A new awareness..

Last week when we were in Singapore mum and I decided to travel by MRT as it was faster and cheaper.When we entered it was packed as usual but more so with the holiday crowd>We had to stand.Then suddenly a gentleman stood up and offered me his seat.I was quite surprised and told mum to sit instead.Suddenly it dawned on us that the seat was offered to us because we are senior citizens.Wow ! A sudden realization. I have never thought that I'm indeed a senior .I work like the rest of the younger people,lead an active life,playing golf and eating what I want to eat and driving up and down.I'm financially independent and most important enjoy the blessings of good health.Age is actually a number and you are as old as you feel.Being still economically productive I am not like other seniors my age or as we call them young seniors who basically have nothing to do other than to take their morning walks ,yam cha, read their newspapers ,have their naps and then nag nag nag at whosoever comes their way be it wife ,children or grandchildren. I have always loved to challenge existing paradigms that once you are past 60 you have to retire,lead a sedentary life and basically wait to go..At 71 I can still do a good day's work, go to the driving range and hit more than 100 balls and play a couple of decent rounds of golf each week.More importantly I have have my mental capacity with me and can remember things better than some of the younger people.Age is actually a mental state ,you are as old as you think you are and it takes the right mind set to put aside your age factor and live life as you would . However we cannot deny the fact that age is catching up and your body is sending you little signals like the body aches which come with exercise and the subtle changes in your lifestyle.Eating habits for example change,in our younger days we could go for 2 or 3 plates of rice and the spicier the food the better.Today the need for rice is reduced to like a 3/4 plate and not so much spicy food. Attitude and outlook have also changed.We mellow with age and with the combination of age and experience it would take something very serious to upset us.We have acquired the habit of watching things happen and only give our opinion when asked for.It ha s become clear that the children are grown up and are capable of making their own decisions.Old people must learn how to behave as they should , be there for the younger people but do not be imposing or demanding.The younger generation cannot tolerate "interference ". As seniors we must always have a certain code of behaviour which can earn us the respect of the younger people and be aware that respect is earned not demanded and neither is it a right.Gone are the days when parents can tell the younger ones"I'm your parent, you have to listen'.Values and outlooks have changed and so must our thinking. It feels good to have gone through so many years of life and the experiences acquired along the way are indeed priceless and something which we can be grateful for.

A time to reflect

The year is coming to an end and its always the time for us to reflect.We have a lot to be grateful for..the children with their spouses are doing well.Kyra and Aaron are growing up to be intelligent and lively kids. When we look at the members of the family who fall sick we realize how lucky we are to be in good health>My sister has been bed ridden for so long and its painful to see her wasting away and deteriorating by the day.Mum's brother in law is diagnosed with stomach cancer and the outcome is yet unknown.I saw him in Spore and was shocked and upset to see the change in him from the last time I saw him.Sickness is indeed a curse affecting not only the patient but also the family members.I can imagine how they must feel seeing a loved one suffer and being unable to do anything about it. We had a scare when our son in law Alvyn had a growth in his kidney which required surgery.None of us said anything but deep down was the fear that it could be malignant.Thank God it was not and today he is well and about. Our family has been strengthened by all this and mum plays a great role bringing the family together.She would happily cook her best dishes when she knows that Sze and Andrew are coming for dinner .She has always believed that eating together makes the family bond so much stronger.She always believed "Give the children something nice to eat, simple as it may be and they will happily come back".This reminds me of Auntie Tai whom I stayed with in my Varsity days.She had 8 sons and every Sunday they will come to the house and Auntie would cook fantastic lunches which her sons loved.It was a great family get together every Sunday.They would play mahjong, chat and eat and the grandchildren would be running all over.Auntie told me its the one day in the week which she really looked forward to and today I can understand why.Though the kids are grown up we are always happy to have them around.As long as the children continue to want to see us its good enough for mum and me. What is in store for 2012? The exciting part will be our youngest daughter's baby who is due in April .A new life will come into being and another addition to the family.With the coming of bay the cycle is almost complete.We hope to see our third daughter formalize her wedding and then they can get on with their lives.Of course we would wish to have all our children here but life's realities determines that this is not to be so.The children have their own lives to lead and live and at the end of the day what really matters is that they are happy. It looks that we will be in KL for yet another year and actually we have become used to life in Kl though deep down there is a yearning to be back in Ipoh but these are life's little sacrifices which all parents have to make.Besides realistically we are sure the children prefer us around KL as they can easily keep an eye on us here which I reckon is fair enough. Goodbye 2011 ,you have been good to us and welcome 2012 .

Family

We are blessed with 4 girls and 2 grandchildren with one more along the way and with the end of the year and all the festivities approaching it makes us realize how fortunate we are. Bringing up 4 girls at one time was by no means an easy task >You have to make sure you give them the best available,ensure they are safe and secure physically and psychologically and also see to it that they grow up to be stable and well balanced individuals with the right values.More important we wanted to make sure that all of them went through higher education so that they can fend for themselves in future. Today all of them are grown up ,married (hopefully happily) and doing well in their careers.We managed to put all of them through university but it was also credit due to them because they qualified to enter the universities in the first place.All of them went through their studies successfully and they even worked part time to earn something extra as they did not want to overly burden us.This I guess was their way of helping out which actually gave them valuable experience in life .It made them tough ,determined,willing to endure hardship and above all gave them Character which would serve them through their lives. Mum and I can look back with satisfaction and pride that all our girls are what we hoped they would be and we can say "Mission Accomplished".We have never hoped or expected anything in return unlike some parents who would demand that their children pay them back.To us ,taking us out for a meal or eating together with us ,or buying little presents now and then would suffice.anything beyond this is a bonus .The love of parents is boundless and cannot be measured and it makes us happy that what we have given to them has not been in vain.It makes us happy to see our girls grow up close to each other and up till today share a strong sisterly bond.It seems that when they were young the family trips and outings helped to lay the foundation for this bond. The family bond is really something which parents must cultivate and make sure that the members of the family value and appreciate and at times we have to set aside our personal idiosyncrasies for the sake of the family. In our younger days anything that we wanted to buy had to take into account the alternatives ie if I bought this for myself, would it deprive my children of something? And if the children wanted something can I give it to them? Last year we went to Melbourne and initially it was a no no for me because I disliked flying but mum said all the family are going how can you not go? No choice but to endure the flying but at the end of the day it was good to spend time and enjoy things with the family and the trip turned out to be good. Today we are happy to let the children call the shots in terms of planning and decision making and it makes us happy to see that they decide on consensus ,discussion and opinions.This is an indication of their maturity and the outcome of their education and experiences in life which we as parents must learn to respect and accept. Mum and I are quite pleased with ourselves seeing the children grown up and the grandchildren coming on well.What more can we ask for???

Xmas

I remember how we used to spend Xmas when we were young.No fancy shopping malls ,Xmas dinners and carolling and all the merry making that comes with it.My earliest memories of Xmas were Santa Claus and the gifts he brought.Though we were not that well off Dad used to tell us to hang our stockings by the bedside and Santa would bring us a present each.Being gullible we believed in this and dutifully and hopefully hung our stockings before we went to sleep and lo and behold next morning there was a present for each of us in the morning for in the quiet of the night Dad would quietly put a present for us in our stockings. Fairy tale? Dreams? Imagination ? This was part of the magic of Xmas which we shared in our own simple ,magical way and it made us listen open mouthed when Dad told us the story of Santa Claus. Though Xmas is still celebrated today and will be celebrated forever the spirit of Xmas is especially special when you are young and you learn that there is much joy insharing and giving!

2011.

As the year comes to an end its the time for reflections.So many things to be thankful for :
1.Good health.
Most of the children and their spouses are in good health except for a little scare that we had when Alvyn had to go for an operation to remove a growth.Fortunately it was successfully done and a good lesson should be learned from this.Health is important and one must be smart enough to look after oneself.Never take health for granted and stay away from the " It cannot happen to me " syndrome as disease and sickness know no boundaries.When we are well we must ensure that we do the necessary to maintain our health.
I was never one who went to the doctors but today I make sure I have my regular check up and never fail to see the doctor when I feel unwell.Age makes us fragile.
A life of discipline and moderation is never wrong and what is important is that we must never forget that if we are sick it affects not only us but all those around us.
2.Children.
We are happy that our children are doing well in their respective fields of work but more importantly they have the values and character which we so painstakingly planted in them.
Nothing more can be expected except maybe to have all of them here in our country where we can continue to keep aneye on them.Its good to be close to the children and to be able to enjoy meals and outings with them.To parents children will always be children and nothing makes them happier than to be able to continue to look after them.
We are laso blessed with 4 great sons in law who get along well with us.We have always treated them as our own boys but well aware that as in laws we need to have our code of behaviour.Mum always believe that if you love and care for others they will feel the same towards you.We are indeed fortunate in all these years we have had no issues with the boys.
3.Lifestyle.
I would say that we all live a moderate lifestyle, nothing lavish .We work and come home for dinner and on weekends mum will have her off days and off she goes with a fun filled day with her friends.I always try to strike a balance between work ,home and play and will make sure that at least some time is spent with Aaron before dinner and with the rest of the family.As we age we realize that the house is a sanctuary for all of us.It should be a place where family can relax and unwind after a hard day's work.For the children we know that they work hard and undergo all sorts of stress at the work place.That's why we believe that the home should be a haven for them where the hustle of daily living cane be ste aside.
The children should appreciate the fact that mum takes delight in preparing meals for them and its important to appreciate that you have a mum who sees to it that the family has proper meals.That's why the Chinese phrase "wan sek' and the Malay 'cari makan " makes sense.
We eat out at least once a week and its a family affair and its great for strnthening family bonds.We appreciate the fact that our girls and their spouses spend time with us and also the little grandson makes the outings so much more fun.Our boys are easy on food choice and never fuss over what we eat.This is one of life's little blessings which we value.A dinner outside will always be spoilt if you have one or two persons being fussy about food and for us elders when it comes to eating let the young ones decide and just eat what they prefer.No big deal and dont make things difficult for them.
4.Workwise,just got news that the Management wants us to continue for another year and I'm happy that my staff have work for 2012.Its a greta feeling to realize that you are still able to continue working at this age.The money is not big but its something to do rather than staying at home and just waiting for your time to come.
Also its gratifying to know that the children are doing well getting promotions and climbing up the job ladder.
So 2011 will come to an end soon and it has been a good year all said and done.Wish for 2012 ? Good health and children and grandchildren and their spouses achieve their dreams too.

