A 45 year long journey

In a few days time ,an auspicious day this year 12.12.12 we will be celebrating our 45 year anniversary and its a time for reflection on the years gone by ,certainly with a lot of nostalgia and sentiments. I look back at the time when mum was still a teenager and me a fresh graduate from the University full of dreams and idealism.We met as we were teaching in the same school in Teluk Intan and it being a small town the teacher community was quite close knit.We saw each other every day in school but really never got down to talking.I saw in her a sweet ,simple girl (Quite different from the city girls I knew in KL) and probably it was this simplicity which attracted me to her in the first place.I dont know what she saw in me but it was later found out that she was curious about the tall skinny guy who happened to be the first University grad in this small town. We got to know each other through a birthday party of my landlady's daughter and the then eligible bachelor was introduced formally to her.After the party I asked her how she was going home and she said " Walk"and I offered to walk home with her and so we took the walk to her house.You can call it a moonlight walk and it was the start of our relationship. Those days courtship was quite unexciting as compared with today but perhaps more meaningful.We went to movies together and after that a simple supper .I had no car at that time ,not even a bicycle but she did not really mind.If we did not go to the movies we would be in her house just talking and before I went home we would go for supper or I would "ta pau" for her.There were not many choices but it was good enough. After 3 years of courtship we got married ,she at the tender age of 21 and me at the age of 27. Thus began our journey together through life.We had nothing at that time.My salary had to partly go to my parents and what was left was used for our common expenses.Of course as she was also earning she did chip in too.To us money was never an issue and as far as I could remember we never argued over money.We had a great relationship,doing things together and planning our future with each other.It was fortunate in a way that we were both teachers and both had no lavish desires.We were quite contented just being with each other.Going to the market together was something which we never missed and she would take the trouble to learn from my mum the dishes which I like . She is a great cook as we can all testify and all these years whenever I come home in the evening she would be at the kitchen and nowhere else.This was the kind of comfort that I have till today.She believes that behind every man's success there is a good woman and she played this role to perfection.She made sure that I could go forth in my career not having to worry about home affairs which she took charge of so competently.She has always given me the support a man needs and me on my part have never failed to seek her opinion on the things I wanted to do and if that something displeased her then it would not be done.It was this kind of mutual respect and consultation which led us to avoid any unnecessary misunderstanding. Sure there were little misunderstandings here and there but she always made it a point to have the issues settled before bedtime as she said conflicts should never go onto the next day. She is a wonderful wife , mother and grandmother and I'm sure she has touched all the family in her own unique way.Her love for her children and grandchildren is boundless and I always believe she will do anything for the family.Her strategy for bringing the family together if through Food and she will always make sure that the family comes home to a hot meal every day.Though one can feel her tiredness she has never complained about the things she has to do for the family.That is the unique thing about her, always putting the interest of others before hers.Many a time you can see through how she eats.She would eat the chicken legs,or the fish heard and leave the fleshy parts to the children.Never once did I see her grabbing the choice portions for herself. Today as I look at her I cant help to think of what she has been through with me and the family and I cant imagine what everyone would do without her.I cant help but think of how the sweet,simple girl whom I married has bloomed to become what she is today, a wonderful wife and confidante,a loving mother and a doting grandma.I can only say how fortunate I am to have her as my wife and lifelong companion.I sometimes wonder too if I have given her enough of what she deserves and if not I still have the time to do so. Thank you my dear wife for giving me 45 wonderful and meaningful years !I would not trade what we have and had for anything in the world !

A new habit

We have now two little rattan chairs now and almost every evening while waiting for the rest of the family to come back after work mum and I would take one corner of the gate and "jaga pintu " as she puts it.This quiet hour spent together enables us to talk about almost anything under the sun and I believe its a bit of time for mum to unwind after a hard day's work.Its amazing that two people who have been married for nearly forty five years now can still sit down together and talk and mum always has a lot to talk about. What we lack now is perhaps a small coffee table to enable us to have a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy the cool night air and breeze.This is quality time where two beings can just sit down and being with each other finding comfort in the knowledge that they have each other.It is something to value and treasure as we do not know how long this is going to last. Young people today do not know how to enjoy these quiet moments with each other.They are so stressed and tired after a day's work that they have no time for such little luxuries.But as I always believe if you find something is worthwhile doing then find a way to do it.With too much emphasis on I phones and computer games they rather spend their free time with these gadgets rather than with each other...the price of technological advancement...how sad ! I have always believed in the beauty of the simple things in life,family,food recreation and what not.Do you realise that many of the rich and famous would rather have a simple life free of pressure and stress as compared with what they have now ?We do what we want and not what others expect of us.For me, the simple life in a small town is much more welcome than life in the big city where expectations are high and demanding .We chase after success without realising that perhaps in the process we lose some of the more meaningful things in life !

A matter of priorities

Today looking at many young people I cant help but sympathize with them as they go through the rituals of life.Seemingly their life is one mad rush from one chore to another>They work like robots ,starting early in the morning and ending at night.Naturally by the time they get home through the perennial traffic jams they are all drained out.Without even the luxury of a shower they rush through their dinner without really knowing what they are eating and then a couple of hours in front of the TV and then a late shower before they are off to bed to wait for the next day and go through another cycle.Imagine if they have to come home and cook or eat outside everyday ! Some are lucky that they have their mothers or someone who ensures that a hot meal is waiting for them at the end of the day. This leads to the question " Is it worth it ?" Is this the kind of life that we want ? Is all the money in the world worth it if we have to live our life this way?.Undoubtedly there will be some who argue that they cannot help it as this is what is expected of them and they have to earn their keep from demanding bosses .True, but then at the end of the day we do have a choice and we must find a way to live a better life.What is more important than living the way life should be lived ?Time with your family and children are priceless and if you cant have this everyday then you must find a way to have at at least once or twice a week when you can enjoy your children growing up and have a little time for yourself to do the things you really like to do. Isn't this what life is all about ? We were fortunate that we were teachers and worked technically half a day only and we had the school holidays to enjoy.It was however not a high paying job but we compensated this by the time that we had for ourselves and our children.Though not earning big bucks we were able to, through prudent financial management able to provide for our children making sure that they were not denied what other children had.We made it a point to take them out during the school holidays albeit not an overseas holiday to exotic places >Nevertheless within our financial capacity we were able to have a reasonably good holiday where the family bonds were strengthened through doing things together.We lived in a simple house but it was home where the family lived in togetherness and got to spend quality time with each other. Its good to make money but there must be a balance in life as sooner or later we will realise that money is not everything.Happiness does not just come with money ,it comes with the ability to be oneself.Look at the people in the rural areas ,they are not rich materially but they are so much better off in the life they lead with simple needs and little stress.More importantly they have time ,time to do the things they want to do and spend quality time with the family.they live simple lives but they are happy and more importantly they seem healthier. There has to be a balance in life .Work by all means but find a way to work smart and find a way to live your life because by the time you grow old you will have little time left to do what you want to do .

Basic Values in life

There was a time when the Malaysian Education System introduced a subject called " Values".The subject was relevant but sad to say not well implemented resulting in zero effect. Looking at the younger generation today one cannot help but conclude that many of them ( Not all though ) lack in these basic values.When was it that the younger people put others' needs in front of theirs ? How many people do you see making way for senior citizens or the disabled ? It would be so nice to see young people helping the elderly across the roads or giving them preference in queues . there was one day when mum and I were waiting to cross the road and not a single car slowed down to let us cross . Values are related closely to family and its the parents who set the trend for their children to follow .What we say and what we do are often emulated by the young so we must never forget to be good role models for our children and their children.We have to teach them to be respectful, considerate and caring and always put the interest of others ahead of theirs.I remember my late mother in law for though she was a simple lady she set certain standards which are commendable.If you tell her you are bringing her out she will be ready way before departure time ,all dressed up and waiting patiently.She never wanted anyone to wait for her and she did not mind waiting for others..a simple example of putting other people's interest ahead of yours. Today's generation sad to say lack in the finer points of human quality where emphasis is given to consideration and respect to others. The elderly are no longer given the respect and consideration they deserve and a lot of rituals which we carry out are but superficial manifestations of this value.There was a time when before they did anything children would at least inform or discuss the matter with their parents.This is no longer so today and many parents have no idea of what their children are doing or planning.Woe befall you if you but try to tell them what they should do.The erosion of family ties is caused partly by changing mindsets and societal changes which in terms of upholding of traditional values is definitely not something for the better. In terms of these values we find that perhaps the Malays are better role models.The average Malay place a lot of emphasis on parental care and respect .They traditional greeting of the elderly and consideration for them is something to be admired.I cant help but notice that sometimes simple acts of consideration are not even thought of by today's generation. If you cannot remember your family and the relationship which you have have with each other then you really lack character.Being "family" means you have the responsibility which comes with it.I remember when we were young my father would always take us to visit his sisters and mother.We had no cars at that time and travel was by bus but dad never failed to take us to visit his siblings so that we knew who our uncles and aunties were and though they were simple people they never failed to welcome us.It is disappointing to see some people who are able forsake their family because of petty issues and at the same time to see how some people go out of the way to fulfil their family obligations. Too many people are involved in the rat race to even think of their basic obligations in life which leads us to ponder " Have we become so materialistic that we forget all other things and if this is so ,is it worth it ?"

