Thinking of others

Mum went for her cardio test yesterday and I had some anxious moments waiting for her to come back and get the results.When I asked her the first thing she told me was " all blocked ".I like went blank for a moment and was speechless and then she broke into a smile and said " Just pulling your leg .I am A ok ". My pacer missed a few beats but it was such a big relief and I heaved a big sigh of relief. She said looking at our little grandson 'Actually if I had to do a by pass or something like that I would ask the doctor to do it next year when my little grandson would be old enough to go to a day care center".As usual she puts her own welfare before that of others and the way she said it while hugging the little fella really brought a lump to my throat.Such is the devotion of a grandma and such is the unique quality of a person. The same night while we were sitting outside the house ( as is our habit nowadays ) suddenly she mentioned again " i hope you go first because if I were the one to go first who is going to look after you?" I told her these things are not for us to say and its best not to think of it at this point of time. Talking often with her and being with her I can understand what goes on in her head and for sure its thinking of others more than herself.On looking back I can see that everything she does is not for herself but either for the children , grandchildren, the in laws , her siblings and their children.When she cooks dinner she would make sure that there is everyone's preferred dish on the table.Sometimes I cant help but smile when she cooks chicken and reserves only the chicken feet for herself. I hope we have many more years together for I cant imagine especially on my part what I will do without her.Thank God her health is good and the sickness she had was just a little hiccup.

Life can be unkind !

Our one month old Filipino maid , a young girl , efficient and hardworking joined the family recently ( about a month ).Mum was quite pleased with her and I guess everyone else in the family. She is supposed to work with us for two years and then after that she has a choice of extending or terminating her contract.That was fine and we thought that for the next two years there would be someone to help in the housework and make life easier for the lady of the house. Then from out of the blue....calamity !! she is pregnant and two months onto it.When we heard the news we had to ask her " Now what?".She discussed with the boyfriend and he wanted the baby.That being the case obviously she has to go back.So we proceeded with the arrangement for her to go back to her country.Simple enough ... but then when you think about it there are so many things which will come to mind.We wonder what happens to her aspirations to earn money here? What kind of life is she going to have when she goes back? And what sort of future will the baby have ? Looking at her, I could see that probably she herself is struggling with these thoughts.Imagine having to bring up a family with no financial security, imagine thoughts going through your mind as to whether the guy concerned is really going to look after her and imagine what she is thinking about the baby's future.I'm sure that she is troubled and hopefully she can figure out some means of getting by in life after this. Having a baby is a woman's privilege and we would in no way ask her "How Come ?".That is her personal business and she has that right and we as employers have no right to be judge or be moralistic.We can only offer some advice to resolve the problem.As said, the obvious solution is for her to go back and have the baby but surely when you think about it that perhaps is just the beginning of the problem, At least with us she is part of the family, she eats what we eat and she does not have to worry about the basics of livelihood.Even then when we look at the life of a maid you wonder what sort of life they have to endure.Day in day out work and perhaps the only thing to look forward to is to make enough money to go home and hopefully live a better life.There are so many horror stories of maids being ill treated and abused that you begin to wonder how come there are people who can do this kind of things .They are not maids by choice.. merely people who are less fortunate and as such should be seen as people who should be treated with kindness and concern. many of them have to leave their families and children behind and some even with no means of keeping in touch with them .Imagine how they feel ! Compare this with some young girls who are so fortunate and yet not realize how fortunate they are.They lepak, yam cha and when they have free time think of how to spend it with friends doing all sorts of unproductive things.Our maid is only 27 and I'm sure she may want to have a bit of this too but circumstances do not permit her.Which gets one to think ...why is life so unfair ? A question which no one can really answer.

Random thoughts

It was a big joy meeting up with my niece, nephew in law and grand niece and looking at them and spending time with them made me reflect.I met my grand niece for the first time in 11 years.When I first " saw" her she was in mummy's stomach.Today she is 11 and I notice that she is a finely brought up little girl. Kudos to the parents. I realize that I had missed out on seeing her grow up for the past 11 years.I'm sure the parents would have enjoyed seeing her develop, talking ...saying her first words, walking and learning how to read and write. Too often , parents are so wrapped up in their own affairs that they fail to enjoy seeing their kid grow up.The process and the privilege of being part of it is priceless.Children grow up fast and it is when they are young that they need the parents, to guide them ,to do things for them etc.Once they grow up they do not need us anymore.It is what we give them in terms of values, companionship and love which will determine how they see us when they become adults and also what kind of adults they turn out to be.Cases of children abandoning parents are not uncommon and cases of parent - children conflict are not unusual.Why do such things happen ? We really have to take a step back and look at ourselves.I see the warmth of the mother- daughter , father- daughter relationship which my grand niece enjoys and herein lies the secret of parent - children relationship.Spending time with the kids, bonding with them ,sharing with them , guiding them through life are things which which cement the future parent- child relationship. Undoubtedly parents play a big role in developing the character of the child.Children must be infused with and taught how to treasure the right values one of the most important of which is to value family ties. Family is special , it simply means people who are bonded by blood and marriage ties.Relationship between members of the same family is so different from that with friends.Sadly enough we hear and see of family members who are in conflict with each other to the extent they dont want to even want to have anything to do with each other.We need to ask ourselves how such a situation has come about and figure out how we on our part as parents and members of a family can ensure that this does not happen.After all society has always stressed on the importance of the family unit as the base of civilization. Our priorities must be clear.When given a choice ..whom do we put on top of the list ? our family or other things ? We know of parents who die with their arms round their children in the event of an accident, of parents who starve so that their children can live and even parents who steal and rob so that their children can survive.Such is the maternal instinct of humans and it is things like this which make the human species special.Our children are our treasures and as such they must always be valued.As parents we have to ask ourselves from time to time what sort of parents are we and what sort of upbringing and values in life which we give to our children and constantly remind ourselves to be better parents in the true sense of the word.

