Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Seventies

Everywhere I go nowadays people call me "Uncle" and it should be looked at gracefully and graciously.Age has caught up and there is no denying it and being aware of this fact helps you a lot go by each day.
Life is more relaxed as it should be.I work at my own pace and leave the actual hands on work to my staff whom I think are capable enough to handle the day to day requirements of the job.I have a good team of people working with me, young but experienced and committed.
At 70 I have a lot to be thankful for,reasonably good health,all my children with me and of course I still have my ever faithful partner.Not forgetting of course the sons in law and the two lovely grandchildren.We always believed that old people should not be a nuisance to the younger ones.That we learnt from my mother in law who stayed with us for many years and never once gave us any problem.She was a gem of a lady and that is why to this day I as the son in law would never fail to pay my respects to her on Ching Ming day , a small way of showing her the esteem which I always had for her.
Having her as the role model we try to be a bit of what she was.We should be seen and not heard,give opinions when asked for and go along with the younger people's whims and fancies.Sometimes there are things which hurts us but that hurt is shared only between mum and me.Aaron's education for example..we would have expected thatwe would be asked for our opinion about this even though Aaron is only 3 but people have their own mind sets.Heck we have been in education for years and I have risen from a teacher to the position of Chief Inspector of Schools for Perak one of the biggest states in the country and I was the first and only Chinese to hold that post.Does not make me qualified to give advice for my own grandchild's education??Its unfortunate that people who know nuts about education have the good sense to make such important decisions on education without even wanting to seek advice or opinions.The world is full of people with closed mind sets whose interest and knowledge do not go beyond their own limited field of interest.I am an economist and educationist but I learn about the world of sports,fashion, health,politics,herbs,psychology and anything else.My mind is always receptive to what I see,read and hear and that way the learning process continues.We listen,we analyse and we learn.Decisions have always to be made objectively and sensibly not emotionally.I have learnt a lot from mum because I have opened my ears and mind to whatever she tells me and lot of it makes sense so what's wrong with learning from it? Its surprising there are people who do not know how to listen,or dont want to listen because of their ego and closed mindset.Listening is a skill and not many people realise this.
So being elders we just keep our opinions to ourselves and try not to impose on the younger people.We go where they what to take us, eat what they want us to eat and only offer our views when asked for.So its a question for being accommodating instead of being accommodated to.How much time we have left no one knows but wht we would like is to spend the remainder of our time happily with our children and grandchildren and the in laws.A lot of times mum and I discuss our situation and all said and done we are happy.She can go with her friends anytime and wherever she wants.I never object,for me the less travelling especially be air the better.But that does not prevent me fro stopping he whenever she wants to go anywhere.To me its very simple,she has done so much for the family and she deserves every bit of enjoyment she wnats to have.
Me? I enjoy the simple things in life now >eat simple ,work at my pace ,walk the malls on my own,when I feel like it>Not much opportunity to watch my favourite TV shows because I have no TV and others always have priority.I was a TV bug but now at the most spend an hour watching things which others watch but this is called accommodating so its no big deal.Life is much more than that.I enjoy myself most eating with the family and being at the driving range or playing golf that's my quality time and I love the breeze ,the beauty of each golf course and the satisfaction when you play a good round.Of course watching the grandchildren grow up is another huge pleasure we get.Life is full of uncertainties ,we have to make the best of it,look at the bright side of things and count our blessings of which there are many instead of bemoaning our lacks.Looking at the bright side of things makes you so much more contented ,gives you that much needed peace of mind and you become a better person!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Marriage now and before.

our youngest daughter is busy preparing for her marriage and I cant help but feel happy for her that she has found the right man in Andrew.The institution of marriage has not changed much since the day I got married 43 years ago .The proposal,the choosing of dresses ,photography sessions ,the wedding dinner,the teasing of the bridegroom,the yam cha ceremony etc but there are subtle differences.
When we got married we had nothing ,just each other and the desire to spend the rest of our lives together and face the future together as a couple.Mum was only 21 when we got married>I had no house,no money,no savings and no car but she decided I was the guy for her and that was all that mattered.
Our marriage dinner was held in the cheong Kee Restaurant in Teluk Intan and for the boy's side in an Association Hall in Ipoh.No frills just eat and go home.We spent our honeymoon in Cameron Highlands in the old Kowloon hotel and I remember I borrowed Uncle Ming's car a ford Cortina for the journey up thare.It was an unforgettable honeymoon ,the first time mum and me had the opportunity to be together.Whatever else did not matter ,we had nothing except each other and a strong determination to spend our lives together.
Today's young people are different,they want to make sure that they have everything before settling down and go through a lot of unnecessary stress preparing for their big day.To us at that time these things were not that quite important.
Well after 43 years of marriage we have come a long way ,we are blessed with our children, our sons in law,and two lovely grandchildren and more than anything else we still have each other.The journey to this day has not been easy,there were times when we felt so frustrated because we did not have the things we really wanted but we really tried in our small way and in the way we could afford to make sure our children had everything their friends had.We were fortunate we were teachers and would make sure that we took the kids out during the year end school holidays.Of course there were no fancy trips like going overseas but we went to nearly all the local tourist spots,Cameron Highlangds,Pangkor,Penang and sometimes Singapore.It was just as enjoyable and it was through these trips perhaps that the bonding between the children became stronger.Mum would always insist on these trips and I had to crack my head to find the budget so that the kids did not feel any financial constrains when they went for their holidays.
The marriage between two people is the first step in life's journey for a couple and one must never forget that to make a marriage successful it takes two.Awareness of each other's strength and weaknesses are important just as tolerance,concern,care,the spirit of give and take,the ability to share things by talking to each other and more important to understand that no one is perfect and that we cannot expect the other party to be what we are but to accept them for what they are.As long as two people can communicate a lot of things can be resolved but when communication breaks down then the trouble starts and one must never overlook the importance of mutual respect.To this day I would never do anything important before discussing it with mum,that is respect.
I remember an important quote about marriage "Before marriage open both your eyes,but after marriage close one".