If I am free

We need to take a step back and take a good look at our attitude.Too often we think of doing something for others only when we have the time or when and if it is convenient to us.If we ;have the right attitude , when someone needs our help we should make time and effort to help.That is sincerity and that is the kind of help which will go a long way. It makes me wonder if comes the time when we need help will there be anyone there for us ? We read , hear and see for ourselves the old folks who are dumped in Old Folks Home by their off springs with the excuse that they have no time for them as they are always busy .This is an example of people who fail to make an extra effort to do something and use something as a convenient excuse to shirk from their responsibility .We used to make visit to the old folks home and it broke our hearts to the old people sitting down there with lost and blank looks in their eyes .When we asked them how come they were there most would answer their children had no time for them. No time for your parents ? These people obviously think of nothing but themselves and have forgotten who brought them up and did everything for them , made sacrifices for them and went out of their way to see to their well being.They fail to value what their parents had done for them and now that they are old and helpless they just cast them away.Can we rate these kind of people? Can we give them even a little bit of respect ?
We talked to one young man at the kopitiam which we frequent and mum asked him a few personal questions like whom he stayed with and his salary etc.He told us he lived with his parents and he gave all his salary to his father and the father would then give him his pocket money .Mum said he is a rare breed as we seldom come across such young who showed such filial piety to his parents.During my time it was kind of obligatory for us to give part of our salary to our parents.That was mandatory as our parents said we owe it to them as they brought us up.We never argued over this and we always allocated a part of our salary for our parents.Today , parents are less demanding and we leave it to the children entirely.Most parents while they can like to be independent and not trouble the children.It is only when they are old and helpless that perhaps we may need to be looked after but then again .... We have to ditch the " If I am free " syndrome and really show our willingness to help those in need even if it means making sacrifices and going out of our way.That is putting other people's interest ahead of yours.We need to find the time and willingness to go out of our way for the sake of others.That is the kind of attitude which we ought to have but sadly enough few people have it and that is why we have people who are uncared for or abandoned because the people who matters have no time for them or fail to make time for them.

Year End thoughts

As we near the end of yet another year a few notes for us to ponder:
1.Husband-wife relationship.
In the olden days ( not that old actually , during our time ) husbands and wives followed certain rules.The man was the breadwinner and traditionally the Head of the house.Being so, he was responsible to ensure that the family is well taken care of .He was responsible for all the household expenses and made sure that he made a financial allocation for the wife so that she had enough pocket money for herself.
What she earned ( if she was working ) is irrelevant ,it was the obligation of the man to share what he had with her.This was the marriage commitment .
Today most women are independent , some even earn more and are more capable professionally and intellectually than the husbands.This should not prevent the man from playing his traditional role.Spouses should be supportive of each other and should be pillars of strength for each other >They should under no circumstances be viewed as liabilities in the family unit.If one spouse turns out to be passive, unreliable and unable to contribute to family well being then he is a liability and the family can jolly well do better without him.
2. Communicating.
I have seen different kinds of people in my life time.Some are able to get their thoughts out to others effectively.Communicating is an art and generally most average people are able to talk. Mum is a great talker whilst I will only say what I need to say.that's why perhaps we are so compatible.In communication one must be able to talk sensibly and intelligently.Shouting especially at kids makes you so inferior because people who shout are unable to control themselves and do not realize what a spectacle they make of themselves .What irritates me most is when someone is eating with his head down on his food talking to you without even looking up.To me , the response is very simple when I come across such people ...just refuse to engage with them and ignore such rudeness.These kind of people do not know about body language and what role it plays in effective communication .
3.Proactive .
Some people are simply not aware or sensitive to environment.If we see a child climbing up a chair or playing with a dangerous toy we should be alert to the next step and take the necessary steps to counter it.that's why accidents happen and its basically due to the carelessness of people .Proactive people are always alert and always look one step ahead .If you are not so , obviously you are in a state of oblivion and will not be outstanding in the things you do.Like it or not , life is about planning and being able to look ahead .Sadly I have come across people who lack this .
4. Stubborn.
Some people cant change no matter what .I cant see how such people can progress in life.Granted, we all make mistakes but positive people learn from their mistakes and therein lies the path to self improvement.Some people never learn which makes me to say either they are stubborn ( in a very negative way), insensitive ,or just plain dumb.
With the coming of the end of the year we should reflect on the year gone by , look at our strength and weaknesses and simply make a promise to ourselves that we will strive to be a better person  in the new year.