Health

We take a lot of things for granted, the weather, the sun , rain and health especially.Recently the haze made everybody feel bad and some had health problems because of this.It is only when we face problems do we begin to realize how precious certain things are. When a dear one falls sick we realize how we always take her or him for granted not realizing that being human they are vulnerable.We must never forget to appreciate what we have and not worry about what we dont have as we have to take care of the people who are with us and be able to value the things we have with us. The weather and someone's illness has made me look at life from a different perspective altogether now.Never take things for granted and show consideration for people whom we value while they are with us and not wait until its too late.The ones near and dear to us do a lot of things for us.We know it but sadly we never tell the other party so.People are stingy with their words of appreciation or gestures .Why should we ignore to tell someone how much we value them and how grateful we are for what they have done for us ? Little gestures of appreciation , a kind word now and then would mean so much.Yet we always take people who are good to us for granted and never take the trouble to tell them how much they are appreciated. I remember how after the sun came out after the haze everyone was glad and someone said "I never realize the sun can be so welcome and I should never take it for granted again " We should learn to show little gestures, say the right things at the right time and make more efforts to let people who are dear to us why they are indeed so.Do it while they are with us ..dont regret when they are no longer with us.

Aging

Of late I find that there is a gradual erosion of the 5 senses especially when it comes to hearing and seeing.The ears are no longer as sensitive as they used to be when any slight noise would be clearly and easily heard.I know of someone who says " huh?) to everything you say and I wonder is it out of habit or has he got hearing problems ? When we talk we expect to be heard but we tend to forget that there are actually people who cant hear very well because of the aging process and the younger ones must understand and be patient and understanding when an elder asks questions and takes a bit of time to digest the information. Eyesight deteriorates for sure.A few years ago I had no problem driving at night or reading.Today my night vision is only about 65% or so and another indicator is when I hit the golf ball , a few years ago I could see where it went but today I can only follow the ball half way and then I dont know what happens. Yes, as we grow older our senses become less efficient .That is why younger people must learn to tolerate the seniors.If we cannot hear well or see well be patient with us and try to understand that we ourselves are aware of this deterioration and feel naturally upset about it too.We also become forgetful and there are times when the mind actually goes blank when we try to recall certain things .Its inevitable and it will happen to anyone hence we must always understand that people grow old and with aging comes the need for more understanding and caring .

ON BEING PARENTS

Last Sunday was father's Day.I prefer to call it parents day cos that was the time the children arranged for us to go for a short weekend stay at Port Dickson .It turned out to be kind of baby sitting day for us but also it gave the parents a chance to spend much treasured time with their children and I can only assume that as parents they would have been thrilled at the opportunity to see their children experiencing new thrills and learning new things. On looking back we reminisce on the time when our own children were kids and what joy we had seeing them grow up .Life is a long journey and nothing should make parents happier than to be able to share this journey with the children.We are privileged to be able to see them become adults, finding their own mates and having their own kids .Realizing that bringing up children is not easy would surely make them regard their children with more love and affection.And in the process , perhaps they would appreciate what their pwn parents went through bringing them up. They say parents will never cease to be parents >How true..I guess we will never be able to let go as parents.We worry for them and can only observe at what is happening as there would be resentment if we were to voice our opinions if they do not ask for it but should they not realize that we ask , out of concern and no other reason? Its sad but we can see that they find difficulty with coping with the responsibility of managing a family and their whole personality seems to have changed.Mum went through so much more than anyone else in family management , she educates, cooks ,washes ,buys , cleans and yet she has never lost her cool and took everything in her stride and I remember that she never took her frustrations and tiredness out on me.I guess that is what makes her special and she should be a good role model for anyone. of course as you see the kids learn new things and experience new things it is so gratifying and sometimes I wonder why we forget these little joys in life ...seeing our children grow up.This is the best time for parents to be close to their children and closeness only come with togetherness.Often, we are so wrapped up in our own things that we forget this.The children will soon grow up and unless they grow up in an environment of love and warmth very soon the word "Parents" will have little meaning !

Discovery

My girls bought me a mini I pad for my birthday.At first I thought"OMG WHAT AM i GOING TO DO WITH THIS?" After a bit of hesitation I plucked up enough curiosity and consulted my staff. and she taught me some of the things I could do with it.What a discovery !! You can do so many things which you never dreamed you could do.At the moment I'm rediscovering all the old songs which I used to love and this has certainly rekindled my love for songs and music. It is also something which I can use to effectively get my grandson to do things like "Aaron , shower first and you can use the I pad" and he dutifully obliges.What a wonderful bribery tool.To be able to go on the internet and get news updates ,to be able to write messages are things I find so convenient.I replied to an urgent e mail once on the I pad and the receiver was so surprised to see "sent from my I pad "and said " What ? You use I pad ?" Truly you can get addicted to it and you really have to be disciplined to enjoy the world which the I pad opens up for you .