A new habit

We have now two little rattan chairs now and almost every evening while waiting for the rest of the family to come back after work mum and I would take one corner of the gate and "jaga pintu " as she puts it.This quiet hour spent together enables us to talk about almost anything under the sun and I believe its a bit of time for mum to unwind after a hard day's work.Its amazing that two people who have been married for nearly forty five years now can still sit down together and talk and mum always has a lot to talk about. What we lack now is perhaps a small coffee table to enable us to have a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy the cool night air and breeze.This is quality time where two beings can just sit down and being with each other finding comfort in the knowledge that they have each other.It is something to value and treasure as we do not know how long this is going to last. Young people today do not know how to enjoy these quiet moments with each other.They are so stressed and tired after a day's work that they have no time for such little luxuries.But as I always believe if you find something is worthwhile doing then find a way to do it.With too much emphasis on I phones and computer games they rather spend their free time with these gadgets rather than with each other...the price of technological advancement...how sad ! I have always believed in the beauty of the simple things in life,family,food recreation and what not.Do you realise that many of the rich and famous would rather have a simple life free of pressure and stress as compared with what they have now ?We do what we want and not what others expect of us.For me, the simple life in a small town is much more welcome than life in the big city where expectations are high and demanding .We chase after success without realising that perhaps in the process we lose some of the more meaningful things in life !

A matter of priorities

Today looking at many young people I cant help but sympathize with them as they go through the rituals of life.Seemingly their life is one mad rush from one chore to another>They work like robots ,starting early in the morning and ending at night.Naturally by the time they get home through the perennial traffic jams they are all drained out.Without even the luxury of a shower they rush through their dinner without really knowing what they are eating and then a couple of hours in front of the TV and then a late shower before they are off to bed to wait for the next day and go through another cycle.Imagine if they have to come home and cook or eat outside everyday ! Some are lucky that they have their mothers or someone who ensures that a hot meal is waiting for them at the end of the day. This leads to the question " Is it worth it ?" Is this the kind of life that we want ? Is all the money in the world worth it if we have to live our life this way?.Undoubtedly there will be some who argue that they cannot help it as this is what is expected of them and they have to earn their keep from demanding bosses .True, but then at the end of the day we do have a choice and we must find a way to live a better life.What is more important than living the way life should be lived ?Time with your family and children are priceless and if you cant have this everyday then you must find a way to have at at least once or twice a week when you can enjoy your children growing up and have a little time for yourself to do the things you really like to do. Isn't this what life is all about ? We were fortunate that we were teachers and worked technically half a day only and we had the school holidays to enjoy.It was however not a high paying job but we compensated this by the time that we had for ourselves and our children.Though not earning big bucks we were able to, through prudent financial management able to provide for our children making sure that they were not denied what other children had.We made it a point to take them out during the school holidays albeit not an overseas holiday to exotic places >Nevertheless within our financial capacity we were able to have a reasonably good holiday where the family bonds were strengthened through doing things together.We lived in a simple house but it was home where the family lived in togetherness and got to spend quality time with each other. Its good to make money but there must be a balance in life as sooner or later we will realise that money is not everything.Happiness does not just come with money ,it comes with the ability to be oneself.Look at the people in the rural areas ,they are not rich materially but they are so much better off in the life they lead with simple needs and little stress.More importantly they have time ,time to do the things they want to do and spend quality time with the family.they live simple lives but they are happy and more importantly they seem healthier. There has to be a balance in life .Work by all means but find a way to work smart and find a way to live your life because by the time you grow old you will have little time left to do what you want to do .