Sundays

I love Sundays because its the one day in the week when I can really enjoy myself doing the things I like best.To me a Sunday well spent is better than a holiday overseas.Its the day of the week when I wake up at 5am full of expectation for the day ahead.After 45 minutes or so getting ready for the golf battle ,I leave the house at around 5.55am off to the coffeeshop where the 4 of us will meet for breakfast.
Before that a quick stop at the 7-Eleven shop to get my big bottle of mineral water and cigarettes and we are there.Breakfast is usually two half boiled eggs, a cup of strong coffee and some noodles.After about twenty minutes at about 630 am we all hop into one car and off we go to our golf destination usually about 40 minutes away .By 730 we are ready to start our game.
The game itself is full of fun and excitement with each of us trying hard to avoid being the main loser.We have only small bets ,just for the excitement.This group believes that golf is a game to be played and not for gambling.for 18 holes we are focussed on the challenge at hand and after the game its shower time.Usually the clubs we play in have only cold water showers so I can say that at least once a week I have a real good cold water shower.The shower itself is something ,standing under the shower with the cold water falling on you.It has a wonderful cooling effect and is really refreshing.
After that its off to lunch and that is the time when our recorders will announce the winners and losers and out comes the money.Our organiser will keep track of all the other expenses and its divided equally between the four of us,no quarrel about that.Lunch is pretty fun with each person ordering his preferred dish so everyone is satisfied.
The drive back is usaully full of friendly banter as they would relate their good shots and bad and at times there would be stories about this and that.Upon reaching the coffee shop where the cars are parked the next programme is discussed.First the venue for the coming week and where to go for foot or body massage.We rotate this ,one week we take care of our feet and the next our body and the organiser will tell us where to go.An hour or an hour and a half here and we are done.
Then its back home ,to relax a while and see where the family wants for dinner,either mum's cooking or some restaurant the children discovered.By 9 pm the day comes to an end and I retire to bed happy and satisfied with the day.
I enjoy the col morning drive and the adventure of playing in different courses and most of all with good friends whom you know you can depend on.To us winning or losing is no issue,we always say that as long as everyone is happy the objective of the outing is achieved and the day well spent.That kind of spirit has kept us going for so many years and hopefully will continue in the years ahead.

So lucky!

Today I was scrolling the names on my phone and came across quite a few names the owners of which have already left this world.As I looked at each of the names I cant help but recollect the time we spent together.Some were ex colleagues,some good fiends and some golfing kakis.Some were relatives and some were even my students.
Cant help but feel a tinge of sadness remembering these associates and people who were part of my life.
The latest one Hj.Musa was an ex Assistant District Officer who played golf with me for over 20 years.We never had any misunderstanding or argument over the game which was always played in good spirits.Musa loved to eat and had a great hankering for sweet stuff ,ice kachang,syrup with milk and he really enjoyed his food to the fullest.It was a joy to see him eat.He also loved mahjong but was slow and clumsy and come to think of it ,it was so easy to make his money.Mus and I played the game in so many golf courses together with Uncle Lee and Uncle Chi Chi.Unfortunately both of them have given up golf because of health reasons and of the group I'm the only one left playing.So sad...yet I'm so lucky to be still able to play the game which we all loved so much.
As we reach our golden years the thoughts are filled with good memories of good friends who came our way >these friends are gone but will never be forgotten....

As age catches up !

The year is coming to an end and its the time of the year when youshould take stock of the year that has gone and the one to come.I would say that 2011 has been a most eventful year ,most important is that we have been able to see it through and can optimistically look forward to yet another year.
As we age ,the young ones grow.Our children have become matured and are managing their own lives.The grandchildren are also growing and its good to be able to see them developing physically and mentally.As for us,there is satisfaction knowing that in one way or other we have been responsible in bringing this about.
To us bringing up a family has always been interpersed with a culture of giving without ever thinking of receiving.Even today if I need anything there is never a thought of asking anyone for it as I can get it myself.We have always been independent and learned to fend for ourselves.We are not like other parents ,some of whom who would insist that their children repay them for whatever reasons.For us seeing our children growing up to be useful and steadfast people is satisfying enough and watching them run their own lives is something else.We may not agree with some of the things they do but we prefer to watch quietly by the sideline as we understand how children feel about parental interference unlike the old days when parents would impose their will on their children thus creating unnecessary stress and conflict.
As we grow older we do worry a little bit about where we are going to be.We have our own house but we realise that because of the grandchildren we have to be around to help.This is yet another sacrifice which we happily make.But what would happen when we are no longer able to do so? Sometimes I wonder what would happen if one of us were to go.For mum she can survive but for how long?How long before she cannot do what she is doing now?For sure the children cannot look after her because of their work and lack of time.So do we stay around and become a burden? Odd is'nt it that as you age you progressively become redundant and when the time comes when you are old and helpless what happens?

As age catches up !

The extra mile

People always say that if you want to succeed in life you have to be prepared to go the extra mile.How does one do it and what exactly is the extra mile.? I have pondered on this and have come up with some thoughts :
1.Your character.
What sort of person would you consider yourself to be? Well balanced ? Knowledgeable? Caring? Considerate? Easy to get along with? ( Confucius said ,if you can count your friends by the fingers in your hands you are fortunate),Reliable and dependable ? a Role model?
Right,then knowing some of the qualities which we think should be possessed do we take the trouble to analyze what aspect we lack and work towards acquiring these traits? Or do we just let off a big sigh and say " We are like that".That is the difference between the extra miler and the loser.
2.How you lead your life.
Are you easily satisfied ? Do you currently have your comfort zone from which you would reluctantly want to move out of? Do you feel that you have enough of what are important to you? Do you want to continuously seek new information, new knowledge?Do you want to push yourself all the time.?If you walk two rounds ,do you think of three or four or five?If you sllep till 10 on holidays ,do you make an effort to be up by 6 and therein have time to enjoy the crisp morning air and watch the sunrise?Do you continuosly strive to improve yourself mentally,physically,psychologically ,socially and personally?
3.Your lifestyle and life attitude.
Do you like challenges? Do you strive to be the best in whatever you do? Are you prepared to push yourself physically and mentally? Do you set goals for yourself and strive to continuosly improve yourself?Complacency is dangerous because then you will come to a stage when you feel that life has no more meaning.There are so many ways we can improve..to the ones closest to us we can always think of how we can treat them better and show that we care in so many different ways.Trouble is sometimes we never think of these things and more often take them for granted.Making yourself a better person to the ones who mean most to you is one of life's challenges and is always the catalyst for self improvement and self realization.Do you remember how you treated your loved ones when you first got to know them? Do you still treat them that way? The relationship between two persons is always special and the magic of the early days of their relatonship should always be treasured and preserved.We should never lose the romance that we had ,in fact it should be nurtured and its magic must never be lost.
I have always believed in challenging the norms like sometimes I hear somebody saying that so and so does this or does not do this because he is old.Then I ask how old? And when i hear he is in the sixties or fifties then I realise that at 70 I must be antique .People say you cant drive long distances when you are old.i regularly drive up and down KL- Ipoh and can still manage it,still work 6 to 7 hours a day and play golf at least twice a week and work out at the driving range at least twice a week.Mind over matter? Age just a number? If you think you can do it, you can ..all these are the ingredients for positive thinking and challenging the accepted paradigms and great people love to challeng the accepted norms .Look at some of the world leaders and notable people ,in the 60s ,70s and 80s and still achieving great things.This should be our inspiration.
On a physical note we have heard of people pushing themselves to the limits like going without food for days,trekking up mountains or deep jungle ,showing exceptional strength when necessary.This shows that physically we do not fuction to our maximum capacity and perhaps this makes us fall short of our real capacity as human beings.Mentally too ,many of us do not reach our maximum because of complacency and other reasons like laziness etc.
Man's potential is under utilized and to make greater and better use of it we need to have the right mind set and the right motivation .That's what it means by going the exra mile ,only special people have this quality.

