My Way

A song which has been my inspiration My Way contains great lessons for the discerning listener and also some important aspects of life .I particularly like " For what is a man what has he got ,if not himself then he has not ,to say the things he wants to say and not the words of one who kneels..."So inspiring and good to model our lives after.A man must have certain beliefs and principles in life.Without these he is nothing and just a shell of a man.Watch a Korean movie where there was a plot to overthrow the king and to do this they tried to bribe the Commander of the army with all sorts of things,wealth,fame and recognition.But the Commander said "I was appointed to serve my King and Country and I would give my life to do this. Sometimes we tend to waver in our beliefs because of promises of incentives and there are people who would go out of the way to gain favours by doing just anything.Can you imagine a person who would give up his identity just to get into the good books of the powers to be? We Chinese believe in identity and would not give it up for anything .The Emperors had their costumes,the ministers ,the officials all wore different types of clothes in accordance with their rank and status and they would under no circumstances shed this.I watched with disgust some politicians of a different party shed their identity and don on the clothes of the ruling party just to appease the masters.This reflects absolute lack of principles and self respect and dignity.Compare this with those people who have given up their lives for the sake of what they believed in and you will be able to understand that there are people who would stoop so low that its unbelievable that they are our representatives. " You can take away everything but you cant take away my dignity " how true.You lose that and you lose everything.My Way says you must walk tall and fight for what you believe in come what may.How often we hear people say things which they do not mean.Politicians are some of the most common culprits.A shrewd politician would analyse his audience and say what they want to hear .This is how they make use of their psychological knowledge to win over the masses but I wonder in the process of doing this do they really believe in what they are saying. "Regrets .I had a few "...In every one's life there are things which we regret not having done or not done.It is important while you are still able to ,to do the things you want to do so so that " when you face the final curtains" you can say you have done what you want to do and without regrets.Life is unpredictable so we have live life to its full while we can.How often we hear " I should have done this....why didn't I do this?....too late the final curtain has dropped and we ,for sure are not given a second chance to live our lives. I am really fond of this song because of its deep meaning and its a good guide to living our lives as it comes.Listen to this song and lsiten carefully to the lyrics and you will know why so many are inspired by "My Way".

Life's changes

I cannot help but reflect on the situation today and how life changes.It seems like not to long ago that we were bringing up our 4 girls,seeing them through school ,university and finally settling down with the spouses of their choice and making their way to find their own lives.From children to mothers that is a big change and we are fortunate that we have lived to this stage to see this happening.Lucky also that our children need not have to worry about us as we are both very independent and thank God still fit and healthy.We may take this for granted but if your parents are sickly and if have to look after them it is a big strain on you.We are happy that we can spare our children this. We look with a little bit of amusement how our own children bring up their children and see how anxious they are about their own kids.I'm quite sure that our grandchildren will be spoilt and how they turn out later in life will actually depend on the extent of the spoiling.Children today, even from the time of our own children are so protected and have the benefits of parental love as compared with our time .We learned to be independent from a young age and we ate whatever came our way and there were no side effects.Today's children if given the wrong food would end up with coughs and what nots.We swam in the rivers, played in the rain ,ate sambal belachan and were none the worse off.I cant imagine if I were to put my grandchildren to play in the rain.Probably their mothers (my children ) would think I'm crazy. I can see my own little girl doting over her son.Carrying him for hours (even when he is asleep) is a pleasurable chore>I do it for a while and feel the strain because the baby is not light.But to the doting mother this is nothing.Man goes through a cycle,birth ,adulthood ,parenthood and I cant imagine if the children turn out to be unfilial.We are lucky our children care for us and need not have to go through this kind of heartache but one cannot help wonder if after all they have to go through parents have to face the problem of ungrateful and unfilial children.Probably this will depend on the kind of up bringing and the values which are taught to the children from young.That is why no one can take the place of parents in the growing up process and we really pity the parents who have to entrust their children to nannies because of their career commitments.even leaving their children with the grand parents is so painful ,what about nannies? We are happy our children are going through this without too much of a hassle.We are happy that they can grow up to be parents in their own right and what is more important we are still around to lend a helping hand when needed.As grandparents we have the chance to do with our grandchildren what we perhaps could not have done with our own children as we are better off financially ,psychologically and mentally than we were.We have no careers to worry about,no headaches about putting the children through school and university and the need to balance a career with family.Its their turn now...Today if any of the grandchildren needs anything we dont even give a second thought but when we were young we had to really think and very often faced a choice of wanting to give what the children wanted as against what we could afford to give. That is why our grandchildren would be spoilt not only by the parents but by us too.The cycle of life is really something but then it is not everybody who can go through this cycle and those who do have much to be thankful for.To go through childhood, adulthood,parenthood brings a lot of precious experiences some painful but the rest mainly joyous !