Basic Values in life

There was a time when the Malaysian Education System introduced a subject called " Values".The subject was relevant but sad to say not well implemented resulting in zero effect. Looking at the younger generation today one cannot help but conclude that many of them ( Not all though ) lack in these basic values.When was it that the younger people put others' needs in front of theirs ? How many people do you see making way for senior citizens or the disabled ? It would be so nice to see young people helping the elderly across the roads or giving them preference in queues . there was one day when mum and I were waiting to cross the road and not a single car slowed down to let us cross . Values are related closely to family and its the parents who set the trend for their children to follow .What we say and what we do are often emulated by the young so we must never forget to be good role models for our children and their children.We have to teach them to be respectful, considerate and caring and always put the interest of others ahead of theirs.I remember my late mother in law for though she was a simple lady she set certain standards which are commendable.If you tell her you are bringing her out she will be ready way before departure time ,all dressed up and waiting patiently.She never wanted anyone to wait for her and she did not mind waiting for others..a simple example of putting other people's interest ahead of yours. Today's generation sad to say lack in the finer points of human quality where emphasis is given to consideration and respect to others. The elderly are no longer given the respect and consideration they deserve and a lot of rituals which we carry out are but superficial manifestations of this value.There was a time when before they did anything children would at least inform or discuss the matter with their parents.This is no longer so today and many parents have no idea of what their children are doing or planning.Woe befall you if you but try to tell them what they should do.The erosion of family ties is caused partly by changing mindsets and societal changes which in terms of upholding of traditional values is definitely not something for the better. In terms of these values we find that perhaps the Malays are better role models.The average Malay place a lot of emphasis on parental care and respect .They traditional greeting of the elderly and consideration for them is something to be admired.I cant help but notice that sometimes simple acts of consideration are not even thought of by today's generation. If you cannot remember your family and the relationship which you have have with each other then you really lack character.Being "family" means you have the responsibility which comes with it.I remember when we were young my father would always take us to visit his sisters and mother.We had no cars at that time and travel was by bus but dad never failed to take us to visit his siblings so that we knew who our uncles and aunties were and though they were simple people they never failed to welcome us.It is disappointing to see some people who are able forsake their family because of petty issues and at the same time to see how some people go out of the way to fulfil their family obligations. Too many people are involved in the rat race to even think of their basic obligations in life which leads us to ponder " Have we become so materialistic that we forget all other things and if this is so ,is it worth it ?"

Year End Happenings and Reflections

Our third daughter finalized her wedding Chinese style finally.It makes us happy to see the wedding rites completed and what greater joy than to see her radiance on her wedding dinner.We have another son in law and consider ourselves blessed with yet another addition to the family.The sad thing is that they are in different parts of the world and we only get to see them occasionally .As parents we have no choice as the children are old enough to make their own decisions and get on with their own lives.What matters to us is that they are happy and contented with their lives. As we look back we realise that we are fortunate to be able to live through all these.To see our children become adults, wives and mothers and what is more important to be able to enjoy our grandchildren . When I look at my contemporaries I really feel lucky to be in good health,to be able to live with my wife ,children and grandchildren.Yes,we have come a long way.As I remember when my wife chose me as her husband ( I dont really know why !) we had nothing except our feelings for each other.I did not even own a bicycle and had no money in the bank but we were bold enough to take the step forward,to face the future together and to make the commitment to raise a family together.God has been kind,I have had an interesting career not making big money but making big in being able to contribute to the development of our youth.Today I will have students occasionally telling me what a difference I made in their lives as a teacher and that is a big enough satisfaction. Today too , in our golden years mum and I share an even stronger bond , a bond brought about by love,togetherness and above all understanding and tolerance.We can still talk for hours especially on the long drive from Kl to Ipoh and back and there are no holds .She can tell me anything and they are well accepted .She has been my pillar,the one who taught me a lot of Chinese values which I have learned to treasure. We often talk about our children and realise that there are times when we cannot be really open with them because they do not like our intrusion into their lives which is fair enough.We have learned to comment ,give opinions only when asked to do so and not interfere .Its funny to realise that when they were young we could say anything to them but not today as children feel they are grown up and really do not relish any comments or advice from the parents.So we follow the cardinal rule,speak when required ,keep your opinions to yourselves unless asked for and accept the fact that your children look at you differently.Of course our children love us but in their own way so we have no grounds to complain except to realise that the situation is different from the time when we could tell them what to do or discipline them .As elders we have learned to cope with the changing scenario and it is this ability that enables us to live in harmony with our children. Some parents whom I know of still insist on imposing their will on their children leading the children to feel frustrated and in a state of dilemma .Parents must come to grip with reality and children must realise that as parents grow older they become more sensitive. As the year comes to an end we realise that our mission in life is completed.There may be some regrets over the things which we could not do but overall we have done what we should do the best way we can.