Mum and dad

I had the most interesting parents and its coming to All Souls' Day,that time of the year when you go back to your roots.Strange that they both died as Catholics .The good thing is that if you are baptized before death all your sins are forgiven and you go to Heaven.That is a comforting thought.
Dad was a gem of a guy and I believe all his life was devoted to his wife and children.A man who spoke very little, I have never heard him grumble or say much.It was I guess because he kept everything to himself and had really no one to think about.He worked in the Telecoms as the Chief Clerk ,a fairly important post those days .He did not earn much and with 6 of us to look after never indulged himself>I believe he never went out of Malaysia,not even Singapore but never did he indicate any desire to indulge in travel.Maybe he kept his desires to himself but we certainly did not hear about this from him.
No fancy food for him,he was a very homely man coming home for lunch everyday.Poor man had to cycle all the way from office to home to have his lunch, a short rest and off to work again.We barely had enough to live and yet we were happy as a family.As long as there was rice on the table it was good enough for us.Sometimes when I secretly looked into his wallet I found only 1 RM and just wondered how he was going to manage on that.Frugality and simplicity were things which we grew up with and we as children never demanded or asked for anything beyond what was given to us.You never ask your parents which you know they cannot give as this will really make them upset for all parents would want to give their all to their children.
Looking back despite being without all the luxuries in life we were happy.The children got along well with each other and we were brought up by a very strict disciplinarian...mum.She was nicknamed " loh foo na" by her friends because of her fierce character.There was no need for anything extra .I remember I had two sets of clothes for school and maybe one or two sets for casual wear and we were quite happy with it .Being brought up in a poor family made us tough and gave us a lot of determination to break away from this environment.
A lesson learned here to make us determined to give our own children the best and not make them feel inferior to any of their friends>My education was not something which dropped from the sky.I got where I wanted to through sheer determination and hard work.Cant imagine how I managed it but somehow I was able to graduate.Along the way it was not easy and there were times when I wanted to give up but then thinking of mum and dad's hope gave me the extra push.Mum always hoped and thought that a university education would mean a better life and she always said when I started working she would get big money .A simple hope from a simple lady!I guess I did not fail in this respect because the day I started work until the day she died I gave her money.Those days parents expected their children to repay them for bringing them up and giving money to parents was compulsory or you would not be considered filial.It was not difficult to do so if you think of them and automatically deduct the amount for parents from your budget.That I believe is what financial discipline is all about ,parents before self.
Dad would borrow money for the family>I know he used to borrow money from the chettiar ( An Indian money lender) whenever he was short of money especially at the beginning of the year when he had to pay our school fees and buy books and uniforms.I remember once when I came back for the holidays we both cycled to the Chettiar's office where I stood as guarantor for the loan and the guy told me to study hard so that I can help dad later on.
Despite being just able to survive dad would make sure that once a month he would take us to the movies and a bowl of hor hee noodles for supper after the show.It was something we all looked forward to.Imagine dad cycling with us while mum and one the girls would go by trishaw.This was special and I really appreciated my dad for doing this and loved and respected him all the more.Its one of my biggest regrets in life that we could not give him the things he deserved because when he died we were all still struggling with our own lives and had nothing much to spare.But at least I can say that the first ever car I bought was for him ,a brand new Fiat 1100 cc car and I helped in paying for his house together with my sisters.Dad is an excellent role model and if I could be half of what he was I think I can be proud of myself.Gone but never forgotten!!
My mum was a great lady.An excellent cook she ran the family with the small budget which dad could afford and did a good job.She loved to gamble and we learned how to play mahjong by watching her.If she won we would have extra dishes for our meals and she would talk happily to us but if she lost than we had to be careful cos she would be grumbling and scolding everyone .Her favorite phrase was " If I had know this ,I would have strangled you at birth".Mum was very strict and was of the old school "Use the cane" to discipline the kids.Never argue with her and just obey what she said .Despite being so strict and fierce I believe she loved all of us.I know and remember when I was studying for my exams she would buy a char siew pau back for me if she happened to go out .Mum was a unique character ,she smoked at 3 packs of cigarettes a day and drank kopi o from the fridge all day long.The first thing she did in the morning was to have her kopi o and then her cigarettes.
She was the life of the house and I guess disciplined all of us.It would be difficult to find anyone like her.My one regret where she is concerned is that I did not spend enough time with her during her last few years but then I did tell her that I was scared to see her because she always asked for money and if I had it I dont mind giving it to her.
Now they are gone and only memories remain and I always think of their good points and cant think of anything bad about them and realize that we should value our loved ones when they are with us and not when they are gone.

Health

You never appreciate or value your health until you get sick and when a person is sick a lot of things happen to him.He suffers from so many aspects,treatment pain and effects on those close to him.
I remember I was struck by a strange affliction in 1986.It was after the Sultan's Installation and I worked as a Proctocol Officer looking after the Goverenor of Melaka.At least he was not a sultan and not so demanding but still it was not easy looking after him for a few days from early morning till night.It was more stressful than anything else as we had to make sure that nothing went wrong.After that I took a few days leave and told the family we would go to Camerons where I can get a good rest.
On the second day,I woke up and found my mouth went crooked and i could not speak.Trauma,fear and all kinds of thoughts went through my mind.More importantly thoughts of what would happen to mum and the children if I could not be cured.Quickly we rushed down to Ipoh and saw a specialist doctor who immediately gave me a steriod jab.Notwithstanding that mum took me to a temple where I was given pomelo leaves with some spell written on it and I had to chew and swallow it>My mouth could hardly open ,it was as though it was paralyzed.More interestinly mum got me to see a bomoh and she said that I was afflicted by an " Angin Buruk" when I walked past the railway station.I remembered then that there was a dinner at the Town Hall which was near the Railway station and I had to park my car near the clock tower and had to walk from there passing the Railway Station.There was therefore this connection.Anyway she bathed me with the 7 flower water and gave me a talisman to wear .in the meantime I continued seeing the specialist and getting the daily jabs.
It was a difficult time...I suffered mentally,physiologically,and physically>I could not eat and only took liquid diet because I could not open my mouth.If it was difficult for me it was even more so for the family and I tried to be brave and not be a nuisance to anyone.Finally after a month I was almost back to normal and it was a mixture of western medicine,Malay bomohism and Chinese medicene which cured me.
Since then I have always realized the importance of health and staying healthy is not something which you can take for granted.You have to work for it.The human body is like a machine made up of so many parts and unless you look after the parts well its bound to break down .A good healthy lifestyle,eating and drinking the right things and moderation will help.Everone knows the value of exercise but how many actually do it? It just takes no more than half an hour a day to get enough exercise yet people do not spare the time.A life of discipline,sleeping early,working smart helps.Most important is our mental health.If you are not angry,stressed or upset by anything the mind is at peace and a peaceful mind breeds a healthy body.
And if we happen to fall sick we must remember that not only do we suffer but the people who mean most to us suffer too.

Indulgence

Life is full of good things and there are many things that we love to do.I remember my dad told me that you must never overdo things ,be moderate in the things that you like .This brings me to the subject of eating.They say whatever is so nice to eat is bad for your health.Wonder how much of this is true.We should never eat until we are absolutely "Full" because for one thing it will make you uncomfortable.One should only eat what is enough to do away with the pangs of hunger.Three good meals a day are more than enough and each meal should be just enough but how much is enough? I would think the normal portions of food should be enough .
It requires a lot of discipline where food is concerned and if you give a thought to this you will definitely eat better and feel better.I am one with a sweet tooth and love things like ice cream and chololates but becaues of health considerations have to avoid them though I indulge in them once in a while.I am also one for prawns and beef but then again the training in me keeps me off these food except for the special occasions and only a small portion ,eg no more than two prawns at any time.
When young our meals were simple and heavy on rice which when mixed with whatever gravy would be a great meal.I do not claim to have aristocratic taste when it comes to food.
Today its common to see young people indulging in wine ala western style.Wine drinking is a fine art and you must know what wine goes with what food and what kind of origin the wine has.then drinking wine can go with the so called social status.I stay away from wine because I am a kampong boy and make no pretence about it and I dont think anyone can tempt me to drink even the most expensive wine beacuse I cant appreciate it.Give me a cup of tea or coffee anytime.Its quite amusing to see people trying to act cultured through drinking wine and doing it the wrong way!!Of course there is nothing wrong with drinking wine as long as its drunk like a drink but if you want to associate it with social status then better think twice because then you have to know the finer art of wine drinking.Its tickling to see people twirling their glass and shaking up the wine in the glass before they drink.A sure indication that here you have someone trying to act like an aristocrat and turning out to be far from impressive.
Life is about discipline and being disciplined will ensure that you do the right things not only for yourself but for others who mean something to you.Keeping the mind open and receptive to suggestions will help you be a better person and if are the considerate or caring type you will understand what this means.Overindulging in life can take so many forms.Work ,sleep ,rest ,interacting with others ,games ,exercise etc are common areas where we should focus.Today exercise is the in thing but how many people can have a regular exercise routine for themselves?I make it a point to be at the driving range at least three times a week and play the game at least once a week to ensure that I have the required amount of exercise.This keeps you physically fit and alert and sleeping early is a benefit which many fail to see.Your body gives you a lot of messages and if it tells you its time to sleep just do it .Cant stand people who fall asleep in front of the TV set or who indulge in their computer till late at night.These are obvious indicators of lack of discipline and a kiasu attitude.
Well balanced people lead well balalnced lives giving themselves time for work, for family and for rest and pursuit of their hobbies .In the process one must never forget that you are not living by yourself and there are others around you.We cannot overindulge in ourselves as we have to think of others who have to live with us and who should mean something to us.

