The wheels go round and round

Mum looked after Kyra from the day she was born till she was ready to go to nursery.She had no choice but to come back to Kl as Aaron was born and needed looking after.The time she was in Spore I had to fend for myself but that was not a problem as I have lived on my own in several places, Tashkent, Melaka and Lembah Beringin. Aaron is now ready to start on the next phase of his life ,going to formal school and now its time for Lucas our youngest grandson.His parents bought a new house and being working people of course needs assistance to bring the little fella up.So its time for us to move again to a new neighborhood like we did initially to Spore, Taman Desa and Ara Damansara.Fortunately mum is very adaptable , making friends wherever she goes and she has such a positive attitude about things so much so that I would say its nothing short of amazing.I'm sure she will adapt to the new environment and just like her will make the best use of it.She is already talking of going to UK when our next grandchild comes along. Bringing up the little fellas is not an easy job .It eats into your time and freedom but we look at it as our contribution to make life easier for our own children.I suppose most parents will do this for their kids.How can you say "no" when your help is needed.its not only a responsibility but in a way a pleasure to know that you are still useful and wanted.So the next mission is to see Lucas grow up and ready to be sent to nursery and then maybe off to London and eventually , hopefully HOME.To parents to be with the children and to be able to make life a little bit easier for them is as mum says " worthwhile , despite the tiredness and little sacrifices ".We often wonder how she is able to cope , looking after the little ones ( and doing a great job) and at the same time taking care of the household chores.At times I ask her and her answer is " I love my children and grandchildren " and that is what makes the burden negligible.What an attitude ! Staying with our youngest daughter will be interesting and meaningful as we can see little Lucas grow up.We have had a good stay with our second daughter and seeing Aaron grow up to be a strong , healthy and intelligent boy is one of our joys in life and gives us the motivation to move on. The famous words " I shall pass this way but once , hence any good which I can do ,let me do it now for I may not pass this way again "aptly describes what mum is doing and will continue doing for the children and grandchildren. Denai Alam here we come !

A little boy grows up

Last week we celebrated the wedding of our nephew to a wonderful girl and for mum and me looking at him so grown up and happy it brought a lump to our throats.Time flies, it seems not so long ago that he came to live with us at the age of 9. His parents cried " help" ..they found him a handful and he did not get on well in school.Mum in her goodness never hesitated to take him in with us .He was fortunate because at that time I was the District Education Officer and could put him in any school .We chose to place him in the school where mum taught as it was convenient in terms of logistics and more so because she could keep an eye on him. Two of her close friends taught him and I might say they in no small way were responsible to ensure that he studied like a good student. On his part we did wonder what could have gone through his head when he had to leave home at such an early age . He would have thought " Why do my parents send me away ? Dont they want me anymore ?" It was fortunate that he had the company of our four girls who in no small way exerted some good vibes into his life.Looking at him sometimes, I could no help but feel sorry for him especially those times when he went home for the school holidays and had to come back again leaving his dear brother and cousins. Many a time he cried and my heart just went out to him but looking at the bigger picture ...that it was for his own good we steeled ourselves.So his turn around mission went on.The family treated him like one of us and the girls would do their best to teach him the " right path" and growing up in that kind of environment to a certain extent helped.Mum loved him like her own son, feeding him well and taking him out for his favorite KFC almost every weekend. Soon the little monster began to show signs of change , more time spent on his studies leading to better marks in school and the guided activities began to show results too. Meal time , study time , play and sleep time were all well arranged and he soon got into the habit of doing his stuff on a regular basis . He stayed with us for a number of years and by the time he finished his primary education we felt it was time to send him home .It was then difficult for us , for mum especially for he had indeed become a part of our lives and all of us loved him like one of the family.But it was time for him to return home ... a much better individual. Today looking at him getting married is one of the memorable moments in our lives.He has come this far and we know he will go even further in life. e wish you Alvin and Shiao Ling a happy journey through life !