Self Appraisal

Every now and then we should take a step back and take a good look at ourselves.and see where we are at this point of time.This should be taken from several perspectives,
1. Career wise .
How do we rate ourselves in our careers .Are we climbing up the job ladder ? Are we one of the key people in our organization ? Do we play a significant role in our company ?
How can we better ourselves in the organization and what do our superiors think of us ?
These would be some right thinking people think about.On the other hand if you are a deadwood none of these items would make sense.they are contented to plod on, tolerate the bosses who do not think highly of them and suffer whatever inconveniences which may come with a job.
They have no initiative to explore other opportunities or take positive steps to better themselves.They have no self pride , no motivation in life and are like robots ...unthinking and mechanical.
2.Personality wise.
What sort of a person am I ? how do others see me and how do I see myself ? Do I have the personality which others can look up to or am I just what people would call a " dead loss?".Am I sensitive to people and my responsibility as a member of a family or as a member of society ? Do I listen to others and do I take note of their comments about me ?
Do I make efforts to improve and do I make an effort to reduce people's criticisms of me ? How do i think people rate me? ... inconsiderate ? " a no point talking to guy?", hopeless ? irresponsible ? cannot be relied on ? bad listener ? never learn type and finally do people describe you as a Deadwood ?
If you answer positively to all these then a change surely would be in order.this is what right thinking people would do , this is how self appraisal becomes meaningful.This is what makes the difference between quality and hopelessness.

3. Character.
An important element in one's personality .What sort of character is mine? Do I know how to listen ? Do I know how to be thankful and be considerate to those who help me ? Am I able to let people understand me ? Do I consider my  bad habits and make an honest effort to correct myself ? Do I persist in continuing with my bad habits despite being told so many times ?Or bottom line am I really a Deadwood ?

4.Goal Setting .
Do I set goals for myself to guide me along the way ? Can I improve my time management ? My family responsibility ? My career path ? Where do I see myself in the organization in a couple of years time or in future ? Do I make attempts to be more competent and improve my standard of performance? Do I give enough time to my family? Am I an asset or a burden to my wife ?
All these are potential areas of improvement and surely one will be a better person if just a few of these are given some attention.

As a teacher we can look at a person and quite quickly size him up. I have seen people who make genuine efforts to improve themselves and also people who do not. The do nots are hopeless and unresponsive to any form of stimulation.You can nag them , scold them , advise them and at the end of the day nothing happens.There is only one way to describes such people ..either they are incompetent, do not measure up , have no drive in them ,Others dont matter to them as they are caught up in their own little world so that they become self centered , or you may just want to say they are plain Deadwood.

Filial piety

To the Chinese being filial is one of the most important traits a person should have.the Chinese have always believed that just as our parents must bear the responsibility of bringing us up so must we the children respect and honor them when they are with us and even when they are gone.Paying respects to your parents irrespective of whether they are around or not is an important Chinese tradition.
If you fail to do that you are being un filial and this comes with a lot of adverse effects. Some believe that  if you are unfilial you will be affected by all sorts of bad feng shui and that the cycle will come back to you ie if you are not filial to your parents so will your children be to you.
There are many ways of being filial,. Amongst them is to respect your parents and listen to them.Of course , loving and honoring them are part and parcel of filial piety.Too often we take parents for granted and too often we think more of ourselves than them .Sad, but true.
We never think of the things our parents do for us when they are around and if they are gone sometimes we even forget.remembering your parents come in the form of having them in your thoughts all the time and manifesting it by paying respects to them in their final resting places.sadly enough though there are people who do not find time to visit their parents graves during All Souls'day or Ching Ming .These are annual affairs designed to allow the off springs to show their respect to their parents and if you cant even spare one day in a year for this purpose then it speaks very little of you as a person.
Young people are so wrapped up in their daily routines that they forget to think of the old people who are with them.I just wonder why on certain days they cannot be a bit early so that the elderly can get on with other chores ? Why must they be so late that by the time the poor old person leaves its already dark  and dont they realize that it is a strain for old people to drive in the dark, more so if there is rain ?This is where a little consideration would go a long way and it is but one of the many ways we can show filial piety.
Today only me and mum do our filial duty by paying our respects annually to our dearly departed and it has always occurred to us that one day when we are gone will our descendants do the same from us.Judging from the trend now , looks like we have reason to be concerned but I have always told mum that once we are gone this does not matter anymore ,just the thought that after all she has done would it be to much to ask to be remembered ?

