Resettling

Looks like we will be moving to a new area as part of our family planning.Mum has been a home maker for our three girls. First in Singapore , where she was looking after our grand daughter till she was ole enough to go to nursery .That settled she moved back to KL to look after after grandson who is now 6 years and ready to be quite independent. We are now needed or she is now needed for our youngest grand son .Our youngest daughter has got her new house and wants us to move in with her. Probably this will mean another couple of years more before the little fella can be sent to nursery and then time for us to move again.This coincides well with my career plans as I see myself being professionally active for another couple of years by which time my succession plan will see my juniors be competent enough to handle the business. Both of us would like nothing better than to be back in our own abode however humble it may be .It is the home which we built , in which our children grew up and once you come to your twilight years I guess that is the place you want to spend your last days. Staying with the children is fine. they treat us well and the in laws also get along with us without any problems. That is because we know how to play our roles as parents and in laws, be seen and not heard, give opinions when you are asked, ask no questions, listen when you are being told and know how to create as little problem to the children and in laws as possible.I believe mum has done a great job , looking after the grandchildren ,handing them over to the parents when they are ready and making home logistics a non factor for the busy parents. Moving to a new place would mean she has to make new friends and she will probably miss all her cronies in Ara Damansara but she has great PR and will surely find new friends in a jiffy.For me it will probably mean getting lost a couple of times as it always takes me time to know the roads and recognize them.But we will manage as the thought of being helpful to our daughter in her hour of need makes all these little things seem unimportant.

Sharing some of Lee Kuan Yew's thoughts

He is 89 years old and like old old people facing their twilight years has put on paper some of his more pertinent thoughts : 1.On his wife.He does not believe that they will ever meet in the after life and that she is gone, she is gone.He has good memories of the times spent with her , how she stood by him during his difficult times and the words of encouragement which she had for him.To him the bond between a couple who have been through thick and thin can never be erased through time. It means to me that while we are together we must learn to value and treasure this as one day one of us will no longer be here . As you grow old you must never forget the happy and sad times you had together.Can we be like we were before during our courting days ?Today as we age do we look at each other like we did before? If not why not ?Relive the olden days and you will find life more meaningful and as we look at each other try to remember what we were like before. 2.On food .We have denied ourselves certain foods which we like for health reasons.Is it time to let go ? Can we now indulge in the things that we love to eat but have refrained from because of health reasons? LKY believes and I agree that we should let go and enjoy ( within moderation ) the things we love to eat.I call myself a " kampong man" as we were brought up on the simple foods as becoming of simple people.I remember when young one of the simple foods we love was breaking a freshly laid egg on hot rice and mixing it well with black soya sauce and pieces of fried crispy lard and eating it with a piece of green chilly .It was as good a meal as you will ever find and really enjoyable. Ice cream , ABC with an ice cream scoop on top are things which I have been refraining from ...hmmm maybe I should have a splurge now and then. 3.Sickness.If you fall sick at this age dont waste your money trying to get well and just let nature take its course>He does not want a fancy funeral service as it is a strain on the family.A simple cremation and his ashes should be kept next to that of his wife.Though he does not believe that they would be together in the after life for the sake of convenience he wants their ashes to be kept in urns in the same place. 4. A time for regrets ? Who has no regrets in life ? I have mine too but they are relatively little ones as compared with his.What are the things we should do but not done ? Certainly food for thought for those who are young and have still time to change their destiny and do what they want to do.

Watching the kids grow up

One of the joys of being a grandparent is to watch the little ones grow up.Aaron is now quite a sensible guy but he needs to be handled with care and reason.He has grown big physically but mentally he is not yet 6 and as such his mental age is like that.Its interesting to note that at this young age a child's character is starting to show and parents need to understand this and take corrective measures at this point of time or they may find difficulty later on and this may be the cause of juvenile delinquency .Whatever , parents must have time to talk to and understand their kids as at this stage they are beginning to have opinions of their own and also to a certain extent start forming their values base as to what constitutes right or wrong and what behavior is acceptable. Like adults , children listen to reason and even at this early age want attention and some respect for their opinions.Aaron is a sensitive boy and we have to be careful when Lucas is around to make sure that some attention is also given to him.I am observant by nature and notices when we all fuss over Lucas he becomes very quiet and his body language shows that he needs some attention too. He is also a proud little fella and likes nothing better than to show off his achievements and we adults have to make him happy and a little reward here and there motivates him further.He has a huge appetite and loves to eat and that is probably one of the reasons when he has grown to such a strong boy.Physically he has grown well and its his mental and psychological growth which have to handled with care or we may be responsible for a rebellious and stubborn kid.To fulfill this the adults must well be aware of their responsibility in this field. the thing that I enjoy now is watching little Lucas grow up.He is so playful yet so lovable and because of that I get home early every day in order to spend some time with him and also to give mum some time to prepare dinner without him getting onto her hair.Part of parental joy is to be able to see the offspring growing and in the process learn and do new things.The amount of time , attention and anxiety which parents go through will enable us to understand why parental love is so special and this is something which every child should learn to value and appreciate.

