A great loss !

Its always painful when you lose someone who is like a brother to you.My brother in law ( I always refer to him as this though he is actually my wife's)passed away after a long battle with cancer.He should not have gone this way because he was always so health conscious and careful with his lifestyle. I have nothing but the highest respect for him from the early days when I married my wife till now a span of more than forty years.I have always admired his determination in life .He worked for the govt. at one time but made it a point to get his degree which he did through distance learning from the University of London. His singularity of purpose in life is amazing.He never failed in what he set out to do.The only thing he did not manage to do (and I used to tease him on this ) was to play golf though he tried very hard.That aside ,he was a self made man getting little assistance from any one in his quest to succeed in life .Of course in the early days there was always his wife who stood by him through thick and thin. Their marriage was blessed with 3 lovely daughters who grew up to be his gems in his life.He was a doting father and would give his children whatever he could and its heartening to see the bond between father and children.He loved not only his children but mine and others' too.Whenever we went to Spore he would make sure that my own children were treated well. His only vice ,I should say passion was eating something which he really enjoyed.Eating a meal with us was always a lavish affair with him making sure that we got the best food he could get.We were always humbled by his generosity and the way he treated us.We loved him not because of this but because of the qualities which he displayed as a man from so many perspectives.He did well in life but was never snobbish or proud.He would always make it a point to think of others like he is one of the few men that I know who would go to the market and come back with loads of food for the family.He loved to eat and made sure others shared with him. He would go to the market everyday and take the trouble to buy the necessities back.Carrying the stuff back was no easy task but he did this willingly and happily.If we drove down to Spore he would make sure that our car was loaded with fruits ( The best he could get). He did what he had to do and I must say did it well.To him family was everything and in his life he made sure that all his children are well taken of even after they were married and had families of their own.He always walked tall because he had never done wrong in his life and had given so much not in terms of money alone but in terms of how to live life as we go along.He was very " Chinese" and held fast to Chinese beliefs and philosophy and tried by his very own example to pass this on to others. Its not easy to come across a man of his calibre who really had so much character.We will miss Uncle Chao and may his soul RIP and to his family all I can say is that "Be happy that he has gone to a better place " and he has done what every man should be proud to do and he did it all His Way !

lessons from movies

I am currently absorbed watching a Korean Movie (With English subtitles of course) about the Korean monarchy and the political scheming which goes on in the palace and strangely enough its all too familiar because you can see the same scheming going on everywhere today. The movie not only has an interesting story line but shows a lot about ancient Korean culture which are really quite admirable>You get to see palace etiquette, palace language and palace dress code.Its interesting to note amongst other things that you cannot live in comfort even though you are a king.As a king you cant have absolute power to make decisions and I cant help but compare this to the kind of lives our leaders have.I'm sure that any national decision will have to be made in consultation with the ministers and other leaders and as leaders do not often go to the ground they have to depend on the feedback given to them by their trusted aides.Sometimes things are shielded from them and its the underlings who may decide what they should know or not know.That is why its so important for leaders to get down to the grass roots and see and hear things for themselves.That is something which I reckon no leader in the world today does.When the PM for example meet with the people its all superficial and they have little opportunity to talk to the people. I remember when I was an Education Officer and was invited to officiate at school functions I saw what they wanted me to see and I heard what I was supposed to hear.Yes ,if govt. servants today give briefings to govt. leaders they would let them listen only to the good things. The movie also give insights into human character.A leader needs advisers and if they depend too much on them the power goes into the hands of the advisers and sometimes they deliberately give them the wrong advice.I believe this what caused the downfall of some of the weaker Prime Ministers whom we had."Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown"..how true>The ruler in reality and the ruler in fairy tales are two different beings,the real ruler has to face countless problems ,the fairy tale one lives in a dream world where all things are fine and rosy.Look at the world leaders today and you can imagine the kind of life they live.That's one of the reasons why the king said he would just want to drop everything ,live in a simple country house and have a simple life style.Sounds familiar right? In our hearts of hearts I'm sure that is something which many of us want....to be able to spend time with our children and spouses and be away from the rat race which many of the younger generation are caught up with today.Ironical ,that there was a time when we used to dream of fame and fortune but today we go back to a dream of a simple life. There is a lot to learn about palace protocol,language ,culture and officialdom from the movie and I would say that if you look out for these things you can learn a lot just by watching it.Incidentally there are more than 100 episodes to this movie and after nearly two months I have not finished watching.I'm sure there is much more to be learned.

