Do unto others

I keep thinking about what happens to senior people when they come to an age when they can no longer fend for themselves.When I was in the Education Ministry we used to visit the old folks home with gifts and presents on teachers Day. no doubt this was quite superficial but there were opportunities to sit down and chat with the old people and often we hear , sadly, that they were there because they were not wanted anymore. When we think of the people responsible for abandoning their parents and grand parents our first thought will be " How callous and uncaring these people are !" and sad to say there is some truth in it. It brings a lump to your throat when you look at them with sadness in their eyes and face and you cant help but wonder what thoughts fly through their heads when they think of how they came to be abandoned and left to pass the rest of their days in desolation.Young people have become selfish , uncaring and inconsiderate and they are so wrapped up in their own affairs that they fail to look beyond their own needs and objectives.Old people do not have much time left in this world and the least we can do for them is to make sure that the remaining days in their lives are spent in comfort and love. Old people , if they can, would rather depend on themselves than to lean on others .this , in order not to experience pain and heartache.I remember when I was recovering from illness I asked for some food to be bought for me.A simple request , not out of the way and behold my disappointment when there was nothing bought for me on the excuse that "I forgot ".It was an eye opener telling us how much caring exists.There were also times when we asked for something to be done and had to wait for hours for it to be attended to.I am never one for procrastination and to me , when someones asks you to do something, a simple thing and you procrastinate then just forget it. These little incidents tell us that at the end of the day " Depend on yourself " and you will not be disappointed or hurt.This seems to be the norm amongst old people nowadays. We care for our children so much that we would sacrifice our time and energy doing things ourselves than to ask them .Excuses like " I forgot ", " I am busy " are unacceptable because it only shows a lack of concern and care.It also is an indication of attitude .why is it that parents are so willing to sacrifice their time and energy when there is no reciprocal ? Parents always put the interests of the family ahead of theirs and no task is too big for them to handle. My parents are no longer here and when I look back I would like to believe that I had been a filial son and done what I could possibly do when they were alive. That is why I feel no regrets and remorse over what I could have done as I had given them best.We should appreciate those who are still with us and treat them as they deserve to be treated.Remember life is fragile and there is no point to regret or shed crocodile tears when they are gone !It matters not how much you put on a show when they are gone but it matters much how you treat them when they are still around.

Life's ironies

I was at the car park getting my parking ticket stamped and in walk this "old" lady .Seeing her perplexity I allowed her to jump queue and take the place in front of me.She thanked me and said " Sigh...nowadays we seniors cant depend on anybody but ourselves ".Her remarks struck me and as usual i would ponder over it. Yes too often we see old people having to do things for themselves.Driving , marketing , cooking , babysitting etc .It seems that the younger people not only cannot do these things but also have to depend on their parents and elders for all these things to be done. Can we not spare a thought for the poor seniors who have to lug the marketing basket every weekend and think of why not we do it for a change ? Can we not think of relieving the poor elders of some of the mundane chores which come with home making? Can we not take the trouble or make an effort to ensure that there is enough food in the house? Why do the seniors have to take all this responsibility?. Too often we have the " I have no time, I'm busy rationale > Rationale or excuse for a non caring attitude ? When we were young we were independent and managed all the home affairs on our own and somehow we managed to do it.Today , sadly enough when we ask for a little compromise or adjustment its not us who are thought of but themselves.Young people fail to look at the bigger picture.Sure at times a decision may create a little inconvenience for them but surely it can be offset by the advantage or comfort it brings to the elders. This is the difference .We elders will always put the interests and well being of the younger ones ahead of ours .We would rather do things on our own than to be dependent .Isn't it time our thinking goes the other way ?

