The extra mile

People always say that if you want to succeed in life you have to be prepared to go the extra mile.How does one do it and what exactly is the extra mile.? I have pondered on this and have come up with some thoughts :
1.Your character.
What sort of person would you consider yourself to be? Well balanced ? Knowledgeable? Caring? Considerate? Easy to get along with? ( Confucius said ,if you can count your friends by the fingers in your hands you are fortunate),Reliable and dependable ? a Role model?
Right,then knowing some of the qualities which we think should be possessed do we take the trouble to analyze what aspect we lack and work towards acquiring these traits? Or do we just let off a big sigh and say " We are like that".That is the difference between the extra miler and the loser.
2.How you lead your life.
Are you easily satisfied ? Do you currently have your comfort zone from which you would reluctantly want to move out of? Do you feel that you have enough of what are important to you? Do you want to continuously seek new information, new knowledge?Do you want to push yourself all the time.?If you walk two rounds ,do you think of three or four or five?If you sllep till 10 on holidays ,do you make an effort to be up by 6 and therein have time to enjoy the crisp morning air and watch the sunrise?Do you continuosly strive to improve yourself mentally,physically,psychologically ,socially and personally?
3.Your lifestyle and life attitude.
Do you like challenges? Do you strive to be the best in whatever you do? Are you prepared to push yourself physically and mentally? Do you set goals for yourself and strive to continuosly improve yourself?Complacency is dangerous because then you will come to a stage when you feel that life has no more meaning.There are so many ways we can improve..to the ones closest to us we can always think of how we can treat them better and show that we care in so many different ways.Trouble is sometimes we never think of these things and more often take them for granted.Making yourself a better person to the ones who mean most to you is one of life's challenges and is always the catalyst for self improvement and self realization.Do you remember how you treated your loved ones when you first got to know them? Do you still treat them that way? The relationship between two persons is always special and the magic of the early days of their relatonship should always be treasured and preserved.We should never lose the romance that we had ,in fact it should be nurtured and its magic must never be lost.
I have always believed in challenging the norms like sometimes I hear somebody saying that so and so does this or does not do this because he is old.Then I ask how old? And when i hear he is in the sixties or fifties then I realise that at 70 I must be antique .People say you cant drive long distances when you are old.i regularly drive up and down KL- Ipoh and can still manage it,still work 6 to 7 hours a day and play golf at least twice a week and work out at the driving range at least twice a week.Mind over matter? Age just a number? If you think you can do it, you can ..all these are the ingredients for positive thinking and challenging the accepted paradigms and great people love to challeng the accepted norms .Look at some of the world leaders and notable people ,in the 60s ,70s and 80s and still achieving great things.This should be our inspiration.
On a physical note we have heard of people pushing themselves to the limits like going without food for days,trekking up mountains or deep jungle ,showing exceptional strength when necessary.This shows that physically we do not fuction to our maximum capacity and perhaps this makes us fall short of our real capacity as human beings.Mentally too ,many of us do not reach our maximum because of complacency and other reasons like laziness etc.
Man's potential is under utilized and to make greater and better use of it we need to have the right mind set and the right motivation .That's what it means by going the exra mile ,only special people have this quality.