Success and failure

Steven Covey's "7 habits of successful people " makes for interesting reading.The book has been in the market for quite some time and we discussed it at length during my learning and training days.Going through his message, it boils down to a simple premise , that before anything can happen for the better we must make changes within ourselves.To do this , an honest self analysis needs to be done .Questions like ; What are my objectives  in life ? How am I going to achieve them? What are my strengths and weaknesses ? How to build on my strengths and improve on my weaknesses ?
To answer these questions and to be able to do something about them makes the difference between success and failure.
One would know about one's weaknesses surely as along the way there would have been people who have pointed them out to us in good faith.If you are proactive and sensitive you would think of how to handle these.I have noted that the are people who moan and groan about traffic jams.So ? Dont they realize that traffic jams are part and parcel of life in the city .Do they ever consider how pathetic their groans and moans seem to thinking people.? People of substance would think of how to cope with such a situation instead of moaning and groaning .If you expect pity or sympathy from people , forget it as they will only recognize how ineffective you are as a person.Life is about choices and we are blessed that we can make choices.What matters is if we know how .
Steven Covey made his point very clearly that successful people never let circumstances control them but they control the circumstances.I can give lots of examples but I feel it would be belaboring the obvious.
If you cant manage your personal life how can you manage the external forces which are part and parcel of your life ? Success comes with constant reminders , countless determination to improve and constant efforts to improve.We have our weaknesses >the difference between the successful person and the failure is the one recognizes them and keep on working to get rid of them whilst the failure just moan and groan and never bother to think of ways and means to improve.There is nothing so sickening as to tell someone something and watch him do nothing or even make an effort to consider what input has been given to him.

The superior and the Mediocre

We see a lot of young people trying to make the best of their lives ,making a living, building a home and work for a future for their children.In the process we see the different kinds of young people and there is definitely a clear line of distinction between the superior and the mediocre.The superior is ambitious, works hard and has a clear cut sense of direction.he knows what he wants and knows what it takes to get it.He is all the time alert , listening and digesting information and making use of what he has picked up.
The mediocre will not even listen and if you hope that external input and stimulus will motivate him or even make him spare a thought , you better think twice.I call these people "Deadwood ". They are dead to any kind of stimulus , are complacent and live in their own comfort zone.They will not budge or try to make a difference in their lifestyle.They watch things happen and flow with the tide .you would not expect them to make things happen because they are not sensitive to any sort of stimuli .Looking at their body language will tell you a lot about them.When in a group , they do not participate intelligently and can only be good enough to make some obvious remarks from time to time.An example would be ,if they see someone back from somewhere they seek to ask " You just came back from ...? ". So obvious a question that it needs not be asked and even asking it makes you sound stupid.
Superior people if they have nothing to ask will just listen and absorb  what is being said and learn from it.talking to a mediocre person is like talking to a wall and what makes it so annoying is that they never seem to listen .People change and change is the impetus for improvement >If you do not change your way how can you improve.Of course change is not necessarily for the better but if you are sensitive enough when somebody points out your weakness you may see the need to make a change.If not, who can blame you for being called a "Deadwood ?"/
Life is about betterment and improvement .the superior person will always be self analytical and be sensible enough to make changes.There are people who live in traffic congested areas and only know how to complain about traffic jams.Given, that traffic jams are a way of life , there are certainly ways to circumvent it if you are proactive and intelligent enough. If need to , leave at 6am and be back off peak hours.There are other alternatives like change jobs, change place of work but for these options to work one must be thinking individuals and not people who just moan and groan without making any real efforts to circumvent the problem/Consider, going to work early and coming home late and what this will make your employer think of you.
The difference between the two types of people will be seen in terms of the responsibilities and trust given to them and the high level of confidence which people will tend to have of them .Its time to look at ourselves and assess which category of people we want to be in.

A matter of character.

It really irks me to see people turn scruffy .Wearing clothes which are not well ironed and failing to groom oneself are annoying things to discerning people.I cant figure out why shaving is so difficult when indeed it should be a matter of daily routine.Imagine facing your boss and clients with scruffy , untidy growth on your face .What will be the impression you give to the people whom you have to face ?I had a teacher under me who once came to work with his " whiskers " growing haphazardly on his face  and I told him in no uncertain terms to go home and have a good shave before he faces his students.From that day on he was always cleanly shaved and presentable as befitting a man of his status.
Personal grooming is something which in a way will differentiate the quality man from the mediocre.If you have to face people ,you have to understand that they are  quick to criticize and judge .Imagine talking business with hairs sticking out from all over your face .What will others be thinking of you? There will be some who fall back on the premise that " It does not matter what others think of me ".If you have this kind of attitude then you might as well be a Robinson Crusoe or Tarzan who happily wears a loin cloth .We cant run away from the fact that we are social animals and like it or nor people's impressions of you count.
How can people think highly of you if you cant even manage yourself? When employers think of a candidate for promotion what do they look at ? For one, I am sure they would consider your personality , how you carry yourself , how you present yourself ,other than your job attitude , job knowledge, team work and etc.If we were to consider someone for managerial positions these factors will certainly count.A well presented individual would certainly give confidence and be a good symbol of corporate image.
My previous employer in the Renong Group of Companies would ensure that all executive staff representing the company be attired in coat and tie and this rule makes sense as our clients would then look at us with some kind of admiration for we were properly attired.In the government too all senior officers must be at least properly attired with shirt and tie.This is image and certainly at first impression image goes a long way.A bit of self appraisal , a good look at oneself in the mirror from time to time will go a long way to boost up your character.