Year End Happenings and Reflections

Our third daughter finalized her wedding Chinese style finally.It makes us happy to see the wedding rites completed and what greater joy than to see her radiance on her wedding dinner.We have another son in law and consider ourselves blessed with yet another addition to the family.The sad thing is that they are in different parts of the world and we only get to see them occasionally .As parents we have no choice as the children are old enough to make their own decisions and get on with their own lives.What matters to us is that they are happy and contented with their lives. As we look back we realise that we are fortunate to be able to live through all these.To see our children become adults, wives and mothers and what is more important to be able to enjoy our grandchildren . When I look at my contemporaries I really feel lucky to be in good health,to be able to live with my wife ,children and grandchildren.Yes,we have come a long way.As I remember when my wife chose me as her husband ( I dont really know why !) we had nothing except our feelings for each other.I did not even own a bicycle and had no money in the bank but we were bold enough to take the step forward,to face the future together and to make the commitment to raise a family together.God has been kind,I have had an interesting career not making big money but making big in being able to contribute to the development of our youth.Today I will have students occasionally telling me what a difference I made in their lives as a teacher and that is a big enough satisfaction. Today too , in our golden years mum and I share an even stronger bond , a bond brought about by love,togetherness and above all understanding and tolerance.We can still talk for hours especially on the long drive from Kl to Ipoh and back and there are no holds .She can tell me anything and they are well accepted .She has been my pillar,the one who taught me a lot of Chinese values which I have learned to treasure. We often talk about our children and realise that there are times when we cannot be really open with them because they do not like our intrusion into their lives which is fair enough.We have learned to comment ,give opinions only when asked to do so and not interfere .Its funny to realise that when they were young we could say anything to them but not today as children feel they are grown up and really do not relish any comments or advice from the parents.So we follow the cardinal rule,speak when required ,keep your opinions to yourselves unless asked for and accept the fact that your children look at you differently.Of course our children love us but in their own way so we have no grounds to complain except to realise that the situation is different from the time when we could tell them what to do or discipline them .As elders we have learned to cope with the changing scenario and it is this ability that enables us to live in harmony with our children. Some parents whom I know of still insist on imposing their will on their children leading the children to feel frustrated and in a state of dilemma .Parents must come to grip with reality and children must realise that as parents grow older they become more sensitive. As the year comes to an end we realise that our mission in life is completed.There may be some regrets over the things which we could not do but overall we have done what we should do the best way we can.

Beyond the wedding dinner

Today not many people give another thought about the invitation to a wedding dinner other than the eating.But if we pause a little and think about the significance there is much more to just the eating.It starts with the invitation. To the Chinese ,if someone respects you by inviting you then you should reciprocate by accepting the invitation.To refuse is impolite and if you are a close relative its even worse because you do not know the value of the word 'Family' and that makes you quite uncultured. The wedding dinner is the time for relatives especially and good friends to gather and meet and share the joy of the newly weds.You do not meet your relatives and friends very often so when you have occasions like this they should not be passed.Relatives and friends will take the trouble to come from near and far to attend. In between the dinner there will be the tea ceremony a very significant tradition amongst the Chinese.The couple will serve tea to all the relatives.The tea serving has two reasons.One is to let the relatives know that they are now a couple and the family consists of the bride and the groom's family.The second is that due respect is given to the family.To the Chinese family is important and this is one of the ways to preserve the Chinese family values.People who do not know this will shy away from weddings of close relatives for the simple reason that they do not value family ties or they are so ignorant that they cannot see beyond the food. Today most invitations are well in advance of the event so there is no excuse that you have no time.The gathering of relatives and friends is also a time when all little and petty grudges are set aside and everyone makes an effort to restore harmony and good will.Its just like our Chinese New Year tradition where we make calls on our elders and pay them due respect. Chinese tradition and culture dates back thousands of years and if you are Chinese enough you will appreciate why these traditions are still practised today.One should make an effort to study Chinese history for it is through this that you can be really Chinese and understand why certain things are done by the Chinese .this is especially so in the case of Chinese attitude towards Family and what it takes to be a family member !Forsake this and you forsake yourself !

My elder sister

On Monday 15th.Oct I received news from my nephew that my elder sister's condition has worsened .She was admitted on the Saturday before and I was just holding my breath that I can see her.She went through Sat and Sun though struggling and strangely enough on Sunday nite I had a dream saying that she wanted to be kept in a Chinese temple where our grand parents plaques are kept.On Monday I was deliberating as to whether I should tell my nephew about this or not. At around 12 noon something told me I should go to Ipoh to see her as if not I may not see her again.So without telling anyone I just hopped into my car and drove to Ipoh and was at the hospital by around 230 and I had already decided I should go back to KL latest by 430 as after that I may have to drive in the night and my night driving is not that good. While there I saw her struggling for breath with a lot of difficulty and all the signs according to the doctor were not good.I then called my two nephews and Bro in law to ask them if they had their plans in order in case anything happens>it was tough but we had to be realistic as it was quite obvious that she would not last very long.Having settled that I looked at my sister again and being unsure of how long she would last I told them I would go to the temple and make some enquiries .I had achieved my objective of seeing my sister and something told me this was the last time.True enough after I got all the info from the staff there I left for KL and had hardly left Ipoh when my nephew called and said that my sister passed away. There was no point in me turning back as probably there would be a lot of things to do in the hospital and there was nothing I could do so I decided to come back to Kl and plan what to do with the family. It is sad that I have lost a sister and as I was driving on the two hour journey home I thought of what she had been to me.I remember so many things about her>In her younger days she would always come home from school and showed Dad her report card which would be full of red marks and each time she would be crying though dad never scolded her.Finally she decided she wanted to stop school and at a young age she started work as a telephone operator.I think she was 16 or 17 when she started work and never had any rest till she had a stroke about 8 years ago. She is my sister and I have only good memories about her .I remember when I was in the University and back for the holidays she would always give me pocket money although she herself did not have much.When I was in Teluk Intan she would be the one who called me regularly and gave me free phone calls.when she ran her several restaurants every time I visited her she would insist on giving me something to eat or drink. Sure she is not perfect but perfect or not she was my sister and she had been good to me in her own way.I have only good thoughts about her.Its sad that during the 8 years she was ill some of the siblings who were around never bothered to see her.I cant understand how amongst siblings you can be so cold hearted as to hold a grudge for such a long time .People are human and do made mistakes and even amongst friends you can forgive and forget and what about your own siblings ? One should never be influenced by the in laws when it comes to dealing with your own kin.If you allow that to happen then you have no backbone and very little character.I have great respect for my wife and never interfere in her relationship with her relatives.I let her decide and just abide by her decisions and that is why I probably get along well with my in laws. Its sad that we have amongst us people who are so petty and superficial and we are worse because we allow them to influence our relationship with our own flesh and blood.Can you be so heartless that when your own sister is so sick you allow your other half to influence you negatively that you never come and see her.I would always bring my wife along just as she would bring me along to visit our sick relatives.What is worse is by the adult behaviour the effects carries on to the children.I have always been close to my nephews and nieces from my wife's side because in the first place their parents have taught them the meaning of family and what are family obligations and responsibilities.My own nephews and nieces have yet to learn this and its no fault of theirs .I put the blame on the parents for failing to guide them. Sister has been through a lot and worse still she had to be bed ridden for so long .She was really looked after by my bro-in-law and I told him " Bro,you have done what not every man can do " looking after my sister and as her brother I am grateful to him ,just like the two boys who have really looked after the mother.At least my sister was fortunate to have such a wonderful family and I really appreciate them .Strange but my nephew Jeff would always make sure that I am the first to know about their family affairs.Guess he can judge from deeds and not words. Now that she is gone there will definitely be crocodile tears. To me its very simple "Do what you need to do for somebody when he is alive.Dont wait till he is gone because then it will not matter anymore." In all I dare say that I have done no wrong to my sister,being with her from young and when she was in difficulty.I understood her well and I know she really loved me as her younger brother>Till today I have no ill feelings towards her and will only remember her as my elder sister and I cant be bothered by what others say about her especially those who never bothered about her when she was alive.And to those so called relatives who still hold a grudge against her, take a good look at yourself and ask what sort of a character you are if you cannot forgive someone who is related to you. I am sad to lose a sister but at the same time happy that she is free from all the worldly sufferings which she has endured for so long and knowing that she has gone to a better place makes the pain a little bit more bearable. RIP my dear sister !