Teluk Intan

I would never have imagined that I would end up in Teluk Intan or Teluk Anson as it used to be called.But life is strange and there are many things which we cannot forsee.When I look back on how I started life I look back on the little garage room which I stayed in when I started work as a temporary teacher and how lucky I was to have stayed with a wonderful family.Auntie Chung was my landlady and she treated me like her own son .She was a remarkable woman bringing up 9 children on her own after her husband died at an early age.I dont know how she managed it but all the children were properly brought up.
Teluk Anson by itself is a small town with 2 main roads and a number of secondary and primary schools.People spent their time in the field or in the Dew Recreation Club which was right in the centre of the towm.
I was 19 when I started teaching and had before that led a very sheltered life ,school and home only and little money to spend.Now teaching with a HSC qualification in those days was a big deal as there were as yet no graduates in the school I taught except perhaps for the Brothers.Most of the teachers were college trained with a senior Cambridge qualification and two years of teacher training.But they were real teachers ,dedicated and no nonsense type who made sure their students did well and came out with good results.they were charismitic and very serious in their work and students and society had high respect for them.
The senior teachers treated me well and would never fail to give me good advice.I daresay that a lot of my work ethics were learned from them.
Life was pretty routine ,school,games and marking books.Until someone brought me to the Dew Club and then it became my second home.I spent most of the time palying billiards and turned out to be pretty good in it.Even represented the club in some inter club games.
A small town has its peculiar charm and people knew each other and friendship was firm and sincere.If you needed any help you can always count on your friends.Life was simple ,work ,an occasional movie and lots of games with the students.people were contented and not caught up in the rat race.Life moved on at a leisurely pace and you had enough time to do your stuff and do a lot of reading or just hanging out with your friends.My little room was the gathering place and all the friends would come by in the evenings and we would just hoo ha there until around 10 when everyone would take off.
Food was simple and we seldom ate out .What we had in the house was enough and there was no thought of spending money in restaurants or other dining places .For one thing our lifestyle did not permit it and the other factor was that Auntie would make sure that there was sufficient food on the dining table everyday.
During the weekends we would explore the town and some of the regular visitors would come by and everyone would sit in the porch area outside the house and there would be a lot chatting and story telling.Yes I believe that those days socializing was different .People would gather somewhere and just while away the time chatting.Little need for money or expenditure as people just gathered round and had their fun.There was no discrimination and people took you for what you were and never loked at your status or how much you are worth.
I was on an austerity drive as my main mission was to save enough money to make it to the university as soon as possible.I gave myself avery limited budget and every extra cent was saved as I was determined to make it to the Uni on my owm.No choice actually.In the morning I taught in the normal school and in the afternoon in the church school thereby earning extra money.To be left behind when most of your classmates were already at the university was painful and it was my strongest motivation to save and lead a frugal life.
Once a month when we got our salary we would eat something special and everyone would share the bill and once a month I would try to go back to Ipoh to bring money home.It was a must those days for children to bring money home for the parents.You would be considered unfilial if you did not do this.
Teluk Anson was a dirty town and had a few interesting places for us,the riverside,the railway station, the golf club ( I did not play the game yet),The Dew Club and a host of little eating places.The best rojak,mee mamak,nasi kandar, bak kut teh,chee cheong fun were all located in the town.My favorite past time was jogging near the railway station.I would do this at least 3 or 4 times a week,waking up at 5 am and running till around 6.30 ,then back for a cold water shower and then off to school.There was no need for any form of transport as everywhere was walking distance.It was fun walking to school as you would meet a lot of students and colleagues along the way.
On looking back I really enjoyed my stay in Teluk Intan.This was where I matured professionally and individually.TA will laways have a special place in my heart .I started life here,became a man here and met my wife and raised my family here.

Technological changes and social implications

In the 50s there was as yet no TV ,computers,I pads ,mobile phones etc.So how did people pass their time? It was common for the family to gather round after dinner and there would be a lot of banter and exchange of views or the head of the family would talk about certain things which he wanted the children to note.
The family was more united and close and there was good communication and therefore more understanding.That was how family bonds were built and strengthened.In our free time we indulged in outdoor activities or reading.Man is resilient and very adaptable.Those days we learned to make do with what tools we had and what the outdoors had to offer to pass our time.We used to listen with open mouths to the stories which mum and dad would tell us ,about how their parents came from China,the Japaneses occupation and things like that and through these sessions we learned a lot for in the process of the story telling dad and mum would interject with emphasis on certain values like to be filial ,respect for the elders,good manners,politeness etc.These may sound to be mere words but they actually carry a lot of meaning and are part and parcel of a man's character.
We learned about rationing and how fortunate we were to get rice and other essentials because of the fact that dad served the Japanese.This entitled him to a certain amount of rations whilst others who were of no use to the Japanese had to look for their own food using their own ingenuity .
Today we are in the era of technology and oldies like us cant help but notice the difference it makes in our lives.A family can be all sitting in the living hall and they do not communicate .Each one would be wrapped up in his or her own world playing with the gadgets,surfing the net,or e mailing their friends.It appears to be the trend today and this is leading to the disintegration of the family unit.If I had things my way I would declare that all such gadgets be used only in the study or bedroom and should be barred from the living room.But then again ,another change..parents are not what they used to be.Their status has also changed.Gone are the days when the head of the house laid down the house rules.As parents grow older they are considered less qualified to talk or give opinions so being wiser than they are given credit for parents just play the " be seen and not heard " game.
But its sad to note that the very core of society the family unit is no longer what it used to be.Is it caused by technological changes or by people who have so invariably been affected by all these changes that they have lost their basic values and perceptions about life?

Technological changes and social implications.

Technological changes and social implications

Can we let go ? ( Part 2)

Living with your grown up kids is no longer the same as when they were your kids fully dependent on you and maybe thinking at that time that their parents were the greatest.Children when they were young looked up to their parents and were very obedient .I remember we had the house rule that all the girls must be back not later than midnight and they dutifully complied without any reservation and at times when they needed to stay out a little bit longer they asked and we usually complied.
We have tried to plant onto our children certain values and principles which we hope they would take with them throughout their lives.Happily we see that today all of them have held fast to these values and principles.They have grown up to be independent,dependable adults and more importantly steadfast and caring .It is so disappointing to see some young people who have no consideration for others and are so self centered that they cannot look beyond their own selfish needs.I remember in the early days no family could eat their meals if the head of the house was not back.Imagine if he were to come home late every night and keep the whole family waiting ? A real classic case of inconsideration ! Today fortunately families are more practical ,if the head comes back late he has to eat on his own as the others would probably have eaten as children cannot go hungry or eat late as they too have their own programs like homework ,tuition etc.
Though the children have grown up we see there is still a need for parents much as they would try to deny this.Parents are convenient.whom else can they trust with their children other than their own parents ? Who else cant they count on if they need to have a night out socializing with their friends?If the parents are able to cook so much the better because they know they can always come home to a hot meal,well prepared and to their taste.Parents have no qualms at all doing these things for the children because a parent's love for the children is boundless ,unselfish,and given without any reservation and expecting nothing in return.Parents are always unselfish when it comes to their children even though they are grown up and independent.We have read and head of parents using their bodies to shield their children in dangerous situations.Parents are prepared to even give up their lives for their children.There has never been any doubt on this.
Its sad that sometimes children who claim to be grown up forget some basic values which they learned from young. Simple things called GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION are often sadly forgotten.True,parents expect nothing in return, but surely a little bit of appreciation and gratitude for what they have done is not asking for too much?These things need not be in huge materialistic forms.Parents do not need expensive gifts as tokens of appreciation.A little word here and there is all it takes.Yet people find it so difficult to say such things and to make matters worse they are so downright inconsiderate to people who should mean so much to them.One cannot help but conclude that at times there are people with no character or standards.
Fact of the matter is that parents will always love and care for their children no matter what and children should never forget that parents as they grow older become more sensitive and insecure..and deserve to be treated with tender care too.

Can we let go?

We brought up 4 girls and are fortunate enough to see them grow up,get the education they should have and become spouses and mothers themselves.All of them have found their niches in life and as parents it gives us a strong sense of satisfaction and pride to see this.We believe we have done our part bringing them up in the way we thought best.However difficult we made sure that all of them got a proper education.We have always told them that the best and only legacy we could give them is education because with that they can go forth and face the world with the required skills, knowledge and values.
Today we have become grandparents and have to take a different role altogether.We are unable to ignore the fact that the children need our help to look after their kids and this is a task which mum especially relishes.In the process however sometimes there are little conflicts like style of bringing up the grandchildren and differences in opinions.
We are of course not able to bring up today's kids the way we brought up ours but there is basically not much difference in bringing up children now and then.They need the proper food and the proper environment to grow up.As parents we are expected to help manage the home for the children yet we cannot have things they way we want it.We are not only living with our children but also their spouses.We have to realize that we no longer call the shots but parents being what they are we cannot help but make a comment here and there every now and then .When that happens we quickly remind ourselves that our children are not what they were before and we cannot and should not treat them like before.This at time is bothersome and we cannot help but think of going back to our own home and live the rest of our lives there,for better or for worse.But its easier said than done.We still worry about if the children can cope with their careers and home and what happens if we are not around.With mum around life is so much more convenient ,the children can concentrate on their jobs without worrying about the home.They can come home after a hard day's work knowing that there is warm food waiting for them,they can take their breaks knowing that we are around to look after the home in their absence.
Yes,parents will be parents and kids will be kids>there is no way of letting go as like it or not parents will have a role to play in their children's lives .That being the case the challenge is how to be parents to grown up children who have minds of their own and sometimes not like being told what to do."Be seen and not heard,give opinions when you are asked",otherwise just watch and see what happens.We have decided that in no way would we be a nuisance to the children.Let them lead their lives,we are always in the background -to be there when needed and to never forget that whilst we cannot let go ,to remember that our role and status today is not the same as when our children were growing up.