A hectic week

My nephew from New Zealand tied the knot in Penang and KL .There was a dinner in Penang on Wed 30th May and poor us had to drive up on the morning of that day and stayed a nite before returning to KL on the 31st.The drive in the hot sun was tough especially for the driver.I was not allowed to drive so had to sit down quietly and allow the lady driver to do her stuff. A cultural shock awaited us when we checked into our accommodation .It was a kind of apartment block and looked really budget .To make matters worse the rooms faced a huge graveyard and was in an older part of the town.We had no choice but to make the best use of it. The next day a long hot drive to Ipoh where we had chance to eat all the Ipoh goodies before leaving for Kl.My eldest girl and family came back on Friday and it was shopping and eating all the way.Sat. nite was the dinner by the groom's side at a Chinese restaurant in a golf club.It was a gastronomical disaster for I have never tasted such bad food for a wedding dinner but being guests we just ate what was edible and kept quiet .Fact remains that we went home quite hungry. I have learnt something which I always believed in that is if you want to do something do it well and if you want to be calculative about money dont do it.If you do something with the money factor as the main criteria you might as well forget about doing it.Of course if you have limited funds and you do a budget event its understandable but if money is not a constrain and you make it into one then something is not right.Somebody said correctly "Money is only money when you use it ". By the time Girl left for Spore we were all stoned and last night surprisingly by 9 pm everyone was in bed suffering from the after effects of the hectic week !

Crossroads

We have Kyra,Aaron and Lucas our three grandchildren at the moment>By year end there will be another one .Grandma is at the moment looking after the two of them and Aaron is very attached to her.This is not surprising as she showers him with a lot of love and understanding.I presume that in due time Lucas will get the same type of love and attention that only the grandma can give. Grandma is getting on in years and I can imagine the kind of sacrifices she has to make for the sake of the children and grandchildren.Yet there is not a word of complain as we all know that she is doing this out of sheer love for the children and grandchildren.She has always been like this ,putting the interests of others before hers. With the coming of the new baby some sort of planning has to be made and discussed to the satisfaction of all parties.We have always been trained to plan ahead.That is what management is all about,and the recent lack of planning and proper communication showed in our trip to Bandung.I was told that there would be golf but whenI asked whom are we playing with and how many days of golf would we be having I was not given any details.That being the case I decided that I would not play and it was only on the night of our departure that I was told that there would be a friend there playing with us and that he has his own car which would ferry us all over.By that time I had already made up my mind not to play Thisis is a classic example of what happens if there is no proper communication and where lack of details makes decision making difficult. Fact is by year end with the coming of a new addition where we are currently staying becomes overcrowded.I would imagine grandma would still have to look after the new addition plus Aaron and maybe Lucas.Where to accommodate all of them? As I see it Aaron can perhaps sleep with his parents,Lucas can go back to his ( whether this is possible )as they have to work the next day,and the new addition will definitely need grandma's services.That being the case she should be consulted first and not taken for granted. .Plans have to be made,discussed and consensus reached.Grandma's opinion must be sought first and she must be part of the decision making as she is the key player. We have always put the interests of the children and grandchildren ahead of ours but we have to understand that we are getting on in age and looking after the little ones is a lot of work and responsibility.Grandma has to be appreciated and due respect given to her when deciding on the child's future.We were very hurt when the educational path of Aaron was not discussed with us, a real insult to our more than 60 years of experience in the field of education .That is ok as we will watch by the sideline to see what happens.The only unfortunate thing is that sometimes when parents make wrong decisions about their children it would be painful to see the child suffer all because the parents think they are too smart or too egoistic,chauvinistic to open their minds to other options or even listen to other opinions. When things change plans have to be made in advance.As a trained administrator I have always believed in planning ahead for without this a lot of unnecessary issues will appear.

Life as we grow older

My golfing friends are always proud to introduce me to strangers at the tee box. "Our uncle is in the 7os and still playing with us ".Makes me ponder sometimes when I hear this and realize that hey " I'm a super senior guy" and am still able to do what the younger ones are doing.With this comes the awareness too that I'm indeed very lucky to have come this far in life and be thankful that I have grey hair which my friend say some never live to have. As you grow older you realize that you are given the time and opportunity to do the things which you never had the time to do when you were younger.I see some of the young people live and work nowadays and cannot help but sympathise with them because they miss out on the joys of life and by the time they grow old they may never have had the time to enjoy it.Rushing over meals,thinking of how to make more money ,pondering over work and business strategies all has its price.You lose up on time which can enable you to live a more balanced life.God is reasonable.He gave us Sunday which is for us to relax and spend time doing the things we love to do other than work."No work or work related activities on Sunday" should be a simple maxim for everyone to follow.Time gone cannot ever be recovered. I watch my grandson growing up and this is a joy which should be enjoyed by the parents.At least one day in the week should be devoted to the child and herein lies the bond which will take them through life.Children grow up fast.Its in the infancy and formative years that they need their parents .Once they come to their teens their need for parents is less and by the time they go to college or start working the need is even less as they become more independent.That's why the communication gap come s about. Life is about choices and its up to you to choose how you want to live it. Coming to this age I try to reflect on how I managed to survive till now and come to the conclusion that its important to have a balance in everything you do.From eating to a discipline of no over indulgence life becomes more organized .I have always believed in three meals a day and never over eating even when i come across food which I particularly like and making sure there is a balance between rest ,work and play.Exercise and the right food balance are essential.Supplements like vitamins E,C and multivites have been part of my intake for as long as I can remember. Of course there is no denying the effects of ageing.Memory becomes poor, fatigue sets in more easily,body aches are more and sleep becomes more difficult especially in new surroundings.But on top of all this a positive outlook helps.Gratitude that you have come this far,relatively healthy ( Compared with others who have all kinds of sickness)and the ability to do all things albeit a little less efficient keeps you in positive mode and this helps. What the remaining years bring and what will happen nobody can say.Now live life to the full and do what you have always wanted to do is the maxim.I only hope that in my twilight years I will not be a burden to my children and if possible spare them the pain of seeing us suffer in our remaining journey through life !