Teluk Intan

Last week we made a trip to attend one of my student's son's wedding.It was something special to be able to attend the wedding of a son of my student and I could not help but go back to my early days as a teacher in this little town which will forever be special to me.It was here that I met my wife ,married and raised our children.We had happy times here and the fellowship which started there still remains. My wife still has many of her friends and she would always make it a point to visit them or keep in touch with them and they always feel warm towards her.Sad to say many of my friends have moved out or passed away but we did visit a very good friend Dr.Roger Tan who gave my wife and Aaron free medical treatment when we visited him. Though small in size Teluk Intan is big ,bigger than any other place in terms of the sincerity of the people ,the friendship ties and the special little places that we used to go to. The restaurant where the wedding dinner " Pau Loong " is run by a person who used to sell fried noodles by the roadside.I remember his little stall was walking distance from where mum used to stay and I would walk there to ta pau koay teow for her at only 30 cents.From his little koay teow stall he started a shop in glutton square selling bak kut teh with steamed fish head as a side dish.From thence on it was success all the way and today he has three restaurants under his name in Teluk Intan a real rags to riches story.I would love to sit down with him and find out how he made it. What strikes me is that in small towns people are really sincere and and warm hearted ,something which you seldom find in big towns.They take you for what you are and friendship is not based on social status or what they can get out of you but on social bonds.We were just teachers then but we had friends from all classes of life.Even the late Raja Muda was my friend and he would fondly call me Cikgu. Being a teacher and still one at heart there is so much satisfaction to see your students succeed in life.We teachers those days taught our students not only the subject matter but in between also made it a point to EDUCATE them and it was not for the sake of money but as part of our social responsibility.Many people fail to realise that bringing up a child is not an easy task.Amongst other things you have to study the character of your child and build on his strengths and work on his weaknesses. Two of my students from the same family are Doctors and talking to them made me realise that they were not only professionals but fine upright young men.In a small way, knowing that as teachers we have contributed a little to this makes us feel really good .This is something which all the money in the world cannot buy. Yes Teluk Intan gives me many special memories.I started my adult life here ,found my wife here and raised my children here and on top of that I was given the opportunity to educate thousands of students whom I believe still have a little bit of respect and affection for me because they still call me "SIR".

Strategies

During the time when China was made up of many independent war lords all fighting to be the one and only leader many wars and battles were fought.Each warlord would have his master strategist who though not a general would plan the war strategies for his master.Of course success or failure would then depend on the mind of the strategist.What strikes me is that these people who served under all kinds of masters were not afraid of contradicting the thoughts of the master and were never afraid of giving their opinions.Some of them lost their heads if they served under an unreasonable master .Nevertheless ,they spoke without fear or favour and believed it was their responsibility to do so even though it might have cost them their lives. Lesson learned: Never be afraid to speak your mind or voice your opinions.It is always the test of a person's mettle ,whether he is one who says what he thinks people want to hear or what he feels he should say. Of course there is a fine line between being blunt and straight forward .Things though they should be mentioned can be done in different ways .Look at the art of communication...there are many way s to go about saying something.Bluntness can hurt people's feelings but diplomacy would always lead to a win win situation.Management theories tell us that when you need to tell somebody off you have to but before he leaves you his self esteem must be restored. It is always good to be frank and say the right things.I would say something even though I know its going to hurt somebody's feelings rather than keep quiet about it and suffer myself.Of course it is important how you say something.Phrases like " should you not consider this ? Maybe you overlooked this ? I think you could have done this ?" are not derogatory but helps get across the message that you disagree and I think that's the way to manage a situation. Whilst its prudent to think of somebody's feelings we must also be fair to ourselves and think of our own feelings.We have our principles and if we do not live by them what are we then ?

A better person

Values have changed so much nowadays.Very often when you ask somebody what he wants out of life,the answer is often something materialistic, a bigger house , a better car, more money .You rarely hear a person say " I want to be a better person ".This is something which all people should consider .To be a better person ? How? To answer these questions we need to take a good look at ourselves and ask do we have what it takes to be a better person,I mean a better person from what we are now? Look at Character ...do we have it ? Are we caring, considerate,well mannered ,knowledgeable,open minded and socially adaptable ?.We need to look at ourselves from these perspectives to ascertain if we have Character and it is character which we find sometimes lacking today.We do come across people who are incapable of carrying out an intelligent conversation or share some interesting knowledge.I was happy the other day to meet up with one of my former students who is now a veterinary doctor in Canada and we had a good knowledge filled conversation and I happened to ask him " How is it that you know so much ? And what you are telling me is really outside your field ?" And his answer " Sir, remember you taught us 'The pen is mightier than the sword '?.Wow that was long time ago but he practised this and acquired the knowledge to make himself an interesting person. Do we think of bettering ourselves in this respect ? Its sad to see some people so lacking in social etiquette .They do not know simple table manners and gentlemen do not seem to know how to be chivalrous any more.We seldom see a guy holding a lady's hand when crossing a busy road or doing a simple thing like taking food for her>Too many people eat with their mouths full and talk too and too many people dont know simple table etiquette .Should we not try to improve on this ? A social conversation to a large extent will tell us what sort of a person you are.Do you contribute intelligently to a social conversation ? Do we know how to listen ? Another area for us to dwell on in order to be a better person. Dressing and personal grooming are things which will help make us better persons ."You are what you look like".Today its sad to see young people throwing dress code to the wind.Discerning people will look at you from top to bottom and form opinions about you from the way you dress and your personal grooming.Learn to better yourself in these respects . To be a better person is challenging and you can be a better person from so many different perspectives and in order to realise this we really need to take a step back and have a good look at ourselves because at the end of the day it is what sort of a person you are that really matters !

Life as a senior citizen.

As we go through our golden years ,suddenly it dawns on us that we have gone through a lot to be where we are today.Looking at our children and grandchildren we realise that today we have more time to give to them as we are no longer slaves to time and the demands of our jobs. Being at this age frees you from all the worries which we see the younger ones go through today.Its a blessing to be free of all the encumbrances which comes with living.No need to worry about budgeting or saving and each day when you open your eyes and see daylight there is the gratitude which comes from you being given another day. We do not realise that seniors enjoy quite a lot of benefits.I never expected that some one would give up his seat for me or that so many people call me "Uncle'. That shows that society still has some thought and consideration for the seniors.Though sometimes we do not realise that we have aged a look at the mirror every now and then will remind us that we cant fight time but then what is wrong with growing old and enjoying your golden years ? When we were young we were so wrought up with our mission of discovering ourselves and making a life for our family that we had little time for anything else.Perhaps we missed the real joy of seeing our children growing up or spending more time with each other as a family.Today, we try to make sure that we have enough time with the grandchildren and we certainly do not want to miss out on the joys of watching them grow mentally and physically. As seniors we have found peace of mind and a sense of contentment knowing that we have done all that we can do and now its a matter of just living the remaining years of our life the way we want it to be lived.There is no longer a feeling of wanting to achieve anything because we know we do not have the time or opportunity to do so.We have our share of regrets but we no longer sit and fret over it .There is the peace of mind which all the money in the world cannot buy.Our needs have become more simple and accommodating and there is no longer the envy of what others have and we do not.No more hankering for food or travel .What is important is to have the time to do what you could not do before. Many seniors would spend their time in pursuit of the hobbies which they did not have time to do in their younger days.Gardening is a popular hobby as the seniors claim that pottering in the garden is good for the soul and is also a healthy way to pass time. Some places do give specials to seniors.There is a golf club in KL which ha s special offers for seniors twice a week and another one which gives you a red flag that enables you to go onto the fairway ( most clubs dont allow buggies onto the course)so sometimes when we play golf its nice to know that there are clubs which do give due consideration for seniors. There is I guess only one little thing which bothers all seniors and that is when do you go and how do you go?But accepting that fact that this is something beyond your control we just have to enjoy the remaining years of our life as best as we can and be grateful that we are healthy and not a burden to our loved ones !

The buka puasa problem

I have ,on looking back ,come to realise that I have lost a number of my Muslim friends after the fasting period.Then the realization that the fasting concept is wrongly practised and this may have led to their health problems.You see, in the day you fast and the body is deprived of food and water.There is the religious aspect of fasting which i shall not dwell into but from the health point of view if you dont eat the whole day and then upon breaking fast you like kind of make up for lost time then the body is treated violently and it may not be able to take it. The sensible thing is when you break fast to just start with a little bit and then if you still feel like eating carry on but moderately. There are many kiasu people who just because they pay for the Buka Puasa Dinner want to get their money's worth so they tend to consume a lot of additional food.You should not think of what you have paid for the Buka Puasa food but take it as a reward for yourself for abstaining the whole day and also from the religious point of view you have been able to fulfil the requirements of your religion.Eating then takes on new meanings .... I came across some non Muslim friends who pay for the Buka Puasa food and they say they will sit there until closing time as they have paid for the food and should get their money's worth.Sad to see people with such shallow thinking and who are really so ignorant about the reasons for fasting. Because of this sudden surge in food intake people tend to develop heart problems and you will note the frequency of heart attacks during this period which should never happen if people just look at the rationales for fasting and how the after fasting food intake should be.

