Tradition Vs Common sense /Logic

Last week end on the way back to Ipoh a thought struck my mind.Here we are mum and I ,two old folks driving in the heavy rain back to Ipoh to pay homage and respects to my grand parents and we talked about the tradition of Ching Ming practised by the Chinese.This was the time of the year when the off springs visited the graves of the ancestors to pay homage to the dearly departed.Besides this the practice was also carried out to enable family members to get together and also to remind the present generation of their roots.The elders who knew the departed would relate stories about them to the younger people so that they get to know their forefathers' and their achievements. Ching Ming is a good thing because of all these reasons but the thing that strikes me is why is it necessary for the females to follow the husbands to visit the graves ? Yes it was acceptable and practised in the early days when the females were subservient to the husband and during the period when the females once married became more of the male's family.It was also the period when the man gave big dowries to the female's family and kind of "Bought" the girl. Today its not the same anymore .Women are more independent and have their own careers and with the advent of sexual equality the question of subservience does not arise anymore.Women have their own careers and some of them are even doing better than their husbands in terms of position and salary.Because of this the practice of women obligated to follow the husband's family for Ching Ming needs a relook.Tradition is in some way created by man and what was acceptable before need not be necessarily so today.Take the practice of Hindu wives jumping into the husbands funereal pyre when he was being burnt.It was accepted before but then the Indian Govt. found this practice unreasonable and it was then banned.Another example of a tradition being changed was the practice of Chinese women having their feet bound from young so that their feet became small and stunted.This practice was cruel and senseless and it was subsequently stopped. I have no quarrel about tradition .In fact I'm all for it but when tradition defies common sense and logic I beg to differ. Imagine , when I die and its Ching Ming time and if it happens that the date of respect falls on the same day .Would my children have to go to the husbands's parents side or mine ? We brought up our children , nurtured them from young, educated them and guided them through their lives and therefore any ancestor respect should be given to her own parents first .The in laws are by virtue of marriage and the bond between the blood parents and the in laws is never the same. I visit my mother-law and father -in law's graves every year because I knew them and they were nice to me. It does not mean that the man cannot respect the girl's parents.Why should the man expect the girl to respect his ancestors when he cant respect hers? This male superiority syndrome is outdated and common sense should prevail.To have a win win situation husband and wife should respect each other's families and go to their graves together.After all if not for my wife's parents where would we be ? It just annoys me that the males for one illogical reason or other expect their wives to follow them while they refuse to follow the wife.Society has changed . values have changed and if needs be tradition which are outdated and senseless should also be changed.I have 4 daughters and when I am dead and gone ,if they go to their in law's graves to give their respects and ignore mine I think I would certainly turn in my grave !

The third stage of life .

Ideally speaking when you arrive at your third stage of life you are in your golden years.By now all your life's missions should be completed, children grown up, grandchildren up and running and you should be financially independent.Time should be spent nurturing one's health and maybe doing all the things you never got to do. Morning walks, leisurely breakfast, reading and listening to the news ,evening walks and dinners followed by coffee and maybe chatting with whoever is willing to listen to you and then off to bed to wake up when the sun rises. If this is the norm for the golden years it sounds a bit boorish to me and I think then life will be one long routine and one would become senile sooner than later.If after 40 years of challenges, a hectic lifestyle and all the time cracking our heads we will certainly find it challenging to suddenly become complacent and feeling quite useless.That is why its always good to think outside the box and challenge existing paradigms.Me ? I am still in the second stage of life working nearly 8 hours a day, driving through KL's crazy traffic jams and finding things to do at work.Sometimes , I would deliberately do things which I am told I cannot or should not do like walking up 4 or 5 floors every day, learn about computers and play my golf and hey you suddenly discover that you can still do it despite your age and maybe the myth that age determines what you can do is just a myth.I have come across people who are younger than me who cannot drive long distances.I can still happily drive up and down Ipoh and the surrounding areas of Kl for my golf.Why cannot? its all in the mind actually ! For me Although more than 70 I tell myself that I am at worst at the tail end of the second stage of life and I believe that I will continue doing what I'm doing till I no longer can and I just wonder when that will be.No such thing as early morning walks , sitting on the rocking chair, idle conversation ,coffee and tea time.The productive and self satisfying lifestyle which I am going through at this stage is still so intriguing and I will certainly not want to give it up for " the golden years " lifestyle.Although at times we cant run away from body aches, blurred vision and some wishful thinking.