Face Value

I remember one of my former Director of Education was very particular about our shoes.He was a fanatic for leather shoes and we saw that his shoes were always shiny and clean>He used to tell us "The key to a man's personality lies in his shoes".To a certain extent face value is important.How do you present yourself and how do others see you are important criteria for your personality measurement. When I was young I had only two sets of clothes for school and one or two after school clothes but as I went on to work I made sure I was smartly dressed for no other reason than to look presentable and to give yourself the self confidence you need to face the world.As a teacher we stood in front of our students and I'm sure they would have looked at us from head to toe.I met an old boy of mine recently and he told me "Sir,you were always smartly dressed and we remember your perfume !!"Presenting the right image is important especially if your work involves customer service and meeting people.People are always critical and judgemental and like to form opinions about you when they meet you.Looking at the clothes you wear ,your shoes,your hair ,down to your nails and the way you match your clothes tend to make them form opinion about you. trying to be simple to the extent that you look like a hobo is overdoing it a bit to say the least>You may be successful but if you dont present an image expected of you then it may seem that you lose out. The Emperors of China take a lot of trouble to be presentable and they also insisted that all their top ranking officials be presentable too so that the people as well as visitors are awed by their mere presence.When you see someone wearing JL tee shirts ,or Dunhill shirts with Bally belts and Boss pants you cant help but feel that this guy got some class.Of course CLASS does not just come with the clothes you wear,it comes together with the way you carry yourself,your etiquette ,manners and general behaviour.But there is no doubt that looking good helps you to do a lot of things.That is why some companies insist that their top men or women follow a certain dress code when they go out or uniforms on certain days of the week. One has be sensitive about one's status and present oneself accordingly.If you are for example holding a senior post in an organisation you should present yourself becoming of the status of your position and also that of your company. Asians generally look at things on the surface .That is why our leaders and top officials make it a point to be presentable all the time though they may be rotten inside.

Honour thy father and mother

Today Chinese all over the world converge on to the cemeteries and pay homage to their forefathers .They do so in so many forms ,some simple with just a few joss sticks and some simple offerings in the form of fruits and paper money, others lavishly with roast pigs ,roast chicken and paper houses and cars and etc.Today the amount and types of such things in the market is mind boggling .This is to make the living happy that they can offer all these things to the departed. The symbols aside Ching Ming is a day set aside for the Chinese to pay their respects to the dearly departed and also a chance for family members to gather together in family unity brought together by a common bond.It is heartening to see the living descendants gather at the grave yard and its a kind of get together amongst family members to remember their parents, grandparents.The Chinese are very sensible people ,although Ching Ming falls on the 4th April this year they can do the pilgrimage to the graves one week before and one week after the actual date.This is to suit the schedule of the busy living ones and it gives all family members a chance to fix a date convenient to everyone. According to Chinese custom only the male descendants are obliged to do Ching Ming,the females are not.But if they so decide they have to do it for the male's side>it does not really makes sense>i have 4 daughters and does it mean that when I go they need not come to my grave but when their father in law dies they have to? To me there should be no such division ,as long as you feel that you want to remember the dead you do so.I have always been to my mother and father in laws graves without fail every year and I do that because I knew them and they were good to me so what's the rubbish about sons in law not having to do it for their in laws.My wife and I have this mutual respect for each other's parents.She follows me to may parents graves and I do the same when she goes to her parent'.So what is the big deal? Why is it that the male cannot go to the girl's side and why the female must follow the husband's? It is sad when you go to a graveyard during this place and see some graves which are badly neglected and obviously unattended for many a year and we wonder who is the poor soul who lies forgotten by his descendants. It is good to remember our ancestors for they gave us life and brought us to this world for better or for worse.If a man cannot remember his roots and remember his forefathers ,to me he has no soul and should take a good look at himself !