Buka Puasa or Breaking Fast

The month of Ramadan to the Muslims is a holy month.Its the time of the year when they fast to remind them not to be humanly weak and to also appreciate the blessings of God.In the early days I remember going to my Muslim's friends house to break fast with them .It was great seeing them break their fast and the lady of the house serving simple dishes>There was great fellowship as we ate together and after that sat down by the open air in the house and sipped coffee or tea and just chatted away. The concept of fasting is wonderful as it deprives you of food the whole day and your body is cleansed so that you become more aware of the spiritual aspects of life. I enjoyed going to different friends houses to break fast together with them and the feeling of fellowship was strong cutting across race ,religion and creed.It was the time to strengthen the friendship and understanding>To us, non Muslims it was an eye opener as we learnt more about Islam and the meaning and rationale behind fasting. Today the practice of breaking fast has taken a new twist,you have the lavish Buka Puasa buffets in hotels , clubs and restaurants.I wonder whether this is good or not but to my non Muslim mind the very purpose of fasting seems to have been lost.You should not deprive yourself of food the whole day and then suddenly splurge and maybe overeat at the end of the day.And what is worse look at the amount of wastage.Surely this would defeat the purpose of fasting ? Its not uncommon to find vendors charging exorbitant sums for this buffet and people being what they are will want to eat their money's worth ,hence the kiasu and overeating syndrome.Where is the moderation and gratitude that comes with fasting? There is nothing like the simple breaking fast that should bring families and friends together.I would rather appreciate family members chipping in and breaking fast together as this will definitely strengthen family bonds for after all in normal times how often do families eat together ? From the business point of view most food vendors will take this opportunity to make big profits and I just wonder how does this jive in with the fasting objectives? In the kampongs perhaps you will see the gathering of people to break fast together .The food need not be lavish but the gathering of families and friends certainly has more meaning ....

Lessons from the Olympics

Today the world is engrossed in the going ons of the Olympics where athletes from all over the world to pit their prowess against each other in their quest to win the gold medal. If we were to reflect a bit we would want to know the history of the Games which dates back to 776 BCE and what led to its beginning.The Games has its linkage to ancient mythology and it involves names like Hercules.Zeus ,and other mythological figures.Nevertheless it was a Frenchman who initiated the start of the modern day Olympics because he saw that one of the reasons why the French troops were defeated was because they lacked vigour and this made him see the value of exercise as a means of keeping the body fit and able to carry out strenuous tasks.hence the bid to get nations together to enable the young people to have a reason be be good in their field and be fit enough to excel in it. The first modern day Olympics took place in Athens in the year 1896 and since then it has grown in status and meaning to all countries and athletes .It makes you wonder what these young people had to go through in order to compete at this level.Looking at them and the way they have developed their bodies makes you realise that this did not come about by accident.Look at the physique of the swimmers,runners to name just a couple would make you appreciate the hours of hard work which must have surely gone into them be able to come out like that.To devote that kind of physique needs discipline, commitment and an unwavering sense of purpose.This, an important lesson for us...that to be anywhere good or worthy we need to be disciplined and be prepared for hard work.This is what separates the men from the boys. The Olympics is all about achievement and bringing glory to oneself and country.In the olden days an athlete would be so proud to just represent his country and if he does win a medal for his country nothing would make him prouder.Today victory is nor only for oneself and country but also the monetary benefits which come with success>Its perhaps something to think about when the Games come down to that.In the early days other than winning medals the Games offered an opportunity for young people from all parts of the world to meet in healthy competition and fellowship.Goodwill and better international relations were achieved through this.Its heartening to see athletes from countries with different ideologies coming together in the spirit of friendship.Yes,the Games teach us to be open minded and ready to set aside colour,creed and religion in the spirit of sports.Its an eye opener to see losers congratulating the winners and the winners consoling the losers.This is sportsmanship where the sports spirit can rise above petty human inclinations. So watching the Games with all its intensities and fierce competition spare a little thought and look beyond what you see.The Olympics is not just about winning its goals go far beyond this.!

A great loss !

Its always painful when you lose someone who is like a brother to you.My brother in law ( I always refer to him as this though he is actually my wife's)passed away after a long battle with cancer.He should not have gone this way because he was always so health conscious and careful with his lifestyle. I have nothing but the highest respect for him from the early days when I married my wife till now a span of more than forty years.I have always admired his determination in life .He worked for the govt. at one time but made it a point to get his degree which he did through distance learning from the University of London. His singularity of purpose in life is amazing.He never failed in what he set out to do.The only thing he did not manage to do (and I used to tease him on this ) was to play golf though he tried very hard.That aside ,he was a self made man getting little assistance from any one in his quest to succeed in life .Of course in the early days there was always his wife who stood by him through thick and thin. Their marriage was blessed with 3 lovely daughters who grew up to be his gems in his life.He was a doting father and would give his children whatever he could and its heartening to see the bond between father and children.He loved not only his children but mine and others' too.Whenever we went to Spore he would make sure that my own children were treated well. His only vice ,I should say passion was eating something which he really enjoyed.Eating a meal with us was always a lavish affair with him making sure that we got the best food he could get.We were always humbled by his generosity and the way he treated us.We loved him not because of this but because of the qualities which he displayed as a man from so many perspectives.He did well in life but was never snobbish or proud.He would always make it a point to think of others like he is one of the few men that I know who would go to the market and come back with loads of food for the family.He loved to eat and made sure others shared with him. He would go to the market everyday and take the trouble to buy the necessities back.Carrying the stuff back was no easy task but he did this willingly and happily.If we drove down to Spore he would make sure that our car was loaded with fruits ( The best he could get). He did what he had to do and I must say did it well.To him family was everything and in his life he made sure that all his children are well taken of even after they were married and had families of their own.He always walked tall because he had never done wrong in his life and had given so much not in terms of money alone but in terms of how to live life as we go along.He was very " Chinese" and held fast to Chinese beliefs and philosophy and tried by his very own example to pass this on to others. Its not easy to come across a man of his calibre who really had so much character.We will miss Uncle Chao and may his soul RIP and to his family all I can say is that "Be happy that he has gone to a better place " and he has done what every man should be proud to do and he did it all His Way !

lessons from movies

I am currently absorbed watching a Korean Movie (With English subtitles of course) about the Korean monarchy and the political scheming which goes on in the palace and strangely enough its all too familiar because you can see the same scheming going on everywhere today. The movie not only has an interesting story line but shows a lot about ancient Korean culture which are really quite admirable>You get to see palace etiquette, palace language and palace dress code.Its interesting to note amongst other things that you cannot live in comfort even though you are a king.As a king you cant have absolute power to make decisions and I cant help but compare this to the kind of lives our leaders have.I'm sure that any national decision will have to be made in consultation with the ministers and other leaders and as leaders do not often go to the ground they have to depend on the feedback given to them by their trusted aides.Sometimes things are shielded from them and its the underlings who may decide what they should know or not know.That is why its so important for leaders to get down to the grass roots and see and hear things for themselves.That is something which I reckon no leader in the world today does.When the PM for example meet with the people its all superficial and they have little opportunity to talk to the people. I remember when I was an Education Officer and was invited to officiate at school functions I saw what they wanted me to see and I heard what I was supposed to hear.Yes ,if govt. servants today give briefings to govt. leaders they would let them listen only to the good things. The movie also give insights into human character.A leader needs advisers and if they depend too much on them the power goes into the hands of the advisers and sometimes they deliberately give them the wrong advice.I believe this what caused the downfall of some of the weaker Prime Ministers whom we had."Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown"..how true>The ruler in reality and the ruler in fairy tales are two different beings,the real ruler has to face countless problems ,the fairy tale one lives in a dream world where all things are fine and rosy.Look at the world leaders today and you can imagine the kind of life they live.That's one of the reasons why the king said he would just want to drop everything ,live in a simple country house and have a simple life style.Sounds familiar right? In our hearts of hearts I'm sure that is something which many of us want....to be able to spend time with our children and spouses and be away from the rat race which many of the younger generation are caught up with today.Ironical ,that there was a time when we used to dream of fame and fortune but today we go back to a dream of a simple life. There is a lot to learn about palace protocol,language ,culture and officialdom from the movie and I would say that if you look out for these things you can learn a lot just by watching it.Incidentally there are more than 100 episodes to this movie and after nearly two months I have not finished watching.I'm sure there is much more to be learned.

Tough times make tough people ( Part 1)

When I look at children today I cannot help but compare them with what we went through as children in the 1940s and 50s.Whilst we had to learn to be streetwise and self reliant during our time children today are so protected and to a certain extent pampered that they may not know how to survive on their own. There was no TV , I phone ,DVD players ,fast food joints, air con restaurants and a marked absence of all the dessert joints which the children of today enjoy.What did we have ?The only ice cream we enjoyed was from the mobile ice cream seller and you get to turn a fortune wheel to determine how many cones of ice cream you get for one payment.At an early age we were exposed to the wheel of fortune and perhaps a little gambling or the luck of the game. We had no fancy meals for breakfast ,it was most of the time bread and butter.We never had the chance to have pork noodles .McD ,KFC ..these were unheard of and you eat to fill up your stomach .Lunch and dinner consisted mainly of rice and sambal belachan and curry and we ate lots of rice so that we do not go hungry.Water? Just use your hands ,turn on the pipe and drank as much as you want for free. Mineral water was unheard of and coke ,sprite ,iced tea ,fruit juices..never dreamed of.Despite all this we seldom got sick.I dont remember ever seeing a doctor.If at all we fall sick we were given some traditional medicine .Today if a child suffers from a cough or cold off he goes to the doctor. We never travelled in air con cars and anywhere we wanted to go was either on foot or bicycle>I remember at the age of 12 I was already cycling a few km to get to school and on the first day of school I went to school on my own.School was fun , we studied during school hours and after that it was freedom time.No need for tuition classes,no music lessons or second language lessons.We enjoyed school as there were many opportunities to learn and make friends. We played badminton in the open air and you had to learn how to control the shuttlecock against the wind.Football was played in the sun and rain and always barefooted.Whenever it rained rugby was a favourite game as you can run and tackle the other player in the wet soggy field.after all this its back home for a cold water shower as hot water was unheard of.No colds or fever from this ,yes we were tough,unspoilt and had to fend for ourselves. Fruits ? We ate whatever we could get from the trees around the neighbourhood.The favourite was guava and green mangoes ( They never had a chance to ripen with us around )Grapes,oranges,apples were fruits for the rich and we certainly did not belong to this category.Nevertheless we had our share of fruits which we got and were quite contented with this.We did not have much but we were happy with what we had. Taking in a movie was a great luxury.We learnt how to get in the cinema by paying half the price.How? We made a deal with the ticket collector.When everyone had gone in and there were still seats left he would let us in without having to buy tickets but we paid him cash but less than the price of a ticket.That's ingenuity which we learned at an early age. We grew up nevertheless and what we went through enabled us to face life's challenges as we went along.We learned how to think out of the normal paradigm and learned how to be innovative and creative,how not to be disappointed with life but take it as it comes.We had the courage,the strength to face life's challenges because we grew up the tough way.