Mum and dad

I had the most interesting parents and its coming to All Souls' Day,that time of the year when you go back to your roots.Strange that they both died as Catholics .The good thing is that if you are baptized before death all your sins are forgiven and you go to Heaven.That is a comforting thought.
Dad was a gem of a guy and I believe all his life was devoted to his wife and children.A man who spoke very little, I have never heard him grumble or say much.It was I guess because he kept everything to himself and had really no one to think about.He worked in the Telecoms as the Chief Clerk ,a fairly important post those days .He did not earn much and with 6 of us to look after never indulged himself>I believe he never went out of Malaysia,not even Singapore but never did he indicate any desire to indulge in travel.Maybe he kept his desires to himself but we certainly did not hear about this from him.
No fancy food for him,he was a very homely man coming home for lunch everyday.Poor man had to cycle all the way from office to home to have his lunch, a short rest and off to work again.We barely had enough to live and yet we were happy as a family.As long as there was rice on the table it was good enough for us.Sometimes when I secretly looked into his wallet I found only 1 RM and just wondered how he was going to manage on that.Frugality and simplicity were things which we grew up with and we as children never demanded or asked for anything beyond what was given to us.You never ask your parents which you know they cannot give as this will really make them upset for all parents would want to give their all to their children.
Looking back despite being without all the luxuries in life we were happy.The children got along well with each other and we were brought up by a very strict disciplinarian...mum.She was nicknamed " loh foo na" by her friends because of her fierce character.There was no need for anything extra .I remember I had two sets of clothes for school and maybe one or two sets for casual wear and we were quite happy with it .Being brought up in a poor family made us tough and gave us a lot of determination to break away from this environment.
A lesson learned here to make us determined to give our own children the best and not make them feel inferior to any of their friends>My education was not something which dropped from the sky.I got where I wanted to through sheer determination and hard work.Cant imagine how I managed it but somehow I was able to graduate.Along the way it was not easy and there were times when I wanted to give up but then thinking of mum and dad's hope gave me the extra push.Mum always hoped and thought that a university education would mean a better life and she always said when I started working she would get big money .A simple hope from a simple lady!I guess I did not fail in this respect because the day I started work until the day she died I gave her money.Those days parents expected their children to repay them for bringing them up and giving money to parents was compulsory or you would not be considered filial.It was not difficult to do so if you think of them and automatically deduct the amount for parents from your budget.That I believe is what financial discipline is all about ,parents before self.
Dad would borrow money for the family>I know he used to borrow money from the chettiar ( An Indian money lender) whenever he was short of money especially at the beginning of the year when he had to pay our school fees and buy books and uniforms.I remember once when I came back for the holidays we both cycled to the Chettiar's office where I stood as guarantor for the loan and the guy told me to study hard so that I can help dad later on.
Despite being just able to survive dad would make sure that once a month he would take us to the movies and a bowl of hor hee noodles for supper after the show.It was something we all looked forward to.Imagine dad cycling with us while mum and one the girls would go by trishaw.This was special and I really appreciated my dad for doing this and loved and respected him all the more.Its one of my biggest regrets in life that we could not give him the things he deserved because when he died we were all still struggling with our own lives and had nothing much to spare.But at least I can say that the first ever car I bought was for him ,a brand new Fiat 1100 cc car and I helped in paying for his house together with my sisters.Dad is an excellent role model and if I could be half of what he was I think I can be proud of myself.Gone but never forgotten!!
My mum was a great lady.An excellent cook she ran the family with the small budget which dad could afford and did a good job.She loved to gamble and we learned how to play mahjong by watching her.If she won we would have extra dishes for our meals and she would talk happily to us but if she lost than we had to be careful cos she would be grumbling and scolding everyone .Her favorite phrase was " If I had know this ,I would have strangled you at birth".Mum was very strict and was of the old school "Use the cane" to discipline the kids.Never argue with her and just obey what she said .Despite being so strict and fierce I believe she loved all of us.I know and remember when I was studying for my exams she would buy a char siew pau back for me if she happened to go out .Mum was a unique character ,she smoked at 3 packs of cigarettes a day and drank kopi o from the fridge all day long.The first thing she did in the morning was to have her kopi o and then her cigarettes.
She was the life of the house and I guess disciplined all of us.It would be difficult to find anyone like her.My one regret where she is concerned is that I did not spend enough time with her during her last few years but then I did tell her that I was scared to see her because she always asked for money and if I had it I dont mind giving it to her.
Now they are gone and only memories remain and I always think of their good points and cant think of anything bad about them and realize that we should value our loved ones when they are with us and not when they are gone.

Health

You never appreciate or value your health until you get sick and when a person is sick a lot of things happen to him.He suffers from so many aspects,treatment pain and effects on those close to him.
I remember I was struck by a strange affliction in 1986.It was after the Sultan's Installation and I worked as a Proctocol Officer looking after the Goverenor of Melaka.At least he was not a sultan and not so demanding but still it was not easy looking after him for a few days from early morning till night.It was more stressful than anything else as we had to make sure that nothing went wrong.After that I took a few days leave and told the family we would go to Camerons where I can get a good rest.
On the second day,I woke up and found my mouth went crooked and i could not speak.Trauma,fear and all kinds of thoughts went through my mind.More importantly thoughts of what would happen to mum and the children if I could not be cured.Quickly we rushed down to Ipoh and saw a specialist doctor who immediately gave me a steriod jab.Notwithstanding that mum took me to a temple where I was given pomelo leaves with some spell written on it and I had to chew and swallow it>My mouth could hardly open ,it was as though it was paralyzed.More interestinly mum got me to see a bomoh and she said that I was afflicted by an " Angin Buruk" when I walked past the railway station.I remembered then that there was a dinner at the Town Hall which was near the Railway station and I had to park my car near the clock tower and had to walk from there passing the Railway Station.There was therefore this connection.Anyway she bathed me with the 7 flower water and gave me a talisman to wear .in the meantime I continued seeing the specialist and getting the daily jabs.
It was a difficult time...I suffered mentally,physiologically,and physically>I could not eat and only took liquid diet because I could not open my mouth.If it was difficult for me it was even more so for the family and I tried to be brave and not be a nuisance to anyone.Finally after a month I was almost back to normal and it was a mixture of western medicine,Malay bomohism and Chinese medicene which cured me.
Since then I have always realized the importance of health and staying healthy is not something which you can take for granted.You have to work for it.The human body is like a machine made up of so many parts and unless you look after the parts well its bound to break down .A good healthy lifestyle,eating and drinking the right things and moderation will help.Everone knows the value of exercise but how many actually do it? It just takes no more than half an hour a day to get enough exercise yet people do not spare the time.A life of discipline,sleeping early,working smart helps.Most important is our mental health.If you are not angry,stressed or upset by anything the mind is at peace and a peaceful mind breeds a healthy body.
And if we happen to fall sick we must remember that not only do we suffer but the people who mean most to us suffer too.

