Mum and dad

I had the most interesting parents and its coming to All Souls' Day,that time of the year when you go back to your roots.Strange that they both died as Catholics .The good thing is that if you are baptized before death all your sins are forgiven and you go to Heaven.That is a comforting thought.
Dad was a gem of a guy and I believe all his life was devoted to his wife and children.A man who spoke very little, I have never heard him grumble or say much.It was I guess because he kept everything to himself and had really no one to think about.He worked in the Telecoms as the Chief Clerk ,a fairly important post those days .He did not earn much and with 6 of us to look after never indulged himself>I believe he never went out of Malaysia,not even Singapore but never did he indicate any desire to indulge in travel.Maybe he kept his desires to himself but we certainly did not hear about this from him.
No fancy food for him,he was a very homely man coming home for lunch everyday.Poor man had to cycle all the way from office to home to have his lunch, a short rest and off to work again.We barely had enough to live and yet we were happy as a family.As long as there was rice on the table it was good enough for us.Sometimes when I secretly looked into his wallet I found only 1 RM and just wondered how he was going to manage on that.Frugality and simplicity were things which we grew up with and we as children never demanded or asked for anything beyond what was given to us.You never ask your parents which you know they cannot give as this will really make them upset for all parents would want to give their all to their children.
Looking back despite being without all the luxuries in life we were happy.The children got along well with each other and we were brought up by a very strict disciplinarian...mum.She was nicknamed " loh foo na" by her friends because of her fierce character.There was no need for anything extra .I remember I had two sets of clothes for school and maybe one or two sets for casual wear and we were quite happy with it .Being brought up in a poor family made us tough and gave us a lot of determination to break away from this environment.
A lesson learned here to make us determined to give our own children the best and not make them feel inferior to any of their friends>My education was not something which dropped from the sky.I got where I wanted to through sheer determination and hard work.Cant imagine how I managed it but somehow I was able to graduate.Along the way it was not easy and there were times when I wanted to give up but then thinking of mum and dad's hope gave me the extra push.Mum always hoped and thought that a university education would mean a better life and she always said when I started working she would get big money .A simple hope from a simple lady!I guess I did not fail in this respect because the day I started work until the day she died I gave her money.Those days parents expected their children to repay them for bringing them up and giving money to parents was compulsory or you would not be considered filial.It was not difficult to do so if you think of them and automatically deduct the amount for parents from your budget.That I believe is what financial discipline is all about ,parents before self.
Dad would borrow money for the family>I know he used to borrow money from the chettiar ( An Indian money lender) whenever he was short of money especially at the beginning of the year when he had to pay our school fees and buy books and uniforms.I remember once when I came back for the holidays we both cycled to the Chettiar's office where I stood as guarantor for the loan and the guy told me to study hard so that I can help dad later on.
Despite being just able to survive dad would make sure that once a month he would take us to the movies and a bowl of hor hee noodles for supper after the show.It was something we all looked forward to.Imagine dad cycling with us while mum and one the girls would go by trishaw.This was special and I really appreciated my dad for doing this and loved and respected him all the more.Its one of my biggest regrets in life that we could not give him the things he deserved because when he died we were all still struggling with our own lives and had nothing much to spare.But at least I can say that the first ever car I bought was for him ,a brand new Fiat 1100 cc car and I helped in paying for his house together with my sisters.Dad is an excellent role model and if I could be half of what he was I think I can be proud of myself.Gone but never forgotten!!
My mum was a great lady.An excellent cook she ran the family with the small budget which dad could afford and did a good job.She loved to gamble and we learned how to play mahjong by watching her.If she won we would have extra dishes for our meals and she would talk happily to us but if she lost than we had to be careful cos she would be grumbling and scolding everyone .Her favorite phrase was " If I had know this ,I would have strangled you at birth".Mum was very strict and was of the old school "Use the cane" to discipline the kids.Never argue with her and just obey what she said .Despite being so strict and fierce I believe she loved all of us.I know and remember when I was studying for my exams she would buy a char siew pau back for me if she happened to go out .Mum was a unique character ,she smoked at 3 packs of cigarettes a day and drank kopi o from the fridge all day long.The first thing she did in the morning was to have her kopi o and then her cigarettes.
She was the life of the house and I guess disciplined all of us.It would be difficult to find anyone like her.My one regret where she is concerned is that I did not spend enough time with her during her last few years but then I did tell her that I was scared to see her because she always asked for money and if I had it I dont mind giving it to her.
Now they are gone and only memories remain and I always think of their good points and cant think of anything bad about them and realize that we should value our loved ones when they are with us and not when they are gone.