My students

Recently a student whom I taught in 1965 came back from Canada and the rest of the classmates organised a dinner for him in KL.Never would I have imagined decades ago the I would sit down with them and have dinner together>Though it was such a long time that I taught them I can still remember them clearly as they were good students so its not surprising that many of them turned out to be successful people and what made me particularly proud was that they all spoke good English and one guy thanked me for that as I was their English teacher.Proficiency in the language has take them far and wide and they told me that because their English is good they could speak with confidence at all levels.One of them became a writer for an English newspaper and I remembered that he used to write good essays and his hand writing was always neat and clear. As teachers we had the pleasure of coming across bright students and realising this we not only gave them the academic knowledge but also subtly within our lessons taught them lessons in life so that they become academically good and morally sound thus growing up to be fine upright individuals.Looking at many of them that night it makes me proud that in some way or other we have helped shape them to what they are today.This is what makes me proud to be a teacher.

My Way

A song which has been my inspiration My Way contains great lessons for the discerning listener and also some important aspects of life .I particularly like " For what is a man what has he got ,if not himself then he has not ,to say the things he wants to say and not the words of one who kneels..."So inspiring and good to model our lives after.A man must have certain beliefs and principles in life.Without these he is nothing and just a shell of a man.Watch a Korean movie where there was a plot to overthrow the king and to do this they tried to bribe the Commander of the army with all sorts of things,wealth,fame and recognition.But the Commander said "I was appointed to serve my King and Country and I would give my life to do this. Sometimes we tend to waver in our beliefs because of promises of incentives and there are people who would go out of the way to gain favours by doing just anything.Can you imagine a person who would give up his identity just to get into the good books of the powers to be? We Chinese believe in identity and would not give it up for anything .The Emperors had their costumes,the ministers ,the officials all wore different types of clothes in accordance with their rank and status and they would under no circumstances shed this.I watched with disgust some politicians of a different party shed their identity and don on the clothes of the ruling party just to appease the masters.This reflects absolute lack of principles and self respect and dignity.Compare this with those people who have given up their lives for the sake of what they believed in and you will be able to understand that there are people who would stoop so low that its unbelievable that they are our representatives. " You can take away everything but you cant take away my dignity " how true.You lose that and you lose everything.My Way says you must walk tall and fight for what you believe in come what may.How often we hear people say things which they do not mean.Politicians are some of the most common culprits.A shrewd politician would analyse his audience and say what they want to hear .This is how they make use of their psychological knowledge to win over the masses but I wonder in the process of doing this do they really believe in what they are saying. "Regrets .I had a few "...In every one's life there are things which we regret not having done or not done.It is important while you are still able to ,to do the things you want to do so so that " when you face the final curtains" you can say you have done what you want to do and without regrets.Life is unpredictable so we have live life to its full while we can.How often we hear " I should have done this....why didn't I do this?....too late the final curtain has dropped and we ,for sure are not given a second chance to live our lives. I am really fond of this song because of its deep meaning and its a good guide to living our lives as it comes.Listen to this song and lsiten carefully to the lyrics and you will know why so many are inspired by "My Way".

Life's changes

I cannot help but reflect on the situation today and how life changes.It seems like not to long ago that we were bringing up our 4 girls,seeing them through school ,university and finally settling down with the spouses of their choice and making their way to find their own lives.From children to mothers that is a big change and we are fortunate that we have lived to this stage to see this happening.Lucky also that our children need not have to worry about us as we are both very independent and thank God still fit and healthy.We may take this for granted but if your parents are sickly and if have to look after them it is a big strain on you.We are happy that we can spare our children this. We look with a little bit of amusement how our own children bring up their children and see how anxious they are about their own kids.I'm quite sure that our grandchildren will be spoilt and how they turn out later in life will actually depend on the extent of the spoiling.Children today, even from the time of our own children are so protected and have the benefits of parental love as compared with our time .We learned to be independent from a young age and we ate whatever came our way and there were no side effects.Today's children if given the wrong food would end up with coughs and what nots.We swam in the rivers, played in the rain ,ate sambal belachan and were none the worse off.I cant imagine if I were to put my grandchildren to play in the rain.Probably their mothers (my children ) would think I'm crazy. I can see my own little girl doting over her son.Carrying him for hours (even when he is asleep) is a pleasurable chore>I do it for a while and feel the strain because the baby is not light.But to the doting mother this is nothing.Man goes through a cycle,birth ,adulthood ,parenthood and I cant imagine if the children turn out to be unfilial.We are lucky our children care for us and need not have to go through this kind of heartache but one cannot help wonder if after all they have to go through parents have to face the problem of ungrateful and unfilial children.Probably this will depend on the kind of up bringing and the values which are taught to the children from young.That is why no one can take the place of parents in the growing up process and we really pity the parents who have to entrust their children to nannies because of their career commitments.even leaving their children with the grand parents is so painful ,what about nannies? We are happy our children are going through this without too much of a hassle.We are happy that they can grow up to be parents in their own right and what is more important we are still around to lend a helping hand when needed.As grandparents we have the chance to do with our grandchildren what we perhaps could not have done with our own children as we are better off financially ,psychologically and mentally than we were.We have no careers to worry about,no headaches about putting the children through school and university and the need to balance a career with family.Its their turn now...Today if any of the grandchildren needs anything we dont even give a second thought but when we were young we had to really think and very often faced a choice of wanting to give what the children wanted as against what we could afford to give. That is why our grandchildren would be spoilt not only by the parents but by us too.The cycle of life is really something but then it is not everybody who can go through this cycle and those who do have much to be thankful for.To go through childhood, adulthood,parenthood brings a lot of precious experiences some painful but the rest mainly joyous !

A hectic week

My nephew from New Zealand tied the knot in Penang and KL .There was a dinner in Penang on Wed 30th May and poor us had to drive up on the morning of that day and stayed a nite before returning to KL on the 31st.The drive in the hot sun was tough especially for the driver.I was not allowed to drive so had to sit down quietly and allow the lady driver to do her stuff. A cultural shock awaited us when we checked into our accommodation .It was a kind of apartment block and looked really budget .To make matters worse the rooms faced a huge graveyard and was in an older part of the town.We had no choice but to make the best use of it. The next day a long hot drive to Ipoh where we had chance to eat all the Ipoh goodies before leaving for Kl.My eldest girl and family came back on Friday and it was shopping and eating all the way.Sat. nite was the dinner by the groom's side at a Chinese restaurant in a golf club.It was a gastronomical disaster for I have never tasted such bad food for a wedding dinner but being guests we just ate what was edible and kept quiet .Fact remains that we went home quite hungry. I have learnt something which I always believed in that is if you want to do something do it well and if you want to be calculative about money dont do it.If you do something with the money factor as the main criteria you might as well forget about doing it.Of course if you have limited funds and you do a budget event its understandable but if money is not a constrain and you make it into one then something is not right.Somebody said correctly "Money is only money when you use it ". By the time Girl left for Spore we were all stoned and last night surprisingly by 9 pm everyone was in bed suffering from the after effects of the hectic week !

