How you see things

I have a friend whom I recently met .He is 68 years old and is a p/a to a well known figure around town.We shared a lot of things via e mail and though we have not actually met we have become good friends.Recently we talked about children and grandchildren and he told me he regretted not spending enough time with his children and he feels that his grandchildren are not his responsibility. I told him I can understand the thing with the children as we were young and trying to make a life for them so much so that we did not really have the time to spend with them.Mum agreed with this and she told me that we had to struggle to ensure that there was adequate food for the kids on the dining table every day.Yes, in our younger days life was a struggle.We did not earn much as teachers and whatever we had went to providing the family with the necessities of life.We did not want our children to be deprived and whatever was necessary was provided for them .We made sure they had clothes, food, books and holidays when they were on holiday.Albeit we could not afford to go overseas but they had holidays in almost all the holiday spots in the country which was all we could afford. We had no spare for savings and the monthly salary just lasted till the end of the month.Life was tough but we were happy spending all our time and resources trying to build a happy family.Therefore its not surprising that we could not spend as much time as we would have liked with the children. I disagree that the grandchildren are the responsibility of the children.As grand parents we now have the time and hopefully the energy to spend time with the grandchildren as otherwise we would be denied the joy of watching them grow up.Their first steps, their first words are a real joy to experience over again.As parents we would always want our children to have things as easy as possible.No doubt they have to go through what we went through when we were young but by being with them and helping them with their children certainly makes life much easier .Besides this grand parents feel good to know that they are still useful and wanted.What they need in return is some words and gestures of appreciation every now and then. Grand parents are able to enjoy the grandchildren as we now no longer need to worry about our children as they are now grown up and able to fend for themselves and as parents we will always look at our children as children and whilst we are able to , we will certainly do all we can to make life easier for them.

Fate

As I reach this age its often that I look back on what was and what could be.Suddenly it struck me that my ending up as a teacher was perhaps destined.I was born on May 15 which happened to be Founder's Day for the Christian Missionary Schools in honor of St. John Baptist De Lasalle . He was the son of a rich man with fame and fortune at his disposal .Yet he gave all this away and chose a life of frugality with focus on educating the homeless young people. I have always admired him since in school as the Brothers who taught us told us his story over and over again.In school I was inspired by what St. John did especially how he founded the Lasalle Brothers who became teachers all over the world. They worked for nothing more than the education of the young and their sphere of influence spread all over the world. As fate would have it . after I finished my Higher School exam In December I had nothing to do and of course mum said I should not waste time and should find a job so I could give her some pocket money.As fate would have it Khoo Kay Kim whose brother was my classmate and who was teaching History in St. Anthony's Teluk Intan left his post to move on. He felt bad having to leave the school and asked me if I was interested and since I had no means of going to the University at that time . I thought " why not " as I could earn some money and save for my university education which I wanted badly as I believed only through it could I break away from the socio- economic cycle which the toh family was caught in. Come January , at the tender age of 19 off I went to Teluk Intan and thus began my career as a teacher.It was fated that I taught in a Mission School and it was also fated that I ended up as the first non mission headmaster of a Mission School. I have never regretted being a teacher as it gave me the opportunity to be in touch with thousands of students who some of them to this day still remember me and always tell me " Sir, I would not be what I am today if not for you ".These words are the best testimonials any teacher can ask for and somehow makes everything worthwhile.Teachers are not rich. We were not paid huge salaries but yet I would consider myself very rich as I had the opportunity to reach out and touch the lives of so many young people.This is wealth which is so much more valuable than money.There is no point in having so much money when you do not know what to do with it.I have come across filthy rich people who are so stingy that they deprive themselves of the good things in life.To them I always say " Money is just paper and you cant take it with you when you go ". Today after more than 50 years in education I still feel there is no regret having chosen teaching as a profession >Not rich in money , but rich in the many students whom we have sent out into the world as fine upright people.All the money in the world can buy this and not many people in the world can have this privilege !