Then and now

We were driving to Bahau in NS last week.To make the long drive a bit more interesting the topic turned to children today as compared with us and we came to realize that today's generation is spoilt, pampered by parents,grandparents and relatives and cannot help but reminisce on our early days.
Today's kids travel to school in air con cars,not even buses.We walked and cycled to school the moment we started school at the age of 7.Today the kids start school or nursery at the age of 3 or 4 and the kiasu parents would want to subject them to all kinds of exposure.We went to school period, came home and spent our time outdoors.We had no toys ,whatever we played with were hand made and out of whatever raw materials we could find,bamboo,stones,wood or whatever .
We never knew what was the TV , handphone,I phone ,I pad,DVD and computer games .We had to think and use our wits to come up with the means to keep us occupied.it was school and home.We never went out at night,as it was our house rule that everyone must be in the house by 6pm or you dont get dinner.We had just two meals a day,lunch and dinner and there was nothing in between.Rice was the food that we ate in large quantities,at least two plates and it always went with curry and sambal.Eating in restaurants was unheard off.But we enjoyed our home cooked meals together with the rest of the family members,parents, brothers and sisters.Families were made up of big numbers those days.There are six of us and definitely not a chance that anyone would be spoilt.Compare this with the one or two kids which couples have today!
When we cut ourselves or bruised ourselves we applied dettol or iodine ourselves and I cant remember when I ever visited a doctor.If you are sick you just cover yourself with a blanket,take a panadol and sleep.At best you get an apple or some porridge.
We played football ,rugby or just ran about in the rain and come home and have a cold shower.(Hot water showers were unheard of).
Yes we were tough,brought up in a no frills environment.We learnt to be independent,and street wise from an early age.We never expected anything other than the two meals and the clothes we had which were confined to school uniforms and a couple of casual wear.We travelled mainly on foot or by bicycle and depended on ourselves.When we had problems we solved it ourselves.Life was simple but we grew up to be creative, innovative and independent and on our own all the time.
We just wonder if today's generation of children will be as tough as us and if they can cope with the demands of life today.They have not gone through any hardships being given almost everything they ask for.Can they make it on their own? Are we bringing them up the right way?
The one or two child syndrome seems to be a disadvantage as compared with the big families of yesterday.This is the price of progress as parents today face so much stress in their daily lives and the high cost of living makes it impractical to have too many children.Nevertheless we have to take a step back and see if we are today bringing up our children up the right way.Are we giving them the foundation to be independent,strong willed ,principled and above all caring individuals who can survive in this competitive world?

As time goes by

We are fortunate to watch our children growing up and bringing up their own families.As parents we have always wanted the best for our children,in terms of education,health,values and a life of their own in time to come.We are happy that our kids have found their spouses and have children of their own.Its good to see them play their roles as spouses and parents and on looking back we realize that the way they do this is quite different from the way we played ours but then times are no longer the same.
Being able to see this transformation is special and we too have to fathom how we are to play our roles as parents ,in laws ,and grandparents.The guiding principle which we always have to keep in mind is that the kids are now grown up and its no secret that they think they are smarter than us but little do they realize that we also play the smart game by being there for them always and subtly guiding them in an inoffensive way.
As one generation grows ,sadly the other slowly starts to fade away.We have lost a number of our contemporaries and its painful to see some of them staring to fade away.The ravages of time and disease are slowing taking its toll.All the hardships which we went through in our younger days bringing up a family are slowing taking its toll.Fatigue,sickness ,physical wear and tear starts to take its toll and those of us who for the time being are free from all these can only look in pain at what our contemporaries are going though knowing that our turn will come inevitably.
We have to be grateful for what we have now and try to make the best use of the time left to us.Sometimes when we talk of our grandchildren going to school or college we look hard at them and a silent tear falls as we realize how difficult it will be for us to live to see that day!But life will go on ,they will have their parents to share this with them just like our children had us to share their special moments with them.
We are proud to be able to bring up our girls as best as we could and up till today a lot of my friends still say its a wonder with our paltry salaries as govt. servants we were able to provide all our children with a university education.It was tough but mum and I are tough people and somehow we managed and today we can look back with pride and satisfaction to see our children successful and more importantly having a life of their own.

Changing lifestyle

Its the month of Ramadan once again and I cant help but notice the changes which have come along with it.In the 70s and 80s we used to get invitations to "Buka Puasa" with our Muslim friends in their homes.And after we had eaten we would spend some time talking and continuing eating the little tit bits which would be served all night long.It forged a close relationship between Muslims and non Muslims and also made our understanding of Ramadan better.
Today "Buka Puasa " is so highly commercialized that breaking fast has lost some of its meaning.Imagine feasting on lavish food after a day's fasting!This defeats the purpose of fasting as I see it.Ramadan is the holy month in the Muslim Calender and the whole purpose of fasting is to remind Muslims about being humble ,be thankful,and to be frugal.In the early days breaking fast was simple and gave friends and family a chance to get together and build up their bond with each other.There was no need to serve lavish food or overeat(People tend to do this because they have paid high prices for the buffet and in line with the kiasu mentality must have their money's worth).This attitude itself defeats the purpose of fasting.
In our early years on Raya Day our Muslim friends would come with trays of homemade kueh which we happily received because it was special for we knew our friends took a long time to make them.We would reciprocate during Chinese New Year of course.Sadly today this practice has died and maybe practised only in the kampongs or small towns.The Raya kueh is no longer homemade but bought and of course tastes different.
Those days there were no massive traffic jams as the number of cars were not that many but today?Travelling during Raya time today is a nightmare as compared with before.Sadly enough ,it has become a challenge to the govt.to ensure that the number of accidents are kept as low as possible.This is because of the heavy traffic which is a feature of the Raya holidays.In the early days this was never an issue.Today people have become more affluent and the number of people owning motor vehicles has increased tremendously that accidents are unavoidable.Price we pay for progress?
As a country progresses changes are inevitable but for us seniors we cant help but feel there is nothing better than the good old days when people were more sincere and less materialistic.

The kampong in me

As I grow older cannot help but think back to the simple t life which I experienced in small towns .Dad was a govt.servant and he worked in Tapah for a while .This is a little two street town and there is a beautiful river and some small streams running across the town.We stayed in govt. quarters in Baldwin Hill and all the houses here were govt. houses.Dont know if they are still there.
Spent my primary school years here and it was real fun.Swimming in the river,diving from the high rock onto the swirling waters without any fear or awareness of danger was a daily affair.So was getting the rotan from mum.
We used our catapaults to shoot squirrels and birds and barbecued them on the spot.Mangoes and rambutans were not spared.Mangoes (raw and sour) were eaten with a pinch of salt in the hands,water was drunk from the taps and eating anything outside the home was with your bare hands (Dont remember having to wash them).
School was fun ,learning little and playing all the time.I cannot imagine that I played rugby,hockey ,football and running.In a small town during that time they was no other form of entertainment and our way of passing time was playing all the games and being in the outdoors.We were usually home by 6 and had to get ready for dinner.Mum would not let us sit on the dining table without a shower and change of clothes.No hot water but fresh cold water contained in a big porcelain urn was our source of water.It was common for us to sing out loud so that you did not feel the coldness of the water.
Because we had really nothing to eat after lunch dinner was a much anticipated affair.Lots of rice,sambal belachan,salt fish and curry were the staple food .It was simple fare but it went well with rice and what was more important we were never hungry after dinner as we ate rice more than anything else so that the stomach is full.
Today I would still prefer a meal like this rather than all the rich food available.Chicken was only served on special occasions but it really did not bother us.We were a big family,6 children ,mum and dad and one grandmother but though dad did not earn much there was always enough for us to eat albeit not the types of rich food people eat today.We had enough rice to eat and that was the most important thing.We were taught never to waste food and mum would make sure that whatever was served was finished at the end of the meal.
As TV was unheard of we spent time on our books after dinner and the usual siblings chatter and bickering.Movies ,yam cha and all that was out and it was strictly indoors after dinner.

When I stayed in Teluk Intan it was an extension of the simple life but mum and I did a lot of things together.Going to the market every Sunday was a norm and eating by the market stalls was equally good.I remember before Chinese New Year we would always go to the market at night and buy all the New Year goodies and it was meaningful to do things as a couple.Today many couples dont do this kind of thing being so wrapped up in the daily hassle of life.This ,many do not realize, is a great bonding exercise.Our entertainment was only the movies and mostly during the weekends and the cinema was the place where you would meet a lot of your friends.
It was only in a small town that we could enjoy seeing our children floating in a plastic tub when the floods came every year and flooded the town.The kids had great fun those days .Sadly today,our grandchildren would not enjoy such fun today.
There is so much more to life when you live in a small town.People are simple,warm and caring and life is certainly less stressful and complicated than living in a big town where everyone seems to be more concerned about careers and work to the extent that they have no time to enjoy the simple things in life and lose their sense of direction.