Crossroads

We have Kyra,Aaron and Lucas our three grandchildren at the moment>By year end there will be another one .Grandma is at the moment looking after the two of them and Aaron is very attached to her.This is not surprising as she showers him with a lot of love and understanding.I presume that in due time Lucas will get the same type of love and attention that only the grandma can give. Grandma is getting on in years and I can imagine the kind of sacrifices she has to make for the sake of the children and grandchildren.Yet there is not a word of complain as we all know that she is doing this out of sheer love for the children and grandchildren.She has always been like this ,putting the interests of others before hers. With the coming of the new baby some sort of planning has to be made and discussed to the satisfaction of all parties.We have always been trained to plan ahead.That is what management is all about,and the recent lack of planning and proper communication showed in our trip to Bandung.I was told that there would be golf but whenI asked whom are we playing with and how many days of golf would we be having I was not given any details.That being the case I decided that I would not play and it was only on the night of our departure that I was told that there would be a friend there playing with us and that he has his own car which would ferry us all over.By that time I had already made up my mind not to play Thisis is a classic example of what happens if there is no proper communication and where lack of details makes decision making difficult. Fact is by year end with the coming of a new addition where we are currently staying becomes overcrowded.I would imagine grandma would still have to look after the new addition plus Aaron and maybe Lucas.Where to accommodate all of them? As I see it Aaron can perhaps sleep with his parents,Lucas can go back to his ( whether this is possible )as they have to work the next day,and the new addition will definitely need grandma's services.That being the case she should be consulted first and not taken for granted. .Plans have to be made,discussed and consensus reached.Grandma's opinion must be sought first and she must be part of the decision making as she is the key player. We have always put the interests of the children and grandchildren ahead of ours but we have to understand that we are getting on in age and looking after the little ones is a lot of work and responsibility.Grandma has to be appreciated and due respect given to her when deciding on the child's future.We were very hurt when the educational path of Aaron was not discussed with us, a real insult to our more than 60 years of experience in the field of education .That is ok as we will watch by the sideline to see what happens.The only unfortunate thing is that sometimes when parents make wrong decisions about their children it would be painful to see the child suffer all because the parents think they are too smart or too egoistic,chauvinistic to open their minds to other options or even listen to other opinions. When things change plans have to be made in advance.As a trained administrator I have always believed in planning ahead for without this a lot of unnecessary issues will appear.

Life as we grow older

My golfing friends are always proud to introduce me to strangers at the tee box. "Our uncle is in the 7os and still playing with us ".Makes me ponder sometimes when I hear this and realize that hey " I'm a super senior guy" and am still able to do what the younger ones are doing.With this comes the awareness too that I'm indeed very lucky to have come this far in life and be thankful that I have grey hair which my friend say some never live to have. As you grow older you realize that you are given the time and opportunity to do the things which you never had the time to do when you were younger.I see some of the young people live and work nowadays and cannot help but sympathise with them because they miss out on the joys of life and by the time they grow old they may never have had the time to enjoy it.Rushing over meals,thinking of how to make more money ,pondering over work and business strategies all has its price.You lose up on time which can enable you to live a more balanced life.God is reasonable.He gave us Sunday which is for us to relax and spend time doing the things we love to do other than work."No work or work related activities on Sunday" should be a simple maxim for everyone to follow.Time gone cannot ever be recovered. I watch my grandson growing up and this is a joy which should be enjoyed by the parents.At least one day in the week should be devoted to the child and herein lies the bond which will take them through life.Children grow up fast.Its in the infancy and formative years that they need their parents .Once they come to their teens their need for parents is less and by the time they go to college or start working the need is even less as they become more independent.That's why the communication gap come s about. Life is about choices and its up to you to choose how you want to live it. Coming to this age I try to reflect on how I managed to survive till now and come to the conclusion that its important to have a balance in everything you do.From eating to a discipline of no over indulgence life becomes more organized .I have always believed in three meals a day and never over eating even when i come across food which I particularly like and making sure there is a balance between rest ,work and play.Exercise and the right food balance are essential.Supplements like vitamins E,C and multivites have been part of my intake for as long as I can remember. Of course there is no denying the effects of ageing.Memory becomes poor, fatigue sets in more easily,body aches are more and sleep becomes more difficult especially in new surroundings.But on top of all this a positive outlook helps.Gratitude that you have come this far,relatively healthy ( Compared with others who have all kinds of sickness)and the ability to do all things albeit a little less efficient keeps you in positive mode and this helps. What the remaining years bring and what will happen nobody can say.Now live life to the full and do what you have always wanted to do is the maxim.I only hope that in my twilight years I will not be a burden to my children and if possible spare them the pain of seeing us suffer in our remaining journey through life !

Face Value

I remember one of my former Director of Education was very particular about our shoes.He was a fanatic for leather shoes and we saw that his shoes were always shiny and clean>He used to tell us "The key to a man's personality lies in his shoes".To a certain extent face value is important.How do you present yourself and how do others see you are important criteria for your personality measurement. When I was young I had only two sets of clothes for school and one or two after school clothes but as I went on to work I made sure I was smartly dressed for no other reason than to look presentable and to give yourself the self confidence you need to face the world.As a teacher we stood in front of our students and I'm sure they would have looked at us from head to toe.I met an old boy of mine recently and he told me "Sir,you were always smartly dressed and we remember your perfume !!"Presenting the right image is important especially if your work involves customer service and meeting people.People are always critical and judgemental and like to form opinions about you when they meet you.Looking at the clothes you wear ,your shoes,your hair ,down to your nails and the way you match your clothes tend to make them form opinion about you. trying to be simple to the extent that you look like a hobo is overdoing it a bit to say the least>You may be successful but if you dont present an image expected of you then it may seem that you lose out. The Emperors of China take a lot of trouble to be presentable and they also insisted that all their top ranking officials be presentable too so that the people as well as visitors are awed by their mere presence.When you see someone wearing JL tee shirts ,or Dunhill shirts with Bally belts and Boss pants you cant help but feel that this guy got some class.Of course CLASS does not just come with the clothes you wear,it comes together with the way you carry yourself,your etiquette ,manners and general behaviour.But there is no doubt that looking good helps you to do a lot of things.That is why some companies insist that their top men or women follow a certain dress code when they go out or uniforms on certain days of the week. One has be sensitive about one's status and present oneself accordingly.If you are for example holding a senior post in an organisation you should present yourself becoming of the status of your position and also that of your company. Asians generally look at things on the surface .That is why our leaders and top officials make it a point to be presentable all the time though they may be rotten inside.

Honour thy father and mother

Today Chinese all over the world converge on to the cemeteries and pay homage to their forefathers .They do so in so many forms ,some simple with just a few joss sticks and some simple offerings in the form of fruits and paper money, others lavishly with roast pigs ,roast chicken and paper houses and cars and etc.Today the amount and types of such things in the market is mind boggling .This is to make the living happy that they can offer all these things to the departed. The symbols aside Ching Ming is a day set aside for the Chinese to pay their respects to the dearly departed and also a chance for family members to gather together in family unity brought together by a common bond.It is heartening to see the living descendants gather at the grave yard and its a kind of get together amongst family members to remember their parents, grandparents.The Chinese are very sensible people ,although Ching Ming falls on the 4th April this year they can do the pilgrimage to the graves one week before and one week after the actual date.This is to suit the schedule of the busy living ones and it gives all family members a chance to fix a date convenient to everyone. According to Chinese custom only the male descendants are obliged to do Ching Ming,the females are not.But if they so decide they have to do it for the male's side>it does not really makes sense>i have 4 daughters and does it mean that when I go they need not come to my grave but when their father in law dies they have to? To me there should be no such division ,as long as you feel that you want to remember the dead you do so.I have always been to my mother and father in laws graves without fail every year and I do that because I knew them and they were good to me so what's the rubbish about sons in law not having to do it for their in laws.My wife and I have this mutual respect for each other's parents.She follows me to may parents graves and I do the same when she goes to her parent'.So what is the big deal? Why is it that the male cannot go to the girl's side and why the female must follow the husband's? It is sad when you go to a graveyard during this place and see some graves which are badly neglected and obviously unattended for many a year and we wonder who is the poor soul who lies forgotten by his descendants. It is good to remember our ancestors for they gave us life and brought us to this world for better or for worse.If a man cannot remember his roots and remember his forefathers ,to me he has no soul and should take a good look at himself !

What they have done to our kids.

My neighbour's kids just entered school and I hear the mother yelling and screaming at them everyday trying to " teach" them .First , not everybody knows how to teach>When will they realize this? By yelling and shouting at the kids you are doing great psychological damage to the kids without realizing it and they may grow up the wrong way. When we were children school was fun .Children went to school to obtain a bit of knowledge and there was plenty of time for us to play after school.Who heard of tuition those days ? Who heard of tests and homework? We enjoyed our childhood as we grew up without going through the pressures which children today face>This is the result of firstly political interference in education and the kiasu attitude of parents.You are young only once and the formative years should be the best years of your life.Children should learn naturally,their natural curiosity will lead them to discover things on their own.But what are we doing today? We want them to do well in their studies and as a result they are put through hours of torture in the form of tuition and coaching by parents .They do not have time to enjoy life.During our time our parents left us alone where studies were concerned and if we had a few red marks on our report cards my father would just say " Try harder".There was no pressure to do well and we learnt naturally.We depended just on our class teachers and these were a special breed of people as compared with teachers today in terms of dedication and commitment. Those days teachers had time to teach.We were just given the syllabus and the teachers would make sure that we learned the contents well.Today because of politicians trying to control education for whatever reasons teachers are required to do so many things rather than teach and of course the students suffer and have no choice but to resort to tuition.When you have the direction of education being determined by idiotic politicians the result is a confused medley of educational objectives with the focus still on exam. results.Sad ,this has been pointed out years ago but it remains the same till today. Today as we go along 50 over years after merdeka there is still such a marked difference between urban and rural schools because the policy makes it so.Good teachers are normally concentrated in the urban areas and sometimes working in a rural school is looked upon as a form of punishment. The medium of instruction has changed from English to the National Language without proper planning and as result our schools have become racist with the races flocking to their respective racial schools thus we have the Indians ,Chinese and Malays all divided through the educational system.During our time we had only one type of school ie the English medium schools and there was no issue of racial disunity.Parents should realize that this kind of system is divisive and Chinese parents would want to send their children to the Chinese Schools as would the Malays send theirs to the Malay schools.The poor children are placed in schools through selection by parents who think they are educationists and this may have harmful effects on the kids. Look at the number of books the kids have in their bags and you will wonder how they are going to manage.There are many reasons for this ,political economic and cronyism. The net result is that our kids suffer and have to go through an educational system that has no real direction. Schools should be fun where children learn through discovery and where the learning experience is enjoyable and meaningful.If we put our kids through a confused system the result is a confused future generation.