Indulgence

Life is full of good things and there are many things that we love to do.I remember my dad told me that you must never overdo things ,be moderate in the things that you like .This brings me to the subject of eating.They say whatever is so nice to eat is bad for your health.Wonder how much of this is true.We should never eat until we are absolutely "Full" because for one thing it will make you uncomfortable.One should only eat what is enough to do away with the pangs of hunger.Three good meals a day are more than enough and each meal should be just enough but how much is enough? I would think the normal portions of food should be enough .
It requires a lot of discipline where food is concerned and if you give a thought to this you will definitely eat better and feel better.I am one with a sweet tooth and love things like ice cream and chololates but becaues of health considerations have to avoid them though I indulge in them once in a while.I am also one for prawns and beef but then again the training in me keeps me off these food except for the special occasions and only a small portion ,eg no more than two prawns at any time.
When young our meals were simple and heavy on rice which when mixed with whatever gravy would be a great meal.I do not claim to have aristocratic taste when it comes to food.
Today its common to see young people indulging in wine ala western style.Wine drinking is a fine art and you must know what wine goes with what food and what kind of origin the wine has.then drinking wine can go with the so called social status.I stay away from wine because I am a kampong boy and make no pretence about it and I dont think anyone can tempt me to drink even the most expensive wine beacuse I cant appreciate it.Give me a cup of tea or coffee anytime.Its quite amusing to see people trying to act cultured through drinking wine and doing it the wrong way!!Of course there is nothing wrong with drinking wine as long as its drunk like a drink but if you want to associate it with social status then better think twice because then you have to know the finer art of wine drinking.Its tickling to see people twirling their glass and shaking up the wine in the glass before they drink.A sure indication that here you have someone trying to act like an aristocrat and turning out to be far from impressive.
Life is about discipline and being disciplined will ensure that you do the right things not only for yourself but for others who mean something to you.Keeping the mind open and receptive to suggestions will help you be a better person and if are the considerate or caring type you will understand what this means.Overindulging in life can take so many forms.Work ,sleep ,rest ,interacting with others ,games ,exercise etc are common areas where we should focus.Today exercise is the in thing but how many people can have a regular exercise routine for themselves?I make it a point to be at the driving range at least three times a week and play the game at least once a week to ensure that I have the required amount of exercise.This keeps you physically fit and alert and sleeping early is a benefit which many fail to see.Your body gives you a lot of messages and if it tells you its time to sleep just do it .Cant stand people who fall asleep in front of the TV set or who indulge in their computer till late at night.These are obvious indicators of lack of discipline and a kiasu attitude.
Well balanced people lead well balalnced lives giving themselves time for work, for family and for rest and pursuit of their hobbies .In the process one must never forget that you are not living by yourself and there are others around you.We cannot overindulge in ourselves as we have to think of others who have to live with us and who should mean something to us.