Beyond the wedding dinner

Today not many people give another thought about the invitation to a wedding dinner other than the eating.But if we pause a little and think about the significance there is much more to just the eating.It starts with the invitation. To the Chinese ,if someone respects you by inviting you then you should reciprocate by accepting the invitation.To refuse is impolite and if you are a close relative its even worse because you do not know the value of the word 'Family' and that makes you quite uncultured. The wedding dinner is the time for relatives especially and good friends to gather and meet and share the joy of the newly weds.You do not meet your relatives and friends very often so when you have occasions like this they should not be passed.Relatives and friends will take the trouble to come from near and far to attend. In between the dinner there will be the tea ceremony a very significant tradition amongst the Chinese.The couple will serve tea to all the relatives.The tea serving has two reasons.One is to let the relatives know that they are now a couple and the family consists of the bride and the groom's family.The second is that due respect is given to the family.To the Chinese family is important and this is one of the ways to preserve the Chinese family values.People who do not know this will shy away from weddings of close relatives for the simple reason that they do not value family ties or they are so ignorant that they cannot see beyond the food. Today most invitations are well in advance of the event so there is no excuse that you have no time.The gathering of relatives and friends is also a time when all little and petty grudges are set aside and everyone makes an effort to restore harmony and good will.Its just like our Chinese New Year tradition where we make calls on our elders and pay them due respect. Chinese tradition and culture dates back thousands of years and if you are Chinese enough you will appreciate why these traditions are still practised today.One should make an effort to study Chinese history for it is through this that you can be really Chinese and understand why certain things are done by the Chinese .this is especially so in the case of Chinese attitude towards Family and what it takes to be a family member !Forsake this and you forsake yourself !

My elder sister

On Monday 15th.Oct I received news from my nephew that my elder sister's condition has worsened .She was admitted on the Saturday before and I was just holding my breath that I can see her.She went through Sat and Sun though struggling and strangely enough on Sunday nite I had a dream saying that she wanted to be kept in a Chinese temple where our grand parents plaques are kept.On Monday I was deliberating as to whether I should tell my nephew about this or not. At around 12 noon something told me I should go to Ipoh to see her as if not I may not see her again.So without telling anyone I just hopped into my car and drove to Ipoh and was at the hospital by around 230 and I had already decided I should go back to KL latest by 430 as after that I may have to drive in the night and my night driving is not that good. While there I saw her struggling for breath with a lot of difficulty and all the signs according to the doctor were not good.I then called my two nephews and Bro in law to ask them if they had their plans in order in case anything happens>it was tough but we had to be realistic as it was quite obvious that she would not last very long.Having settled that I looked at my sister again and being unsure of how long she would last I told them I would go to the temple and make some enquiries .I had achieved my objective of seeing my sister and something told me this was the last time.True enough after I got all the info from the staff there I left for KL and had hardly left Ipoh when my nephew called and said that my sister passed away. There was no point in me turning back as probably there would be a lot of things to do in the hospital and there was nothing I could do so I decided to come back to Kl and plan what to do with the family. It is sad that I have lost a sister and as I was driving on the two hour journey home I thought of what she had been to me.I remember so many things about her>In her younger days she would always come home from school and showed Dad her report card which would be full of red marks and each time she would be crying though dad never scolded her.Finally she decided she wanted to stop school and at a young age she started work as a telephone operator.I think she was 16 or 17 when she started work and never had any rest till she had a stroke about 8 years ago. She is my sister and I have only good memories about her .I remember when I was in the University and back for the holidays she would always give me pocket money although she herself did not have much.When I was in Teluk Intan she would be the one who called me regularly and gave me free phone calls.when she ran her several restaurants every time I visited her she would insist on giving me something to eat or drink. Sure she is not perfect but perfect or not she was my sister and she had been good to me in her own way.I have only good thoughts about her.Its sad that during the 8 years she was ill some of the siblings who were around never bothered to see her.I cant understand how amongst siblings you can be so cold hearted as to hold a grudge for such a long time .People are human and do made mistakes and even amongst friends you can forgive and forget and what about your own siblings ? One should never be influenced by the in laws when it comes to dealing with your own kin.If you allow that to happen then you have no backbone and very little character.I have great respect for my wife and never interfere in her relationship with her relatives.I let her decide and just abide by her decisions and that is why I probably get along well with my in laws. Its sad that we have amongst us people who are so petty and superficial and we are worse because we allow them to influence our relationship with our own flesh and blood.Can you be so heartless that when your own sister is so sick you allow your other half to influence you negatively that you never come and see her.I would always bring my wife along just as she would bring me along to visit our sick relatives.What is worse is by the adult behaviour the effects carries on to the children.I have always been close to my nephews and nieces from my wife's side because in the first place their parents have taught them the meaning of family and what are family obligations and responsibilities.My own nephews and nieces have yet to learn this and its no fault of theirs .I put the blame on the parents for failing to guide them. Sister has been through a lot and worse still she had to be bed ridden for so long .She was really looked after by my bro-in-law and I told him " Bro,you have done what not every man can do " looking after my sister and as her brother I am grateful to him ,just like the two boys who have really looked after the mother.At least my sister was fortunate to have such a wonderful family and I really appreciate them .Strange but my nephew Jeff would always make sure that I am the first to know about their family affairs.Guess he can judge from deeds and not words. Now that she is gone there will definitely be crocodile tears. To me its very simple "Do what you need to do for somebody when he is alive.Dont wait till he is gone because then it will not matter anymore." In all I dare say that I have done no wrong to my sister,being with her from young and when she was in difficulty.I understood her well and I know she really loved me as her younger brother>Till today I have no ill feelings towards her and will only remember her as my elder sister and I cant be bothered by what others say about her especially those who never bothered about her when she was alive.And to those so called relatives who still hold a grudge against her, take a good look at yourself and ask what sort of a character you are if you cannot forgive someone who is related to you. I am sad to lose a sister but at the same time happy that she is free from all the worldly sufferings which she has endured for so long and knowing that she has gone to a better place makes the pain a little bit more bearable. RIP my dear sister !