Tough times make tough people ( Part 1)

When I look at children today I cannot help but compare them with what we went through as children in the 1940s and 50s.Whilst we had to learn to be streetwise and self reliant during our time children today are so protected and to a certain extent pampered that they may not know how to survive on their own. There was no TV , I phone ,DVD players ,fast food joints, air con restaurants and a marked absence of all the dessert joints which the children of today enjoy.What did we have ?The only ice cream we enjoyed was from the mobile ice cream seller and you get to turn a fortune wheel to determine how many cones of ice cream you get for one payment.At an early age we were exposed to the wheel of fortune and perhaps a little gambling or the luck of the game. We had no fancy meals for breakfast ,it was most of the time bread and butter.We never had the chance to have pork noodles .McD ,KFC ..these were unheard of and you eat to fill up your stomach .Lunch and dinner consisted mainly of rice and sambal belachan and curry and we ate lots of rice so that we do not go hungry.Water? Just use your hands ,turn on the pipe and drank as much as you want for free. Mineral water was unheard of and coke ,sprite ,iced tea ,fruit juices..never dreamed of.Despite all this we seldom got sick.I dont remember ever seeing a doctor.If at all we fall sick we were given some traditional medicine .Today if a child suffers from a cough or cold off he goes to the doctor. We never travelled in air con cars and anywhere we wanted to go was either on foot or bicycle>I remember at the age of 12 I was already cycling a few km to get to school and on the first day of school I went to school on my own.School was fun , we studied during school hours and after that it was freedom time.No need for tuition classes,no music lessons or second language lessons.We enjoyed school as there were many opportunities to learn and make friends. We played badminton in the open air and you had to learn how to control the shuttlecock against the wind.Football was played in the sun and rain and always barefooted.Whenever it rained rugby was a favourite game as you can run and tackle the other player in the wet soggy field.after all this its back home for a cold water shower as hot water was unheard of.No colds or fever from this ,yes we were tough,unspoilt and had to fend for ourselves. Fruits ? We ate whatever we could get from the trees around the neighbourhood.The favourite was guava and green mangoes ( They never had a chance to ripen with us around )Grapes,oranges,apples were fruits for the rich and we certainly did not belong to this category.Nevertheless we had our share of fruits which we got and were quite contented with this.We did not have much but we were happy with what we had. Taking in a movie was a great luxury.We learnt how to get in the cinema by paying half the price.How? We made a deal with the ticket collector.When everyone had gone in and there were still seats left he would let us in without having to buy tickets but we paid him cash but less than the price of a ticket.That's ingenuity which we learned at an early age. We grew up nevertheless and what we went through enabled us to face life's challenges as we went along.We learned how to think out of the normal paradigm and learned how to be innovative and creative,how not to be disappointed with life but take it as it comes.We had the courage,the strength to face life's challenges because we grew up the tough way.

My students

Recently a student whom I taught in 1965 came back from Canada and the rest of the classmates organised a dinner for him in KL.Never would I have imagined decades ago the I would sit down with them and have dinner together>Though it was such a long time that I taught them I can still remember them clearly as they were good students so its not surprising that many of them turned out to be successful people and what made me particularly proud was that they all spoke good English and one guy thanked me for that as I was their English teacher.Proficiency in the language has take them far and wide and they told me that because their English is good they could speak with confidence at all levels.One of them became a writer for an English newspaper and I remembered that he used to write good essays and his hand writing was always neat and clear. As teachers we had the pleasure of coming across bright students and realising this we not only gave them the academic knowledge but also subtly within our lessons taught them lessons in life so that they become academically good and morally sound thus growing up to be fine upright individuals.Looking at many of them that night it makes me proud that in some way or other we have helped shape them to what they are today.This is what makes me proud to be a teacher.

My Way

A song which has been my inspiration My Way contains great lessons for the discerning listener and also some important aspects of life .I particularly like " For what is a man what has he got ,if not himself then he has not ,to say the things he wants to say and not the words of one who kneels..."So inspiring and good to model our lives after.A man must have certain beliefs and principles in life.Without these he is nothing and just a shell of a man.Watch a Korean movie where there was a plot to overthrow the king and to do this they tried to bribe the Commander of the army with all sorts of things,wealth,fame and recognition.But the Commander said "I was appointed to serve my King and Country and I would give my life to do this. Sometimes we tend to waver in our beliefs because of promises of incentives and there are people who would go out of the way to gain favours by doing just anything.Can you imagine a person who would give up his identity just to get into the good books of the powers to be? We Chinese believe in identity and would not give it up for anything .The Emperors had their costumes,the ministers ,the officials all wore different types of clothes in accordance with their rank and status and they would under no circumstances shed this.I watched with disgust some politicians of a different party shed their identity and don on the clothes of the ruling party just to appease the masters.This reflects absolute lack of principles and self respect and dignity.Compare this with those people who have given up their lives for the sake of what they believed in and you will be able to understand that there are people who would stoop so low that its unbelievable that they are our representatives. " You can take away everything but you cant take away my dignity " how true.You lose that and you lose everything.My Way says you must walk tall and fight for what you believe in come what may.How often we hear people say things which they do not mean.Politicians are some of the most common culprits.A shrewd politician would analyse his audience and say what they want to hear .This is how they make use of their psychological knowledge to win over the masses but I wonder in the process of doing this do they really believe in what they are saying. "Regrets .I had a few "...In every one's life there are things which we regret not having done or not done.It is important while you are still able to ,to do the things you want to do so so that " when you face the final curtains" you can say you have done what you want to do and without regrets.Life is unpredictable so we have live life to its full while we can.How often we hear " I should have done this....why didn't I do this?....too late the final curtain has dropped and we ,for sure are not given a second chance to live our lives. I am really fond of this song because of its deep meaning and its a good guide to living our lives as it comes.Listen to this song and lsiten carefully to the lyrics and you will know why so many are inspired by "My Way".