Being a good spouse

Last night after dinner, mum told her brother "I've a good husband !". that phrase got me thinking ...what would it take to be a good husband or spouse?.To her it means never giving her problems like waiting, being fussy about what she cooks up,tolerant , supportive in her activities to the extent of financial and moral support and most important , be there for her when she needs you. I have tried to be as trouble free to her as possible.Knowing her and her likes and dislikes its a simple matter to adjust to it.Knowing that she stretches herself to the limit everyday, baby sitting and doing the housework ,I have to be sure that I do not add to her headache .Helping out in some small little way and encouraging her when she wants to do her things gives her that little bit of encouragement and perhaps a little motivation too.Listening to her stories makes her happy and I believe that a couple must communicate and to do so you must have a common wave length.You cant really talk sensibly if one is a turkey and the other an eagle.Being there for her to listen to her stories gives her an outlet which gives her a certain amount of comfort and assurance.its also good for her ego and self confidence. She loves to travel and be with her friends.Nothing makes her happier than this and she need not have to ask me when she wants to go anywhere.The male chauvinism thing does not apply here.You have to give her due respect as she knows what she is doing and doing it well too.Tolerance, support, understanding are ingredients very necessary in a relationship.We always tell each other in advance what is the plan for the week or the month and her opinion is always considered positively.Most of the time I let her decide on things , knowing this is what makes her happy. Our time management is one of the things we are proud of as there was , as far as I can remember , no misunderstanding on time. If I want to play golf on Sunday mornings and she has to go to the market , I make sure we do not clash over usage of the bathroom .I will just be a few minutes earlier than her and that solves the problem easily. I know she doesn't like things cluttered around even in my own room so I make it a point to be tidy though at times men tend to be messy.Since a long time ago I would buy all the toiletries for her.Things like shampoo, body wash, tooth paste , brushes etc are selected and bought by me and to her credit she just uses what I buy and I would always make sure that the replacement is always there before something runs out.This is another way of reducing her burden and it does help a little bit. A long lasting relationship is based on trust, understanding, tolerance ,consideration and above all mutual care and affection which will enable us to overlook little or even glaring and insufferable weaknesses on the part of the other party.

Mum's Holiday

A well deserved break for the lady of the house materialized when she went off for a few days ' break in Bangkok and Hua Hin. She is always excited when it comes to trips and a few days before the day of departure had already started to prepare her travelling bag and at the same time bugging me to change Thai Bahts for her. Her organisational skills are well evident as she had booked the airport taxi way in advance and the day before departure had already called the taxi company for re confirmation.All the household affairs were arranged, the maid was briefed on what to do in her absence and the grandsons' needs were all seen to.this was to ensure that she had peace of mind on her travels. It was good that she has this break as this would be an opportunity for her to add a little bit more color to her life which in the norm of things are quite busy and perhaps stressful. But she has taken all this in her stride and to her credit you will never hear her complain .talk about being considerate and thinking positive. She will undoubtedly enjoy her break as she has always looked at things from the positive point of view. Though I am unable to join her I can imagine the fun she is going to have .

Being Considerate

Oxford Dictionary defines considerate as being " Thoughtful for others " so appropriate to remind ourselves of this now and then as not being so can lead to a lot of unnecessary misunderstanding and conflict.Too often people are too self centered and uncaring for others that they become a real pain in the neck. be late for appointments is perhaps one of the most common inconsiderate acts .Knowing very well someone is waiting for you and knowing that you cant make it on time just requires a phone call to inform the person concerned of the situation which you probably created yourself.To me there is no excuse for being late for appointments if you plan your time and if you care enough about the person at the other end.Of course , given unexpected incidents like accidents you can be excused. but in KL the oft repeated and given excuse is traffic jam ...This is a poor excuse.If you travel along a certain route everyday you should know when is the jam time and given that how long it is going to take you to get from one place to another.And if it so happens that your best calculation goes awry a phone call to the waiting party will be an act of consideration isn't it ? Today the mobile phone is such a convenient gadget but some people just dont know how to use it. A person's worth is to a certain extent determined or judged by the way he manages himself. if you cant manage yourself how can you manage anything else ...your work , your family ,your friends?. I have always had no respect for people who cant manage themselves in the first instance.The stark indicators of this kind of people are those who come late for work and dont finish their work on time. Productivity is a matter of being able to cope with your work load.I remember having to skip lunch and working non stop during working hours in order to be able to get home on time and even then taking work home was not something uncommon.The important thing is getting out of the office on time and being able to complete your work.If productivity is carefully measured and if we realise that we can only do so much within the hours of work then its time to have A lot of unnecessary misunderstanding can be avoided if we are more time sensitive especially if there is someone at the other end on the waiting list.I have lived with my wife for more t 45 years and never once did we have nay problem with time as we are both time conscious people and have learnt how to adjust our schedule.For example on days when I have to leave early I make sure that I either use the bathroom way before her ( Depending on the time I usually take there ) and leave the bath vacant for her to use .That is being considerate and it simply needs a bit of intelligence and concern to ensure that there is no conflict in time . We are creatures of routine and there is no reason why we cannot be organised.Yesterday mum went to Bangkok and I noted that a few days before she had already got everything ready and I did my part ensuring that she got her foreign currency ready well before time. She need not have to ask, I used my initiative and got it for her.That is considerate.To be considerate , to think of others more than yourself is a quality which people of character have. If you cant be considerate especially over little things we can see what sort of a character you are and for there what sort of person. it takes very little to learn to be considerate but it will certainly go a long way.

What are they doing to our kids?