Salute the housewife !

Mum once said " Dont think I'm not working . I work as a housewife and that is a full time job". I would not dispute that at all .Of late I have been observing her daily schedule and believe me , our work is nothing compared to hers.One never realizes the thousand and one things a housewife has to do until one has the empathy and good sense to appreciate it. Just look at the schedule: 1.Monday to Friday. Wake up at 5.30 am. Sweeps the floor, put the clothes in the washing machine and arranges all the things in the house neatly. Little grandchild comes in at around 640 am and its full time with him. 7.30 am takes the little fella out for his morning walk and be back by around 8,prepares his milk and then up to the bedroom for his morning nap. If I'm around I look after the little fella while she hurriedly has her breakfast or if I ta pau for her she has to wait for the little fella to sleep before she can have her breakfast. During the short time the child is asleep she will iron the clothes , or wash the dirty ones and after that take them out for drying. When the little one is awake , she is with him all the time and in between try to steal a bit of time to prepare the dinner stuff. I'm not sure if she has her lunch. After lunch time the little fella goes off for his afternoon nap and she has a bit of rest too. By 330 he is up and she looks after him till around 445 when the mum comes home. If you think that her day is over you are wrong because immediately after this she prepares dinner and by the time the first shift diners are finished she goes with me to fetch the other grandchild.And after that see that he has his dinner and helps him with whatever home work the school gives him. a little bit of breather before the last shift diners come back at around 8 and after that the washing up and washing the clothes .The next task will be to throw the rubbish and only when this is done will she find time to have her shower and get ready for bed. This goes on for five days and on Saturday she is free to do what she likes with her buddies.Come Sunday she leaves early for the week's marketing and after that its sorting out the things bought and then preparing the night's dinner.And again after that cleaning up again. This does not include the house cleaning, the washing and ironing of clothes and sorting out the household things. A housewife's work is multi and she has to be an all rounder, nanny, cook, cleaner , purchaser,etc.It takes a remarkable lady to be able to do all this and do it efficiently.Yet another thing is to be able to do all these things tirelessly and not complain about the work. What seems to be such a tiring job for many is carried out unselfishly.Yet one thing that strikes me is that we seem to take her for granted and do not have the empathy to realise that without her around our life would be so much more difficult.Yet we do not give her the due appreciation. A word of thanks , a word of appreciation, a little thought for her tiredness and a little effort to make her tasks a bit lighter would make so much difference.On my part I always try to make sure that she has time to eat and rest and whatever grumblings she has are taken in the right spirit for I believe she has earned the right to be grumpy and " naggy" and I would just let her let off steam. A housewife, a mother, a grandmother,an in law and a wife all in one is never easy to find. She carries out all her chores happily and rarely complains about the difficulty of the job and all these are carried out because of her love for everyone, her consideration for everyone and above all her mission to make life easier for everyone .We should think of how to make our feelings for her felt.To appreciate without telling is not complete.Tell and show that we appreciate what she is going for all of us and say and do the little things which will make her feel that all her efforts are not in vain.

Random thoughts

Of late my opinion and perception of things seems to have become slightly different. 1.Food. Eating is not a big issue now.Convenience and time saving eating places are of prime importance.What we eat is not that important but whom we eat with matters.With today's lifestyle its quite difficult to have the whole family sitting down for dinner at any one time.Our home eating schedule is quite unique i would say. The first shift will be ready by 530 pm , the second at around 6.15 and the last shift around 8 pm.I would normally take the first shift as the food is hot and just out of the kitchen but my system has not adjusted to this yet so usually its just a couple of spoons of rice and more on the side dishes. This is a far cry from the time when I was young.Then, dinner involved the whole family and we could only eat when dad sits down but all of us ate together and this was the time when the siblings and parents engaged in useful conversation.Logistics was also easy , as the meal was cooked and everyone ate at the same time.This also made cleaning up so much more simple.You can imagine the difficulty in having to cook for 3 different shifts and also the hassle of cleaning up.The lady of the house is only free after 8pm after the last shift is over.I suppose this is the price we pay because everyone is so busy with the rat race that the basic family activity is jeopardized. 2.Communication. People live in the same house but I cant help but feel that they tend to talk less.This is probably because people are less patient , tired and dont know how to communicate anymore.Practice makes perfect but if you cannot engage in a conversation with the right attitude then communication breaks down and we are reduced to a generation of gadget fiends who would happily play our games or serve the net whilst in the company of others. In my young days there were no such gadgets , not even Tv so it was the norm after dinner for everyone to sit in the living room and just chat away.By the way herein the meaning of the words " Living Room". We communicate basically to share knowledge, opinions or to inform and discuss things.Once we do not want to do this anymore then communication breaks down and the " Living Room " does not serve its purpose anymore.Its painful to see people impatient and get angry whilst talking over trivial matters.Just because some one says something you do not like to hear or asks for clarification there is no need to show faces or worse still get angry.What is happening to our society ? Dont we talk anymore ? Cant we accept questions or a different opinion ? Cant we participate in conversation with the true spirit of communication ? 3.Values As always there are times when we ask the question how to balance tradition with modern values ? I consider myself old fashioned in some ways because I always believe that some of the traditional values are well worth preserving as they enable us to be better persons.Respect for the elders is important but this value seems to be dying out today.Where in the olden days the elders were also consulted before anything was done, today they are considered as insignificant or not competent enough to have their opinions considered seriously. I love the way the young show their respect to the elders in the olden days.They would be greeted and served whenever possible and children were obedient and filial to their elders.How much of this do we see being practiced today ? 4.Children. During our time we would always allocate some time for the children especially during the holidays.It was a joy for us to see our kids embark on their journey of discovery and to watch them growing up.Today , as we watch our grandchildren growing up we realize that for us its rediscovering the joys of parenthood all over again.Watching them take their first steps,uttering their first words and their fascination at discovering new things are things which no parents should miss for if you miss it you will never get to experience it again with the same child.Money and work are not everything in life....sadly many people do not realize this. 5. Character. Too often we are so wrapped up in our daily life that we forget to take a good look at ourselves.A simple exercise would be to take a piece of paper and try to write down what you think of yourself. A little SWOT analysis will tell you so much more of yourself.And knowing yourself then ask yourself " Can I improve ?" " Can I be a better person ?"