Family and life's balance

As you grow older you find that spending time with the family becomes increasingly important.Even a family dinner takes new dimensions as we realize that its not easy to get all the children and their spouses to sit down with you on the dinner table.To have little Aaron and Kyra together would add so much more to the fun of family members sitting together.On hindsight the weekly dinners with family brings back more meaning to the Reunion Dinner on the eve of Chinese New Year and that is one of the reasons why family members must really make the effort to be there.
Quality time means so much in the context of the daily hassle which we have to go through.This is especially so in the case of young people who are trying to make an impact in their careers to the extent that they have no time for themselves and because of the stress which they face in work become grouchies and lose track of their purpose in life.We should not forget that life is not all about making careers and money but its also having the skill to ensure that you have a bit of quality time for yourself.Never work at the expense of your physical and mental well being.No work or career in the world is worth it!

A wedding anniversary

Last night we attended a dinner to celebrate our nephew's 20 years of marriage and it got me thinking about marriage.When we got married a vow and commitment was made "to take each other as your lawful wife and husband,to cherish ,love each other in sickness and in health...".that's what marriage is all about and what makes it so special is how two people out of the millions in the world can choose each other and share life's blessings and tribulations together for the rest of their lives.Living together,sharing things ( the good, the bad and the ugly) often brings out the best and worst in people.We are the most familiar with our spouses and its not unusual that the one who understands us the most and shares things with us the most is the other half.
Anniversaries are special in the sense that after so many years of marriage it's the time for renewal,renewal of our commitment to each other,our bond ,our feelings and our passage through life together.Celebrating the anniversary has this special meaning and people who do not know will just look at it as a gathering of friends and relatives.For the two people who celebrate the anniversary its much more than this.

Old Boys

Saturday 23rd July was the annual get together of the St.Anthony's Old Boys and we went to show our support.As teachers it made us feel good to see our boys and girls grown up and many of them are today holding important positions in society.What made us feel even better is the fact that they are still loyal to the Alma Mater and many of them talked about their fun filled school days and I was touched when a few of them came up to me and said 'Do you remember you caned me? And do you know because of that I'm here today, a better person.Thank you Sir"
We have always taught our students and our own children to hold on to values,to be all rounded individuals ,good in their chosen fields and yet possessing some of the intrinsic values of life.As teachers and parents nothing makes us happier than to see them growing up with this.Its not easy to accept values if you do not have them at the outset.Children who grow up in homes where there is sharing ,caring, happiness and family unity tend to carry this on to their adult life but children who grow up in homes where there is no family unity and values become difficult and shallow people in their later lives.
Our children and students have always been taught to be caring,humble,aim for excellence and never forget their roots.One of my students came up and said" Sir,I will always remember you because you paid for my exam. fees>If not for that I would not have made it in life" I did not remember that because it was just a small gesture but I did not realize it made such a difference in somebody's life.
It's amazing how such little acts of helping comes back to you after so many years and surely its one of life's satisfaction which money cannot buy so all money god worshipers please note there are so many more things in life than just dollars and cents!

Old Boys

Striking a balance

"What is this life if full of care ,we have no time to stand and stare....." This is a little reminder that in life we must always strike a balance.Balance what as against what?.We all have to work for a living as like it or not you cannot survive unless you have money to get you all the basic things like food,lodging,clothes etc.But in the pursuit for work excellence we must not forget to strike a balance between our own psychological ,physical and mental capacities and our work demands.We can only do so much and if you work until you become a robot then you have to think whether that kind of work is for you.There are people who come home mentally,physically and psychologically exhausted that they are just a shell to the people at home.They snap at anything and are short fused and the poor family members become the victims.
I have been a teacher and teachers are fortunate as we work half a day teaching and a couple of hours in enrichment activities for the students.Thus between teaching and the other related activities we have time to relax and pursue our own hobbies.This makes us better persons emotionally , physically and mentally.Thus we balance our working life with our home life and the balance makes for better living for all family members.
We see so many young people rushing through life to the extent that they forget the simple things which make life worth living.Spending time with your children,eating a relaxing and homely meal together,spending a bit of time on your hobbies ,just sitting down together watching a TV show together >simple yet meaningful .In some families the young people come back just in time for dinner and have no time even to shower before they eat.Why cant they be back earlier so that they have a bit of time to relax, spend a bit of time with the children ,shower and then sit down for a relaxing dinner?I have always believed in time management and through my own working experience its important to work fast but smart and this has never been at the expense of quality work.For sure there will be times when you have to work extra long thus upsetting your routine but surely this is not a daily affair? In most instances the work we do is quite routine after some time and you will have the means to program and plan your work each day.Some people say work is never done so just plan your day and your work according to priorities and you will find that life is much easier.
A survey done in an old folks home asked the senior people what are their main regrets in life.Amongst the most common answer " I never gave myself the time to do the things I really wanted to do".Find time for yourself and do the things which you like to do.Time lost can never be reclaimed hence its important to remember that we have to find the time to do the things that we really want to do and not live like robots doing what other people want of us !

Principles

I have always believed that the principles which we believe in to a very large extent determine the way we act and make our decisions.People have died for the principles which they believed in.History is full of such examples.
On a more practical basis I have come across some of my younger friends who face unnecessary conflict because they dont abide by some basis principles like the man is the head of the family and any decision involving the family is best made together and discussed soberly and logically and when one party is able to present stronger arguments then the decision follows his or her line of thinking and the "loser" has to be gracious in " defeat".that is how you get decisions by consensus.The simple principle of discuss and agree goes a long way to nurturing successful relationships.
A man for example asks the opinion of the wife before he decides to go for a holiday with his friends.Upon her consent he proceeds to make the arrangements but half way through the wife says 'I dont think you should go" So what is going to happen? How would the guy feel? In the first instance he tries to follow the principle of discuss and agree and after that there is a breach of the agreement.Not only has he to cancel the trip with his friends but also face the fact that talking to his wife is pointless .Hence unnecessary conflict.
Successful relationships depends on discussing matters with each other and coming to an agreement and after that honor that agreement.Another example is when the wife decides to work in another town and telling the husband only after she has made that decision.Where is the respect for the husband? where is the discuss and agree or disagree principle?.What should the man do under such circumstances?
We need always to be guided by the principles which we live by and without such principles we are but people with no character or standards.

'All men are brothers"

You cant take me off the TV from 830 to 930 pm nowadays as I am avidly following a Chinese series "All Men are Brothers".Watching the movie critically and appreciating it makes it so much more meaningful.When you watch classics like this look out for:
1.The story line .
2.The main characters.
3.The settings and the cast.
4.The message the director or producer is trying to get across.
The story line is quite simple ,about a group of rebels trying to get the Emperor's pardon so that they can be absorbed into the govt.and rid it of all the corrupt officials.
The characters are interesting,you have the sage or the man of wisdom who gives valuable advice and plans the strategies for the group.You have the undisciplined fighter who flares up at every little thing ,eats and drinks merrily but who is loyal, brave and a fantastic fighter.
You have the reluctant leader who constantly harps on the objective of the group which is to be help set up a govt.which treats all the people fairly.Here you see how a leader constantly reminds his followers about their mission .(A lesson in corporate management).
The core members of the group are the 108 fighters who are all specialized in the art of fighting.Each one looks and acts his role well enough.
The fighting scenes are fantastic and its only in China that they can get so many people to participate.
What really stands out about this series are the emphasis on values like integrity,honor,courage ,loyalty,truthfulness and dignity.The common flaws of govt. officials are shown clearly , greed ,corruption,scheming and power crazy without really caring for the common people.Reminds me of what is happening in our country today!!! A lot to be learnt from History if we choose to do so.

I enjoy watching the series ,its very traditionally Chinese and an English educated person like me can also appreciate Chinese history and culture.

Mother's love

Whenever our youngest daughter and her hubby say that they are coming for dinner mum gets all excited and early in the morning would start to plan the dinner menu.When its time for them to arrive she would be looking out every other minute for their arrival We were watching TV the other evening and I could see that her focus was not on it as every now and then when a car passes by she would look out and see if it was our daughter and when she finally arrived ( she was late that day) mum got up straight away and went to the kitchen.
To parents its always good to have the children around be it for a meal or just a drop by kinda thing .We would love to have all our children by our side all the time but that's not possible as they have their lives to lead and sometimes sad to say parents are not their priority.One of my friends said " I would be happy if my son gives me a call every now and then".
Children should value their parents while they are still around because for senior people you never know when they are going to leave and we should treasure and value them while we can.Make time for them !

