A new habit

We have now two little rattan chairs now and almost every evening while waiting for the rest of the family to come back after work mum and I would take one corner of the gate and "jaga pintu " as she puts it.This quiet hour spent together enables us to talk about almost anything under the sun and I believe its a bit of time for mum to unwind after a hard day's work.Its amazing that two people who have been married for nearly forty five years now can still sit down together and talk and mum always has a lot to talk about. What we lack now is perhaps a small coffee table to enable us to have a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy the cool night air and breeze.This is quality time where two beings can just sit down and being with each other finding comfort in the knowledge that they have each other.It is something to value and treasure as we do not know how long this is going to last. Young people today do not know how to enjoy these quiet moments with each other.They are so stressed and tired after a day's work that they have no time for such little luxuries.But as I always believe if you find something is worthwhile doing then find a way to do it.With too much emphasis on I phones and computer games they rather spend their free time with these gadgets rather than with each other...the price of technological advancement...how sad ! I have always believed in the beauty of the simple things in life,family,food recreation and what not.Do you realise that many of the rich and famous would rather have a simple life free of pressure and stress as compared with what they have now ?We do what we want and not what others expect of us.For me, the simple life in a small town is much more welcome than life in the big city where expectations are high and demanding .We chase after success without realising that perhaps in the process we lose some of the more meaningful things in life !

A matter of priorities

Today looking at many young people I cant help but sympathize with them as they go through the rituals of life.Seemingly their life is one mad rush from one chore to another>They work like robots ,starting early in the morning and ending at night.Naturally by the time they get home through the perennial traffic jams they are all drained out.Without even the luxury of a shower they rush through their dinner without really knowing what they are eating and then a couple of hours in front of the TV and then a late shower before they are off to bed to wait for the next day and go through another cycle.Imagine if they have to come home and cook or eat outside everyday ! Some are lucky that they have their mothers or someone who ensures that a hot meal is waiting for them at the end of the day. This leads to the question " Is it worth it ?" Is this the kind of life that we want ? Is all the money in the world worth it if we have to live our life this way?.Undoubtedly there will be some who argue that they cannot help it as this is what is expected of them and they have to earn their keep from demanding bosses .True, but then at the end of the day we do have a choice and we must find a way to live a better life.What is more important than living the way life should be lived ?Time with your family and children are priceless and if you cant have this everyday then you must find a way to have at at least once or twice a week when you can enjoy your children growing up and have a little time for yourself to do the things you really like to do. Isn't this what life is all about ? We were fortunate that we were teachers and worked technically half a day only and we had the school holidays to enjoy.It was however not a high paying job but we compensated this by the time that we had for ourselves and our children.Though not earning big bucks we were able to, through prudent financial management able to provide for our children making sure that they were not denied what other children had.We made it a point to take them out during the school holidays albeit not an overseas holiday to exotic places >Nevertheless within our financial capacity we were able to have a reasonably good holiday where the family bonds were strengthened through doing things together.We lived in a simple house but it was home where the family lived in togetherness and got to spend quality time with each other. Its good to make money but there must be a balance in life as sooner or later we will realise that money is not everything.Happiness does not just come with money ,it comes with the ability to be oneself.Look at the people in the rural areas ,they are not rich materially but they are so much better off in the life they lead with simple needs and little stress.More importantly they have time ,time to do the things they want to do and spend quality time with the family.they live simple lives but they are happy and more importantly they seem healthier. There has to be a balance in life .Work by all means but find a way to work smart and find a way to live your life because by the time you grow old you will have little time left to do what you want to do .

