent and have their own careers and with the advent of sexual equality the question of subservience does not arise anymore.Women have their own careers and some of them are even doing better than their husbands in terms of position and salary.Because of this the practice of women obligated to follow the husband's family for Ching Ming needs a relook.Tradition is in some way created by man and what was acceptable before need not be necessarily so today.Take the practice of Hindu wives jumping into the husbands funereal pyre when he was being burnt.It was accepted before but then the Indian Govt. found this practice unreasonable and it was then banned.Another example of a tradition being changed was the practice of Chinese women having their feet bound from young so that their feet became small and stunted.This practice was cruel and senseless and it was subsequently stopped. I have no quarrel about tradition .In fact I'm all for it but when tradition defies common sense and logic I beg to differ. Imagine , when I die and its Ching Ming time and if it happens that the date of respect falls on the same day .Would my children have to go to the husbands's parents side or mine ? We brought up our children , nurtured them from young, educated them and guided them through their lives and therefore any ancestor respect should be given to her own parents first .The in laws are by virtue of marriage and the bond between the blood parents and the in laws is never the same. I visit my mother-law and father -in law's graves every year because I knew them and they were nice to me. It does not mean that the man cannot respect the girl's parents.Why should the man expect the girl to respect his ancestors when he cant respect hers? This male superiority syndrome is outdated and common sense should prevail.To have a win win situation husband and wife should respect each other's families and go to their graves together.After all if not for my wife's parents where would we be ? It just annoys me that the males for one illogical reason or other expect their wives to follow them while they refuse to follow the wife.Society has changed . values have changed and if needs be tradition which are outdated and senseless should also be changed.I have 4 daughters and when I am dead and gone ,if they go to their in law's graves to give their respects and ignore mine I think I would certainly turn in my grave !

The third stage of life .

Ideally speaking when you arrive at your third stage of life you are in your golden years.By now all your life's missions should be completed, children grown up, grandchildren up and running and you should be financially independent.Time should be spent nurturing one's health and maybe doing all the things you never got to do. Morning walks, leisurely breakfast, reading and listening to the news ,evening walks and dinners followed by coffee and maybe chatting with whoever is willing to listen to you and then off to bed to wake up when the sun rises. If this is the norm for the golden years it sounds a bit boorish to me and I think then life will be one long routine and one would become senile sooner than later.If after 40 years of challenges, a hectic lifestyle and all the time cracking our heads we will certainly find it challenging to suddenly become complacent and feeling quite useless.That is why its always good to think outside the box and challenge existing paradigms.Me ? I am still in the second stage of life working nearly 8 hours a day, driving through KL's crazy traffic jams and finding things to do at work.Sometimes , I would deliberately do things which I am told I cannot or should not do like walking up 4 or 5 floors every day, learn about computers and play my golf and hey you suddenly discover that you can still do it despite your age and maybe the myth that age determines what you can do is just a myth.I have come across people who are younger than me who cannot drive long distances.I can still happily drive up and down Ipoh and the surrounding areas of Kl for my golf.Why cannot? its all in the mind actually ! For me Although more than 70 I tell myself that I am at worst at the tail end of the second stage of life and I believe that I will continue doing what I'm doing till I no longer can and I just wonder when that will be.No such thing as early morning walks , sitting on the rocking chair, idle conversation ,coffee and tea time.The productive and self satisfying lifestyle which I am going through at this stage is still so intriguing and I will certainly not want to give it up for " the golden years " lifestyle.Although at times we cant run away from body aches, blurred vision and some wishful thinking.

Stereotype

The Chinese especially cleverly divide one's life into several phases and it seems quite realistic: 1.The first stage from birth till 20 years. These are the formative years and in a way the most carefree time of our lives.This is the period when we learn and acquire values which are imprinted on us either in the home or in school. What we become later in life to a large extent depends on the exposure we get during this period.That is why education and home counselling are so important.We become what we are largely through the teaching of our parents and peers. There is no doubt that the early education process is so crucial and looking at the education process which our kids go through today makes me wonder what we are subjecting them to and why we allow this to happen.At six years old the poor child has to learn 3 languages , do maths, learn spelling and etc.Do the adults realize for a minute what they are subjecting the child to? Children at this age are naturally curious and they should learn by discovering things for themselves and it is this method which enables children to learn without feeling that they are pressured.We should ask ourselves if we are being fair to our kids and are we doing this following educational pedagogy or are we doing this for ourselves? 2. After this first phase is the " working for money " stage when the young man goes out onto the world to seek fame and fortune.This is the time of our lives when we struggle to make a living and build a nest for our family.This part of the journey is tough and we have to go through all kinds of obstacles .Some make it in life , some do not. During this period we tend to become robots governed by job requirements and we allow time to control us .We seem no longer able to control the time we sleep, wake up, eat and work.But at the end of the day if we manage to build a little nest and successfully bring up our children we survive this stage and move on to the final stage in life. 3. Retirement and completion of life's cycles.This is the time of our lives when we should enjoy the fruits of our labour .Time to relax and do what we have always wanted to do but by this time the ravages of time and effort takes its toil and Health becomes a major cause of concern If we are lucky we end our lives peacefully, if not we have to go through all kinds of medical treatment and physical suffering. At the end of the day what is this life after all ?