Teluk Intan

I would never have imagined that I would end up in Teluk Intan or Teluk Anson as it used to be called.But life is strange and there are many things which we cannot forsee.When I look back on how I started life I look back on the little garage room which I stayed in when I started work as a temporary teacher and how lucky I was to have stayed with a wonderful family.Auntie Chung was my landlady and she treated me like her own son .She was a remarkable woman bringing up 9 children on her own after her husband died at an early age.I dont know how she managed it but all the children were properly brought up.
Teluk Anson by itself is a small town with 2 main roads and a number of secondary and primary schools.People spent their time in the field or in the Dew Recreation Club which was right in the centre of the towm.
I was 19 when I started teaching and had before that led a very sheltered life ,school and home only and little money to spend.Now teaching with a HSC qualification in those days was a big deal as there were as yet no graduates in the school I taught except perhaps for the Brothers.Most of the teachers were college trained with a senior Cambridge qualification and two years of teacher training.But they were real teachers ,dedicated and no nonsense type who made sure their students did well and came out with good results.they were charismitic and very serious in their work and students and society had high respect for them.
The senior teachers treated me well and would never fail to give me good advice.I daresay that a lot of my work ethics were learned from them.
Life was pretty routine ,school,games and marking books.Until someone brought me to the Dew Club and then it became my second home.I spent most of the time palying billiards and turned out to be pretty good in it.Even represented the club in some inter club games.
A small town has its peculiar charm and people knew each other and friendship was firm and sincere.If you needed any help you can always count on your friends.Life was simple ,work ,an occasional movie and lots of games with the students.people were contented and not caught up in the rat race.Life moved on at a leisurely pace and you had enough time to do your stuff and do a lot of reading or just hanging out with your friends.My little room was the gathering place and all the friends would come by in the evenings and we would just hoo ha there until around 10 when everyone would take off.
Food was simple and we seldom ate out .What we had in the house was enough and there was no thought of spending money in restaurants or other dining places .For one thing our lifestyle did not permit it and the other factor was that Auntie would make sure that there was sufficient food on the dining table everyday.
During the weekends we would explore the town and some of the regular visitors would come by and everyone would sit in the porch area outside the house and there would be a lot chatting and story telling.Yes I believe that those days socializing was different .People would gather somewhere and just while away the time chatting.Little need for money or expenditure as people just gathered round and had their fun.There was no discrimination and people took you for what you were and never loked at your status or how much you are worth.
I was on an austerity drive as my main mission was to save enough money to make it to the university as soon as possible.I gave myself avery limited budget and every extra cent was saved as I was determined to make it to the Uni on my owm.No choice actually.In the morning I taught in the normal school and in the afternoon in the church school thereby earning extra money.To be left behind when most of your classmates were already at the university was painful and it was my strongest motivation to save and lead a frugal life.
Once a month when we got our salary we would eat something special and everyone would share the bill and once a month I would try to go back to Ipoh to bring money home.It was a must those days for children to bring money home for the parents.You would be considered unfilial if you did not do this.
Teluk Anson was a dirty town and had a few interesting places for us,the riverside,the railway station, the golf club ( I did not play the game yet),The Dew Club and a host of little eating places.The best rojak,mee mamak,nasi kandar, bak kut teh,chee cheong fun were all located in the town.My favorite past time was jogging near the railway station.I would do this at least 3 or 4 times a week,waking up at 5 am and running till around 6.30 ,then back for a cold water shower and then off to school.There was no need for any form of transport as everywhere was walking distance.It was fun walking to school as you would meet a lot of students and colleagues along the way.
On looking back I really enjoyed my stay in Teluk Intan.This was where I matured professionally and individually.TA will laways have a special place in my heart .I started life here,became a man here and met my wife and raised my family here.

Technological changes and social implications

In the 50s there was as yet no TV ,computers,I pads ,mobile phones etc.So how did people pass their time? It was common for the family to gather round after dinner and there would be a lot of banter and exchange of views or the head of the family would talk about certain things which he wanted the children to note.
The family was more united and close and there was good communication and therefore more understanding.That was how family bonds were built and strengthened.In our free time we indulged in outdoor activities or reading.Man is resilient and very adaptable.Those days we learned to make do with what tools we had and what the outdoors had to offer to pass our time.We used to listen with open mouths to the stories which mum and dad would tell us ,about how their parents came from China,the Japaneses occupation and things like that and through these sessions we learned a lot for in the process of the story telling dad and mum would interject with emphasis on certain values like to be filial ,respect for the elders,good manners,politeness etc.These may sound to be mere words but they actually carry a lot of meaning and are part and parcel of a man's character.
We learned about rationing and how fortunate we were to get rice and other essentials because of the fact that dad served the Japanese.This entitled him to a certain amount of rations whilst others who were of no use to the Japanese had to look for their own food using their own ingenuity .
Today we are in the era of technology and oldies like us cant help but notice the difference it makes in our lives.A family can be all sitting in the living hall and they do not communicate .Each one would be wrapped up in his or her own world playing with the gadgets,surfing the net,or e mailing their friends.It appears to be the trend today and this is leading to the disintegration of the family unit.If I had things my way I would declare that all such gadgets be used only in the study or bedroom and should be barred from the living room.But then again ,another change..parents are not what they used to be.Their status has also changed.Gone are the days when the head of the house laid down the house rules.As parents grow older they are considered less qualified to talk or give opinions so being wiser than they are given credit for parents just play the " be seen and not heard " game.
But its sad to note that the very core of society the family unit is no longer what it used to be.Is it caused by technological changes or by people who have so invariably been affected by all these changes that they have lost their basic values and perceptions about life?

Technological changes and social implications.

Technological changes and social implications