Do unto others

I keep thinking about what happens to senior people when they come to an age when they can no longer fend for themselves.When I was in the Education Ministry we used to visit the old folks home with gifts and presents on teachers Day. no doubt this was quite superficial but there were opportunities to sit down and chat with the old people and often we hear , sadly, that they were there because they were not wanted anymore. When we think of the people responsible for abandoning their parents and grand parents our first thought will be " How callous and uncaring these people are !" and sad to say there is some truth in it. It brings a lump to your throat when you look at them with sadness in their eyes and face and you cant help but wonder what thoughts fly through their heads when they think of how they came to be abandoned and left to pass the rest of their days in desolation.Young people have become selfish , uncaring and inconsiderate and they are so wrapped up in their own affairs that they fail to look beyond their own needs and objectives.Old people do not have much time left in this world and the least we can do for them is to make sure that the remaining days in their lives are spent in comfort and love. Old people , if they can, would rather depend on themselves than to lean on others .this , in order not to experience pain and heartache.I remember when I was recovering from illness I asked for some food to be bought for me.A simple request , not out of the way and behold my disappointment when there was nothing bought for me on the excuse that "I forgot ".It was an eye opener telling us how much caring exists.There were also times when we asked for something to be done and had to wait for hours for it to be attended to.I am never one for procrastination and to me , when someones asks you to do something, a simple thing and you procrastinate then just forget it. These little incidents tell us that at the end of the day " Depend on yourself " and you will not be disappointed or hurt.This seems to be the norm amongst old people nowadays. We care for our children so much that we would sacrifice our time and energy doing things ourselves than to ask them .Excuses like " I forgot ", " I am busy " are unacceptable because it only shows a lack of concern and care.It also is an indication of attitude .why is it that parents are so willing to sacrifice their time and energy when there is no reciprocal ? Parents always put the interests of the family ahead of theirs and no task is too big for them to handle. My parents are no longer here and when I look back I would like to believe that I had been a filial son and done what I could possibly do when they were alive. That is why I feel no regrets and remorse over what I could have done as I had given them best.We should appreciate those who are still with us and treat them as they deserve to be treated.Remember life is fragile and there is no point to regret or shed crocodile tears when they are gone !It matters not how much you put on a show when they are gone but it matters much how you treat them when they are still around.

Life's ironies

I was at the car park getting my parking ticket stamped and in walk this "old" lady .Seeing her perplexity I allowed her to jump queue and take the place in front of me.She thanked me and said " Sigh...nowadays we seniors cant depend on anybody but ourselves ".Her remarks struck me and as usual i would ponder over it. Yes too often we see old people having to do things for themselves.Driving , marketing , cooking , babysitting etc .It seems that the younger people not only cannot do these things but also have to depend on their parents and elders for all these things to be done. Can we not spare a thought for the poor seniors who have to lug the marketing basket every weekend and think of why not we do it for a change ? Can we not think of relieving the poor elders of some of the mundane chores which come with home making? Can we not take the trouble or make an effort to ensure that there is enough food in the house? Why do the seniors have to take all this responsibility?. Too often we have the " I have no time, I'm busy rationale > Rationale or excuse for a non caring attitude ? When we were young we were independent and managed all the home affairs on our own and somehow we managed to do it.Today , sadly enough when we ask for a little compromise or adjustment its not us who are thought of but themselves.Young people fail to look at the bigger picture.Sure at times a decision may create a little inconvenience for them but surely it can be offset by the advantage or comfort it brings to the elders. This is the difference .We elders will always put the interests and well being of the younger ones ahead of ours .We would rather do things on our own than to be dependent .Isn't it time our thinking goes the other way ?

Mothers

Since time immemorial many things have been said about mothers.Their love , sacrifice ,sufferings , joys and hopes for their children have often been highlighted.It really takes somebody special to be a mother. I remember my mother.She was not educated and had to bring up six children on a very limited budget.To her it was important that there was food on the table everyday and she made sure that there was always enough to feed all of us. She told us that many a time she went to the market with her marketing basket with hardly a cent in her but somehow she managed to come back with food for us.How she did it only she knows but it was done . She washed, cooked and cleaned for us and along the way she was in away quite happy to be able to do it.For herself, she would eat very little ,contented with her kopi o ice and cigarettes .the best parts of the food would be kept for the family . She always said that she shared her love equally among the 6 of us but we knew that she had her favorites and to us it was fine as we accepted the fact that she was only human and of course some of us were more lovable than the rest. All her time was spent in the family except for the time when she went for her mahjong sessions.Even then she would make sure that dinner was prepared for the family.I remember when I talked to her about my wanting to study in the University ,she said " you must study hard and when you start working you must take care of your father and me ".That was my mission in life and throughout my study years I never forgot what she told me. Today as I look at mothers from my own wife to my children I note the same passion and love for the children.We brought up 4 girls plus some of the relatives' and friends' children and in the process one can really see what it takes to be a mother. I have seen that no sacrifice is too great or too difficult for a mother to make.There is nothing which a mother would not do for the children yet there are times when the children are so unkind .Mum told us yesterday about a friend of hers who felt so hurt when she was badly treated by the son and daughter in law . How she must have hurt.Irrespective of what the mother is children must above all understand her feelings and treat her as she treated them.Mother's day is not just the allocated day on the calender but it should be everyday and its sad that sometimes children dont know how to appreciate and cherish the mother.I remember that when we were young we used to celebrate the day by not letting our mum do anything and just let her enjoy one day of peace and not doing anything.This seems to be a forgotten thing nowadays. Mothers give so much and I wonder how much they get in return , not that they expect anything for what they have done and are doing .Loving them , cherishing them and appreciating them would always be enough for any mother .Not to difficult to do , yet sometimes we tend to forget .....