Life's changes

I cannot help but reflect on the situation today and how life changes.It seems like not to long ago that we were bringing up our 4 girls,seeing them through school ,university and finally settling down with the spouses of their choice and making their way to find their own lives.From children to mothers that is a big change and we are fortunate that we have lived to this stage to see this happening.Lucky also that our children need not have to worry about us as we are both very independent and thank God still fit and healthy.We may take this for granted but if your parents are sickly and if have to look after them it is a big strain on you.We are happy that we can spare our children this. We look with a little bit of amusement how our own children bring up their children and see how anxious they are about their own kids.I'm quite sure that our grandchildren will be spoilt and how they turn out later in life will actually depend on the extent of the spoiling.Children today, even from the time of our own children are so protected and have the benefits of parental love as compared with our time .We learned to be independent from a young age and we ate whatever came our way and there were no side effects.Today's children if given the wrong food would end up with coughs and what nots.We swam in the rivers, played in the rain ,ate sambal belachan and were none the worse off.I cant imagine if I were to put my grandchildren to play in the rain.Probably their mothers (my children ) would think I'm crazy. I can see my own little girl doting over her son.Carrying him for hours (even when he is asleep) is a pleasurable chore>I do it for a while and feel the strain because the baby is not light.But to the doting mother this is nothing.Man goes through a cycle,birth ,adulthood ,parenthood and I cant imagine if the children turn out to be unfilial.We are lucky our children care for us and need not have to go through this kind of heartache but one cannot help wonder if after all they have to go through parents have to face the problem of ungrateful and unfilial children.Probably this will depend on the kind of up bringing and the values which are taught to the children from young.That is why no one can take the place of parents in the growing up process and we really pity the parents who have to entrust their children to nannies because of their career commitments.even leaving their children with the grand parents is so painful ,what about nannies? We are happy our children are going through this without too much of a hassle.We are happy that they can grow up to be parents in their own right and what is more important we are still around to lend a helping hand when needed.As grandparents we have the chance to do with our grandchildren what we perhaps could not have done with our own children as we are better off financially ,psychologically and mentally than we were.We have no careers to worry about,no headaches about putting the children through school and university and the need to balance a career with family.Its their turn now...Today if any of the grandchildren needs anything we dont even give a second thought but when we were young we had to really think and very often faced a choice of wanting to give what the children wanted as against what we could afford to give. That is why our grandchildren would be spoilt not only by the parents but by us too.The cycle of life is really something but then it is not everybody who can go through this cycle and those who do have much to be thankful for.To go through childhood, adulthood,parenthood brings a lot of precious experiences some painful but the rest mainly joyous !

A hectic week

My nephew from New Zealand tied the knot in Penang and KL .There was a dinner in Penang on Wed 30th May and poor us had to drive up on the morning of that day and stayed a nite before returning to KL on the 31st.The drive in the hot sun was tough especially for the driver.I was not allowed to drive so had to sit down quietly and allow the lady driver to do her stuff. A cultural shock awaited us when we checked into our accommodation .It was a kind of apartment block and looked really budget .To make matters worse the rooms faced a huge graveyard and was in an older part of the town.We had no choice but to make the best use of it. The next day a long hot drive to Ipoh where we had chance to eat all the Ipoh goodies before leaving for Kl.My eldest girl and family came back on Friday and it was shopping and eating all the way.Sat. nite was the dinner by the groom's side at a Chinese restaurant in a golf club.It was a gastronomical disaster for I have never tasted such bad food for a wedding dinner but being guests we just ate what was edible and kept quiet .Fact remains that we went home quite hungry. I have learnt something which I always believed in that is if you want to do something do it well and if you want to be calculative about money dont do it.If you do something with the money factor as the main criteria you might as well forget about doing it.Of course if you have limited funds and you do a budget event its understandable but if money is not a constrain and you make it into one then something is not right.Somebody said correctly "Money is only money when you use it ". By the time Girl left for Spore we were all stoned and last night surprisingly by 9 pm everyone was in bed suffering from the after effects of the hectic week !