Life is so fragile

"Man proposes ,God disposes" how true .We were shocked to hear that Mr.Heng Imn's father in law passed away yesterday in UK .He suffered a heart attack and they could just not save him.They went to UK for a holiday and also to visit Jason and Imn.Its so tragic that their holiday should end this way.
This is the second time somebody known to me died so suddenly and unexpectedly.It makes me wonder how frail life is.Your age does not matter,if its your time's out then its time out.
While you are still around make the best use of your life.Stay close to those who are close to you,your family especially and friends.Do what you want to do or do what you can still do .Some people still want to hoard money but dont know how to spend it,not necessarily on yourself but on others .Its good to see money spent buying dinner of gifts for people and in the process make them happy.I have come across people who are seniors and still wanting to make money.This is the greed of man of which there are no boundaries.
Rich as a millionaire but live like a pauper.Somebody once commented when I did not want to eat durians" You dont know know how to enjoy life" and I retorted "There is more to life than eating durians"
While we are around value the people around us,spend quality time with them ,treasure the moments you have together for you never know when you have to leave.

Cars

As far as I can remember I have used quite a number of cars since the first one which I had.Of course the first car which I bought was for my dad as I could not bear to see him cycling to work and back everyday>It was a white colored Fiat 1200 with the number F 4242.It cost Around RM 6000 those days and it was a good buy and dad really treasured it and I was happy that he enjoyed the car.
My first car for myself was a Volvo 122 PE 9133 blue in color and also known as the German tank.It was a prestigious car those days but without air con and the gear was manual.It gave me years of service and we happily drove up and down Ipoh with it.The next was Volvo 244 AL 893 yellow in color and it was slightly a higher grade but still with manual gear but with air con.
Then came the Ford Capri a sports model AP 2442 which I bought new but only used for a short period.Then came the Mini 1275 a sporty low bodied car which again did not last long . .After this we decided on the Toyota Corolla AM 9478 which my daughters had great fun with, driving it up the divider,banging the school gate and what have you.Together with this I had the toyota toyopet which was a 1000 cc car.I drove this to school when I was the Headmaster and the students could not believe their eyes.
The next was a Toyota too but 1800 cc,AAP 2882 which I used when I was transferred back to Ipoh.But not for long as after that I decided to switch back to the Volvo 244 NX 989.This was because of the frequent traveling which needed a more sturdy car.
This served me the longest until came the Toyota Camry ADE 1888 which was supposed to be my retirement car.As I was not working anymore we decided to change to a proton Wira ADE 8363 and we used this till 2002 when I was reemployed in KL and we got the Honda Civic W..6628 and this was later replaced by a Mercedes 280 BHT 8893 and the current car is BKV 8660 a Nissan X trail.
Come to think about it I have never stopped paying car installments till today but I have had the pleasure of driving so many of them.Those days buying a car was one way of getting some money .If you buy a new car for say RM25,000 and your car is say worth 15,000 you can get a loan for !5,000 but if you take 5,000 out you have that cash for your use while your loan is still for 15,000.That was how we survived in times of difficulty.You just borrow more and pay back over a longer period that's all.
Today I have no more interest in changing cars cos that fad has since long gone but on looking back changing cars was fun.You have a different car to drive and some extra money to spend and a lot of experience.

IQ vs EQ

All this hype about how many As you get and how deserving you are of a scholarship and an overseas one at that cant help but make me wonder...We have become so materialistic and in our quest for materialistic gains sometimes we forget how to be a person>The Japanese had to reform their educational system when they found that a new generation of Japanese,mercenary,calculative,success orientated were being bred .In the process the traditional values were being neglected.We had the same problem and Moral Studies was introduced into the school curriculum but the programme failed right from the start because teachers and students did not pay much emphasis to it.Today we see the results of this failure.
We have bred a generation of young people who lack so much in the living skills.Very few of them think of others or put others' needs in front of theirs.They cannot converse intelligently or listen and comment intelligently.I once came across a young man who was kinda listening to a discussion.Apparently he listened but was not attentive,and at the end of the discussion asked "What is that?".I totally ignored him because his question was totally out of context and I was certainly not going to repeat myself.
Its also quite maddening when you bring up a topic for talk and all you get is either silence or a totally blank look.Sad to say many people today dont know the art of conversation or even how to socialize.I recently traveled with a friend from Ipoh to KL and we were able to converse all the way ,from golf,to stock market,to politics and values.Can you imagine the scope and depth of the conversation?I seldom come across people who can talk within that scope.Today many young people do not have the depth of knowledge which is required to be what I call all round individuals.
To put others' interests ahead of yours ,to care for others' to be sensitive of the feelings of others and above all to be considerate.There are many things which you learn outside your textbooks and have the necessary academic qualification does not allow you to claim to be educated.There are too many of so called educated people who have no eq at all.They do not treat their staff,colleagues,friends and family members with the proper decorum and social or professional etiquette.Thye themselves have such limited outlooks in life that they live in a shell and fail to even bother to find out what is out there.Besides surfing the net,you can also surf the TV and have a lot of fun.There are some who confine themselves to ceratin programmes only and go for meaningless programmes .That's fine..its their right but is there a need to shut your mind off to others? And watching TV itself has its etiquette for if others are interested in other programmes you should at least be aware that you are hogging the TV for a show which only you watch.That is EQ ...sensitive to others nad their needs and putting others interests ahead of yours.When I play golf for example if my friends choose to play in a course which I dont like I will go along in tantrum with the needs of the group which always take priority over mine.Eating is another example.If you eat alone you can eat what you want and where you want but in a group its the consensus that should be followed.
Thus having IQ is never enough ,you must have the EQ too.In that way you stand a better chance of being a complete person and not one with high IQ but no standard in terms of character.You just have to look at some politicians shaking hands with people to see this.Looking away ,making it as though its your privilege to even touch their hands is their way of greeting you.Compare this with the warm handshake amongst friends and you can see the difference immediately.Got IQ no EQ,got money ,no class,got class no money or power,which is better?

Teachers' Day

May 16 has been declared as Teachers' Day and is celebrated to honor the teachers who have worked hard to nurture the youth of the country.Very few know how Teachers' Day started.Actually the celebration of Teachers' Day was started by the Mission Schools long before the govt. did it and spoilt the spirit of the Day.When we first celebrated The Day the students would make little presentations for their teachers and would give little gifts like cards,chocolates ,flowers and whatever.There would be fun games between the teachers and the students and we all had fun playing football,basketball,badminton against the students.That night there would be a party for the teachers where there was dancing ,eating and drinking.At the end of it all you went home feeling good as a teacher.
Today ,this has changed>Schools do have their own Teachers'Day celebration but its more ritualistic than a day really dedicated to the teachers.What is worse the Ministry has its own version of Teachers Day at District,State and national level where the spirit of the day is not there anymore.They have speeches,formal dinners with VIPs who hog the limelight instead of the teachers and what more they have an award called "Tokoh Guru" which is awarded to two or three teachers every year as a tribute to their contribution to education.I do not want to comment on the nomination and selection procedure but certainly I feel that many good teachers have been left out.Just 2 or 3 outstanding teachers? Hard to believe!
When I organized Teachers Day for my District I called upon all the retired teachers to attend and they were all treated as VIPs.Each one was given a small bouquet of flowers when they stepped into the hall ...They were the VIPs not some stupid political figure.We had one singer who sang a special song by the BeeGees "Dont forget to remember" and I told the singer while he sang the song to go round the ViP retired teachers and shake their hands.Many were so touched that they had tears in their eyes and at the end many came to thank me and said "Thank you for remembering us".That was teachers day where we remembered our teachers then and now ,not the hoo ha which they make teachers go through nowadays .That is what happens when simple events become politicized Let Teachers Day be celebrated in the respective schools ,let the students show their appreciation to their teachers in their own way..that is what Teachers' Day is all about.

another coincidence

Yesterday I had a call from an old student of mine way back in 1965 and he wanted to meet me as he had just got back from Australia for a holiday.His name is Harbachan Singh and I can vaguely remember him.The meeting was fixed at Starbucks Bangsar Village.When I arrived there a couple of minutes before the appointed time he was already there and when I commented on that he said" Sir,with you we always have to be punctual .You taught us that"That got us off on a good start.
Over a big cup of coffee we talked about the good old days(He wanted to have a couple of beers with me but I told him I dont drink,but that he could go ahead.Out of politeness he said he will also have coffee).
He told me that he had stayed in Australia (Melbourne) since 1974 and is now happily settled down there.He was talking about how if you are hardworking there are endless opportunities there.Hmm sounds interesting but I told him too late for me.What amazes me was that he brought a photostat copy of his report card which I wrote in 1965.I cannot imagine how he kept it for so long and it was because he wanted me to see it.
I wrote that he was by nature a playful and mischievous boy ,very weak in Geography and Science and that he needed to work harder if he wanted to pass and overally I rated him as a poor student.It was that report which actually motivated him to work hard and he said proudly that it changed his life and he is what he is today.
he still remembered my first car a Volvo 122 a grand car those days and he told me that me and mum were their role models as an ideal couple and a lot of the boys looked up to us because of that.
It was quite amazing that he could remember so many things about his school days and he had some good memories.Today he is about 60 + and totally different ,a testimony to the fact that everybody changes with time some for the better and some for the worse.As a teacher I guess nothing makes us happier than to see our students make it in life and to know that in however small a way we made them what they are.
On hindsight I feel that I should not have been so candid in my assessment of him and surely if I were to write that report today it will be different.I was 25 then and not a trained teacher yet and did not realize the impact of what we say of our students.That is also part of my own learning process.
We left each other after more than 2 hours of chatting and Harbachan promised to keep in touch and invited me to be his guest should I ever be in Melbourne.