Being a teacher !

It was partly due to the Lasalle Brothers that I decided to choose to become a teacher.While in school we were taught by this group of dedicated teachers mainly from Ireland.They loved the children and they loved their work.Gentle, patient , knowledgeable and tolerant, they were excellent role models.As kids we looked up to them and it played a huge role in our future choice of careers. In a way I became a teacher as a stepping stone to my aim at that time ...to get a university education.My parents could not afford to put me through university and I knew that if I wanted it I had to find my own way.Providence helped , for as soon as I completed my Form 6 , there was a post for a History teacher in Teluk Intan which was offered to me through an old friend Tan Sri Khoo Kay Kim and which I readily accepted.Finished the 6th Form exams in December and by January I was on my way to Teluk Intan to embark on my teaching career. I estimated that if I taught for 1 1/2 years I should have saved enough for the university.This being achieved off I went to the University.The short stint I had as a temporary teacher made me realise that this was what I wanted to do...to stand in front of the class and give them knowledge.In between teaching we also had the chance to guide them to become " better people" and instill in them strong moral values.I was really hooked on being a teacher as teachers at that time were respected members of the society and more importantly we were able to nurture our students to become right thinking people. I have been a teacher all my life and to this day I have no regrets.True, teaching does not make us rich but we had the privilege of educating the young and today in Kl I have met with a number of my former students who are themselves in middle age category and it makes my heart swell with pride when I hear them speak good English and are strong up right people .Many of them are professionals and what really touches me is that they never forget their teachers and despite all the caning, scoldings which we gave them they never held any grudges against us.Instead they are grateful and many of them will thank us and say they would not be where they are if not for us teachers.Money cannot buy this kind of feeling and perhaps this is one of the reasons why we teachers never place money on top of our priority list. I have always taught my students one thing which I still hold fast to." You may be rich, successful, famous but if you do not have CHARACTER you are nothing " Today I am still teaching sometimes in a different way .The other day I was playing golf with an old boy of mine and he asked me some pertinent questions about the way he played and I analyzed his game as best as I can and at the end of the day gave him some pointers and after that he said " Sir, you taught me 30 years ago and today you are still teaching me .Thank you Sir " I was really touched and am glad that I chose to become a teacher.I may not be rich but my wealth lies in the many students whom we guided through life >Money cant buy this just as all the money in the world cannot buy what we have when we spend quality time with our family.

Watching the kids grow up

Today's young parents are so wrapped up in the rat race that they have really not much time for anything else.We teachers are different because when we were teaching we only worked half a day and had time for other things after school.The more enterprising ones ran tuition classes and made some extra pocket money ( sometimes more than their salary ).We had time on our hands and part of this time was spent on the children, watching them go through the various stages of life and prodding them along the way. After the children grew up they became adults in their own rights and made their own homes for their own families .As grandparents now we are required to help them look after their kids and having gone through the rat race we are able to fully concentrate on the little grandchildren We are blessed to be able to follow the growth of our 3 grandchildren to see them grow from infancy to where they are now.The two elder ones are already quite independent and moving on to their school life where we hope the teachers can enrich them in terms of knowledge and values.It is a joy to be able to see them grow and develop from babies, crawling, walking uttering their first few words and basically making the parents proud every step of the way.When they come to school age we can see the character formation period happening.They reason, argue ,question and begin to show their traits.A lot of understanding child psychology , child development is necessary to help them through this stage. Yes, parents will enjoy watching their children grow up but we must not forget that we as parents have important roles to play in the child's growing up process.To balance our time for the kids with what we have to do is not that easy.responsible parents will have to learn to strike a balance here , how to cope with the demands of their work and their responsibility in bringing up their children.This is never an easy task and represents one of the challenges of parenthood which can be a joy or nightmare depending on how we handle it.