Lessons in Life (Part 3)

In life values play an important role .Many values are acquired through the family upbringing .We can say to a certain extent that the calibre and quality of a person is seen through the values which he considers important .To Asians especially family ties form an important aspect of our value system. Loyalty to the family, obedience and respect for the elders are important elements in family values.We believe that if man does not embrace and hold dear to these values he is nothing.In Asian society too the man has always been considered as the head of the family and many an important decision affecting the family is made by him for better or for worse.Today this trend has changed as there is more equality among the sexes and children have grown to be more independent.That being so some say they practise democracy in the family where everyone has a chance to contribute to decision making .This is fine but the head should never relinquish his position as the head of the family and at the end of the day he holds the keys to good decision making. As in any group if you are a family member with it comes certain obligations and responsibility.For example families (Chinese) gather for the Reunion dinner on the eve of Chinese New Year>this is the time of the year and the occasion for family members to gather together in the family house and meet and catch up with each other.There is also the Ching Ming festival when family members gather to pay respect to the ancestors keeping in mind the value of not forgetting your roots and your forefathers>This is the essence of Chinese culture which has always emphasized the importance and significance of family ties.If you are a Chinese and do not hold fast to these values then what sort of Chinese are you?. Likewise to the Chinese occasions like marriages, births, deaths are opportunities for family members to gather together and as a responsible family member you would not want to miss out on this. We must have values worth preserving and worth fighting for because without this what are we?

Lessons in Life ( Part 2 )

As we go through life's long journey we realize that we not only learn the good things from people but also how to avoid doing what should not be done.Look around you and you will see so many things which helps in self improvement and self realization. People who shout and yell,people who discuss and end with"That's the way I am",people who are never punctual,people who are self centred ,people who are shallow and possess the wrong set of values all will come your way. They say just because you have paper qualification it does not necessarily mean that you are educated.It takes more than paper qualification to make you educated.Teachers play a dominant role in our lives and its good to recall that during our time we had teachers who were charismatic ,knowledgeable and who took the trouble to ensure that we learnt .They were teachers by choice and represented a rare breed of humanity.Today ,looking at one picture of a teachers photograph in one secondary school it struck me that almost all the teachers were of one race and I'm quite sure this is the norm in many of our govt. schools.Does this mean that the teaching service attracts only one group of people or does it mean that the other races are not interested or are they excluded?Can we entrust our children's education and development to this group of people ? Gone are the days when teachers were made up of diversified people from all over the world.We had teachers from Ireland,USA, Arabia,other than our own and they were all united by the common goal of educating the young irrespective of race ,religion or colour.Today's education has sadly produced a generation of young materialistic kiasu characters. We led simple lives during our time and had very simple needs and easily satisfied.Today's generation lead such a hectic lifestyle that you cannot imagine how the y could ever appreciate and enjoy the good things in life.I pity the poor souls who in the midst of playing golf have to entertain business calls.How can you allow yourself to be disturbed when you have a little free time for yourself? Or rushing over a meal to catch up with some work? We have to determine whether all this is worth it.Some will say its dollars and cents ..I would say money is not everything.If you have only 1 hour to spend would you give it to your dear ones or use it to make money? Something to learn about life. If you keep your mind and eyes open there are many things to learn.The other day a friend of mine who runs a security company was complaining about one of his guards who could not find his way to a certain spot in KL and he complained about the 'stupidity ' of the guard.I told him simply "if he's smart he would not be a guard' or have you considered that you may know KL well but maybe your guard comes from the kampong so be reasonable.There is no harm in listening to others whoever they may be and pride should not make us egocentric snobs to think that just because we are in such a position people below us cannot tell us anything. In life we have to learn to be humble and always appreciate what we have and never forget especially to appreciate those who are closest to us.Sadly ,all too often this is forgotten!!

Lessons in Life (Part 1)

We learn a lot from everyone who have touched our lives in one way or other and it is not surprising that some of the things we learned have formed part of what we are today.My earliest mentors were of course my parents.Dad was unique.I have never come across a man with so simple needs in life,a man who did everything for his family.I have never remembered seeing him lose his cool or get angry. He kept very much to himself when he had problems and would seldom share his thoughts with any one of us.From him I learned patience,sacrifice,self control,family love and above all to be satisfied with what we have and not dream of things which we do not have.Dad in his simple way was a contented man.Though living hand to mouth he never bemoaned the fact that we had little of the good things in life.He was contented to be an office and home man with very little opportunity to indulge.The thing that struck me was that despite this he was happy and perhaps the times when he was not so was when he could not give my mum what she wanted ie more money. My mum was a petite little nyonya with the ferocity of a tigress.She was known as that amongst our neighbours .She loved gambling ( ironically it was dad who taught her how to play mahjong )and was a strict disciplinarian.From her we learned discipline, to respect the elders and to never dispute their opinion.From he we learned to be fighters ,the never say die attitude.Despite her addiction to gambling mum never neglected her duties as a wife and mother.She would make sure that there was a hot meal for us everyday.She was a good cook and all the nyonya dishes were cooked by her.Though poor she would never fail to provide us with a good spread for the Reunion Dinner and she made sure that the traditional dishes were always there.Perhaps this is one of the reasons why till today I would still insist that The Reunion Dinner is eaten at home.I never believe that this occasion should be commercialised and people eat in restaurants lose the meaning of the Reunion.My dad and mum were great role models for us . My own wife taught me a lot of things which have in one way or other made me what I am today.You cannot live with somebody for more than 40 years without having gained something valuable.She taught me to be more Chinese and this is why till today I am a nut for Chinese history movies>Being Chinese means to be more aware ,sensitive ,understanding about Chinese history,values and traditions.Through her I learned more about things like Ching Ming,the various Chinese festivals.She taught me about family ties.To her parents, siblings are of the same blood and must be loved and honoured.Never say anything negative about her siblings ,she is fiercely protective about them and this is quite understandable because she looked after them when they were young.She learned to be independent at an early age cos the father left them at at early age and she learned to be the head of the family together with all its responsibilities at the time when she was still a teen. A tough lady by any standards ,from her we learned the meaning of sacrifice,endurance,loyalty,filiality and lots of other things>This aside she taught me to be more tolerant,more forgiving and not to think bad about others.She would treat anyone as her friend ,the pork seller,the vegetable seller and the fish monger too.She looked at people as human beings and would spend time talking to the maid ,finding out more about her and teaching her valuable lessons in life. The responsibility and sacrifices of parenthood were of utmost importance to her and there is nothing she would not do for her children.She was never one to run away from problems and had the resilience to see anything through.Sometimes I just wonder where she gets all her energy from .We are lucky to have her as a wife,mother ,grandmother and as some of my sons- in law would agree a mother in law.

The Little Worm

Our youngest daughter whom we nicknamed "worm" because she was so active and fast in everything she used to do became a mother in her own right .Her baby came one month earlier than scheduled and with that all the careful planning went haywire as mom had to go to London and would not be around after the first few days and it was quite fortunate we could get a replacement nanny on time. Lucas was born premature and needed special care and it was painful for us to see our "little " girl go through the initial anxiety of mother hood together with her husband.It struck me then as it always has that a parent's love for the child is really special.Right from the day Baby Yeong was born this was very evident.What is there stronger than a parents' love for the child.From the moment it is born you can feel that here you have parents who would do anything for their child.the moment the child is born you can feel that he has become the focus of everything they do and their whole world now revolves round the child. It makes us happy to see our own little girl grow onto motherhood and at the same time it makes us feel pain seeing her having to go through a difficult part of her life.We feel her joy and share her pain .That is all we can do as parents.We have always assured Andrew and her that they should not worry about anything as we are there all the time for them as their child is our grandchild and the family bond is stronger than anything else. Be healthy and grow up well Lucas Yeong !!

Grandchildren.

Today Baby Yeong says "Hello" to the world.He is an early arrival coming out one month before he is due and maybe there is a reason for this,only time will tell.The last couple of days were anxious days ,from the moment Andrew told us Sze was in hospital mum and I went through anxious moments>Mum especially was restless and though she did not say so I know her well enough to know she was worried.Its funny but in times of anxiety people do not say much but each knows what is in the other's thoughts.When we have our regular breakfast mum said very little unlike her chatterbox style and it told me what was going on in her mind ...no need to ask. Last night Baby Yeong came to the world and it was a great relief to us to know that mother and son are doing well.Parents will always care for their children be they grown up or mothers themselves.Mum was up early to prepare breakfast for the daughter and when I playfully said " Hey they have food for her in the hospital she said "Yes but not the food which I can cook" and off she went to deliver the food to the precious daughter.It is in times like this that the family bond shows .We worry too for our son in law for being a first time father we can imagine what he must be going through .All we could do was to assure him that we are around so he can at least be assured that we are behind him.Thank God everything went on well and we are the happy grandparents and parents of our little dragon.