Teluk Intan

Last week we made a trip to attend one of my student's son's wedding.It was something special to be able to attend the wedding of a son of my student and I could not help but go back to my early days as a teacher in this little town which will forever be special to me.It was here that I met my wife ,married and raised our children.We had happy times here and the fellowship which started there still remains. My wife still has many of her friends and she would always make it a point to visit them or keep in touch with them and they always feel warm towards her.Sad to say many of my friends have moved out or passed away but we did visit a very good friend Dr.Roger Tan who gave my wife and Aaron free medical treatment when we visited him. Though small in size Teluk Intan is big ,bigger than any other place in terms of the sincerity of the people ,the friendship ties and the special little places that we used to go to. The restaurant where the wedding dinner " Pau Loong " is run by a person who used to sell fried noodles by the roadside.I remember his little stall was walking distance from where mum used to stay and I would walk there to ta pau koay teow for her at only 30 cents.From his little koay teow stall he started a shop in glutton square selling bak kut teh with steamed fish head as a side dish.From thence on it was success all the way and today he has three restaurants under his name in Teluk Intan a real rags to riches story.I would love to sit down with him and find out how he made it. What strikes me is that in small towns people are really sincere and and warm hearted ,something which you seldom find in big towns.They take you for what you are and friendship is not based on social status or what they can get out of you but on social bonds.We were just teachers then but we had friends from all classes of life.Even the late Raja Muda was my friend and he would fondly call me Cikgu. Being a teacher and still one at heart there is so much satisfaction to see your students succeed in life.We teachers those days taught our students not only the subject matter but in between also made it a point to EDUCATE them and it was not for the sake of money but as part of our social responsibility.Many people fail to realise that bringing up a child is not an easy task.Amongst other things you have to study the character of your child and build on his strengths and work on his weaknesses. Two of my students from the same family are Doctors and talking to them made me realise that they were not only professionals but fine upright young men.In a small way, knowing that as teachers we have contributed a little to this makes us feel really good .This is something which all the money in the world cannot buy. Yes Teluk Intan gives me many special memories.I started my adult life here ,found my wife here and raised my children here and on top of that I was given the opportunity to educate thousands of students whom I believe still have a little bit of respect and affection for me because they still call me "SIR".