An interesting encounter.

This morning at breakfast one Indian guy walked up to me ,gave me a good stare and asked " Excuse me ,were you a School Principal? I said "Yes" and guessed he must be one of my former students and indeed he was>Told me his name is Baskaran and he related to me his impressions of me as a Headmaster.He said "Sir,you were always walking around the school with a cane in your hand.You were very strict and the moment we hear your footsteps,everyone would be at their seats.We know you are a fierce disciplinarian but actually we all loved you"
I was so touched and happy that Baskaran ended up as a ship pilot and is one of the few involved in this kind of work.We talked about teachers then and now and he said he was fortunate to be under the guidance of good teachers or he would not be where he is today.Its so gratifying that as teachers our students recognize what we did for them and sadly enough he said teachers today are not what they were.I am inclined to agree .Its not that the teachers are no good today but they actually have no chance to teach,what with all the projects and meetings which they have to attend.This is because we have the unfortunate case where the direction of education is determined by politicians whom we know do things for their own self glory.
Gone are the days when we can think of teachers who exerted such big influences on us and gave us the most important ingredients for our character which is one of the things we took from school other than knowledge.I can still remember some of teachers who had such charisma that we tried to be like them,hardworking,strict,disciplined and knowledgeable.I remember one Maths teacher who could draw such amazingly round circles with his hands and no instruments,I remember my literature teacher who brought us to the world of Shakespeare with such vivid dramatization that we all listened with open mouths all the time.
School those days were fun and we teachers had such great rapport with our students and would do our very best not only to give them the knowledge which they needed to pass their exams but also to shape their characters.
As teachers it is painful for us to see what the politicians are doing to our education system and the future of the younger generation.

Coping with changes

Mum is in Spore with Aaron for more than a month now and we have to adapt to a new lifestyle.For one thing without them the house is so quiet and dull.Everybody works and comes back at night by which time we only watch TV for an hour or so before I call
it a night.No "my turn" for the tv and the cartoon programmes are not turned on.
In the mornings papa is so free he does not know what to do cos he does'nt have to cope with dramas and etc or fight to get Aaron off from watching his favorite Ultraman or Bob the Builder to take his shower and get ready for school.Yup life is not the same without the little fella .
After work there was always the little fella waiting to greet you and its strange coming home without someone greeting you and more importantly having to look for your own dinner everyday.I am not one to be fussy about food ,we have been brought up to eat just to fill your stomach ,to keep you from being hungry.I would just drop by anywhere convenient and grab a bite and that is sufficient.The Sundays are still something to look forward to .Waking up early ,having breakfast with the cronies and enjoying a round of golf and then lunch are things to look forward to.
Even the maid is trying to adapt.I'm sure she is a bit lost as she has to spend the whole day by herself.If she could express herself I'm sure she will tell us how bored she is,more so having to plan her own meals.
But life goes on so we have to adapt,just like when we did when all our children were away from home at one stage.I have also stayed alone in four different places.Sitiawan,Tashkent,Melaka and lembah Beringin and that has taught me to be independent and to be self reliant.Man is adaptable and its a matter to coping with a new environment and making the best use of circumstances beyond your control and at the end of the day you will be surprised how resilient we really are .

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was celebrated throughout the world yesterday.It's to pay tribute to mothers for everything they have done.There is no doubt that our mothers have done so much for all of us but do we need that one special day to show how much we appreciate them? Once a year to show our mums how precious they are? Mothers should be appreciated every day and in so many ways ,not just a dinner and maybe gifts of flowers.
There is nothing that will make a mother more happy than to have her children or grand children around her .Despite the noise ,despite the hassle which such gatherings usually bring mum is never happier.To see her children grow into useful adults and abide by all that she has taught them makes mum feel that all the effort is worthwhile.
Caring for her and loving her even more when she is down and out makes the spirit of mother's day ever more so precious.The Filipino saying"My mum, may she always be what I expect,but yes or no she will always be my mum" tells us a lot.
No need to wait for Mother's Day to show how much we appreciate our mums.Do it every day, a nice word , a little gift ,a little thought would mean so much more than the commercialized Mother's Day Dinner.

The little ones

Aaron has been away for a week now and its funny how one little fella can change things so much.No po po in the mornings,no dramas with papa in the mornings,no monopoly of the TV in the mornings and nights,no tantrums at the dinner table and showering or going to bed.Ya this hero really has an impact on our lives.
We miss him and it goes to show that when someone is around you think he's a nuisance at times but when they are away you begin to realize that you really miss him.
Anyway Aaron is with Kyra in Spore and they must be having a great time and I'm sure if Ta Che and Alvyn consider them too much to handle now they will surely feel the difference when Aaron comes back.

Health is wealth

You never realize how important health is until you fall sick.Too often we see people neglecting their personal well being through bad personal habits:
1.Over eating.They eat until they are really full irrespective of what they eat.
2.Overindulgence in certain types of food.I love sweet stuff but because of my high sugar level stay away from them)
3.Unhealthy lifestyle.All work and no play..late nights and late mornings.Many dont realize how much can be done productively when you wake up early.Sleeping until 12 or 1 wastes so much precious time which can otherwise be spent doing so many things .The time spent sleeping can be used to self develop,pursue hobbies,catch up on your reading etc.
4.Eating late at night.The culture of yam cha amongst many young people is so unhealthy and leads to body abuse.After 10 at night all the vital organs need rest to recover in order to function well the next day and if they are stretched sooner or later they break down.Sitting and probably smoking than you normally would weakens the body ultimately.
5.Exercise.Why is exercise so difficult? Ever one knows the value of exercise yet how many do it? Why is it so difficult just to spend a few minutes everyday just to get a bit of exercise?
6.Water.So basic yet many people forget to drink enough of this life giving fluid.They prefer to drink alcoholic drinks or carbonated drinks which we know is not good for health.
7.Supplements.I have been on multi vites,vitamin c and e for as long as I can remember and can vouch for them .Its just a simple matter of popping a few pills every morning.Make it a habit and you are not likely to forget to take your pills.
A healthy body will let you enjoy a better lifestyle.We all know what it needs to keep healthy yet many of us do not follow.Today there is so much literature on health.Know it and be aware that good health is not a God given gift.Its something which you must cultivate through a lifestyle of discipline and following what has been proven formulas for good health.
Do this and you will find that you may be free of a situation where your body needs to be cut open and you have to go through a painful process of going through an operation where they have to cut open your body and fix the problem.If you dont think of yourself think of those who will have to suffer with you when you fall sick."Health is wealth"..dont lose it!!

Eating culture

When we were young we were taught never to leave any unfinished rice on your plate for if you do this you will have pock marks on your face.We were taught never to be fussy about food as it was in the first instance difficult to come by.Dinner was set after everyone has bathed as mum would not allow us to come to the table if we are not clean.
No one could eat until the head of the family started and once you finish your meal you are out of the table to wash your own dish.there were no leftovers because mum would insist that food must not be wasted and the last one would have the honor of finishing all the food.
Eating in restaurants or eating out was almost unheard of and if ever we ate out it would be at the hawker stalls.Today the young people fuss so much about food.They would go the extra mile just to eat something they like and price was no issue.And after a meal you are talking about coffee and dessert.What a far cry from what we had when we were young.
I am never one to fuss about food and would just eat to keep off the hunger.Three important meals a day a must, what you eat is of no importance as long as you are not hungry>Malaysian are never in want for choice ,you can have so many options for b'fast,lunch and dinner.When we were young breakfast was always bread ,butter and jam and a cup of coffee,lunch was rice as was dinner.No fancy dishes but there was always sambal and curry to give you the appetite to eat more rice.On hindsight this was healthy living as today there is so much hoo ha about having three important meals a day.
We are so lucky today as you can have so many types of food to choose from ,Japanese,Italian ,Thai,French,Vietnamese etc but during our time we had no such options so to me even today a good meal would be rice with sambal and curry.But we have to keep with the times and eat what is available and to try what the food market has to offer.There should be no big fuss over a meal ,just eat whatever is served,if you like it eat more if not eat less.There are people who would insist on the type of food they like only without caring for the needs of others.
The Uzbeks have quaint eating habits.If you are invited to a house for dinner or lunch be prepared to allocate at least three hours.The meal would always start with the table full of appetizers which are a meal by themselves.Then you have the main course and after that dessert. Bread was sacred to the Uzbeks as it was their stable food and if a piece of bread fell on the floor you have to pick it up.Because bread was so important it was just served on the table without it being put in any plate.Dinner was a lengthy affair because there was a lot of idle chatter and small talk.
Eat to live or live to eat?To us common people of course its eat to live and I have found eating moderately an important maxim and meals should be eaten at the proper time.Breakfast should be between 7 to 8am ,lunch 1to 2 pm and dinner should be not later than 7 to 730pm as it would then give you enough time to digest your food before you sleep.Of course if your personal schedule is off you cant follow this timetable.A lot of young people skip breakfast because they wake up just in time to go to work and on weekends or holidays they sleep till lunch time.The key to good eating habits is eat on time ,eat moderately and dont be obese.Then you will find that you do not become sick because of poor eating habits.Enjoy food by all means but learn how to determine what you should eat,when you should eat and how much should you eat.