Ipoh's lost culinary delights !

When I was a teen in Ipoh we had access to some of the finest hawker foods sold in the most unique way.There was no hawker centre that time and these vendors sold their food in a very special way ...they came right to your doorstep. 1.My favorite those days was the char koy teow stall aka Spider because the man fried the noodles with two ladles, very fast and plate by plate.His specialty was the concave wok which was testimonial to its heavy usage.The other was his chillies which went into the frying.He used to scold me whenever I asked for more spoons of chillies to be thrown into the frying saying that I eat more chillies than his koay teow. The noodles were fried with taugeh ( Very fat and crispy ) and you have a choice of with or without eggs.The eggs used were duck eggs and also the chicken eggs. You can use your own eggs , something which we often did. Spider came by our house twice a day , once in the afternoon and once at night.He was quite punctual and it was an interesting sight to see us waiting for him to come with plates and eggs in hand.He was very fast and had a regular frying routine, first ,the oil and garlic, followed by the taugeh and soya sauce and after that the chillies and then the cockles and finally the noodles and viola... the best char koay teow in the world. Sad to say today there is no koay teow dish any where near to this.Even the famous Penang char koay teow is nowhere near this. A famous Ipoh dish gone because there was no handing over of the trade. 2.The tok tok mee. A stall selling wan tan mee would come by at night and the appearance of the stall would be signalled by the vendor making the 'tok tok ' sound with two small pieces of bamboo which he knocked together to make the tok tok sound. 3. The nyonya kueh man. This guy would carry two baskets balanced on a long pole over his shoulders and mind you , he walks.He had a fantastic choice of nyonya kueh from pulot udang,layered kueh,ang koo,tapioca kueh and on top of all this you can also get a steaming bowl of Penang laksa.This vendor was a mamak and we often asked him how come he sold nyonya kueh ?He never answered our question. 4.The ice cream man .He would come round on his bicycle ringing the bell to signal his arrival and for 5 cents you get a chance to spin a wheel which would determine how many ice cream you got and it was pretty novel and we kids love to have a chance to spin the wheel of ice cream hoping to get more than one ice cream cone . 5.There was this ice kachang stall in Cowan Street which served the best ABC as we now call it. For 20 or 30 cents a bowl you get the best ice kachang with or without ice cream and lots of condensed milk and gula melaka or sarsi flavoured sugar . 6. Of course there was also the famous Capital theatre hor hee which you cannot get to even taste nowadays. 7. The Ipoh clock tower nasi kandar was the first of its kind in Ipoh at that time .For less than RM1 you get a big plate of curry rice with chicken , beef and fish plus a bit of vegetables.Today you can still find some of these stalls but they do not serve the food like they used to. 8.Along Theatre Street there were two sisters who served the best beef noodles.Surprisingly they are still in business and believe it or not the beef noodles sold today are still the same.They have a stall opposite the former Odeon Cinema which has a bustling hawker center at night.This is perhaps the only one of the old stalls left and the two sisters are still selling the noodles. 9.For mamak mee lovers there nothing like the one located at the Cathay restaurant along Jalan Yang Kalsom.Sad to say the present operator does not fry the noodles like before. 10. For Indian rojak there was this stall beside the Coronation Park. The sauce and the sotong makes the dish so special .You cannot find another of this kind of stall today. Looking back , we were fortunate to enjoy some of the best Ipoh food during our time.What is unique was that all these food were individually prepared and there was a kind of special rapport between the seller and us.Spider for example , would know exactly the way I liked my koay teow fried and he would jokingly ask me " Is your stomach still there ?"Today hawker food is all located in hawker centers and this perhaps in a way takes out some of the fun in enjoying hawker food !We had it, we loved it and we enjoyed the best of Ipoh hawker food .