Basic Values in life

There was a time when the Malaysian Education System introduced a subject called " Values".The subject was relevant but sad to say not well implemented resulting in zero effect. Looking at the younger generation today one cannot help but conclude that many of them ( Not all though ) lack in these basic values.When was it that the younger people put others' needs in front of theirs ? How many people do you see making way for senior citizens or the disabled ? It would be so nice to see young people helping the elderly across the roads or giving them preference in queues . there was one day when mum and I were waiting to cross the road and not a single car slowed down to let us cross . Values are related closely to family and its the parents who set the trend for their children to follow .What we say and what we do are often emulated by the young so we must never forget to be good role models for our children and their children.We have to teach them to be respectful, considerate and caring and always put the interest of others ahead of theirs.I remember my late mother in law for though she was a simple lady she set certain standards which are commendable.If you tell her you are bringing her out she will be ready way before departure time ,all dressed up and waiting patiently.She never wanted anyone to wait for her and she did not mind waiting for others..a simple example of putting other people's interest ahead of yours. Today's generation sad to say lack in the finer points of human quality where emphasis is given to consideration and respect to others. The elderly are no longer given the respect and consideration they deserve and a lot of rituals which we carry out are but superficial manifestations of this value.There was a time when before they did anything children would at least inform or discuss the matter with their parents.This is no longer so today and many parents have no idea of what their children are doing or planning.Woe befall you if you but try to tell them what they should do.The erosion of family ties is caused partly by changing mindsets and societal changes which in terms of upholding of traditional values is definitely not something for the better. In terms of these values we find that perhaps the Malays are better role models.The average Malay place a lot of emphasis on parental care and respect .They traditional greeting of the elderly and consideration for them is something to be admired.I cant help but notice that sometimes simple acts of consideration are not even thought of by today's generation. If you cannot remember your family and the relationship which you have have with each other then you really lack character.Being "family" means you have the responsibility which comes with it.I remember when we were young my father would always take us to visit his sisters and mother.We had no cars at that time and travel was by bus but dad never failed to take us to visit his siblings so that we knew who our uncles and aunties were and though they were simple people they never failed to welcome us.It is disappointing to see some people who are able forsake their family because of petty issues and at the same time to see how some people go out of the way to fulfil their family obligations. Too many people are involved in the rat race to even think of their basic obligations in life which leads us to ponder " Have we become so materialistic that we forget all other things and if this is so ,is it worth it ?"

Year End Happenings and Reflections

Our third daughter finalized her wedding Chinese style finally.It makes us happy to see the wedding rites completed and what greater joy than to see her radiance on her wedding dinner.We have another son in law and consider ourselves blessed with yet another addition to the family.The sad thing is that they are in different parts of the world and we only get to see them occasionally .As parents we have no choice as the children are old enough to make their own decisions and get on with their own lives.What matters to us is that they are happy and contented with their lives. As we look back we realise that we are fortunate to be able to live through all these.To see our children become adults, wives and mothers and what is more important to be able to enjoy our grandchildren . When I look at my contemporaries I really feel lucky to be in good health,to be able to live with my wife ,children and grandchildren.Yes,we have come a long way.As I remember when my wife chose me as her husband ( I dont really know why !) we had nothing except our feelings for each other.I did not even own a bicycle and had no money in the bank but we were bold enough to take the step forward,to face the future together and to make the commitment to raise a family together.God has been kind,I have had an interesting career not making big money but making big in being able to contribute to the development of our youth.Today I will have students occasionally telling me what a difference I made in their lives as a teacher and that is a big enough satisfaction. Today too , in our golden years mum and I share an even stronger bond , a bond brought about by love,togetherness and above all understanding and tolerance.We can still talk for hours especially on the long drive from Kl to Ipoh and back and there are no holds .She can tell me anything and they are well accepted .She has been my pillar,the one who taught me a lot of Chinese values which I have learned to treasure. We often talk about our children and realise that there are times when we cannot be really open with them because they do not like our intrusion into their lives which is fair enough.We have learned to comment ,give opinions only when asked to do so and not interfere .Its funny to realise that when they were young we could say anything to them but not today as children feel they are grown up and really do not relish any comments or advice from the parents.So we follow the cardinal rule,speak when required ,keep your opinions to yourselves unless asked for and accept the fact that your children look at you differently.Of course our children love us but in their own way so we have no grounds to complain except to realise that the situation is different from the time when we could tell them what to do or discipline them .As elders we have learned to cope with the changing scenario and it is this ability that enables us to live in harmony with our children. Some parents whom I know of still insist on imposing their will on their children leading the children to feel frustrated and in a state of dilemma .Parents must come to grip with reality and children must realise that as parents grow older they become more sensitive. As the year comes to an end we realise that our mission in life is completed.There may be some regrets over the things which we could not do but overall we have done what we should do the best way we can.