I remember when we were in primary school we had loads of fun , swimming in the river, eating whatever fruits we could shoot down with our catapults ,playing in the rain and all sorts of creative games which we designed and created ourselves.We had fun, school was fun and just being kids was so meaningful.We had lots of time to play and we liked school because it was a place where we met our friends and played and played.Our parents generally left us alone in school and never bugged us to study which made us actually want to read our books and learn more. Exams were few and there was no primary school exam and the real test came when we sat for our Senior Cambridge Exam.Tuition was unheard of, homework was manageable and if you did not complete it at home it was a simple matter to copy from someone before the teacher concerned came in. Today as I look at the children I cant help but feel sorry for them .Imagine at pre school they are already exposed to exams and kiasu parents would want to make sure that their children do well.For what ? Is it for their own ego or is it because they feel it does the child good.What worries me more is when parents take it upon themselves to try to teach their kids.Parents are not teachers and its dangerous when people who are not trained to teach and educate try to do so. Can you treat someone and prescribe medicine if you are not a doctor ? and can you repair a car if you are not a mechanic ? then what makes you think you can teach a child if you are not a teacher.Sure you can teach a child values and principles of life, manners and good behaviour but to teach a child maths or language... come on . the teaching - learning process has been a big challenge to educationists since time immemorial and to teach so that the student learns and learns effectively has been one of the greatest challenges of education.Loads have been written and researched on child development, child psychology and effective teaching and learning .things like how to encourage the child to love learning and the knowledge which come with it are well researched topics and have always challenged teachers and educators.You do not just learn about life through text books .There is indeed much more to be learned through other medias. We have to understand that there is such a thing called readiness to learn and learning environment.education is the development of the mind and to do so you must first understand the human mind.You cannot expect a child to learn under threat or duress .Learning must be self motivated, learning must have a purpose.that is why we teachers always tell our students at the start of a lesson what we want them to know and then we plan our methodology which will enable us to achieve our objectives.We do not create a situation where a child dreads learning because its associated with scoldings , and even caning.When this happens the child grows up with an aversion for learning and this is how you get drop outs from the system. Educating a child must be done with care and it requires a deep understanding of a child's physical , mental and psychological development.That is why teachers have to go through training before they are allowed into the classroom. Let our kids enjoy their childhood ..they will be kids only once.Let them discover things themselves.Within this they of course have to be taught discipline, values and acquire some of our basic values and perhaps even tradition. This is where the parents can contribute as the home is where these things can be learned. Before this is possible parents themselves need to be educated as have paper qualifications does not necessarily mean you are educated.

A senior's lifestyle

As you grow older your life and you yourself undergo changes.For one thing we have less demands , be it for food, travel or other worldly needs.What you need to do ,you have practically done and most importantly you find that you can go to bed at night without worrying about the so many things which young people have to worry about. Job wise there is no longer the need or drive to climb the job ladder.You enjoy the privilege of being able to say " If you think I cant perform , sack me for I'm just working for the heck of it and I work as long as I'm happy". A big privilege indeed . Our basic needs have become more simple , food is no longer something to be fussed about.We eat what is on the table and if we should eat out, convenience is the main factor.I remember those days when we could only eat out once a month when dad got his salary and it was not in any fancy restaurant.But it was family and that kind of family outing meant a lot. I like to think of myself as a 'Kampong boy " forced to live in the city.There is nothing better than to have a meal of sambal belachan , salt fish and lots of green chillies.Give me this and I will anytime trade them for sharks fins,lobsters or abalone.we used to enjoy such meals within the family and though the food which my mum cooked up was simple , it was nevertheless so tasty and satisfying to the palate. With aging comes the need for less food and less materialistic needs.recently I bought a new golf club and before buying it was really indecisive as to whether I should or not until a good friend asked me : 1. Can you afford it ? 2.Are you using someone's money to buy it ? and the most interesting question :" How many more years do you think you can enjoy the game ?"That's it and I happily bought the club and was quite at peace with myself doing it and of course I told myself I should buy myself a good Xmas present.Today its no longer a question of this vs this because of limited financial resources.Its more question of why not ?. In Kl weekdays are quite routine , wake up , clean up and have breakfast at the kopitiam and then off to work.After lunch its just looking around the office , a word or two to the staff and its back home to spend some time with the little fella and then at 6 off to fetch the other grandson back from school.Then its shower and back to the bedroom to watch my dvds until around 10pm and then off to bed. Weekends are days to look forward to as it means golf and little family dinners which as you grow older take on new meanings. Unlike many other oldies my age I feel that I'm still able to contribute and keep learning new things to keep up with the times and not be too much of a dinosaur.I pad, I phone, internet banking , e mail ,power point are things which I am picking up.I believe you are never too old to learn and you must never be too proud to ask and hear remarks like " aiyooo ,so simple also you dont know?".Never be too proud to ask and never be too dumb as not to listen.Man can always improve and there is nothing that says you cannot do things if you grow older.Of course old people have their physical limitations which we have to accept. Growing old is a normal phenomenon and we have to just come to grips with it to find that your golden years can really be golden,