Grandma's wish !

Yesterday as we were travelling in the car to buy some home stuff mum said "You know I have made a deal with God " .I replied " Huh ?'What kind of pact did you get yourself into ? And she said " I made a very simple request and that is to ask God to allow me to bring up my grandchildren and see them grow up ! As usual she will not ask anything for herself .Her whole life is devoted to the family and we know how much effort she makes to create ,(yes create because these things do not come about automatically) a happy family.To her there is nothing she would not do for her children ,sil, and grandchildren .As long as they are in good health, comfortable and come home she is happy.The household chores are many and varied, cooking, cleaning,washing and ironing clothes , marketing, planning the daily menu.These are chores which no normal person would want to do but she does it without a complain and asks for nothing in return.She always says " As long as I can do anything to make their lives less difficult , I do not mind the hard work."I must say this kind of selflessness is difficult to come by and I must say in her own way she is special, really special. Her indomitable spirit and acceptance of the challenges which come with home building are really amazing. I, more than anyone know how she feels about things and everybody in the family.What irks her most is stubborn people and those who do not listen to good advice.Sometimes she says its good to be appreciated but if that is not coming she would still carry on doing what she is doing.Many a family crisis has been made lighter because of her being there. The children and grandchildren know that she will always be there for them when they need her .

A matter of being organized .

It is not uncommon today to see people get into arguments and quarrels over of all things "Time".We have so many hours in a day and its not difficult to sit down and organize this fixed variable.Yes the number of hours in a day is fixed and we are the variable for its up to us to decide what we are going to do within this paradigm. Teachers are guided by time ,we start school at a fixed time , have so many minutes to complete a lesson and are dismissed at a fixed time.Teachers know that for example 730 in the morning till around 145pm in the afternoon their time is in the school and during this time they allocate their time to this.There is no excuse for a teacher to be late and neither is there reason for him to leave before school is dismissed.That is why being a teacher we are governed by punctuality and its difficult for us to understand why some people never can manage their time. In this respect my late mother in law is a perfect of example of someone who keeps time. If we tell her that we are going out at 7pm for example she would be all dressed up and waiting way before time and when I ask her why get ready so early her answer would be " Better to wait for others than let others wait for you ".Wise attitude from a simple lady and something so simple and yet not realized by many people. Time should never be a thing for a source for discontent.Going to work for example is a daily routine and is governed by time .It is something which you do everyday and that being a routine we should know what time we should leave in order to be on time.To be ready , there are chores you must do in order to be able to leave on time. Its a simple matter of knowing how long you take to do these chores without being stressed out rushing.A bit of organization goes along way and makes your life and that of others more acceptable. You know that in the morning you need to get all your stuff ready so is it so difficult to spend a few minutes before you retire for the night getting everything in order ? Keys , briefcase content, clothes etc all should be set and when you wake up imagine the time you save and the stress that you need not have to face searching for these things. A matter of organisation really and this culture will save you time and you end up less stressed. We should follow the way of the westerners when it comes to work. A daily plan for the day's work, taking into consideration the number of working hours you have will be of great help.To the westerners time for work is fixed and that's it. I Remember in the US once a group of us walked to a shopping mall which closed at 9.00pm. We were there at 840 and the staff told us that " Sorry we are about to close " and we argued " But its not time yet " and they said if we entertain you we would have to go beyond 9.00 pm and we close at that time. To them time for work is fixed and this is something which we have to learn.There is only so much you can do in a day and a planned work schedule will enable you to cover this and do your day's work.We are talking of normal circumstances here and have to give due consideration to unforseen circumstances which will disrupt our work plan, but such circumstances do not happen everyday.The simple fact is that within a working day we can only do so much and if we are in a situation when we daily cannot complete our work then we need to sit down and ask " Am I too slow" or is the workload too much that its beyond our means. Knowing the reason will then enable you to take appropriate action and hence you are doing something positive to solve your problem.Working overtime does not mean you are more productive .Working smart makes you more productive.Its not how long you work but how much work you do that affects your productivity and your KPIs. Life is about managing oneself for if we can manage ourselves how can we manage anything else ?.Plan your day , take into consideration all factors ,like what about others , how much time do I need to carry out the daily chores etc. You have only so many hours in a day and it makes sense to make full use of it. Time is fixed and if we are smart enough we will never be a slave to time.