Mothers

Since time immemorial many things have been said about mothers.Their love , sacrifice ,sufferings , joys and hopes for their children have often been highlighted.It really takes somebody special to be a mother. I remember my mother.She was not educated and had to bring up six children on a very limited budget.To her it was important that there was food on the table everyday and she made sure that there was always enough to feed all of us. She told us that many a time she went to the market with her marketing basket with hardly a cent in her but somehow she managed to come back with food for us.How she did it only she knows but it was done . She washed, cooked and cleaned for us and along the way she was in away quite happy to be able to do it.For herself, she would eat very little ,contented with her kopi o ice and cigarettes .the best parts of the food would be kept for the family . She always said that she shared her love equally among the 6 of us but we knew that she had her favorites and to us it was fine as we accepted the fact that she was only human and of course some of us were more lovable than the rest. All her time was spent in the family except for the time when she went for her mahjong sessions.Even then she would make sure that dinner was prepared for the family.I remember when I talked to her about my wanting to study in the University ,she said " you must study hard and when you start working you must take care of your father and me ".That was my mission in life and throughout my study years I never forgot what she told me. Today as I look at mothers from my own wife to my children I note the same passion and love for the children.We brought up 4 girls plus some of the relatives' and friends' children and in the process one can really see what it takes to be a mother. I have seen that no sacrifice is too great or too difficult for a mother to make.There is nothing which a mother would not do for the children yet there are times when the children are so unkind .Mum told us yesterday about a friend of hers who felt so hurt when she was badly treated by the son and daughter in law . How she must have hurt.Irrespective of what the mother is children must above all understand her feelings and treat her as she treated them.Mother's day is not just the allocated day on the calender but it should be everyday and its sad that sometimes children dont know how to appreciate and cherish the mother.I remember that when we were young we used to celebrate the day by not letting our mum do anything and just let her enjoy one day of peace and not doing anything.This seems to be a forgotten thing nowadays. Mothers give so much and I wonder how much they get in return , not that they expect anything for what they have done and are doing .Loving them , cherishing them and appreciating them would always be enough for any mother .Not to difficult to do , yet sometimes we tend to forget .....

On looking back

Come next week and I would have been in this world seven score and four years .This is a blessing indeed and I have much to be thankful for.At least I am in relatively good health able to eat , sleep and walk like a person should.On looking back i believe that I have lived a good life having gone through the good , the bad and ugly and it has been an enlightening and enriching experience. If I were to ask myself " Have you left any footprints in the sand or stone ?" I would answer " yes" at least in the thoughts of family, friends and above all my students who passed through my hands by the thousands.As a father and husband the family has always been of prime importance and there was nothing that mum and I would not do for the family.Achievement ? We can proudly say that we put our four girls through university and instilled in them certain values which we think will carry them through life . Being remembered ? We wonder what our children , grandchildren and all those whose lives we touched one way or another think of us when we are no longer around.We have no legacy other than the code we have lived by.Mum and I have always put the interest and well being of the family first and ours come later. I will not leave this world a rich man in the sense that i will be able to leave my children and grandchildren loads of money.We are not rich by worldly standards but we have enjoyed and are enjoying a kind of wealth which no amount of money in the world can buy.We have brought up 4 girls, see them grow into adults and see them start families of their own.We are blessed to be able to see the whole process of them growing from childhood to adulthood and sensible ones at that. We started life with practically nothing and today we have all the materialistic things which people work for , house ( albeit) a small one but nevertheless some place we can call home, car , clothes, a bit of money to spend as we wish but our real wealth, and we consider ourselves very rich in this ...is that we have good health , a good family and above all each other.We are very rich in this respect and hence if looking at this perspective , I would have led a god life and certainly left some footprints. Educating my students and seeing them grow into adults gives me no regrets for choosing to be a teacher.Humble though the profession is it has made an impact on the lives of many young people.I remember one particularly problem student and I spent time with him trying to set him right.Two years ago at the Old Boys Dinner he came back from Australia where he now resides specifically to look for me and tell everyone how I managed to change his life .this is the kind of wealth which money cannot give and it is one of the reasons why I have never regretted being a teacher. Going through life the hard way has made us stronger , more tolerant and more understanding.To me, my legacy and my hope to be remembered by " He was a good father, grandfather, friend and teacher " That will be the footprints which I leave behind !

Challenge

In two weeks time I would have retired from Government service for 20 years and should be at an age when most people would take it easy , going for walks, yam cha, and be involved in the pursuit of one's hobbies be it gardening , cooking , watching TV , reading books or spending time with the grandchildren .But it looks that this man is going to on and on working. I have retired from the govt. but never stopped working and not likely to do so as only yesterday a big time investor from Hong Kong came to see me and talked to me about a piece of land which he just acquired.He plans to build a hostel and has asked me to be his consultant from planning to operation .This offer which if I accept will take me down the road for at least another 5 years and I'm just wondering if I can last that long.?.It will be for sure a challenging work as it will require a lot of planning and also leg work .Planning work is not an issue but what worries me is the leg work.It will mean site visits, climbing up unfinished staircases and survey the whole building as it comes out.Am I physically fit ? I would like to believe that I am but as one ages the ravages of time catch up.You get tired easily, become forgetful and generally become slower whether you realize it, accept it or not.Its not really for the money but more of being able to take a challenge and show the world that there is no age limit to what a person can do. I certainly would not want to be like some of the seniors whom I know, loafing around really doing nothing despite the fact that they can still be productive .Its just that they think conservatively , that if you reach 60 you must retire and not work anymore.I always like to challenge the norm and show that one can always go the extra mile if one sets his mind to do so. Question is how many extra miles can we go ?