On looking back

Come next week and I would have been in this world seven score and four years .This is a blessing indeed and I have much to be thankful for.At least I am in relatively good health able to eat , sleep and walk like a person should.On looking back i believe that I have lived a good life having gone through the good , the bad and ugly and it has been an enlightening and enriching experience. If I were to ask myself " Have you left any footprints in the sand or stone ?" I would answer " yes" at least in the thoughts of family, friends and above all my students who passed through my hands by the thousands.As a father and husband the family has always been of prime importance and there was nothing that mum and I would not do for the family.Achievement ? We can proudly say that we put our four girls through university and instilled in them certain values which we think will carry them through life . Being remembered ? We wonder what our children , grandchildren and all those whose lives we touched one way or another think of us when we are no longer around.We have no legacy other than the code we have lived by.Mum and I have always put the interest and well being of the family first and ours come later. I will not leave this world a rich man in the sense that i will be able to leave my children and grandchildren loads of money.We are not rich by worldly standards but we have enjoyed and are enjoying a kind of wealth which no amount of money in the world can buy.We have brought up 4 girls, see them grow into adults and see them start families of their own.We are blessed to be able to see the whole process of them growing from childhood to adulthood and sensible ones at that. We started life with practically nothing and today we have all the materialistic things which people work for , house ( albeit) a small one but nevertheless some place we can call home, car , clothes, a bit of money to spend as we wish but our real wealth, and we consider ourselves very rich in this ...is that we have good health , a good family and above all each other.We are very rich in this respect and hence if looking at this perspective , I would have led a god life and certainly left some footprints. Educating my students and seeing them grow into adults gives me no regrets for choosing to be a teacher.Humble though the profession is it has made an impact on the lives of many young people.I remember one particularly problem student and I spent time with him trying to set him right.Two years ago at the Old Boys Dinner he came back from Australia where he now resides specifically to look for me and tell everyone how I managed to change his life .this is the kind of wealth which money cannot give and it is one of the reasons why I have never regretted being a teacher. Going through life the hard way has made us stronger , more tolerant and more understanding.To me, my legacy and my hope to be remembered by " He was a good father, grandfather, friend and teacher " That will be the footprints which I leave behind !

Challenge

In two weeks time I would have retired from Government service for 20 years and should be at an age when most people would take it easy , going for walks, yam cha, and be involved in the pursuit of one's hobbies be it gardening , cooking , watching TV , reading books or spending time with the grandchildren .But it looks that this man is going to on and on working. I have retired from the govt. but never stopped working and not likely to do so as only yesterday a big time investor from Hong Kong came to see me and talked to me about a piece of land which he just acquired.He plans to build a hostel and has asked me to be his consultant from planning to operation .This offer which if I accept will take me down the road for at least another 5 years and I'm just wondering if I can last that long.?.It will be for sure a challenging work as it will require a lot of planning and also leg work .Planning work is not an issue but what worries me is the leg work.It will mean site visits, climbing up unfinished staircases and survey the whole building as it comes out.Am I physically fit ? I would like to believe that I am but as one ages the ravages of time catch up.You get tired easily, become forgetful and generally become slower whether you realize it, accept it or not.Its not really for the money but more of being able to take a challenge and show the world that there is no age limit to what a person can do. I certainly would not want to be like some of the seniors whom I know, loafing around really doing nothing despite the fact that they can still be productive .Its just that they think conservatively , that if you reach 60 you must retire and not work anymore.I always like to challenge the norm and show that one can always go the extra mile if one sets his mind to do so. Question is how many extra miles can we go ?