Valentine Day

Its interesting to trace the love path of a couple..When they first meet she is the dream girl,the sugar honey,the precious one etc etc.At the beginning of the relationship ,flowers ,jewels,dinners ,movies are all part and parcel of the relationship.They say that it is at this period of time that the best of either side is seen.Very true..this is the period of time when you would do your best to convince the other that you are the best choice . Birthdays and special days like Valentine Day,Xmas Eve were never forgotten and the lady could always be assured of a special dinner and gifts sometimes expensive and unique.The other half was always treated as special and the guy would go all out to please her.If she wanted to go somewhere he would happily volunteer rain or shine.This was the period when the flame of love was at its brightest and I'm sure many a lady would think back to this period with great nostalgia and good memories. With marriage and the emergence of the family sadly enough such things are forgotten.I had a wake up call this year on Valentine Day when mum said "Valentine Day is not just for the new couples.As we grow older we would like to be treated as we were when we were young.TO a woman as we grow older it means a lot to know that we are still loved and treasured" How true ! Sometimes we forget and neglect to take the trouble to make that little effort to show the other half that we still care and love them despite having grown older.Age should cement further the relationship and it must always be considered as something precious.Many guys tend to take their spouses for granted and once married everything that was done before seems to be forgotten.We have to realize that as a lady grows older she needs more assurances and for the sake of her pride and self esteem it would be nice for us to tell them in so many ways that they are still loved and appreciated as much if not more than before. Little gestures are never difficult to carry out >Its a matter of whether you care enough or not or have we forgotten? Did we forget before?Do we forget that we met our other halves they were sweet young things and that they looked real beautiful?Are they no longer attractive to us?Today we see them older but I guess no less prettier,some say that as women age there is a different kind of beauty which you have to learn to see and appreciate.That being the case should they not be treated as we treated them before.As a person ages the psychological needs are even greater and we the spouses must see to that. Thank you Valentine Day for the reminder !!

Change

During our time family ties were strong because the way we lived made it possible.There was usually a lot of chatter over the eating table and after dinner with no TV or Astro family members sat by the hall and exchanged stories and it was also a good time for parents to educate their children. Today its obvious that changes have taken place socially and no necessarily for the better .its common to see families gathered in the living room but not to socialize.They are either watching astro or each one playing with their gadgets.Parents no longer play the role of advisers and confidantes and people may be physically there but mentally each one is in a world of his own.When you start playing with your gadgets in the presence of others do you realize that you are being rude ? You seem to indicate that the people around you do not exist and that is certainly being impolite.Its quite irritating to see people sending message after message on their mobile with total disregard for the people around them or two people having dinner together and each one playing with his or her own gadget. Have we come to the stage when we no longer want to communicate with those around us in preference of our gadgets ?

The Year of the Dragon

I am born a Dragon and proud of it.My first realization of the importance of the dragon was when elder brother got married and I was asked to roll on the bed to bring them a baby.And guess what? They did get a baby boy and a baby girl later... To the Chinese the dragon symbolises power,strength,courage and it is one of the most sought after animals in the Chinese zodiac. What 2012 holds for everyone is anybody's guess.Some will climb up the job ladder,some will be blessed with new additions to the family,some may fall sick .One thing is sure everyone will be one year older and we should be thankful that we can see another year.Too often we take things for granted and do not appreciate what we have>Instead we tend to yearn for what we do not have like more money, a bigger house , a bigger car and etc so much so we forget to see and appreciate what we have in hand.To me a happy and healthy family is the greatest gift.Nothing would please us more than to see our children lead useful lives with their own families and more importantly have the strength of character which we have been trying to implant onto them since the day they were born.Seeing the grandchildren grow up and develop is one of life's blessigs which sometimes we fail to appreciate. Greeting the new year with greater self awareness and greater appreciation of what we have would certainly make the new year more meaningful>It does not matter what the dragon or any other animal in the zodiac signifies,,what is important in life is how we choose to live it.That choice is ours to make and in making that choice we need to take a good look at the things which matter most to us. It requires the right attitude to face anything new and 2012 is a new year.If we are able to evaluate and analyse the year gone by and decide what are our priorities for the new year we have something exciting to look forward to.The new year gives you more time to perhaps do what you have been unable to do and a chance to do things which you want to do.Grab this chance ,do it with the right attitude and you will have a challenging and exciting year ahead !

Chinese New Year

In a few days Chinese all over the world will celebrate the Chinese New Year and its special meaning and culture .As I look back the way the new year is celebrated then and now has quite drastically transformed. Before weeks before the new year day dawns, families are busy making the traditional cookies ,each with its special meaning.The flour has to be ground,the fires prepared (Only charcoal was used then)and all members of the family would gather together and help in preparing the cookies.This enhanced the family spirit and made the cookies taste better as everybody's effort went into making them.Today you buy them off the shelf and understandably not much of these are eaten with the same relish as before. The cakes and cookies had special meaning too. For example the " Nien Ko" was offered specially to the kitchen God so that the sticky stuff would make his mouth difficult to open so that he cannot make bad reports about the family.The "koay kapek" was originally used to pass messages and that is the reason why its folded that way.Of course everybody knows that Mandarin oranges are given to wish prosperity to the recipient ,just as ang pows are given to wish wealth.The orange and red colour used for these two items all relate to wealth and prosperity. Houses are cleaned and tidied so that by the eve of the new year all bad luck is swept away and the house cannot be swept on the first day of the new year as this would mean that good luck is swept away.Cutting your hair before new year is a must as the old hair which is cut means all the previous year's misfortunes are cut off and new clothes are worn on the first day with this same reason.on the first day children are not scolded or caned however naughty they are. Traditionally ang pows are given by the elders to the children and in return the children will serve them tea as a mark of respect.Everyone wakes up early,have their shower and put on their new clothes.Most people would spend the first day at home and the second day visiting relatives and family elders. On the eve of the new year there will be the reunion dinner which sad to say has lost much of its meaning today.In China in the early days family members are scattered throughout the country making a living and they all made their way home to gather with the rest of the family members.The lady of the house would prepare the special meal and all members of the family would sit down ,eat together and catch up on each other.the meal and what it is made up of is not important but the gathering is.Compare this with today's reunion.Restaurants are fully booked and if you are given a slot the time frame is laid down for you like say from 6 to 8 pm and you normally have to make your way to the particular restaurant.Question;Is the restaurant your home that you should return to for the reunion?And what sort of reunion is it when you have to eat in a crowded restaurant amidst all the and mayhem made by the other customers? Whatever good that will come in the new year is a blessing from the Gods and Chinese will not forget to pay due respects to whatever God they pray to.This reminds us that whatever we are ,whatever happens in the future is to a certain extent dependent on Heaven's blessings. The New year celebration lasts for 15 days and a lot of this time is spent on eating,catching up with friends and relatives and of course gambling (The Chinese are great gamblers. There is a lot of tradition and meaning in the Chinese New Year and we have to ensure that this is handed down to posterity so that our descendants can appreciate and understand the true maning and significance of Chinese New Year.

Ho Chi Minh City

We had a short holiday in Ho Chi Minh and it was an interesting experience.First , the traffic is simply amazing>I have never seen so many motor bikes anywhere like this.They come in hordes from every corner and you have to close your eyes to cross the road.No such thing as waiting for the traffic to clear because it never does.Strangely enough few accidents ( we never saw one ).This must be due to the fact that the people are considerate ,alert and not as uncivilized as our " Mat Rempits".Not many privately owned cars are seen on the roads. The taxis are clean and new and one cannot help but feel quite safe travelling in them.They are all metered and you need not have to worry about being cheated or taken for a ride. The market which has a wet and dry section is a happening place and you can buy almost everything at rock bottom prices.So for Malaysians its some sort of shopping paradise.Branded apparel,watches ,shoes are all sold here.Most of them carry brand names but are made in Vietnam. Vietnamese food is healthy and we noticed that its not oily and usually eaten with a lot of raw vegetables.Perhaps this is why so many of them are slim and willowy.You get to taste the local fare and also the French food which is the legacy of the French.The French influence is seen in the buildings and food and the culture which they left behind.Strangely enough you dont see much of what the Americans left behind.It somehow struck me that if you know the history of a country the visit is much more meaningful. The little hotel where we stayed was clean and secure and centrally located which made all the shopping places very accessible .Price was reasonable about US 50.00 a night which is actually cheaper than many hotels in KL. The city is a vibrant and pulsating centre of Vietnamese culture and there is never a dull moment.One thing that strikes me is the work culture of the people there ,they work hard and seem quite satisfied with life.Food is plentiful and affordable and you hardly see any vagrants in the city.Surprisingly the city itself is quite clean and you will not see litter along the streets. Eating, shopping, noticing the Vietnamese people and their way of life makes HCM a place which one would consider visiting again.