The Hippocrates Oath

It seems that today many doctors ( not all though ) have forgotten about this promise which they made ...basically to save lives.In their quest for materialistic wealth many doctors have thrown their principles to the wind. Take the case of my nephew who nearly lost his life because of carelessness , and low quality medical treatment.He was not feeling well and admitted himself to the hospital nearest his home where he was diagnosed as having gastric problem.This happened from 11 am in the morning and it was only in the late evening that he was told there was some problem with his heart.The doctor insisted that he be admitted to a hospital in Klang , blatantly telling him that there are no vacancies in the hospitals nearby. It was a good thing my nephew out of desperation called us and it so happened we have a doctor friend in one of the hospitals.She told us to send him over to her hospital immediately which we did amidst the protests of the first doctor. My nephew was checked that night and immediately admitted The first doctor had the audacity to say all nearby hospitals were full ).The next day they did an operation on him and managed to clear two of his blocked vessels and today he is fine and about to be discharged. I cant imagine what a scoundrel the first doctor was, scaring people and putting his own vested interest first instead of that of the patient. There is another story which my friend witnessed himself. There was this elderly lady who went to see a doctor and when she came out she was in tears and my friend kindly asked her what was the problem and she said the doctor asked her to leave his room as she could not pay the fee he wanted. What happened to the Oath taken ? To treat the sick and to save lives ? Today , sadly . many doctors see patients as cash cows and irrespective of their sickness and their ability to pay.We would expect a doctor to save lives first and then talk of payment but this is not happening. Why ? Its not difficult to answer ...greed above all things else.If you have money I will happily treat you , if not ..that's your problem. Pretty disappointing and definitely tarnishing the reputation of the medical profession.The late Karpal Singh was a brilliant criminal lawyer and he never turned his back on anyone who needed his services.To him , help the person first , money is secondary.That is a true professional and a man who lived by the ethics of his profession.

Frailty of Life

Now and then we get an unexpected phone call during an unforeseen time and it really scares us.Two days ago mum got a call at around 930pm.I could hear from her voice that something was not right and it turned out to be so.One of her cousins complained of breathing difficulties and had to be sent to the hospital.He is 70 over years old and mum naturally was worried and immediately prepared to rush to the hospital.As it was that time of the night when my brain stops functioning we got our son in law to drive her there. Fortunately it was nothing serious but the message sent was clear ...for us oldies anything untoward happening can be serious because we are all in the zone of permanent departure.Most of the old people are prone to falls ( which can in most cases be serious ), heart attacks , collapse and etc.Never to be the ones who would leave giving our children headache and uncertainty, we are I believe well prepared .All our affairs are in order and I am in the midst of preparing a final letter to my children and grand children which they will read when I am not around.I was pondering as to whether it should be revealed now but then since I'm still around and can still say what I want to say it does not make sense right ? We would want our children and grandchildren to always think that we will be going to a better place where all the hassles of life need not be something to worry about anymore and there , hopefully will be some kind of legacy which we can leave behind for them to remember us by. Old people have no choice but to think of these things and be prepared so that the off springs are spared the unnecessary headache.Like it or not, these are the realities of life which one must accept.We would of course like to be around , to see the grandchildren grow up and just be with them and our children but life is unpredictable and to make it less so we have to be extra careful in our lifestyle . I have a good friend who accidentally hurt his toe and it became so bad that he nearly had to amputate it and this all because he was careless. Another friend slipped from a ladder whilst he was trying to change a light bulb in his house and till today is unable to play golf as his ribs still hurt when he moves his arms.There are so many cases of stroke, bed ridden, Parkinson , senility that its quite scary .When the time comes its best to go quick and not suffer or let your loved ones suffer. My poor sister was bed ridden for years as a result of a stroke and it was painful to see her deteriorating day by day.Finally when she went we all felt a sense of relief as that ended her suffering and that of her family. Fate, if you believe in it is there but not for us to know .We can only hope that Fate will be kind to us.